Your eyes were drawn in by his tan skin, soft and flawless, a shade the equivalence of light brown sugar. You thought this was the perfect comparison because everything about Kim Jongin was sweet, a huge contrast to your often bitter personality. When the shy boy you that knew from the volunteer program that helped with foreign students had approached  you, it was hard to believe, yet you took the meeting in strides and slowly became good friends with the man. He was utterly beautiful, thoughtful, kind, absolutely perfect, and he deserved someone just as perfect as him. That’s why you struggled with the idea when he confessed he wanted to be with you.

Your insecurities got the best of you and you were scared. At first you were scared he was joking around, but then you realized Jongin was never the kind of person to hurt someone. You felt terrible for even thinking of that possibility. Then it was the fear of losing your important friend, but that argument was also invalid, it was impossible to be friends any longer, because truth be told you were in love with him too. So, you gave up with battling with yourself and gave yourself to him. It was the best decision you had ever made. He gave you so much love, made you feel happy and beautiful, and you did your best to make him feel the same.You were grateful everyday to wake up with his arms circling protectively.

Yet despite this, it had been so hard lately. The days seemed to move much slower than usual. He started coming home later, angrier, and you found yourself walking on eggshells. Your fears crept their way back into your heart. You never spoke when he had one of his fits. He wasn't necessarily mad at you, but mad at the world, mad at the way his life was playing out. He worked so hard to accomplish his dream. He wanted to be a dancer, a notion you laughed at before, not because of the actual act, but because of the likeliness of success. It was a long and difficult road and you were the type to play it safe, always one to settle. You regretted your insensitiveness, especially now on one of his worst days to count. He had came inside quietly, face void of any emotion, any sign that he was still the person that you had fallen in love with. This was a different Jongin, one that you started to believe no longer loved you.

“Jongin” you barely whispered he had made his way to the dining table, and sat with his head down, refusing to even turn on the light. You rubbed his back lightly, but jumped when he pushed away and stood up from the chair.

“Don’t touch me.” You shivered at the tone of his cold finality.

“but Jongin I…”

“Shut up!” He barked at you. He had tears streaming down his face, and you backed away slowly out of concern and general fear.

“... … … I didn’t pass the audition.” his raspy voice was almost inaudible. “I didn’t pass even though I’ve been working so hard.” He started laughing maniacally tears still streaming down his face. “Not that you would even care. You didn’t even believe in me from the start!”

That was a damn lie. You had been quiet for so long now, tiptoeing around your lover and it had just occurred to you that maybe as Jongin was losing himself you were losing yourself as well. You couldn’t do this anymore and neither could he. This relationship was bound to implode on itself and there wasn’t any reason to keep living miserably.

“You’re wrong…” You started but were interrupted

“ You don’t know…” you didn’t let him continue before biting back quickly, raising your voice to the point of almost screaming.

“SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH RIGHT NOW KIM JONGIN!” He stumbled backwards a bit, startled by your outburst but sure enough kept quiet. “ You are one hundred percent wrong. I will admit that I was a sceptic of the success of a person becoming a dancer. I know it’s a long and difficult process, and one that realistically many will never be able to accomplish. But I want you to know that I believe if anyone in the world was able to accomplish such a feat, it would be Kim Jongin, my sweet, caring, and love driven Kim Jongin. I saw your determination and you made me believe that you could do anything. I’ve always believed in you… but you’re not you anymore.” You walked up to him, cupping his face and gently wiping away the tears that continued to flow out. “You’re someone scary and mean and you're hurting both yourself and me.” You stood on your tiptoes to to give him one last chaste kiss. You did everything to convey all your feelings into an act of affection where both of you barely touched.

“I love you Kim Jongin, and that’s why I am leaving. You need time to find yourself again and you need to do it alone.” His breath hitched and his arm went to grasp you but you were already moving away, heart unmoving and put to task. You grabbed the suitcase you had packed beforehand, knowing that this was bound to happen soon (you had even taken the initiative to find a cheap hotel room that you could stay at the time being.)

He pleaded with you through a longing gaze yet said nothing, for both he and you knew that what you were doing was the right thing. His tears were flowing harder and he started sobbing miserably pulling you in for a hug. The warmth that it filled you with reminded you of your Kim Jongin, the Jongin that loved you with every single fiber of his being, and you thought maybe just maybe there was a sliver of hope for a better future. He whimpered, “I’m so so sorry. ______ I love you so much and I’m so sorry for everything that’s happened." Despite everything inside you telling you otherwise, you pulled away and he tightened his grip, but you too pushed with greater strength and managed to shakily walk to the front door.

“I’ll wait for you” you whispered before almost silently closing the door behind you.

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