I still remember the day I first met you. It had been imprinted in my mind like a tattoo. From the beginning on I could see that you were a cop, still I was too drawn in by your beauty to ignore you. You were new in your job it was easy to see, some young flesh to freshen up the case and hopefully catch me. You were sitting at the bar trying your best to act casually and blend in with the people while you were outstanding like a cat in a cage full of dogs.
 Although the leather jacket suited you so well it didn’t make you look tuff, I couldn’t help but smile at your helplessness. From time to time you looked around, trying to figure out whom to talk to and as your eyes locked with mine, I smiled a little my cheeks heating up immediately. You looked like a lost puppy and all I wanted to do was to help you out. So when you sat next to me and I only smiled back instead of shooing you off. You were the first cop that got so close to me, but at that time you didn’t know that I was your prey. That I would be the one that wouldn’t let you sleep for days, that you would try to hunt me down so many times but always fail. At this time we didn’t know that we would eventually fall in love with each other.

We just sat at the bar for a long while not talking at all. Just enjoying each other’s company, but then you probably remembered why you came in the first place and started to ask questions. Questions that showed you how and if I was related to a so called “Key” and I found amusing to tag along outing myself as a somehow related person to get your attention a little more. “So you have already met him?” You blurted out and I giggled in response. “You could say it like this, yes I have met him a few times but I merely remember how he looked like, he’s like a shadow. No one can see him and at the same time you always remember that he has been present.” I told you great stories about the mysterious person called “Key” that I represented. I felt a little bad about telling you all this lies but I couldn’t help but adore your pretty face when you listened so seriously and hang on every word I said. After I finished my fairy tale stories and you finished writing down everything that you have heard, I flashed a smile at you only to see a little blush creep upon your cheeks. I was probably blushing madly too as you handed me your phone number and told me to call again “If I still remember something else or if you meet this mysterious person again”.

It was a game with the fire but I was willing to play the game and called you again. I loved games and starting a game with you seemed so alluring. If I only knew back then. 

I told you that I heard something about the next target Key wanted to get and you were more than willing to meet with me once again. Foolish little boy, you fell for the trap without even noticing it – but at the same time I was walking straight towards cliffs edge without the blink of an eye.

This time we met at your office, although I felt panic building up inside, because I was walking straight into the dragons cave, I played it down at kept my cool as I strode past the many police officers. I was ordered in a little conference room where you were already waiting for me, wearing the beautiful smile of yours. I still remember that I had to fight back the need to touch your face just to check if it was really that flawless as it appeared.

I had planned to tell you the location that I was going to break in the next week. But I put in some mistakes that you wouldn’t actually catch me. So when I broke in, you and your men were still debating about where to line up the police men and security cameras. You called me this time, being a little angry at me but again just frustrated that you had failed in your attempts.
I invited you to have one or two beers at a bar and you thankfully agreed.

My heart stuttered as I saw you walking down the side walk, wearing black skinny jeans, a grey wifebeater and your leather jacket. Never in my life had I ever been this attracted towards a man, but you were more than extraordinary in so many ways. You slumped down next to me, sipping at your beer frustrated, we didn’t talk but there was no need to.  After you gulped down your fourth beer you finally looked up to me again, your big eyes searching for something in my eyes that I couldn’t put in the right place. “I’m frustrated” you stated and I chuckled softly “I have guessed so” you frowned a little but then you smiled at me. “I’m sorry- I thought I was so close and again I was so far away. Key probably told a lot of people the wrong time on purpose knowing that somewhere it would come to the police.” I bit back a smile at your attempt to understand why you failed and I decided that I liked you being frustrated.

That night you fell asleep in the bar your head resting on my shoulder, leaving me behind with a thousand butterflies roaming my body. Your peaceful face next to mine was so gorgeous that I had to fight back the urge to your cheek and your white hair.
“If you fall for him it will be your end!” I was repeating this sentence over and over in my head like a mantra. But when I woke you up and your eyes fluttered softly, I knew it was too late I had already fallen for you. That night I didn’t sleep how was I supposed to sleep after you had hugged me so tightly and told me to call again?
The following weeks were hard for me, I didn’t get enough sleep because of you and you were indeed got at your job and almost caught me one time. But like always it was only almost. I slipped through your fingers before you could get a hold on me. And whenever you didn’t catch me you called me, asking me out to meet at the bar again. You would be frustrated and I would be helplessly in love with you.

I had asked myself so many times if you liked me back, but I never tried to change our relationship into something different than just friendship. It was you who kissed me that night. That night that announced my end. I knew if you would get too close to me it was only a matter of time until you would find out. But it was too hard to push you away. The feelings were too strong.
So when you asked if I would like to come in for a small drink I didn’t complain and followed you. I won’t deny it, the night we shared was the most beautiful moment in my entire life. That night you loved me like no one ever did before. But when I woke up again and looked into your eyes I knew that you knew. You had found out, I didn’t know how you found out but you did.

Tears were leaving my eyes as I left you that night. You didn’t call and I didn’t either. We both knew that the beautiful days were over and it hurt me to the very core when you showed up at my apartment the next day, trying to take me with you to the police office. Your face was stern and without any sight of emotion. Although I managed to get out of the police office without being arrested, due to lack of evidence, I cried so badly. I cried because you didn’t show a single emotion when you interviewed me, you denied the many days we met, you denied that we kissed, you hurt me so bad that day. I had never experienced so much anger before when I walked out of the building. That day I wanted to destroy everything. I was so mad that I purposely broke in twice as much as usual.

You brought me to the police office three times and every time you had to let me go. The last time I exited the police office I turned around to look at you, to look at your frustrated face and your messed up hair. I wondered what was going through your mind that moment but I smiled at you, kissed you on the cheek and left.

As I waved over my shoulder I could feel you gaze burning into my back but I didn’t turn around again. That was the last time we were this close. That had been the day before I died.

so I just decided to add this chapter to explain some things ;D

hope you enjoy it - thanks for reading!!!

x Leo