Feeling empty is nothing new. Feeling like the loneliest person in the world is also old. He felt like that for thousand times. The burnt in his heart, the pain he received when the hot tears cut in his pale skin and the headache that kills his forehead… none of these are new. Only the reason is new. Before he cried because he felt pity towards himself; he felt empty because he didn’t have any feelings. Even if he had a few friends, he was lonely because he knew that no one really needed him and no one was there when he needed somebody. He craved for love and attention but he never really believed in love. For him „love” was only just  word… a sad one. But in spite of that he missed love. That feeling that he never felt before, which he was sure it didn’t exist. He wanted it and search desperately for it and now he thinks that he finally found it. That’s why he cries now. Because love is not what books and movies tell. Love isn’t sweet, love isn’t happy, love doesn’t give you butterflies in your stomach. Love is cruel. It’s the saddness thing in the world. Love plays with you, turns your life upside down and leaves you hanging. Yet, these are the reasons  that make love beautiful. Because love is also the most beautiful thing. Love hurts you and when you’re hurt you feel. It doesn’t matter what, all it matters is that you feel something : sometimes happiness, enthusiasm, impatience; other times saddness, betrayal, anger and even hate. Love can make you feel any other feeling.

He fell in love with a star. A star that shined so brightly that he got blinded. Now he is trapped in the darkness because his star left and his eyes couldn’t see anything anymore. The most depresing part is that his star was so bright that it would have never seen him. He was always a shadow. He always stayed away from the rest, in a dark corner, listening to music or in a empty library, reading. He was always to shy to even start a conversation.

He’s star was a light. A pure, happy light. His star smiled so often that even his lips corners were slightly lifted up. His star had a lots of friends just like him, lively lights. His star was never alone, he was never sad, he was never afraid.

If he had knew that his star was a light he would have never fallen for him. But the way his star sang, the songs he played, his sorrowful voice, tricked him, made him believe that the star was also a shadow. To make matters worse, he found out that a light can never see a shadow. Also, while a shadow can never exist without a light, the light is perfect just with other lights. The light is the reason why shadows appear but it is also what make them disapper.

However, he is the one who searched it. He wanted to fall in love. Love is a choice filled with pains that hurts you over and over again.

He chose to go to that pub every night after he first saw his star. He chose to stay in the right of the scene everytime his star sang. He was the one who was always mesmerized with that soft and warm voice, who admired that beautiful face, who opened his heart and let all of these inside. And to say that it hurts is a misunderstanding. What he feels is much more than pain.

What hurts the most is that this cruel thing named hope decided to appear. Last night he was like usually in the right, listening to his star’s voice. He closed his eyes, feeling the music filling him and the bass sneaking under his skin. When he opened his eyes the star was looking at him. He sang the highest note in the song without breaking eyecontact and the poor shadow felt something changing inside him. It was the spark of hope. He thought that maybe he has a chance. That maybe his light will notice him.

So after the show he waited for the first time. He just wanted to say „Hi” or maybe just to see his star leaving. That’s when his heart broke. His star came out with a girl. They were laughing and then the boy took her bag and hold the door for her. The girl giggled and when she embraced him the shadow felt his soul leaving him .

He returned home feeling blank. Since then he couldn’t help but cry his eyes out, just wanting the pain to go away. He’s confused. How is it possible to hurt so much when he doesn’t even know that person? He fell for his voice and for the emotions he was showing on stage. Is this even love? Then love is despair that you never see coming in the beginning. In the end you remain just with the pain.

He clench his hand on his hair, pulling it in desperation. If he keeps laying like this he’s going to get crazy so he lifts himself and starts walking towards the bathroom. After he takes an shower he decides that he really needs to eat something even if he doesn’t feel like. Afterall he didn’t eat anything since yesterday morning.

He goes in the kitchen, eats a sandwich and leaves to university. Throughout the day he tries everything to keep his mind busy, but it’s hard to stop thinking about his star. When the  evening finally comes he doesn’t go to the pub. It’s probably the first time since he has discovered it, but it doesn’t matter anymore. His saddness is slowly turning in anger. He feels betrayed even if he doesn’t have any reasons. His star doesn’t even know him, he doesn’t own him anything. But the boy’s heart still aches everytime he remembers the last night. He tries to ignore the longing he feels. He goes to bed earlier just in hope to escape from his feelings.

The next few days he lives like a ghost. He wakes up, eats, goes to university and comes back. Even if he pub seems to lure him every day he brushes it aside and tries to live his life. Just that it doesn’t look like a life anymore. He never had something to lose, but now he feels even more empty. This beautiful dream named love it’s destroying him. He can’t concentrate on his courses any longer, he lost his appetite, he can’t sleep and when he does, he has nightmares that are playing with his mind and heart. He slowly becomes a wreck.

It’s dark outside and when he looks up at his owl clock he sees it is past 9. His star is singing now. He’s out there, on a stage with shining lights on him and all the boy wants is to go and see him. Bu he can’t. He has to forget.

He jumps slighty when his phone rings in his pocket. He fishes it out and sighs when he sees the caller ID. It’s Baekhyun, one of his so called friends.

”Xiumin!” Baekhyun’s voice yells his nickname from the speakers when he answers. Minseok detaches the phone from his ear.

”What? ” he grunts. Baekhyun constant happiness annoys him right now. He doesn’t even know why the hyper boy wants to be friends with him. They have nothing in common.

”Let’s go out! ” Baekhyun screams excited. Xiumin sighs again ready to refuse, but the happy kid doesn’t give him the chance to.

”We’ll pick you up in 15 minutes, so go and get ready.” he says and ends the call.

Minseok gets up and enters the bedroom. He doesn’t want to go out but he knows that Baekhyun is not going to leave him alone. So he pulls out some clothes and start dressing. When he exits the house and sees Baekhyun car he realize the reason his friend called him. It’s not because he wants to spend time with him or something. In the car sits Park Chanyeol, the kid on who Baekhyun has a crush since last semester. Probably Baekhyun just didn’t want to be alone with Chanyeol because he was nervous. Minseok  sighs for the nth time and gets in the car, preparing for a long night. He just hopes that the two boys will be soon one over each other so he’ll be able to go back home.

”Where are we going?” he dares to ask after Baekhyun starts the engine. The little brunette smiles happily and watchs him through the mirror.

”It’s a pub I discovered a few days ago. Chanyeol’s friend is singing there.” Baekhyun answers. Chanyeol smiles too and Minseok can’t stop himself from thinking that the giant smile is a little too creepy, but in some way cute.

”I’m sure you guys will love Jongdae!” his low voice echoing through the small car. ”I think he has one of the greatest voice I have ever heard. That of course, after Baekky’s.”

Beakhyun is now blushing violently and Minseok is sure that he’s no longer in a unrequited love beacuse Chanyeol is also all red. Maybe he’ll get home early that he thought.

But when Baekhyun enters a familiar alley he feels his heart going wild. It can’t be… he thinks. But they stop at the entry of the small pub and Baekhyun and Chanyeol get out of the car. Minseok just watches them till Baekhyun opens his door and tell him that they arrived. He leaves the car searching for a way to escape and go home, but he finds no one. Maybe his star won’t be here. Afterall, Chanyeol said that a friend of his is going to sing.

He enters the pub after the others and looks frantically around. The stage is empty at the moment and in the pub are just a few people. His star is not here, he breathes out. Even if the room itself pains him at least he won’t see him. He follows Baekhyun at the bar and he orders a drink. When he faces again the scene he obseves that the lights in the pub were reduced and a guy walks on the stage and sits by the piano.  Maybe he is Jongdae, Minseok thinks while noticing the handsome boy. He has dark brown hair an chocolate eyes and when he smiles at the public a deep dimple appears in his cheek. Baekhyun is dragging the poor Minseok to the stage and he finds himself standing in his usual place, in the right. He’s nervous and just wants to get out of here but he thinks that maybe one song won’t do any harm. After that he’ll leave. He sees Chanyeol taking Baekhyun’s hand  in his and the latter smiling shily.

"Is he Jongdae?" he hears Baekhyun asking the taller but Chanyeol doesn’t have time to answer beacause the lights in the club go off completly. The one yellow spotlight  lights the scene and the pianist starts running his fingers on the instrument. The room is filling with warm, sad notes and Minseok recognizes the song. It is “Where are you my love”, one of his favourite songs.  He watches mesmerized how the boy on the scene presses on the keyboards but when a voice starts singing he almost faints. It’s not that boy’s voice. He knows this melancholy voice too well. He sees another boy going up on scene and inhales deeply. Chen has his eyes closed while he sings and the pain and desperation in the lyrics are flowing perfectly in Minseok’s ears. His star is here. He’s glowing in front of his eyes, making Xiumin heart racing like crazy. He keeps his breath as Chen sings the first verse and starts a series of high notes. Minseok feels the music filling him with pain and his eyes start tearing. The sentiments that Chen is transmitting through his voice are too much for the public.  When he reaches the second chorus Chen finally opens his eyes. He looks at the faces in the crowd and when he spots Minseok he stops there.

Xiumin can easily see the tears in Chen’s eyes, the pain, the longing, and it hits him hard because the singer is looking into his eyes. He feels exposed and weak under that gaze, but he can’t bring himself to break the eye contact. He suddenly wants to jump on the stage and hug Chen and it scares him.  He forces himself to turn around and pushes through the people trying to get out.  He needs air! When the song ends he reaches the door and pulls it open. He feels his tears falling but don’t make anything to stop them. He just walks faster to the bus stop. Minseok arrives just in time and while he get in the bus he feels his phone vibrating. He sits and takes it out from his jacket’s pocket. The number is unknown and he just ignores it because he is not in the mood to talk to anyone.  He just stares out of the window at the city lights and try not to think at anything. As he arrives home he sees that he has 7 missed calls, 3 from Baekhyun and the rest from that unknown number. He decides to send a text to Baekhyun, telling him that he had to leave and to enjoy his “date”. He throws his phone on the bed and goes to take a shower, hoping that it will calm him a little.  While the water cleans his tears he tries to get Chen’s face out of his mind. But that agony that he saw in his star’s eyes is driving him mad. Why did he feel like Chen sang for him?  It makes no sense so why did he look at him with that expression?

Xiumin shrugs it off and goes to bed, wanting to sleep more than anything. The crying drained out all of his energy so he falls asleep almost immediately. Somewhere through the night he wakes up and sees his phone lighting. When he checks it he notices another 2 missed calls from the same unknown number and also a few messages. Rubbing his eyes trying to make his sleepiness go away, he opens them. But when he reads the first one he drops the phone.

‘Hi! I’m Jongdae, but I bet you know me as Chen. I got your number from Chanyeol, I hope you don’t mind. Can you answer your phone?’– 23:18

Xiumin grabs the device with fear. 'It can’t be real!' he thinks. Jongdae is Chen? He slides to the next messages.

‘Are you alright?’– 00:16

‘Maybe you are busy…’– 00:24

‘Why did you leave earlier?’ – 00:49

 ‘Are you asleep?’ – 1:08

‘Good night!’ – 1:34

Minseok tries to breathe again but something is chocking him. His star is texting him. His bright light said him “Good night”. He lifts himself and stares at the window without knowing what to do. But then he remembers the girl that hugged Chen and he block his phone and sits down again. But he doesn’t succeed in falling asleep.

When the sun goes up he’s still glaring at the ceiling. He stays like that untill his alarm goes off. It is 9 o’clock and he has to get ready for the school. He’s still in shock after last night. What does Chen want from him? He thought about this all night but he still doesn’t find an answer. He sighs thinking that maybe if he’ll be in classes he’ll be able to stop thinking about Chen. But when he’s ready to enter the bathroom his phone rings and stares him. It’s a text. It can’t be from the singer, right? His hands are trembling when he reaches it.

‘ Morning! Are you awake? Chanyeol said that you’re going to the same university. Maybe we’ll meet there.’

Minseok face is blank. He puts the phone down and climbs back in bed. He’s not going anywhere today. He’ll try to sleep. He empties his mind, trying to focus on a black, gigantic wall.

When he wakes up it is almost dark outside. His eyes are blurry and he feels dizzy thanks to too much sleep. He goes in the kitchen and drinks two glasses of water but his throat is still dry and sore. He puts it aside because his stomach is more angry.  He eats some leftovers and goes back in the bedroom. He can’t fight with his mind anymore and questions are starting to break his black wall.

How is he going to go to university if Chen’s there?

How will he forget his star if the boy doesn’t let him to?

And the most important one: Why is Chen looking for him?

His phone’s screen is pulsating and he knows that he can’t postpone it forever. When he look at it he notice that he has 7 missed calls from Baekhyun and Kyungsoo, his other friend. They also sent him messages asking him where he is and if he’s fine. Xiumin can’t stop himself from doubting that they are really concerned about him, but he sends them a text telling that he wasn’t feeling well in the morning. He then returns to the 5 messages from Chen.

‘Baekhyun hyung said that you didn’t come today. Are you sick?’- 12:03

‘Can you at least give me a sign that you’re alive? ’– 14:46

‘Please answer me!’ – 14:56

‘Will you come tonight?’ – 16:17

‘I really want to see you. Please come! I’ll wait for you.’– 19:26

Minseok is confused. Why does Chen want so much to see him? Why is he so interested in him?

He doesn’t have the chance to end his thoughts because somebody is banging on his front door. The boy frowns. Who could be? His parents are living in another town and he doesn’t remember giving his address to anyone.

When he opens the door he’s eyes lands on Baekhyun and Kyungsoo standing there with alarmed faces. Minseok looks puzzled at them but Baekhyun jumps in his arms, giving him a bear hug.

“Next time announce us if you’re sick. We were worried like hell, you brat!” he mumbles in Xiumin’s shoulder. Kyungsoo smiles sweetly and pushes the boys inside before closing the door.

“Are you fine now, hyung?” he asks trying to stop Baekhyun from suffocating the older. Finally free from the brunet’s arms, Xiumin just nods, a bit taken aback by the sudden appearance of his friends. Kyungsoo presses his tiny hand on the forehead of his hyung and agrees with something in his mind.

“You don’t have a fever, but you look quite pale. Go and sit down, I’ll make you a soup.”

When Minseok doesn’t move, looking perplexed at his dongsaengs, Baekhyun takes the lead and brings him to the couch. Kyungsoo goes in the kitchen and starts searching for vegetables in the fridge. He cringes when he sees all the unhealthy food that Minseok has in there. No wonders that he got sick.

“Why are you guys here?” in the living Minseok asks Baekhyun when he finally finds his voice again.

“What do you mean hyung? We were worried and wanted to make sure that you are fine.”

“But why?” the older asks again. He can’t understand why they were worried about him.

“Don’t’ be silly, hyung!” Baekhyun says a bit annoyed.  “We care about you, you’re our precious hyung. Of course we got worried!”

Minseok looks surprised at the hyper boy. Do they really care about him?

Baekhyun still looks at him like he has two heads or something but something new pops in his head.

“Right! Hyung? Where did you go last night? I looked away for a second and then you were gone.”

Minseok tries to find a good explanation but in the end all that leaves his mouth is:

“My mother called so I had to go out. After that I thought I could let you and Chanyeol enjoy you date.”

It works because the younger blushes madly and forgets about Xiumin’s run away. But after a minute or so he begins again.

“Why didn’t you tell us that you know Jongdae?”

At this the hyung of the two has a few problems with finding an answer so he just says that he doesn’t know him.

“But he said he knows you!” Baekhyun doesn’t give up. "After the son