August 2, 2011,the day I arrived at his hometown, I don’t remember anything else that day except the rain. It’s as if the rain is actually on my side, crying for me, feeling my pain.

I am hugging the Teddy bear you made for me. The teddy bear he made for me on our 4^th anniversary. He died in a car accident 3 months ago, there was never a trial to punish the suspect, and the police announced that it was his fault for crossing the street on a red light.


IT WAS A GREEN LIGHT, I was there…. walking with him………laughing, adoring the Teddy bear gift he gaved me.


We were very happy that day, we just finished out trip from the Amusement Park. We were walking down the road going to a restaurant nearby when suddenly a car came wavering dangerously in our direction. In a split second, you pushed me to side walk away from the car, I bumped my head into the bench nearby, I almost passed out due to the piercing pain , and then came the sound of screeching car tires combined with the people’s shouts and gasps. I looked at the direction and saw you bleeding on the ground; I ran towards you and cried loudly, shouting to everyone to call 911. I held you in my arms, asking you not to close your eyes and just stay with me. You held up your hand and touched the bruise on my forehead, wiped the blood coming out from the side of my right eye, and said under your breath,

“Sorry… if I ruined this beautiful face of yours, are you alright?”

I nodded and held your hand tightly I told you not to worry about me and please don’t close your eyes, help is coming now. You smiled sweetly at me and said “….that’s good, I thought I pushed you so hard….I-I’m glad you’re okay.” A new verge of tears came rushing in the back of my eyes; I closed my eyes to stop the tears from falling. I wanted to punch you and let you worry about yourself and stop worrying about me. “Nana-yah, .please…look at me…” you touched my cheeks. I looked at you in the eye… You smiled sweetly and started to say something,
“…nana-yah…Mianhae…..mianhae, I – I guess I can’t keep my promise to you,… remember the promise … the promise I made to you for our 5^th anniversary…sorry I can’t –“

“….keumanhae! Stop, please...!!” I shouted. “DON’T SAY ANOTHER WORD Youngbae-ah..HAJIMA!” I interjected you. “Tell me after you are treated..Tell me after everything is settled,” I held your hand tightly. “…Youngbae-ah, please, don’t say anything huh? It’s going to be okay, you’re fine. Don’t say about being sorry, you will do everything as promised. Don’t say anything as if you’re going to a faraway place, as if you’re …you’re…leaving me…. Please…. Stop…” I cried heavily as I shake my head and desperately covered one of my ears.
You chuckled a little surprising me, I looked down at you, looking at you puzzled why you are smiling, still tears keep falling from my eyes.
“You’re such a baby….I can’t go like this…you know…be strong nana-yah…be strong….i can’t be with you forever you know that…I’m not saying goodbye, I’m just saying this, just in case...just in case this will be last time I can see your face and talk to you….” Tears started to fall down from your eyes.
I shake my head vigorously, looked at your eyes, and said with anger, “Wae? What’s wrong with wanting to stay with you forever? Huh? IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?”I closed my eyes and I shouted. “Youngbae-ah….Is…is that…is that too much ….to ask….??” I opened my eyes and saw you closing your eyes. I thought that time that the whole world have fallen down on me. Wide eyed, I shake your body continuously, “..Yah…youngbae-ah….Dong youngbae…open your eyes…open your eyes for me…please open your eyes for me youngbae-ah…” I don’t want to think about it. I thought to myself this isn’t happening. This is just a dream, a bad, bad dream, I felt my body getting weaker and weaker, and then suddenly I felt a cold thing on my cheeks. I passed out on the road.


I opened my eyes, feeling dizzy like hell. Then things started to come to my mind, I stood up abruptly, and shouted his name. Someone came over to me, asking if I feel dizzy or if I am okay. The person is telling me that I was asleep for 17 days, but I don’t really care. I ask where youngbae is and the person didn’t answer, I asked again, now shouting, and then the person answered in a stammer, “He’s not her nana-yah, he is not here…and he will never be here again…..” I looked at the person, barely recognizing it’s Youngbae’s mom. I looked away and said, “You’re lying,” and tried to stand up, but failed. I fell into the floor, she ran towards me and held my hand to help me stand up. I didn’t bother standing up, I was crying, still not being able to accept the fact that my one true love left me. I cried so hard, not even realizing how long it was, I calmed myself a little and wiped my tears on my checks. I was surprised to feel my right cheek is not wet with tears. When I attempted to touch my right eye, I feel a bandage on it..i didn’t notice it when I woke up, I realized that’s why I can’t see things properly. I looked at youngbae’s mom, puzzled, while touching the bandage on my right eye.

As if reading my mind, Youngbae’s mom told me while crying,

“You have his eye, nana-yah..you have it…” she told me in between her cries.

I don’t understand what she was saying and looked at her intently, “That time when she pushed you, you damage your eyes. When both of you are in the ambulance, Youngbae woke up, he saw you on the stretcher beside his, and saw blood coming from your eyes, I was there during that time, he managed to ask the doctor about your situation, and said that you severely damage your retina, and he told me, if the worst happen, he will give his eyes to you. Then the worst thing happened, he died on the way to the hospital. The doctors can’t do anything about it, his head was fatally injured.” She continued while crying.
“The doctors operated your right eye, using Youngbae’s eye in exchange. You have his eye nana.”
After hearing her explanation, I cried heavily. I wanted to scream, hit someone and throw things, but my body is so weak that I can’t even manage shout.
A while later, nurses came in and injected sedative on my dextrose, making me feel weak again. I keep on crying while my body becomes weaker and weaker because of the medicine. I closed my eyes, trying to accept that he is not coming back. That moment I remembered what he told me during the accident,
“You’re such a baby….I can’t go like this…you know…be strong nana-yah…be strong….i can’t be with you forever…” I touched the bandage on my right eye and thought to myself, “You will be forever with me youngbae-ah, Forever..” before going to a peaceful sleep.

I blink away to came back to reality, reminiscing the time I went back to visit him on his grave, that was August 2, 2011. I cried that day, crying for the only person I love more than anything else in the world.



Author's Message: Another Sad oneshot ehh? LOL wrote this one when i suddenly woke up from sleep. the idea came rushing to my head. And I remembered my Dear friend and avid reader Rainalie a.k.a nana, she is a Taeyang bias, i remembered her asking me to kill Taeyang. I hope you'll love it nana. *huggles*