Give Me Love
Love Again
She walked in with the heavy silence welcoming her after days of absence.
Instead of lingering her steps around the household, she went straight for the bathroom, feeling the need for a good warm bath.
She stayed in her tub for at least an hour, trying to relax.
For now, the soap was soaking up her thoughts as the hot water warmed her body, raising its temperature.
Once she deemed it enough, and couldn’t stand the heat no longer, she got out and picked up her towel to dry herself before making her way to the bedroom, and fetching out a new set of clothes to wear. She took this chance to go to her nightstand and take out from deep within the drawer her pack of smoke she had longed for.
From the supply, she picked up one and lightened it before taking in a deep puff of air and exhaling it, letting the intoxicating herbs take its toll on her body. She lied down across her bed and closed her eyes while she bathed with the smoke that filled up the room; time had lost its essence.
Just as she was done and was fixing up her hair, she heard a familiar voice calling her out through her apartment.
Frowning, she walked out of her bedroom and marched towards the living room where she found Cheondung standing right in the center while looking back at her.
“Where the hell have you been?”
“Out…”
“Just out? Why didn’t you wake me up? What if he had attacked you?!”
“Well he didn’t and sorry I didn’t wake you up… I just went to see my mom at the hospital that’s all. I spent the night over there and just got home an hour ago.”
“Still, I was freaking out. You should’ve at least left me a note or something… I thought something might have happened to you…”
“Nothing happened. I’m fine.”
He walked towards her until he stood close enough to hold her as he embraced her in his arms.
“You scared me…”
“I’m sorry, I just needed some time alone…”
No vocal reply came from him. He only hugged her tighter against him as he hid his face in her neck.
She slowly lifted her arms and wrapped them around his waist, letting him have his moment before feeling his shift and finally pulling away.
He cupped her cheeks and softly kissed her.
The tender touch sent the smallest of goose bumps down her spine as he parted and deepened the kiss.
This went on until no more breath resided in their lungs.
She gently broke their kiss as she pressed her hands against his chest and pulled herself away.
She was looking down on the floor while the boy was gazing at her with his fingers softly running through strands of her hair.
It caught her attention making her tilt her head up to see him smile at her.
Her heart squeezed at the sight.
Countless thoughts from two days ago were rushing back to her, overwhelming her deeply enough to have her react from a mere gaze on the boy’s part. “Don’t look at me like that… please.”
“Like what?” He blinked, taken aback by her sudden confession.
“Like the way you are doing right now… I don’t like it…” She stepped further away from him, giving distance to both bodies. She wrapped her arms around herself and turned her back as she started walking away only to have Cheondung stop her at his reply, jolting her with more electricity into her veins. “Sora, I was just looking at you, it’s not a big deal-”
“Yes it is!” She turned back around and faced him. Anger rose from within her, yet shocking the boy.
“W-why?”
She breathed out through her nose, looking defeated. “Because… Because of what you said the other day.”
He scoffed. “You are looking too much into it.” He could feel his heart hurting.
“I’m not.”
“So what? Now I can’t look at you anymore? Is that what you want?” The more they talked, the deeper the cut went. He tried to stay strong, but he knew too well that it was coming.
“What I want is for you to forget about me and leave.”
“L-leave?”
Crack. Crack. Crack.
“It would be best for you if you just walked away and pretended nothing ever happened okay?”
“, no. I’m not just going to bail. I’m staying.”
He was angry. Irritated and just so frustrated.
“No you are not.” She was hurting him. She knew that. She wasn’t stopping though. She couldn’t. She could never give him what he wanted from her.
She could never give him love.
“Yes I am.” He took one step towards her. His hands became fists, as they stood stern by the sides of his body.
She tried to stay gentle as she spoke, but even she knew that no matter how she voices it out, the words were the ones that tore through his heart. “Cheondung, I’m never going to feel the same. It’s not going to happen so it’s best that you just forget about me and leave, just… move on.”
He gulped down the uncomfortable lump down his throat. “I-It’s about Seungho, isn’t it? It’s damn time for you to move on too.”
It always came to him. At the end, it was always about the one she truly loved.
Except for now.
“It’s not about Seungho. It’s about you.” She wavered. She was scared but she had to do it. She couldn’t lead him on, she didn’t want too anymore. “I-I don’t… I don’t love you.”
His heart broke into pieces the same way glass shatters when it’s destroyed.
He took another step.
She backed away.
“Look me in the eyes… Say it and look me right in the eyes.” His voice faintly trembled. The smallest signs of a cry appeared; from his eyes, to his throat and in his heart.
Her voice was stuck in . She dropped her head down for a moment before looking back up at him, her sight blurred by her tears.
“I don’t love you.”
Her voice broke, leaving her to speak through half-whispered words.
He saw the sparkle of her wet eyes. “Then why are you crying?”
“Because you’re hurting.”
“You say you don’t love me, what’s it to you if I am hurting or not?”
“I care about you. I just don’t-”
“I get it. Stop saying it… But I’m not going to believe it.”
He took her by surprise as he grabbed her arms and pulled her against him, catching her lips in a fervent kiss.
Step after step, she softly collided with the wall behind her leaving her body caged.
She tried to push him away but he didn’t move. She tilted her head to the side, breaking the kiss but he only followed until he touched her lips again. He held her by her cheeks, deepening the caress.
His body pressed further against hers, alarming her more.
She wriggled under him, still fighting him away but he kept coming back.
“S-stop it! Please!”
With strength, she finally shoved him away from her. Heavy breaths out of , she wiped her lips with the back of her hand while staring at him with anger.
Once he felt like she calmed down, he approached her, ready to kiss her again, but he was met with the palm of her hand right across his cheek. His head to the side, he felt the sting of her hit on his skin. He slowly turned his head back to her, shock and sadness entangled in his gaze.
She had her back against the wall, regulating her breath. She silently looked at him until he turned his back on her and walked away, slamming the door behind him.
Once he was gone and the heavy silence came back to haunt her, she slid down the wall with the overpowering sorrow taking its course.
Tears rolled down her cheeks as she cried.
Her hands over , they slid up and grabbed her hair as she swayed her body front and back.
She ended up lying down on the wooden floor and closed her eyes, exhausted.
Mist covered the ground, slightly damping the green grass.
She was sleeping, wandering down dreamland until the fog got to her, finally waking her up.
A soft groan out of , she slowly sat up without realizing yet where she was.
She leaned her back against a hard surface and rubbed her eyes open.
“What the…”
The light was gone creating a somber atmosphere.
She took a look around until she noticed the endless headstones.
She turned her back, and as she glanced down at the engraved words, it took her upon realization that she was sitting on his grave.
She didn’t know how she ended up at the cemetery, but here she was.
Lost and completely confused.
Not one sign of life road around her; she was all by herself.
She got up on her feet and dusted off the dirt away from her.
Panic was slowly seizing her up.
“H-hello? Is an-anybody there?”
She turned around, left and right, left and right, but nothing.
She started walking, her feet back on the graveled path but the further she kept on; she couldn’t see where she was going.
The fog was thick enough and was spread around, making her lose her way.
“It’s just a dream… A very scary d-dream…” She crossed her arms over her chest, hugging herself tightly for warmth and comfort.
Giving up, she decided to sit back down on the grass with her head leaned against the headstone.
She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. “Sora?” Until the last gulp of air got stuck in the back of , leaving her to choke.
She started coughing hard enough to have her lean her body against the ground with her hands pressed up upon the grass. Her head down, she was finally catching her breath as her chest heaved up and down.
She could recognize that voice anywhere.
“S-Seungho?”
She lifted her head up but nobody was there.
Off the ground, she stood still and called his name out again but it only turned into an endless echo.
She turned her back around and found herself drowning deeper into fear.
The cemetery was gone.
Walls of leaves and bushes surrounded her. They were perfectly trimmed and were so tall; she couldn’t even see where they ended. “O-oh God, where am I?”
Her feet started walking down an unknown path. Once she reached the end of that road, she found herself standing in front of three other different entrances. Instead of going on, she climbed up by grabbing onto thick branches and such.
She was close enough to the top to see her surroundings.
She climbed up another step but the branch she stepped on cracked; she ended up falling right back on the ground.
Painful groans and choked cries came out of her as the sudden ache traveled fast through her body.
Shallow and rapid breaths escaped her lungs.
Her back on the ground, she turned around while gripping onto her bruised arm, the nostalgic hit from several days ago taking its toll on her.
She forced herself up on her feet while still clutching onto her arm against her chest. She was barely able to stand on her feet; she fell back down on her knees, and soon enough, the emotions took the best of her, leaving her to quietly cry.
“S-somebody, please… he-help me…”
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