Doue Kimi Wa Suki Ni Natte Shimattandarou? means Why Did I End Up Falling For You?

Kim JunSu’s perspective

“Come on JunSu, we’re going to be late.” YooChun pulled me up and dragged me out of the house. I followed him lifelessly as I heard the car engine starting. The pain in my heart was too much to bear. I think I have gone numb. I was holding back my tears as YooChun pulled me towards the rest of the Dong Bang members.

“YooChun ah,” I managed to say. My voice sounded flat and unemotional, even to me. “I don’t feel so good, I don’t want to go.” YooChun glared at me for saying those words. Today was a very special day for our little sister. It was her wedding anniversary.

“RiIn will kill me if you are not going.” YooChun tried to persuade me. Then I heard a honk. I saw an inpatient YunHo at the driver’s seat, glaring at us. YooChun immediately pulled me toward the car and threw me in, literally.

“What took you two so long?” ChangMin asked as he looked at both YooChun and I. JaeJoong sat in front with YunHo. The two of them were talking about something but the engine drowned their voices. YunHo once again made the engine snarled quietly before the car started moving. It would take us about an hour to arrive at her house.

“This man right here,” YooChun pointed at me “Doesn’t want to attend RiIn’s anniversary party.” He let out a sigh of annoyance. I could not blame him. It was true. I do not want to attend. RiIn was our ‘little sister’ during college. The six of us were very closed, like a family. Only I knew her when we were just babies. She was my childhood friend. We did almost everything together. She is funny, cute, talented, brave, smart and my ideal girl. Yes, I care for her, more than just a friend, more than a little sister. It really pained me when I saw her walking down the aisle in white. I remembered it all too clearly on the eve of her wedding day, the most agonizing time of my life.

Flash Back

She called me that night to gather at our secret meeting place. It was just a bridge connecting our two houses. We used to play here when we were children. The other boys do not know this place. It was our secret place, just for the two of us. We promised if there was something we needed to tell each other, we would confessed it on this bridge. The soft crackle of the slow moving river was soothing to hear, the moon was shining brightly that evening accompany by the glittering stars. I saw her walking toward the bridge, looking absolutely elegant in her pale pink dress. The moonlight made her skin glow, her face was as beautiful as ever. My heart seemed to ache watching her. She was going to marry someone else tomorrow. Just as long as she is happy, I’ll be happy for her. I tried to smile as she stood beside me, her usual cheerful face looked serious. I dropped my smile immediately. It must be something serious she wanted to talk to me. We stood there in silent for what seem like eternity until I spoke.

“Why did you call me here?” I questioned her. Her eyes never left the flowing river beneath us. Her expression seemed to tell me that she was deep in thoughts. She looked like she was searching for the suitable words to tell me. Then she closed her eyes for one moment and took a deep breath before exhaling slowly.

“You know what day tomorrow is?” she spoke in a soft voice, almost as if she was whispering, I could barely hear her with the wind rustling through the grass. Her eyes were still close. I watched her pretty face glow as I answered her.

“Your wedding day with HanKyung. How could I forget?” I brushed my fingers through her wavy long hair. My voice was low, as if I was being hurt. Her eyes suddenly open and her gaze met mine. My hand stayed on her smooth cheek. We stared at each other and none of us uttered a word. I do not know how many minutes as passed but I wished time would stop so I never have to let her go. I do not want to see her with another man. I want her to be beside me, till the end of time.

“JunSu…” Her soft sweet voice called me. Her eyes were trying to say something, something important. Her small arms embraced me and she pulled me to a hug. I responded to her hug. A few minutes later, I heard her sobbing and I felt something wet on my chest where she had buried her head. Was she crying? Must be tears of joy for her wedding tomorrow. HanKyung was perfect for her. He would always love her. Though not like how I always love RiIn. I tried comforting her by humming her favorite song, which the Dong Bang boys and I wrote for her. “JunSu, are you happy for me?” I heard her said. My heart aches more than ever. Should I lie to her? Like I have lied to her ever since she announced her wedding? If it made her happy then I will but before I could say another word I heard her whispered the three simple words.

“I know, I know.” I felt my tears forming in my eyes. She must have meant she loved me only as a big brother, not more than that. This time, I could not help but say the truth to her. “RiIn, I love you too.”

She abruptly pushed me away after I admitted to her. Her pretty face was confused. Her tears kept on falling. Her expression showed mixed emotions. “If you loved me then why didn’t you stop HanKyung? Why didn’t you fight back? Why did you agree to sing at my wedding? Why are you just standing here doing nothing?” her voice cracked when she shouted her last sentences. She buried her face in her hands as she began to weep harder. I embraced her as she cried on my chest again. I patted her head as I was trying to hold back my own tears. “I love you. I really do. I love you.” She chanted between sobbed.

“Sorry, I’m truly sorry.” I cried out. Now there was nothing I could do to stop her wedding, absolutely nothing at all.

End of Flash Back

“JunSu, JunSu.” YooChun shook me back to reality. I looked at him with a blank face after I looked at my surroundings. We finally arrived at RiIn’s house. It looked like we arrived too early or too late for the party. Her house looked deserted except for a few cars. I scanned the house through the car’s window for any sign of her. My hands hesitated to open the passenger’s door. Yet I managed to get out and stood on the concrete path of her house. This was where I last saw her, after her wedding ended successfully. Though my heart began to ach again. This is also where I betrayed her. Her house was white with ribbons and roses that day. The atmosphere was filled with music and laughter for the married couple.

Flash Back

“Congratulation.” I wished her luck. We were all alone in her room before the wedding started. She was in her white laced wedding dress looking absolutely stunning, like an angel. She had her black hair down to her waist and it was curled to give a matured look. Her shining hair was also covered with white sparkles, making her the Queen of the day. The wedding dress showed her feminine side because it was like a short dress instead of the usual big puffy gown. I can tell it was made of silk by the way it swayed gracefully at her ever movement. Her lace-covered shoulders were pale like the roses she was carrying. The heels have ribbons that climbed up her smooth legs like a ballerina’s. She only wore light makeup since she is not use to it but she was still an enchanting beauty. Her eyes were glaring at me as I said those words.

“You’re not trying to stop me?” her voice sounded pierced, her expression was scary. She stood up and faced me, her hands turned into fists by her side, almost crushing her white bouquet. Her face gradually showed her true emotions. She was going to cry again however she bit her bottom lip to suppress it. “Why? You love me right?”

I walked toward her and embraced her for the last time. “I do love you. More than words can expressed.” I tried not to hug her too tightly as I did last night because I do not want to ruin her wedding dress. It looked so beautiful on her.

“Then stop me, stop me from doing all of this!” she cried out. I could tell her tears were forming by the soft cracks of her voice. I gently let her go and admired her for a few seconds. Her eyes have gone slightly pink, as it turned glossy. I shook my head in disapproval and cupped her small face with my hands, carefully not to ruin her makeup. “Please.” She whispered, almost breaking.

My gaze was locked to hers as we stared for minutes. Her glossy eyes were mesmerizing along with her long curl eyelashes. I slowly leaned closer as I whispered the three words again and my lips captured hers. I bit her upper lip first, letting my lower lip between hers. I felt her hands reached my head and clutched my hair, pulling me into her. She responded to me then and it made my heart soared high. Her lips were soft against mine as I embraced her tighter. I’m happy now, more than I ever had in my entire life. I was really blissful with her still in my arms, within my reach. I wish time would stay still. Truthfully I do not want to let her go. My heart was destined to be hers, eternally.

“Is the bride ready?” a female voice knocked the door, which made us broke our kiss. We glanced at the door before gazing at each other’s expressions. Her eyes were telling me not to let her go. Her smudged shiny lips were trembling, wanting to voice out. The door continued to knock as my hands were shaking around her. I have two choices now. All I ever wanted was to see her smile for the rest of my life. She has chosen her path to marry HanKyung and only I could change her course. Her eyes were begging to me, calling out to me do to choose the right path for the future, our future. I closed my eyes and little by little…

I finally let her go.

She softly called out my name as I did so. It was almost like a whisper of shock. The first image I saw was her eyes piercing at me. Like daggers threatening to kill me. Inside I could already feel my own soul dying. For now I could only smile and stepped away.

“Yes the bride is ready.” I said loud and clear yet it almost sounded like I was forced to say it. RiIn continued to stare in disbelieve at me as the door opened. YeonHee stepped in and rushed to her side. She told RiIn that the wedding was starting and the bride was needed downstairs immediately. However she stayed still as she continued to stare at me. I feel so guilty watching her. I know I’ve betrayed her. I just want her to be happy with the man she loves. HanKyung would always love her and take good care of her. I’ve made my decision.

End of flash back

“Look there’s the happy couple! Nuna!” ChangMin happily shouted at the married couple’s direction. The rest waved at them while I could only stare. I could feel my spirit dying once again. All of a sudden I felt something wet dripping down on my cheeks. I did not realize my tears were forming. She looked so happy…

Copyright © Park RyeoNa 2009

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