Through the glass she could see him submerged in darkness and hunched over his work. There was only a small desk lamp on his left and many small red and green lights dotted the workstation in front of him, it was as if they were traffic lights trying to control the heavy congestion of thoughts in his head.  His right hand scribbled away under the conduct of his thoughts and his left index finger tapped to the pulse of the insulated rhythm in his mind. She gently pushed down on the rigid handle and inched open the door. A sharp breeze shot its way through the gap into the studio like an impatient canine. The hairs on the back of his neck stood as he weakened the grip on his pen. His finger stopped tapping. With a disheartened sigh he reached for the closest switch and the darkness escaped through the walls while the emptiness was replaced with pasty light. He turned in his chair and was greeted with her small apologetic smile. He got up from his seat.

“Sorry, Yongguk…” she said quietly.

She stepped over and placed the brown paper bag and coffee down on the low table adjacent to the sofa. She dusted her hands on her blue acid-washed jeans and her slim pale fingers tucked the loose bangs behind her ear.

“Well, I’ll be going now.” she announced.

A slight bit of expectancy hung off her words. She knew it though – the expectancy was just a manifestation of the past. Every time she visited the studio he would greet her with a welcoming grin. He would try to hide it shyly behind his hand but he couldn’t contain the happiness that showed in the way his eyes smiled. He would always show her his compositions and ask her what she thought of it but always she would give him the default answer: “it’s good!”, and he would just chuckle. He used to invite her to stay for a while longer too and wouldn’t let her leave until he was finished with his coffee – it was because he missed her but he never had the courage to say so. She knew it though, back then.

“Be careful when you’re coming home, it’ll be late.” she added.

There were an unbelievable amount of words jammed in his throat yet he only managed three little ones;

“Okay, thank you.”

She responded with the faintest smile, barely hiding her disappointment. She slipped both hands back into the pockets of her navy parka jacket and with that she left. The door hung ajar and the chilly breeze blew in again scattering the remaining half of the composition drafts on the floor. Yongguk looked down at the incomplete set of compositions in his hands and whispered solemnly,

 “Did you want to stay a while…?”

***

Yongguk couldn’t bring himself to lift his head. Every word the chief spoke pierced deeply into his flesh.

“You call this piece of a composition?! How much ing time did you spend on this?!” cursed the chief

“I spent two months on this, chief.” Yongguk responded through gritted teeth.

The chief howled with booming laughter while beating his hand on his desk.

“Two months? It only took me a month to write 1004 and look how far that title track got you all.” he scoffed.

“Chief, I think you are mistaken. I had the responsibility to compose 1004 but your advice was most hel-.” Yongguk was cut off abruptly.

“There’s no ing way I’m allowing any of your expired pieces of bull into the next album, you hear?” the chief warned viciously. 

“Expired, chief?” Yongguk repeated, seeping with frustration.

The chief cackled, evidently content with the reaction he had evoked in his junior. He signalled towards the two guards that stood to the right of his desk.

“Get him out of here.” he ordered.

The two men advanced towards Yongguk who stood limply in front of the chief’s desk. They each took him roughly by the arm on each side, clenching hard onto his wrists and shoulders. Suddenly Yongguk, in one swift movement, broke free from the men.

“I’ll leave on my own.” Yongguk growled.

***

Yongguk’s fingers paused before they attempted to twist open the rounded door knob into the apartment. He flinched as soon as he put pressure on his right hand. He pulled up the sleeve of his dark grey knit to reveal a heavily bruised wrist in shades of violet, crimson and sickly green.

“…” he cursed under his breath.

He tried for the door again but just as the tips of his fingers touched the knob it turned and the door swung inside. Of course, it was her. Her hair was untamed but this accentuated its glorious length. She was wearing a simple white fitting t-shirt and ripped cobalt blue jeans. Her socks were striped grey and burgundy – he had a matching pair too. He thought she looked beautiful, he thought this every day, but he didn’t say so. She didn’t know it either.

“Oh hey, you’re back early today.” she said, letting him inside.

He slipped off his Air Jordan’s and placed them neatly in the shoe cabinet next to the identical pair he got for her.

“Yeah, well…” he replied shortly.

He walked past her coldly after leaving his sentence unfinished and slumped into the couch in the living room. She closed the door and frowned with concern and went back into the kitchen. She grabbed a glass from the cabinet above the stove and tipped the remaining contents of the water jug into it. She glanced over at the clock in the hallway before she went into the living room. It was strange for him to be home at this time – it was only nine o’clock. On most days he was always at the studio past midnight. She sat on the arm of the couch and held out the glass to him,

“Here, drink up.”

He opened his eyes wearily and took the glass from her. He gulped down the water in seconds.

“I’ll go get you more water.” she offered bluntly.

She got up and took the empty glass from his hands before he had the chance to respond. Then she noticed it – his wrist. She set the glass on the coffee table and sat next to him. She lifted the sleeve of the other arm to inspect it and found that both wrists were as equally bruised as the other. She hissed and went to retrieve the first aid kit from the kitchen. Yongguk opened one eye and found that the bruise on his wrist had swollen up. Fatigued he shut his eyes again and eased back into empty thoughts...

Two hours later Yongguk awoke to a sharp pain in his wrist. Both his wrists had been bandaged up with his left propped up on the arm of the couch and the other rested on a cushion. She noticed him stir when she was just about to drift off. She sat up from her lazy position and shifted a little closer to him. She gently lifted his wrist,

“Argh!” he groaned as the pain shot up his arm.

She apologised and settled his arm back down before returning to her side of the couch, resuming her dozing position.  Yongguk sat upright and tried moving his wrists a little. He clenched his teeth when he felt the throbbing pain. He glanced over at her. She had her arms crossed but her whole body had tipped over to the side; her head rested comfortably on the arm of the couch and her legs were tucked up against her body.  He shuffled closer to her and reached out with his bandaged right hand to brush away strands of hair that had fallen in front of her eyes. She stirred a little in her sleep and instantly he withdrew his arm, the sudden motion caused him to wince in pain again. Rubbing the stump of his wrist he cocked his head to find she had already fallen into a deep slumber.

***

It was another routine night. She showed up at the door to his studio just a few minutes past twelve o’clock with the paper bag and coffee in her hands. Much to her confusion the studio was empty – his lamp was off and the chair was vacant. She pressed her head against the glass and all she saw was the drowned street light from outside casting its light through the room’s only window. Perhaps he had already gone home, or had he just left the room for a minute. Suddenly she heard a muffled female voice. Startled she stepped back and her eyes darted nervously up and down the corridor. Nobody else but Yongguk would be on this floor at this time of night. She stood still and listened carefully again.

“Can’t you come home earlier? I miss you.”

She gasped sharply only to realise it was her own voice. It was faint but she was certain the sound was coming from within the studio. Cautiously she pushed down on the handle and let herself into the room. There she found him immersed in the darkness, sitting on the sofa with his phone in his hand. The screen was lit up. She took one wary step towards him,

“Yongguk…” she called softly.

He groggily turned his head to look at her but soon he looked away again. She couldn’t make out his expression, it was too dark, but she sighed when she saw the two empty green glass bottles on the coffee table. She put the paper bag and coffee down and sat next to him. Glancing at his phone she realised it was their conversation history. The voice she had heard was one of the voice messages she had sent him when they first moved in together. She would stay up all night sending them, waiting for him to come home. Her eyes adjusted to the darkness and she realised Yongguk was shivering a little. She looked down at the trembling hands in her lap – she was just as concerned as the small anxious voice she had heard just minutes ago, she had always been that concerned. He didn’t know it though.

“Babe…don’t you…want to stay a while…here…with me?” he slurred.

She looked upon him with pitiful eyes, letting his words drown away her emotions, but she convinced herself it was just the alcohol numbing his tongue and his thoughts had been paralyzed.

“I’ll go get you some water.” she answered calmly before getting up.

Suddenly fingers gripped around her wrist and she was tugged back. She fell hard onto the sofa and found his arm around her shoulders.

“Stay…with me…” he mumbled, pulling her closer.

She could feel her heart beating in her chest, beating in , beating her ears…It had been so long since they had been so physically close. His scent was masked thickly by the stinging stench of alcohol but she still recognised it – it was just the same as how she had remembered it. She slipped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. They sunk deeply into the silence of the night and, without words, they breathed in the gentle sighs of long yearned for affection. With her ear against his chest she picked up on his every sound, every breath, every heartbeat…there was no sound of expiration. They both knew it.

***

Standing tip-toed on a small wooden stool one of her hands held the cupboard door open as her other arm reached deep into the back of the cupboard. Her fingers wriggled towards a forgotten can of preserved salted mackerel. Yongguk walked into the kitchen in a black wife beater and grey sweatpants carelessly tied at the waist. Half awake he attempted to reach for the water jug and clumsily filled a glass, spilling drops of water onto the cream tiled kitchen floor. He lifted the glass to his lips,

“Do you need some help? You’re kinda struggling there.” he teased in his coarse morning voice.

She was too occupied to respond. He took a gulp of water and shook his head in amusement with an adoring smile plastered on his face, as if he was watching a puppy struggle its way onto a couch. She finally managed to grab the can and pull it out of the cupboard. Staring at the can she breathed out an exhausted sigh and mumbled something to herself victoriously.

“Now, let’s get this opened up before it expires…” she said as she stepped off the stool while examining the label of the can.

Seconds later she hissed and dropped the can into the trash. She stepped back up onto the stool and peered inside once more – there was nothing else left. Yongguk walked over and strains his neck to look into the cupboard. She turns around to face him

“Great, all we ever have in this house is expired can food…” she sulks, completely dispirited.

He grinned and reached up to caress her cheek. Her frown relaxed into a smile.

“Expired, babe?”

She laughed and shook her head.

"Not you, not me."