Exoticbubbles did this joke poster, which gave me a laugh.  It's the little Sehun in the right-hand bottom corner.

Deer Luhan,

I can totally see why Suho was chosen as leader.  Kris is a master of bullsh*t, but Suho can really get you thinking and make you feel uncomfortable and bad about yourself without shouting at you.  He’s worse than my senior school headmistress.  Her guilt trips made grown men cry.  I’m kind of wondering if Suho would be able to tame tigers.

Leigh

I woke up to hushed voices arguing.

“No.”

“Don’t you think you’re all being a bit much?”

“No.  It’s too dangerous!”

“Kris, there are six of us; I’m sure it’ll be okay—”

“Suho, she’s a walking magnet for trouble.  Something happens every time she leaves the building, and it’s so close to her going home that we just can’t risk it.”

That sounded like Luhan’s voice.  Blinking groggily, I sat up and looked around.  Suho’s mattress on the floor between the two beds and Luhan’s bed were both empty, as was the room.  Suho had taken it upon himself to put up with Chen’s ribbing over his ideal girl and had claimed the mattress Luhan had set up, which had initially annoyed me, but had spared me and Sehun all the excruciating awkwardness unleashed at us by pretty much the entire group, who’d been trying to insist that Sehun stayed with the two Luhans instead.

“It’ll be like a harem of your wildest dreams!” Chen had maintained, and I hadn’t even bothered to restrain myself from throwing the punctured basketball at him.

“But it’s really unfair to keep her cooped up like this,” Suho retorted.  “Look, I know I agreed with you last night, but it’s not right.  You’re all caging her in and it’s frustrating her to no end – I spent a long time discussing it with Sehun last night because he didn’t know what to do to cheer her up.  She’s thousands of miles away from home because of you, Luhan, she’s missing out on an expensive university education she doesn’t yet know how she’s going to repay, she’s marooned without her friends and she’s done so much for you in goodwill that it’s just not right to deny her basic freedom and the ability to enjoy herself, particularly now that she’s not actually required to stand in for you during schedules.”

“Fine, I’ll pay for her university tuition or whatever if that’s what you’re really getting at!”  Luhan sounded exasperated.  “I know this is all my fault, but dammit, Suho, I’m trying my best to make sure she’s comfortable!”

“No, it’s not what I’m getting at.  Have you actually stopped to consider the amout of emotional trauma you might be putting her through by forcing her to remain in the dorm?  Let’s not forget this was the place she actually got trapped in last Monday by people hunting you down.  Extra security or not, those memories aren’t going to fade any time soon.”

“But… she seems to be okay….”  Luhan’s voice trailed off; Suho’s point was clearly getting under his skin.  I shook myself.  Being in the dorm wasn’t ideal because broken and missing pieces of furniture reminded me of what had happened, but it was fine when there were other people around to distract me from it.  And honestly, I was pretty sure it was worse for Kris and Tao, who were the ones who’d discovered the body in the kitchen.  Chen and I were the only ones who hadn’t seen it.  Their overprotectiveness as far as that was concerned was completely welcome.

“She’s a tough girl, Suho.”  Kris sounded as doubtful as Luhan.

“Even the toughest people break.”

“Two days isn’t going to break her, surely?”  Xiumin’s low voice had joined the fray.  “Suho, right up until the unfortunate incident here, she’s been having an absolute whale of a time and she’s even told us so herself.  I think it’s important not to leave her alone by herself, but what she probably needs most right now is company, and it’s pretty d*mn obvious that the members she’s closest to are the ones her own age.  Sehun and Kai will be staying behind today with the rest of you; she can have fun with them.  The world thinks Leigh is Luhan’s twin brother right now.  If she goes out or you go out with her and you’re spotted by fans, it’ll only be a matter of time before they find her, and they’re looking for her to get to Luhan and find Luhan’s mum.  We all know Luhan’s not going to leave her high and dry if that happens, but it’s much better not to risk it in the first place.”

“Where is your mum, anyway?” Kris asked in hushed Chinese.

There was a long sigh that I assumed came from Luhan.  “Hunan.  She’s in a bolthole fairly close to Changsha.  I was going to visit her this weekend if our schedule’s not too packed.”

“Oh, our schedules are never packed,” said Kris sarcastically (I could almost hear him rolling his eyes), but Suho interrupted him in Korean.

“Guys, can you not?  Not everybody here is fluent in Chinese.”

Kris dropped back into Korean and continued what he was saying to Luhan.  “You know what, if you’re that keen, why don’t you delay Leigh’s flight home and have her pretend to be you so you can sneak off and have the whole weekend?  The manager will realise you’re missing otherwise.”

“That would be totally unfair to Leigh,” Luhan snapped.  “If she wanted to, then yes, I would, but she needs to get home!”

“Speaking of what Leigh wants, have you actually tried asking her—?”

“Suho, for God’s sake, not this again!”

“Shut up, Kris, I’m being serious.  Luhan, I don’t know why you’re being so disagreeable about this.  You were even planning on taking her on a tea-tour of Beijing when we arrived – how is that any safer than anything I’m suggesting?”

“That’s different!”  Luhan’s voice was much louder now: he sounded thoroughly exasperated.  “It’s fine if the pair of us are together alone because our security is in each other and we’ve already tried and tested that