Yellow painted walls turned into dull tan ones as Kyungsoo was lifted from his peaceful sleep. He looked over at the beeping, digital alarm clock before moving to stretch out his arm and hit the button on the top of the annoying device. Quiet movements across wood floors could be heard coming from the apartment above Kyungsoo’s and light tweets of birds on the light post outside added to the symphony. He brought his hands up and balled them into fists before rubbing the sleep from his eyes then getting out of the tall bed to change out of his current, wrinkled outfit.
    The sweet dream left Kyungsoo feeling empty. It ended too soon. He missed Jongin and the only way he could see his husband again was in his own sleep. Kyungsoo was just happy that he was blessed with dreams and not cursed with nightmares. The small, fragile male wouldn’t be able to take having to replay his lover’s death every night when he shut his eyes.

    ❁

    It was a year and nine months ago when Kyungsoo lost his husband, Kim Jongin. Jongin was a backup dancer for a famous, female pop star. One night after a concert that Jongin had brought Kyungsoo to, the dancer went to talk with his manager about the next concert date and Kyungsoo went off with the car keys to wait in the car. 
    As Kyungsoo waited, he pulled a CD that he bought earlier at the concert from a white plastic bag and read the back, seeing what songs were on the track list. He hummed some of the songs softly to himself as he waited. When he saw Jongin approaching the car, Kyungsoo smiled and waved to the younger male from the window. Jongin smiled back and waved, speeding up his pace to try and get to the car faster, he had good news to share. 
    Kyungsoo’s smile flipped into a frown as he saw someone walk up to Jongin. He didn’t worry at first but soon that state of mind changed as the man pulled out a knife and began to stab Jongin’s chest, waiting till the blonde fell to the ground to take his wallet and run off. Kyungsoo screamed and broke out of the car. He’ll never forget how he felt in that moment, so scared and confused.
    Kyungsoo scrambled over to Jongin’s limp and bloody body, tears pouring down his cheeks as he found out that his lover was no longer breathing. His arms wrapped tightly around Jongin’s corpse, pulling him close and praying, begging to get Jongin back. But it was too late.
    “Don’t leave me,” Kyungsoo wept over Jongin’s body, caressing the other’s cheek with his small soft hands and examining the wounds, “Please don’t leave me. . .”

❁

    After getting dressed in jeans and a yellow hoodie, Kyungsoo grabbed his keys from the kitchen counter and left his apartment, locking the front door behind him. His friend, Chen, who sang with him at the bar, texted Kyungsoo yesterday and told him he needed to come early and work on a few new ballads. Kyungsoo didn’t mind coming in early; he loved his job and it wasn’t like he had anything else to do all day.
    The walk to the bar was quiet and lonely. He hummed one of his ballads as he travelled, taking the chance to look around the scenery of the sidewalk. A few joggers were out on their daily trail, some people walked their dogs, and others were just as alone as Kyungsoo was, probably heading to work as well. It was a warm summer day with a slight breeze, just as there was the night before. He enjoyed the fresh air and kind smiles he received as he walked along the streets of Seoul.
    When Kyungsoo arrived at the small bar, he opened the door and listened as the chime of the bell filled his ears and felt how the aged wood floor beneath his shoes creaked. His eyes darted around, looking for one of his fellow singers before he found Chen sitting in the back of the bar. He blinked and took a few more glances around the old bar then began to walk over to his friend. 
    “Chen,” Kyungsoo called as he made his way to the taller and older male, “I thought Lay and Xiumin were coming to practice, too.” He gazed at the older with a confused look in his soft brown eyes. Small chatter of the bartender talking with a half-drunk customer could be heard a few feet away along with soft, indie music playing from the radio in the background.
    “I told them not to come,” Chen informed and turned slightly to look at Kyungsoo while setting down the small shot of soju in his hand. “I wanted to ask you something,” Chen continued and motioned for Kyungsoo to sit down beside him. Kyungsoo blinked a bit, more confused now than he was before, then nodded and sat on the wooden stool he was directed to.
    “Ok, what is it?” Kyungsoo asked with a small tilt of his head.
    “Would you. . . Want to go on a date sometime?” Chen asked sheepishly. He’d been the closest friend to Kyungsoo at the bar since the young male started working there a year ago. Chen called it love at first sight.
    “A date?”

❁

    “A date?” Kyungsoo repeated with a frown, looking down sadly at his wedding ring, “I couldn’t.” He was in his psychologist’s large, neutral colored office, sitting in a big, white, comfy chair. 
    “Well why not?” The tall, brunette male asked as he wrote on the clipboard in his lap. “I’m sure Jongin would like for you to move on and be happy again. It’s probably killing him to see you so sad all the time. You really need to get over this depression, Kyungsoo. It’s not good for you.”
    “Yeah,” Kyungsoo sighed, “I know. But I only want to be happy with Jongin. I don’t think I could ever feel love like that again.”
    “Can’t you try?”
    “I don’t want to try. I want Jongin,” Kyungsoo argued and stood from his seat. “Jongin might want me to be happy but I was only happy with him. Now that he’s gone I just can’t. . .”
    “Can’t. . . what?”
    “I can’t start over. . . I don’t want to forget him . . .”
    “You won’t. Trust me. Jongin will always be with you. You just have to make sure that as you remember him, it doesn’t get in the way of the new relationship. Please Kyung,” The psychiatrist urged, “Just think about it.”
    “All right,” Kyungsoo grabbed his jacket and headed to the exit, “I’ll think about it. But I won’t like it. . .”
    “Aish,” The doctor sighed and set his clipboard on the desk, sitting back to stretch as the patient left, “Always so stubborn. . .”

❁

    “Yeah,” Chen nodded, “A date. With me. Please?”
    “I. . . I don’t know,” Kyungsoo frowned and looked away from Chen’s hopeful and sad eyes, thinking of Jongin and how he would react. “I’m not sure if I’m ready.”
    “Is this about—“
    “Jongin? Yes.”
    “Oh. . . I see,” Chen mumbled before getting up from the stool and grabbing his jacket. “You know, they warned me. The others told me that you would turn me down. But at least I tried right?”
    “I’m sorry, Chen,” Kyungsoo quickly apologized, not meaning to hurt Chen so deeply, “I’m just not ready yet...”
    You are.  Voice in Kyungsoo’s head whispered to him. It was Jongin. Please, Kyungsoo. It hurts to see you so sad. Go on the date with Chen. He’s a nice guy. Kyungsoo blinked at the voice’s words and shook his head, speaking back. I’m really not. . . 
    You are. Now go get him, Squishy. Kyungsoo frowned and looked down at his ring, biting his lip before looking up at Chen who was already close to the exit. He whispered a small, quiet apology and a final I love you to Jongin before springing up from the stool and running over to grab Chen’s wrist.
    “Wait,” Kyungsoo called shyly, “I. . . I’ll go on a date with you. It would be really nice.” Chen blinked in surprised and smiled a wide smile down at the male holding his wrist.
    “Really?” He asked curiously, “What changed your mind?”
    “Jongin.”