It was always about how to be good in school, how to earn an A in mathematics and science, how to pass those exams. But most of all, they never teach us how to be a good person. The real meaning of education is slowly fading away. I am not talking like this because I am one of those students who don’t like studying. Yes, I hate studying. But you know what I love? Learning.

Yawning for ten times during the first period of Biology class but never been noticed by the teacher, I’m thanking God for that, I am tired as hell of sitting here for 3 hours straight just to discuss about the reproduction of boneless animals who live inside our intestine. I mean seriously, who the hell cares about how they’re making babies?! I open my notebook, take a piece of paper from it, grab my pen, and start to write nonsense things. I am not surprised about what’s coming on my mind when I hold my pen, it is his name. My hand automatically writes his name a thousand times in different fonts and size. It has become a routine that I know I have to stop before it grows to be a monster that’ll eat me alive. By that I mean a broken heart.

Kwon Jiyong, what a wonderful name. Everything becomes wonderful when you’re in love I guess. Everyone thinks he is ugly, but I don’t think so. I see the good in him that everyone can’t see. He has his own charms, I guess most of people never see something from a different point of view and that is why they can’t see the true beauty of it. They just see what everyone’s thinking and agreeing it. Well, it’s not happening to me. I like him, a lot. No matter what they say.

RIIIIING!

Finally

Quickly, I tidy my books, brush my hair, say a few goodbyes to my friends, and run off to the balcony. The school’s balcony has the greatest view of all entire cool spots in this school. It is quite, fine and peaceful. But the thing that makes it important for me is the view which is directly facing his class. I can see him crystal clear from up here without him knowing that I was even there. The cold of the wind doesn’t bother me to keep staring at him.

Admiring him by the distance, it feels beautiful but somehow it hurts. He doesn’t know who I am, we walk pass each other every day but he never notice me. To him I was just another 10^th grader in the school. Whenever I walk close to him, I am just a blurred figure that he would never look at. It is very different from me, I always know whenever he comes nearby, the way he walk, the way he talks, the eye smile he makes whenever he laughs, his braces color, his blue jacket, his red backpack, his hairstyles, his bestfriends, and what he is into. Maybe I am obsessed, or is it just love? Nah, love is a strong word. I cannot say that I am in love with him, we never talk, he doesn’t even know me, I don’t know what kind of guy he is, and someday I will forget about him anyway as time flies.  

But thinking about that, sometimes I just feel like I would never agree the fact that I will get married and have a family with someone who is not him. It feels wrong. I want him to be mine, but it seems impossible. I heard when he finishes school he wants to enlist in the army. He wants to be a soldier. He will be travelling the whole world, joining the war, fighting for what is right, and defending his country. He will be far away from my reach. And when that time comes, I won’t be sad because I will forget him. Because I know he doesn’t belong to me, no matter how I’m dying, wishing him to be mine.