<><><>

Time passed.

A couple of black doe eyes glanced at a round clock hanging on one of the sides of his ivory room for the nth time that night. It was read 3.28 in the morning. The sun was almost rising yet the boy even hadn’t been asleep for one second.

His prominent cheekbones were no longer blushed a soft pink as he used to be when he smiled. Instead, it was now decorated with the stripes of dry tears after he cried for God knew how long. But now, there was no tear. He thought that he already ran out of the tears, or it was simply desiccated already.

Youngjae sat on his bed, leaning on the headboard. He embraced his leg close to his chest. On the other edge of the bed, a big white bunny doll was sitting, staring at the boy. His heart scattered into pieces when the memory behind that doll came into his mind.

 

(Youngjae’s side)

~tuk~

My glance was darted toward the closed balcony.

~tuk~

That sound.

I heard it again. The sounds of pebble bumped into the glass of my balcony door. The sound came from the other house’s balcony right across mine. The balcony owned by a certain boy.

It’s been so long since the last time I heard it.

I moved down the bed and drew the curtain covering the glass door open. There, on the balcony of the room on the other side, was that certain boy staring at me.

"Why do you lock yourself in your room like that?" He asked.

No words came from me. My tongue was stiff while my eyes slightly widened as I locked my gaze to the figure of a boy on the balcony of his own room. I dragged my foot approaching the edge of the balcony. I walked further until I reached the barrier.

My eyes softened when I saw the clearer image of the other boy. I believed that my eyes will never fool me. It was him.

 “Look at you. You look so horrible.”

Another evidence. The way his eyes curved into a crescent when he smiled.

It’s genuinely him.

“Smile, Jae…” The brunette said. “Please.”

Jung Daehyun, the brunette boy standing on the balcony across me, stared softly into my eyes.

His eyes flashed a slight of grief. “Please smile. For me.” He begged.

I forced my lips to curl. Curving a sweetest smile I could craft for him. It was hard. Really hard since I almost forgot how to smile.

“Hey, look… It’s snowing.” The brunette reached out his hand passing the roof of his balcony. He tried to catch the snow which fell for the very first time in the winter of this year. “You still remember the first time we met?” He asked as he played the snowflakes landed on his hand.

“Hmmh… You broke my snowman.” He said impassively.

The slightly older boy chuckled. “Out of so many things we did that day, why do you recall that part?” He said jokingly. “Don’t you remember when I built you a lovely snowman?”

His laugh. Still the same. It was him.

“That’s because you broke the one I made myself.” I replied

“Yeah. I;m sorry about that.” Then he laughed softly.

After a while, the laughter faded away. His expression was change. Cold. No smile.

The only air flashed in his face was his expressionless façade. His hand was still busily playing with the snowflakes, although his attention was obviously not to the white things in his hand.

“Will you miss me?” The brunette suddenly asked.

I, who had not been able to remove my eyes from him trying to smile one more time. “Do you want me to miss you?”

“Actually, no.” The boy stared at me. “Please, don’t miss me. Tell me that you won’t miss me.”

A heavy sigh slipped from my lips. “I’ll say it if you want to hear the falsehood from me.” I said. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.”

The brunette smiled bitterly. “So… You still think that what I said at that time was a joke?”

“I will miss the moments we go to school together.” I said abruptly as I tried to catch the snowflake that was now falling heavily.

“You still don’t believe me.” Stated to the other boy.

“I will miss the moments we spend the time to enjoy the first snow together.” A dreary smile curved in my lips when those words flows as I recall the day we used to spend together.

“Youngjae-ah…”

No. I don’t want to… I don’t want to listen to him saying those words again. “I will miss the moments we-“

“Yoo Youngjae, listen to me!” Daehyun raised his voice.

“No!” I wrapped my ears by both of my hands tightly. My legs were weakening as I finally sat on my knees. “Don’t say it again, Daehyunnie… Please…” I begged.

 “I just want you to-“

“Yes, Daehyun. Yes…” Right before he finished his words I suddenly affirmed all that will be said by him cause I was fully aware of what will he say. “I know. I believe that you love me.” I said in between my sob. “I like you too. I love you too.”

My attempts were futile. The tears that I painstakingly held eventually fell at the thought that all that I feel right now was meaningless.

“But what’s the point of all of that? Nothing. It’s nothing, Dae…” I laughed. Ironic. I laughed in the midst of the tears that refused to stop. “Sorry. I’m really sorry.” My voice was getting hoarse as I said the last part.

“No. Please don’t. Please don’t cry.” Daehyun sounded so panicked. “Don’t show your tears in front of me. It hurts me more. Please, Jae…” That boy really hated to see me shed a tear. He told me every time he saw me cry.

I wiped away the tiny river flowed on my cheeks by the back of my hands harshly as I straightened my body and faced him again. Daehyun was still standing by the edge of balcony. His hands gripped at the barrier strongly.

“I’m happy that you finally realize my feeling.” The words coming from him felt like slicing my heart.

I was silent. We were silent.

“Jae, can I ask something from you?”

“What’s that?”

“Stay with me tonight. Let’s enjoy this first snow together as we usually do.”

I stared at the boy who was smiling at me. The smile that might be the last one that he could give to me.

<><><> 

I tightened the scarf wrapped around my neck when the chill winter morning breeze my neck gently. The freezing wind disturbed my deep sleep. My eyes fluttered open up slowly. I forced my brain to work hard to remember what happened last night until fell asleep on the balcony of my room like this. And this scarf. The dark blue scarf, my birthday gift from Daehyun, was now strangely wrapping my neck. I thought I had already put it in the box to be dropped in barn. The box that contained all the stuff that was full of the memories of that boy.

When the memory of the last night’s events began swirling in my memory, I abruptly stood, facing the closed glass door on the other side. The grip of my hands on the barrier tightened when I saw that the room was dark and the white curtain was closed, indicating that the occupant, the boy, was not there.

~klek~

I saw a slight smile on Himchan’s face as he approached me who was standing still on the edge of the balcony. “How was your sleep?” He asked as he the peak of my head gently.

I replied his question with a plain smile as I felt like having no strength to speak.

“Go get ready. I’ll be waiting downstairs.” He took a step back to leave me alone.

“H-hyung…” I called him with my hoarse voice.

The older boy turned around and gave me a comforting smile, as if he could read what was on my heart and mind right now, before he finally gone.

 <><><>

Himchan hyung stood right next to me. His right hand held a white rose while his left one draped around me, as if he prepared if I suddenly fell down.

My eyes were staring closely at the frame of picture laid on a huge marble with the very familiar name on it.

The procession was finished. Some people, including Himchan hyung, stepped forward and laid white flowers they brought.

I ... I stood still. My eyes never left the face in the picture. Jung Daehyun.

“Let’s go.” Himchan hyung whispered at me.

I did not budge even an inch. I even still had my white rose on my hand.

Seemed like he understood, Himchan hyung lightly patted my shoulder.  “I wait on the car.” He said.

When everybody had left the now deserted cemetery, I stepped forward and kneeled facing the last place of my bestest friend.

“Daehyunnie…” I took a deep breath and closed my eyes tightly before continuing my word. “I’m sorry.”

I smiled bitterly as I put the flower in front of his picture.  “I shouldn’t have doubt at you at that time.” A single teardrop fell from the corner of my eye. “Daehyunnie… I’m sorry…”

“Don’t need to be sorry.”

I turned to my right side. A handsome figure dressed all in white and shining face was smiling at me.

“Daehyunnie…”

“Sorry for hiding my illness from you.” He stared at the picture of himself in front of the tombstone with his name clearly written on it.

He turned his gaze toward me. “I want you to know that I love you and you love me back just because you love me too. Not because of the sympathy.” He said.

“But I do love you. It’s just… I was too stupid to realize it.” My head hung low. “I’m really sorry, Dae…” Another teardrop fell to the ground.

“I’ve told you to don’t show you tears in front of me.” He told me for the nth time. “I know you love me. I can see it know.”

“But it was too late.” I tried my best to control my voice to hide my sob.  

He smiled sweetly. “No, it’s not. Because I will always love you.”

We were silent. The figure next to me was still closely stared at the dozens of white rose scattered in front of the tombstone until, one by one, white stuff falling from the sky.

“Snow…” He looked up.

I trailed his movement. As we closed our eyes, we raised hands with the palms up and waited for the snow to land there. This was how we always do when the snow began fall in the beginning of the wintry weather.

“Tell me that it’s not the last snow I can enjoy with you.” He opened his eyes and stared at me who had already stared at him previously.

And then again. He smiled. “Of course no. I will always be with you since I will be right here…”

Something warm burst from inside of my chest as he put the tip of his finger on my torso.

I smiled.

And seconds later, the figure was gone from my sight. I was alone.

There were only winter breeze brought snowflakes that gently my hair. Warm.

 “I know it’s you.” I couldn't help but smile. “I love you too, Dae…”

<>THE END<>