It was just another depressing as hell day. Same old, same old. I woke up at the -crack of dawn, drove to school, endured school, went to my sports and clubs, went home, repeat. I have always told myself you can think yourself happy, but lately that has been hard.

I live a pretty nice life. I have siblings, pets, loving parents…I get straight A’s (well, except that one B in pre-calc last year, but I don’t like to talk about that), I’m in a bunch of clubs and I do a few sports. I friends with a lot of people, but not the kind of friends you hang with outside of school. I used to have a large, close friend group. I used to have a best friend.

Last year I screwed up royally. My best guy friend in the world, let’s call him Yongguk, had broken up with his dumb, big-ed girlfriend. Yongguk and I were the biggest goofballs. I do cheerleading, he is a football player, but we both are in band and spend hours talking about Pokémon and Lord of the Rings. I read a lot of young adult fiction and fantasy, so it’s not like I’m oblivious to romance, but I really didn’t realize I had liked Yongguk. When he broke up with his girlfriend though, I realized I was happy. So, being the assertive girl I am, I slowly started to flirt with him. He didn’t catch on at first, that idiot. But soon, he noticed. He obviously didn’t like me as much as him and for a while, it got awkward. I didn’t see his crooked, gummy smile because he wasn’t sure about his feelings towards me. He talked to me about it, how he was afraid it would ruin our friendship.

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That was the summer before junior year. It’s almost senior year now. I should have listened. Turns out, just because we are great friends doesn’t mean we’re a great couple. At first, we were. But I got tired of being treated like a friend that he could make out with. By that, I mean he wasn’t romantic in the least, and it felt weird for both of us to try to act romantic. We made it six months, 8 months…and at 9 months, things went downhill. I broke up with him. It was hard, because when we started dating, I liked him way more than he liked me. When I broke up with him, he liked me a lot more than I liked him, so he didn’t take it well. He didn’t understand why I "gave up". That pisses me off so much. I didn’t give up, he was just too immature and ADD to notice that I had been trying for a while. I'll admit I was a little scared.

My mom always called me an old soul. And I am a girl, which naturally mature faster than boys. It can get pretty frustrating, because I tend to like younger boys because I hate when older boys are condescending. I hate when anyone says “Oh, you’ll find out when you are older”. I know some things come with time, but I also know that if someone finds it necessary to shove their age in your face, they probably are not as mature as they think they are.

So long story short, I broke up with Yongguk. Most of my friends are still close with me, but when Yongguk and I are in the same area, everyone acts like we are a ticking time bomb. They are kind of right, since Yongguk can get pretty angry around me, despite his usual calm demeanor. He can look pretty scary too. Because it is just a major headache to be around everyone, I started to seclude myself. I usually stick to myself in summer anyways, since I work so much it is hard to find time and energy. I love high school, and I love a lot of things, but I am getting pretty tired of all this damn teenage angst.