Eyes are the window to the outer world. In that strange, foreign outer world, there is you. Being the only one with light in the dark of my surroundings. The you whom I saw through the dilated pupils of mine, with music dancing in the air thumping the timpani, slowly reached in, touched the most inner part of me without me being aware about it. I was young, oblivious. I noticed you, but was not aware of what you have done to me. I came to know you, as you flew into my world.

Stoic. Cold. Straight. Impeccable. Illusion you had worn in front of everyone to see and accept. Wraps of silk attitude and tone started to push you inside, told you to stay still. "Stay quiet when I take your part." Your lips shut, eyes drilled, breath unnoticed. Your tounge danced by itself, making words you had been forced to say over and over.

Those who told you what  to do and what not to do kept you inside. You had to accept them. The mask you had been given, the frame you had been chosen.

My eyes scanned you. Page by page. My eyes stripped you. Layer by layer. Your every movement radiated uncomfort, eyes dull, body stiff. My heart could feel something was wrong but I wasn't sure whether what I saw was true or it was the touch you had given to me. It sickened me. It made me aware of you. It made me feel as if I could read you like an open book. As if I know you.

As time passed you couldn't hold back anymore. You couldn't hold back the tears of joy and happiness, great miss of someone dear, gratefulness, smiles and laughter you had always wanted to share with others you were grateful to.

Emotions.

Those silk petals that make human beautiful. Finally they broke you down. They finally cracked your belly open and tore the cage you've been hidden in. You were on your knees, emotions wrapped around you too tight that it hurt. Tears started to bead at the corner of your eyes.

The mask you had been given, the frame you had been chosen.

Broken. Shattered into pieces.

One more time, you stood up painfully from your weak knees. You looked at the road in front of you, and saw those who forced you. They were still there. But you wouldn't let them change you the second time. How you wanted to escape but you were actually grateful to them for letting you live in this road, guiding you. You would have to have to listen to them. So you carry on. While I watch you.

The flowers now crawl onto your back and chest. People now see you differently. People now shower you with their love and attention. How proud I was to see this you. The real you. The beautiful you. The you that I believe to be true. How I wanted to hold you close and feel the radiating emotions and pain you had in the past and present.

But I couldn't. I have never could and I never will.

So I just sit here and watch you grow. You would never know, but I grew together with you. How you changed my prespective about life,  it was delicate and dangerous. You had changed my life. You would never know.

But then again, you're like a book. A book that is embracing me into it's unknown and comfortable silence. A book which story can only be written by the one reading it. An open book written in a foreign language I'm trying to understand called you.

Maybe what I understand  is wrong. Maybe what I believe is wrong. But those comforting smiles and soft touches you had given to me felt right. They will stay here and they will scar me until death comes. The scars I will never forget. You.

The seed you've planted on me had grown and bloomed. I realized it just now. I wasn't looking. I was too immersed into you. You led me into fantasy, the galaxy you had made. I swam there and now I'm trapped, smiling, comfortable. I would never be the same.

I know I have to work my own life in my own world, far away from you. Eventually people who love me will say you are a distraction from my reality. I won't disagree with them, they love me, they care. You don't.

Don't you worry, the love I had for you would never fade. I cried for you once, twice, in the middle of the night. That was how I miss you. I searched for you everyday, not even being an inch closer to you day by day. That was how far we were. I love you and you don't know me. That's how this would never become a reality.

It's stuck inside my brain. It locked me inside you. So be it. You, the book I read, let it be right or wrong, thank you for the comfort and smiles, thank you for the cries and pain, thank you for the lessons and happiness. Thank God to let me know you. Even if the things I believe that made you are only fractures in my mind, let it be. Let me believe you this way.

So when I'm stuck with my complicated reality, I still have you.

My normal insanity.