There's no reason to go, there's absolutely no reason to go. I know it, I can feel it in my bones. You see things in a way no one really can, they way your mind drifts so far away sometimes I'm afraid you'll never come back to me but you always do... You always do. What's happening? Why are you so quiet, this silence is so cold I can feel my blood freezing over. I want to reach out to you but I can't move my hands. I feel suffocated and i'm choking on my saliva.
Why're you speaking with people who don't matter to any of us, especially you? Kris. Kris. Kris. Kris. I can't really lose you right now.
I know I always tell you I hate you and push you away but it's not true! Believe me, I love you to the ends of the earth and I will love you even further even you asked, I will love you forever. I take your love for me for granted and play around with the other hyungs and Sehun alot but I'm yours truly. You were the only one who understood the complexity of my emotions and I understood yours.
"And I remember when I met him, it was so clear that
he was the only one for me.
We both knew it, right away.
And as the years went on, things got more difficult --
we were faced with more challenges.
I begged him to stay. Try to remember what
we had at the beginning. He was charismatic, magnetic,
electric and everybody knew it. When he walked in
every woman's head turned, everyone stood up
to talk to him. He was like this hybrid, this mix of
a man who couldn't contain himself.
I always got the sense that he became torn
between being a good person and
missing out on all of the opportunities that life could
offer a man as magnificent as him.
And in that way I understood him
and I loved him.
I loved him, I loved him, I loved him.
And I still love him.
I love him."
There's no way you will leave me, or this group no, no, no, this family. It's okay, we all have our bad times and good times and it just happens that this is really really bad one. I don't know what to do anymore please just tell me what to do. You're in your room, I hear you knocking things over... Are you drunk? I stand before your door, hand hovering above the knob.
" Hyung? " I whisper, knowing you can't hear me.
" Tao. " You startle me, the reply unexpected. I lean my ear against the cold door, listening to your breathing hitch every once in a while.
" I'm here hyung, open up. " I knock softly, hearing you get up.
The door clicks open and you stare down at me, no menacing glare or love looks- just an inner sadness that glasses over your eyes.I stand up and seek solace in your embrace which was once warm. We stay like this for awhile, your heart beating against mine and your tears that stain my shirt.
" I'm sorry " You say, tightening the hug.
I find myself lost again, as if you had let me go — when you say those two words that impale me over and over again.
" I heard everything. I know. "
" I'm sorry "
" If you go, the skies will no longer be filled with the stars you used to tell me about. The 12 stars that you had named after us will no longer exist. " I forced myself to say, trying to hold back any signs of breaking down.
" Even if you think it's gone, we'll still be under the same sky and i'll continue naming stars after you guys. "
" But I don't want to be under the same sky, I want to be under the same roof, I want to feel your body next to mine when I wake up and I want to hold your hand whenever I want. "
" You know I can't do that anymore... "
" WHY ? WHY NOT!! " I push myself away from the hug, feeling whatever emotion I had locked up spill out of my eyes.
" Why not....." Falling to my kness, I grow quiet.
I wait, wait for you come up witih a good reason and an assurance that you will not leave me but you remain mum. You turn around and begin to pack your things in a little box. You pick Ace up, looking at him with all the love you can before returning to my side and placing him on my head.
" Take care of Ace okay? As his mother, I expect you to make him grow and teach him well. " You smile, teeth bared and eyes folded into crescents but it's so stiff and I know that you are not smiling inside. I grab ahold of Ace before he falls, clutching him tightly to my chest.
" Besides, heavy luggage is not my style. I want to be like the galaxy remember ? Light and free. "
You lean down again to kiss my forehead, my nose and my lips like you did the first night you told me you loved me.
Manager hyung walks in with an awful stench, like alcohol and some other stuff. He breaks down in front of you and I, crying his heart out.
" I tried my best, I tried my best. " We both realise in that moment that if you leave how different everything will become. Even if you think you're not important, without you — nothing will ever be the same.
There's a certain liveliness that will be out, something jamming our systems.
I pat manager hyung on the back, rubbing soothing circles,
and in almost a blink of an eye,
We were left with 11.
--
photo cr : itsleahlyn
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.......................... it really it really does.....
i'm sorry but i had to write this i just needed to let off some steam
Edit : I realised I didn't post this & re-reading this the flurry of emotions I felt when I first heard the news just overwhelmed me........
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