“Out of my way, Jun,” Yifan growls.

“No, I can’t let you leave until you explain things to us!”

“To me,” Junmyeon softens.

Their room was deathly quiet. Somewhere outside, both leaders could hear the soft sobbing of Sehun, the fragile Sehun who the public knows him as the mischievous maknae. But to them, he is the Sehun who craves attention and cannot (or refuse to) fall asleep unless Junmyeon or Yifan tucks him into bed and talk about how their day went.

But now Junmyeon is not so sure. Could it be Tao who is crying right now? Tao, sweet sweet Tao who can’t even look at Yifan anymore and now in dire need of comforting, and pain killers for smashing their awards cabinet out of frustration and anger.

To say that Junmyeon felt betrayed was an understatement. ‘A train wreck’ would be the perfect phrase for it. But how stupid of Junmyeon to think that the distance he felt from Yifan was merely due to stress and geographical separations? What about those nights he slept alone because Yifan had to see his bestfriend Kev? Or whenever Yifan comes home late because he was shooting hoops at the basketball court? What about those photos of him, leaving the SM building in broad daylight to an unknown location? What about those unanswered calls and un-replied messages?

The thing is Junmyeon has complete trust in Yifan and will always made space for him. He knows that Yifan is hard-headed and he didn’t feel like he should impose on him. Sure, as leaders they needed each other. When Junmyeon is physically exhausted, Yifan would always make him a cup of Chinese tea and give him soothing back massages. When Yifan is frustrated with anything, Junmyeon would hug him and whisper to him “everything little thing is gonna be alright”. 

Those stolen kisses. Showers together. A movie date on the couch when the brats are asleep.

Heck, even the M members run to Junmyeon when they are in trouble and the K members would seek out for Yifan when they feel like Junmyeon is ‘acting like a grandpa’. But Junmyeon always made it a point to give Yifan some space. But right now, he is begging the universe to let him stand in Yifan’s way, for once.

xxx

Flashback

In Junmyeon's room sits a small pendulum. It was a gift from Yifan that he bought in LA.

"Why a pendulum? Is it because I said that one of our dance moves should be called the pendulum move?"
 

"No, silly. I'm just reminded of a Pearl Jam song". Yifan starts to hum:

Understand what we don't know
This might pass
This might last
This may grow
Easy come and easy go
Easy left me a long time ago

"I know it doesn't make sense, but I want you to know that I am happy that I have you. I know it's been a rollercoaster ride for us, but you stuck by me through thick and thin. Wherever I go, you know I will always swing back to you. I hope you will stay long enough to understand me better."

“You’re so cheesy, Yifan. Didn’t know you had that in you.”

xxx

It seems like the world stopped for them. The pendulum stopped swinging too.

Junmyeon looks at Yifan with searching eyes; pleading for the man in front of him to help him make sense of everything. Praying fervently that Yifan understands his dire need for an explanation because the boys have the right to know why their world is being shattered by their beloved leader; their doting appa.

Because Junmyeon has the right to know why his world is being shattered by his own beloved.

 
It hurts.

They’re hurting.

He is hurting.

And the pain won’t go away.

 “Yifan. Please …”

There’s nothing else he could say without breaking down and he refuses to do so before he gets an explanation. Later, he tells himself. Later …
 

Yifan lets out a heavy sigh, as heavy as his heart is feeling at the look Junmyeon is giving him. He closes his eyes, blocking the tears that have been threatening to flow and tries to breathe properly but it is hard. His chest feels constricted and all the feelings that he tries so hard to hide with his display of anger is clawing his inside, clamoring to be let out.

"Believe in me, Junmyeon. That's all I'm asking."