“Sehun-ah!” a girly voice rang through the dorm rooms while the small boy searched each room. “Sehun?”

Each room turned up empty; all of the members were still at practice, except for Sehun who had chosen to stay home today for no apparent reason. Luhan, who finished early searched for his friend, but with no luck.

The building was eerily quiet as if there was a bad omen floating around in the air.  The Chinese boy still searched, checking each room a second time. Once he reached the missing boys room again, he felt a cold chill go down his spine. Something was wrong.

“Sehun?” he creaked open the door and looked in once again. The room was still empty as before, but this time he noticed something he missed before.

The window across the room was open. Taped to the glass, a piece of notebook paper flapped from the incoming breeze. Luhan quietly crossed the room to inspect the mysterious paper. He reached the window and removed the paper.

Along the lines were words written in Sehun’s handwriting.

 

I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like everything is slipping away, everything is falling apart. Even I’m falling apart. They don’t see it, but I do, I feel it, on the inside. I feel the piercing pain in my heart, all my feelings crushing it to pieces. And yet I still keep a calm face, act like nothing’s wrong. I don’t want my hyungs to worry. They won’t have to worry now.

I always felt like I didn’t fit in. Maybe it’s just because I’m the youngest. Maybe I just don’t have as much talent as the others. Maybe that’s why I was pushed away? I felt like I wasn’t even there.

Luhan…

Especially Luhan..

I thought that he might actually love me like I loved him, but he never did. All he wanted was Xiumin. He never smiled at me like he did with him. He never laughed and joked with me like with him. He never hugged me and said “I love you Sehun”. I did. He never heard me, but I would always say “I love you Luhan”. I was always there. I helped him with his words and his singing. I practiced dancing with him. I would even help him when he confessed to me that he loved Xiumin. I told him to follow his heart. I thought he’d actually realize that I loved him, but he never did. He was so focused on getting Xiumin to notice him that eventually, he forgot me too.

I just was a friend.

And now, he’ll never know how much I truly loved him. He’ll never understand that this whole time I pushed through the pain of seeing him with Xiumin just to make him happy. And if he’s happy now, then I’m happy. Even though his smile will never be for me, at least he smiled.

And with that, I can die happily, knowing that the one I loved the most is happier than he ever could’ve been. Even if that means without me.

I no longer have to be a waste of space. I did what I wanted and that was just to make Luhan happy.

And now I’ll leave this cruel world.

Goodbye. I’ll love you forever.

 

Luhan gasped as tears stung his eyes, threatening to fall. “No,” he whispered. He looked around in fear, wanting to see Sehun standing there, laughing and saying how cute he looked when he was sad, saying it was all a joke that Chen told him to do. Instead, he eventually found him when he looked out the window, but not standing there laughing.

Sehun’s body laid limp on the cement, 4 stories below them. A pool of blood had formed below his head.

“Sehun!!” he cried out, the tears pouring out of his eyes.

He ran down the stairs without a thought other than the image of Sehun’s dead body on the street. He kept calling out his name, hoping he was imagining things.

He saw him. He was there and he was dead. He wasn’t imagining.

Luhan screamed Sehun’s name repeatedly. His cries echoed off of the surrounding buildings.

“Why why why…” he muttered to himself, falling to his knees beside the boy’s body.

Suddenly, he jumped up, his vision blurred greatly from tears. He ran back into the building, broke into the security guard’s locker and took his hand gun. He ran upstairs to his room and grabbed a pen and paper with shaky hands and he began writing.

 

Dear Sehun,

I am so sorry I didn’t realize it earlier. I love you.. I love you I love you I love you… I could say it a million times but it won’t change anything, will it?

If I had realized before, I could’ve saved you, but now I ed up. You’re gone and I can’t take you back. So all I can do now is join you…

Xiumin…

Yes I liked him… but you didn’t have to let that happen if you didn’t want it. I would be happier if I were with you.. I’m nothing near happy now..

Sehun.. I love you so much and I realize that now, but it’s too late. I’m so sorry. To you and everyone.

I want you back.

I miss you.

But our souls will meet again now. Don’t worry. You can be happy now, with me. Please don’t cry…

I’ll miss you all and I know you’ll miss me.

I’m sorry.

Goodbye.

 

He held the gun to his head. And slowly, he pulled the trigger and it all went black.