The moment Jonghyun left his school building, his eyes immediately fell upon a nervous Taemin, frantically pacing at the teacher’s car park. Jonghyun had never seen him that way before. He didn’t know if he should be insulted for the lack of confidence Taemin had in him, or be comforted by the fact that Taemin cares enough to worry. Perhaps this was a good thing after all. Perhaps Jonghyun could use this opportunity to mess with the younger boy a little.

“Hyung, how did it go?!” Taemin was on him within a fraction of a second, eyes wide and so eager for an answer that Jonghyun almost started laughing. He didn’t though. He kept his composure and brought out the secret weapon that he used in times of emergencies – his sad puppy eyes.

He didn’t even have to say anything, Taemin understood it. He looked like he couldn’t believe it at first, but after that his expression turned into one of anger, much to Jonghyun’s surprise.

“But how could you not pass? We have learned everything there is to learn. And Mrs. Kim said she’d make it easy!” Taemin was off on a rant, turning away from Jonghyun. Jonghyun watched, amused. Taemin could get so animated when he’s angry. It’s like his whole body gets angry, the way his arms move about in random patterns furiously, trying to express anger in more than just words.

Jonghyun was so caught up in watching that he forgot where he was and what he was doing. Until he was caught red-handed by Taemin, staring like a creep.

“You having fun, hyung?” Taemin asked, lips curled up at one corner in a smirk.

“What?” Jonghyun blinked. Taemin rolled his eyes exaggeratedly, walking towards him again and going straight for… Jonghyun’s pants pocket.

“I could see the C+ from a mile away hyung…” Taemin said, proving his point by shoving the paper in Jonghyun’s face.

Jonghyun felt like the true ‘genius’ he was in that moment. He could only hear Taemin’s obnoxious laugh, rubbing salt into injury, as he brought his palm to his face, shaking his head in disappointment

 “Hyung!“ Taemin suddenly said, pulling Jonghyun’s hand away and coming real close to his face with the widest smirk in place, “I’m proud of you, you did good…”

That was enough to pull Jonghyun’s out of his self-induced chagrin and into a happier place. He caught Taemin’s face in both his hands before he escaped, pulling him in even closer.

“Thanks, Taemin… I couldn’t have done it without you…” Jonghyun admitted, looking the younger boy straight in the eyes. Taemin’s smile was slowly dissipating. He finally looked his age – very unlike the usual mature demeanor Taemin carried himself with – as he gulped nervously from the proximity. His hands were over Jonghyun’s, holding on too tight as if he didn’t know what else to do. Jonghyun has wanted to do this for so long now, there couldn’t be a better time than this. Just a few more inches-

“You’re welcome, hyung!” Taemin said in a hurry, pulling off and jogging away with Jonghyun’s test paper in his hands.

It was over before Jonghyun could even think the word ‘kiss’.

Jonghyun sighed, pulling his bag onto his shoulders properly. Taemin was already far ahead of him, calling over to him to catch up. Jonghyun reluctantly began walking, disappointed that he had once again come so close and yet, not close enough.

It was so strange. Jonghyun was under the impression that they had something steady going on between them. Why, even Taemin had expressed his wish to be something more than just friends. They’ve been on countless dates, flirted with each other shamelessly and their conversations online were far from innocent. But whenever it came to acting upon it physically, Taemin had always been quick to cut it short. To run away before anything started.

At first, Jonghyun thought that Taemin was shy about these things (obviously Jonghyun had forgotten certain important details when he had made that assumption.) Then, as the incidents got more and more frequent, Jonghyun started believing that there was something more – some underlying reason for Taemin’s reluctance to do so much as kiss.

That worried Jonghyun a lot. It made him think of some very disturbing reasons as to why Taemin could be acting that way. Was he abused in some way that it had left a mental scar? Did Taemin fear that Jonghyun would do the same?

Jonghyun dreaded that last thought more than anything.

“Hyung, hurry!” Taemin called. Jonghyun forced himself out of his thoughts, running a little to catch up with the younger who was smiling radiantly again now. Jonghyun liked this. This was so much better as opposed to the tinge of fear in his eyes whenever they got too close. Jonghyun knew he would do anything to see this smile all the time.

“Taemin, you’re coming home with me for dinner. Mom has wanted to meet you for a while now…” Jonghyun said, taking the younger boy’s hand and leading him in the direction of his stop instead of Taemin’s subway station.

“But- But- Me? Why?” Taemin asked, glancing back over his shoulder in the direction he usually took home, confused.

“Cause mom wants to see the boy that might have saved my entire future by giving me a chance to graduate. Don’t worry, I’ll accompany you home later. You just have to give your mom a call and inform her where you’ll be…”

“But- I can’t-“ Taemin hesitated.

“No more buts. Think of it as my mother showing her gratitude while spying on who her son is dating…” Jonghyun said. The woman thought that she had him fooled when she had suggested him to bring Taemin over under pretenses of repaying his kindness. She just wanted to have something to tease Jonghyun about later. Jonghyun would have to be extra careful not to go all gaga over Taemin in front of her, or else he would never hear the end of it. His mother and Jinki had surprisingly good teamwork when it came to ganging up against the youngest in the family. SOmetimes it felt like his father was the only one on his side and that too reluctantly.

“She knows about us?” Taemin asked, sounding a little surprised.

“Of course! But obviously not enough…” Jonghyun joked. Taemin laughed, but only distractedly. Jonghyun wondered why as he slid his fingers between Taemin’s, calling for his attention. Taemin seemed to snap out of his stupor than, squeezing Jonghyun’s hand in his before finally settling on just following Jonghyun without further questions.

Taemin had texted his mother about his whereabouts on the bus. She had replied with just a short text that reminded him of his curfew. After that, Taemin’s smile began looking less forced and more natural. By the time they got home, he was back to being himself again; the confident boy with all the right things to say.

Even when faced with Jonghyun’s persistent mother.

The short, thin woman went from interrogating to doting with just a few words from Taemin. Soon, Jinki and Jonghyun were wiped out of existence in her eyes because the only one she saw was Taemin. And Taemin didn’t seem to mind at all, to the point where Jonghyun couldn’t even tell if he was just being polite or if he was genuinely enjoying it. The worst part of it all was that Jonghyun's father was off working offshore for a month, so he couldn't even be the one keeping Jonghyun's mother in check.

“Wow mom, I didn’t know you had a third son!” Jinki commented off-handedly, trying to pick a piece of bacon on the plate beside the stove where Taemin was receiving his first lessons on making tofu stew.

“Don’t be rude, Jinki. You’ll get to eat it later! Now Taemin, you’ve got to make sure that you buy the right kind of tofu-“

Jonghyun covered his laughs with a hand as Jinki walked away, wearing a very ugly scowl. Jonghyun earned part of it for laughing but jolly ole Jinki could not stay mad for long. His attention flitted to the cake that had been left unguarded on the dining table within just a few moments of getting scolded.

“Mom, don’t you think you’re being just a little too... ummm…-“ Jonghyun couldn’t find the words to sugar coat ‘overbearing’.

“Go do something useful please, Jonghyun…” That was it. That was all his mother had time to say to him.

“Yeah, hyung. Go do something useful…” Taemin echoed, sticking his tongue out at Jonghyun. Jonghyun put his arms up in surrender, deciding to leave the two at it.

Dinner was yet again just another opportunity for Jinki and Jonghyun to watch their mother acting like she was best friends with Taemin. It was mind-boggling, to say the least. Jonghyun didn’t know how to react to seeing Taemin look like he liked his mother more than Jonghyun himself. Astonishingly, their reservoir of topics to discuss never seemed to run dry at all. There was always something for them to say.

“So what plans do you have for your future Taemin? What are your interests?” Jonghyun’s mother asked. Jonghyun stopped eating instantly as if stuck on pause. Beside him, Jinki had gone still as well. They were probably thinking the same thing. Their mother knew a lot about Taemin, but not everything.

“Medicine. A degree in medicine is what I have planned for my future…” Taemin said, not missing a beat as he continued chomping.

“Wow!”

It was Jonghyun that accidentally blurted that out. He certainly did not see that coming. Taemin gave Jonghyun this challenging look, an eyebrow raised.

“Wow indeed…” Jonghyun’s mother echoed, taking Taemin’s attention away with that comment.

“Why medicine?”

“Just reasons…”

“Like ‘finding cure of cancer’ kind of reason?”

“Mom!” Jonghyun whined, begging her to stop with the questions. She didn’t understand what Jonghyun meant so she simply shrugged it off.

“Something like that…” Taemin said, almost too quiet to hear.

“I see…” Jonghyun’s mother said just as quietly. So it was not Jonghyun alone that had sensed the solemn tone. The conversation after that had been banal and light, never getting near any touchy subjects because Taemin was obviously affected by the question earlier. Jonghyun reached over to hold Taemin’s hand in his inconspicuously under the table. Although Jonghyun never knew the right words to say, he did know how to show that he cared.

And Taemin seemed to understand that, squeezing Jonghyun’s hand back to let him know he’s okay. Before too long, he was caught up in yet another conversation with his mother, keeping Jonghyun’s hand on his lap.

It felt secretly gratifying to Jonghyun, just that small gesture. He decided that he liked that feeling very much.

It had been almost a struggle to get Taemin away from his mother but when he finally managed to, Jonghyun felt like he had won a war.

“Finally!” Jonghyun muttered to himself, closing the door to his room behind him. Taemin looked back at him, smiling mischievously.

“You were jealous, weren’t you?” he asked. Jonghyun laughed at the notion, doing a bad job at making it seem real.

“I was not, alright? Now, do you want something to change into? I can get you-“

“No need for that. I’m not staying. Let’s watch a movie, hyung. There’s still so much time…” Taemin said, ing the top couple buttons of his crisp (well, not so anymore) white school shirt and pulling up his sleeves as he went over to Jonghyun’s study table. He has been in here enough times to know where everything was.

“Movie? Okay, you choose something. I’ll just go get changed…” Jonghyun said, going to his closet. He grabbed some comfortable clothes, changing into it at lightning speed because he felt more than a little self-conscious. When he turned around, he found that he had had no reason to be. Taemin was busy looking at something on Jonghyun’s desk to be ing on him.

Well, that disappointed Jonghyun a little. Just a tiny bit.

“So what do you wanna- Oh god-“ Jonghyun was mortified speechless when he saw what Taemin was holding in his hands. He reached out for it clumsily, almost pushing down some other things on his table. Taemin pulled it away, his poker face not giving away what he was really thinking. Finally, Jonghyun managed to grab it and toss it away in some odd direction, not evenbothered that he might have broken his brother's DVD in his embarrassment.

“It’s alright, hyung. It’s how we met…” Taemin joked, not looking at Jonghyun as he continued searching through the DVDs for a movie to watch. Jonghyun frowned at the ‘joke’.

“No, Taemin. This is how we met,” Jonghyun stressed, pulling out a math reference book and pointing it out to the younger boy. Taemin stopped for a while, still not lifting his gaze. He laughed a little, but he moved away soon enough, having decided on the movie.

Taemin had chosen ‘The Amazing Spiderman’. While Taemin was busy preparing to play it on Jonghyun’s TV, Jonghyun’s mind wandered to the little exchange they just had. He had looked just fine but Jonghyun could tell that there was something on Taemin’s mind. Taemin acted normal, making himself comfortable on the bed and calling Jonghyun over like nothing had happened. He even chose to snuggle close to Jonghyun, leaning against him completely with his arms wrapped around Jonghyun’s torso as if they had done this many times before although this would be their first time cuddling like this.

It was as if the movie was just a sound on the background. Jonghyun’s mind was elsewhere, Taemin’s even further away. Yet, they pretended to watch the movie in silence, ignoring the elephant in the room. Eventually, Jonghyun got tired of thinking and he decided to give it a rest. He had the boy of his dreams in his arms and here he was, worrying.  He decided to stop and just enjoy the moment.

“So… a doctor huh?” Jonghyun asked, genuinely curious about it. He ran his fingers through Taemin’s hair absent-mindedly, more intrigued by the silky hair that flowed between his fingers than the characters on the screen.

“Mm-hmm…” Taemin said softly.

Jonghyun died a little on the inside at the sound of it. It was so ing adorable, he could possibly get a cardiac arrest just bearing witness to it. Jonghyun fangirled over it as quietly as possible while Taemin laid there completely oblivious to Jonghyun’s volcano of emotions.

It took a few moments for him to calm down and when he eventually did, Taemin surprised him with a question.

“Why? Is it that hard to imagine me as a doctor?”

Jonghyun thought about it. He really did try to think so hard about it. Without even meaning to, his mind ended up in the gutter. He can imagine Dr. Taemin alright, just not the kind that worked in hospitals.

Jonghyun slapped himself mentally back to his senses.

“Nope, not at all…”

“Hyung, I can see what you’re thinking about. It’s written all over your face…” Taemin snickered, his attention on Jonghyun’s face instead of the movie now. Jonghyun bit his lips, buying some time to come up with at least some kind of believable argument.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about…” Well, that’s as good an answer as his brain was going to come up with.

Taemin immediately got this evil glint in his eyes. In the blink of an eye, he had somehow managed to pull Jonghyun down flat on the bed and was hovering over him, smirking like the devil himself.

“Hyung, I’ll tell you what. You tell me exactly what you thought about and maybe I can help make your dreams come true…”

“W-what?”

Taemin leaned in even closer, his hands mapping Jonghyun’s clothed chest playfully. Jonghyun’s heart began to run a marathon he didn’t even sign up for. Hell, he didn’t sign up for any of this.

“Come on, hyung… You know, you want to...” Taemin teased, whispering the sultry words right into Jonghyun’s ear. He began moving lower, placing little pecks as he went. It felt so odd to Jonghyun’s senses that he did not know how to react to it. Suddenly, this was turning into so much more and he really wasn’t prepared for this.

“Taemin, what are you doing?” Jonghyun managed in his confusion. He struggled a little to release his arms and take some control back. But Taemin’s hands caught his in a vice grip, pinning him down helplessly. Jonghyun tried telling him to stop but the younger just wouldn’t listen. The last straw for Jonghyun was when Taemin finally made an effort to push Jonghyun’s shirt out of the way.

Taemin wouldn’t even look up at him. He was deaf to all of Jonghyun’s words, he was oblivious to the world, he was in his own world and the worst part of it all – he imagined that Jonghyun was too.

“Taemin, kiss me,” Jonghyun challenged.

“Come on, hyung… Let’s get you out of this…” Taemin muttered under his breath. Jonghyun gave up all resistance, just to see how Taemin would react. The reaction, or lack thereof, was even more disturbing to Jonghyun. Jonghyun’s instincts had been right.

Taemin was scared of… something. Jonghyun didn’t know what but he knew he was right. And in his fear, Taemin was resorting to the one thing that gave him confidence more than anything else.

Jonghyun took charge, pulling Taemin’s face up so that he could look the younger in his eyes.

“What, hyung?”

“Kiss me…”

Taemin stopped dead.

“Hyung…”

“Taemin-ah, I’m telling you to kiss me…”

At that, Taemin finally gave up, moving away from Jonghyun to the very edge of the bed, his back turned to Jonghyun.

“Taemin, is something wrong?”

“I’m fine…”

“No, you’re not. Has someone been hurting you? Why are-“

“Oh my god! There you go again, being all protective and worried. I’m not some Disney Princess, hyung. I don’t need rescuing!" Taemin exclaimed, adjusting his clothes and getting up.

“I have to be, Taemin. You’re willing to go so far and yet, you’re unwilling to just kiss me. How can I not imagine the worst?”

“Because it’s none of your damn business! I’m going home!” the red head shouted before storming out with his bag. Recovering from utter shock at the outburst, Jonghyun finally got into motion, grabbing his jacket before going after the younger.

Jonghyun’s mother watched him leave from her place in the living room, puzzled. Her question of why Taemin was leaving in such a hurry went unanswered. Jonghyun didn’t have the time to spare, not if he wanted to catch up with the younger boy.

Jonghyun found him sitting at the corner down at the end of his street. He seemed to be lost in his own world as he stared at the gravel, arms wrapped around his body to keep himself warm.The moment he saw Jonghyun approaching though, he almost started running off again. But Jonghyun was quicker and managed to stop him by grabbing hold of an arm.

“I said… I’d take you… home…” Jonghyun panted those words out, breath ragged from running.

“I’m not two, I can get home fine…” Taemin shook Jonghyun and began walking off. Jonghyun was persistent, though. He wasn’t letting Taemin go home alone like this.

“Then I’ll follow you…”

Taemin glanced over his shoulder, glaring at him.

“Suit yourself!”

And that was how Jonghyun ended up walking half way through his neighbourhood to get to the closest subway station, keeping a few meters of distance between him and Taemin. Even as they waited for the train, Jonghyun stood a few steps back. The only time he got any closer was to drape his own jacket over Taemin’s shoulder, expecting to have it thrown back in his face but being pleasantly surprised when Taemin accepted it without any arguments.

Once they had gotten into the train, it became slightly awkward for Jonghyun as he didn’t know if Taemin would allow him to sit beside him. So Jonghyun ended up doing this odd routine of stepping forward and backward where Taemin was sitting, hesitating to sit down. Taemin, apparently, had had enough of it after a while and pulled him into the seat, going back to staring out the window immediately after.

They spent almost the entirety of the journey in silence. The trip from Jonghyun’s neighbourhood to Taemin’s was a half hour long one because of the many stops in between. Jonghyun almost started dozing off at one point, his head lulling around like a doll’s.

“I’m saving it…”

Jonghyun had been so far off into dreamland that he almost missed it, but he had heard it right. Taemin had just uttered those words to him.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“My first boyfriend, I thought he was the one. I thought that was love…” Taemin said. He had his fists clenched on Jonghyun’s jacket as he stared out the window.

Jonghyun hung to every word he said like his life depended on it.

“I didn’t know better. I thought that was what love was supposed to feel like. I didn’t know love wasn’t supposed to be forced upon another person or that it did not oblige someone to make the other happy. I didn’t know it would hurt so much…”

Jonghyun could be really thick sometimes, but even he knew that he could not be misunderstanding any of this. He couldn’t digest what he was hearing. It made Jonghyun’s blood boil with anger for whoever that bastard was.

“My body, it was nothing but a vessel to be used by him for his own pleasure. Before you go all Price Charming again, just know that I left that bastard with more than a few scars to remember for the rest of his life…”

“When was this, Taemin?” Jonghyun asked, not wanting to push the younger but still so furious that he had to know.

“I was fifteen…” Taemin said, his voice void of emotions.

“Taemin, this is serious. Did you ever tell someone about it? Did you get help-“

“I did... And it got me to where you first saw me, on that DVD. I decided that since all the fuss about first times and all was over, I’d just explore my newfound uality. But it was cut short when those guys found out I was . I don’t know what’s the big deal anyway, I mean… I’m legal now, am I any different from four months ago?”

Jonghyun frowned, not liking how lightly Taemin took all of this.

"'Taemin-ah... I- I'm-"

"Don't. It's not your fault...."

Taemin wasn't giving Jonghyun an opprtunity to ask. He had to know what exactly had happened, he needed to make sure that Taemin wasn't suffering still. He wanted to make the pain go away. But no, Taemin wasn't letting Jonghyun in.

“Were you worried that I would hurt you like that did?” Jonghyun muttered, treading lightly.

“You?! Hah, you couldn’t hurt a fly!” Taemin scoffed.

“Then why?” Jonghyun pushed. Taemin went back to being silent for a while. Jonghyun almost thought that that was all he was going to be hearing that day. Taemin’s stop was nearing anyway. They didn’t have much time left to continue this conversation.

“I told you, I’m saving it…” Taemin finally repeated himself.

“When the right time comes, when I know it’s the right person and when I know it’s the right thing to do from the bottom of my heart, I won’t have anything else to offer him and him alone. Except a kiss. A real first kiss. I’m guarding it safely for that one reason…”

In that moment, gazing into the middle distance through the window with his arms wrapped around his bag close to his chest, Taemin looked like the vulnerable person he really was. The strong facade had faltered away just a little even if for just a moment on this chilly night, during a long train ride home and even if Jonghyun was still being kept out in the dark. There was a lot Jonghyun did not understand about the younger, but he really wanted to. He wanted to know it all and be the one that would protect Taemin against the evils of the world.

He wanted to be the ‘one’ that Taemin spoke off. Except he knew that Taemin had so much more than just a kiss to offer. He just didn’t realize it yet.

(A/N) I'm running low on steam on this, I always seem to be lately... I'm so sorry for the delay guys and thank you to all my new subscribers for subscribing and reading AND FOR THE LOVELY COMMENTS!!! I haven't been replying because I've been busy with exams (still am...) but I managed to write in the little time that i got here and there so I already feel accomplished... This story should wrap up soon enough the way I have it planned now. 

So SHINee's coming back with Lucky Star, WHO'S EXCITED?! Never been a big fan of their Japanese albums (something about the concepts that I just don't really... like) but i'm excited to see OT5 again after such a long time!!!

On a more serious note, is disgusting and is , no matter who it is in question and that includes the person you're in a relationship with... Just thought I had to put it out there because I might have some young readers here. No means no and nothing else. Also, a friend brought to my attention that Taemin's age here is inappropriate considering what he does. I wrote it for pure fictional purposes and I neither condone nor advocate anything about it. In my mind, Taemin is a lost boy, trying to cope with a scarring experience. That's all...

Thank you for reading! Have a great day ahead people!!! <3