Wishing For Happiness
Wishing For Happiness
CHAPTERTHREE
Jessica clutched onto her phone as the name of the person she's been avoiding for days flash onto the screen. She felt nervous and petrified. The feeling of anxiety was rushing in.
She paced back and forth in her bedroom, contemplating whether she should answer it or not. She should, shouldn't she? She's already ingored him for days, and ignoring him even more wouldn't make things any better.
She released her breath that she had been unconsciously holding as soon as the ringing of her phone stops.
Her life has become complicated. Much more complicated than before, ever since she told her two best friends that she was, you know, gay.
It was great that the two easily accepted the fact that she was different, and that she was a woman who likes other women. Jessica was happy that Sooyoung and Yoona didn't shut her out like her ex-bestfriend did. She didn't want what happened years ago to happen again, and she was glad it didn't.
But, was it really necessary for the two to meddle in her love life? Seriously... there was no need for Sooyoung and Yoona to go find her some random girl and set her up on a date.
Just because she said she likes girls, doesn't mean that she'll date any girl... though, that Kwon Yuri was pretty hot, she has to admit. She hasn't seen the girl in person yet, but the picture that Yoona gave her was already enough evidence that the girl was, indeed, pretty hot.
Jessica glanced at the clock and noted that it was ten minutes til noon. She remembered Yoona and Sooyoung surprising her with a date with the tan model at four o'clock today. At first, Jessica was going to refuse to go meet up with the girl, but after having second thoughts, she found it to be quite rude of her if she didn't show up. It's not like that Kwon Yuri forced her to go or anything. She was probably tricked by the two chodings into thinking that Jessica wanted to go on this date.
How can they forget that she still had a boyfriend? She just can't go dating some random person while being in a relationship with another! That's like... cheating! She's not like that. Jessica Jung does not cheat.
Jessica sighed. She felt like she was having a headache.
First, she should settle things with her boyfriend, then she can see this Kwon Yuri and tell the girl that everything was her friend's doing, and that she wasn't apart of it.
Jessica nodded to herself. She felt determine to settle things and make things right. With that thought in mind, she finally picked up the courage to dial his number and ask him out to meet her.
***
"Jessica!" A baritone, yet charming voice called out to her as soon as she stepped into the bar.
Jessica looked ahead and found the face of the man she has been avoiding for days. She felt nervous, but nevertheless, she hid it perfectly well. She put up a facade and walked towards the man waving at her and gesturing her to take a seat beside him.
"Jessica, it's been awhile. How are you? Why haven't you pick up any of my calls for these past few days? Is there something wrong? Is it because of my proposal? Was it too soon? Or-"
"Stop!" Jessica placed her hand over his shoulder, preventing him from bombarding her with further questions.
Jessica let out a sigh of relief seeing that he had stop blabbering and released her hand of his shoulder.
"Hae, I think we need to talk," Jessica said, giving him the most solemn look she's ever given.
"Babe, what's wrong?" He asked, feeling that something was not right.
Nervousness was shown through his shaky fingers and Jessica knew that he was afraid. She felt sorry, she really did. He was always someone understanding and never was there a time where he never smiled at her. He was like her umbrella on a rainy day, always protecting her from any harm. She wishes she too can become his umbrella, but everyone knows that's quite impossible. Jessica can't love him.
Taking a deep breath, Jessica knew that the words that she will say next will cause him such pain and heartbreak, but she's doing this not only for herself, but to also protect him.
He needs to find someone else that will love him, to take care of him, and to be with him forever.
That's right, it's to protect him.
"Donghae, we need to break up."
Jessica could see the pain in his eyes and it hurted her. She saw the trembling of his fingers intensify, but was soon hidden behind his back. Donghae was usually a man who didn't like showing any sign of weakness, especially towards her.
"Hae-"
"I-I had this feeling that you were going to b-break up with me..." He began, his head hung low. "I-I tried to deny it, b-but seeing how you haven't answered any of my calls... it was kind of expected..."
"Donghae, I'm really sorry," Jessica said, pain evident in her voice. She tried to comfort him by placing a hand over his shoulder, but couldn't when he suddenly moved away.
"Jessica," Donghae said, this time looking straight at his now ex-lover's eyes. "It's okay, it's really okay. I don't want you to feel any remorse. The last thing I would ever want... is for you to be unhappy. It's just, I guess, I don't make you happy," Donghae says, seeing the tears well up in the girl's eyes.
"Can I ask you s-something?" He asked, to which Jessica nodded, gesturing the man to go ahead.
"Is it because I... propose to you? Or was I just, such a bad boyfriend?" Donghae asked.
"No, no!" Jessica said, her head shaking violently. "You were everything, but bad. You're like the perfect boyfriend anyone could ask for. Hae, when you proposed to me, it made me realize something. Something that I've been denying for years now and come to accept the fact that I'm..." Jessica trailed off, not sure if she should tell him or not.
"You're?" Donghae asked, but shook his head later seeing how hesitant Jessica was being. "Jessica, you don't need to tell me if you're not ready to," He said, placing his hand over her shoulder to reassure her.
"I think I'm okay now, knowing that I wasn't a bad boyfriend to you," Donghae finally mustered up a smile. "I'm not fully fine, but I think over time, I will be."
"H-Hae..."
"Jessica, don't push yourself too hard. It's not your fault, so you shouldn't blame yourself." Donghae cutted her off. He stood up from his seat and placed a couple of bills on the table for the waiter to come pick up. "You know..." Donghae spoke, getting the immediate attention of Jessica. "They say if you really love someone, you should learn to let go and... that's what I'm going to do." He said, smiling once more at the girl. "Goodbye, Jessica. Maybe the next time we meet, we can become good friends?"
"Y-Yeah. Good friends," Jessica nodded, a smile finally gracing her face. She watched as Donghae left and her ragged heartbeats slowed down.
Donghae. She always knew he was a very understanding man. Although he left saying goodbye as if it's nothing, Jessica knew that he wanted to at least keep his pride til the end and show nothing, but a smile on his face and give comfort words to her.
Lee Donghae was a good man.
Jessica wishes nothing in the world, but for him to find his happiness, just like how she's still looking for hers.
***
Coming to a hault, Jessica found herself standing in front of the gates of her favorite park.
Funny how everytime she was troubling with something, she would end up here. It's as if her body had a mind of its own.
Jessica walked pass the gates and into the park. She noted the many people gathered here today. Some were out on a family picnic date, while their kids were out running around the playgrounds. There were also people bike riding, and people laughing here and there.
Yep. This is what Jessica needed. Some good fresh air with smiles and laughter all around.
Jessica made it to her favorite bench and smiled seeing that it was empty. She placed her bum on the wooden bench and enjoyed the good atmosphere of the park.
Being like this really does help her take her mind off of things. Especially, with the recent breakup with her boyfriend. Well, ex-boyfriend now.
***
Jessica noticed that it was getting darker by the minute and saw that the sun was now setting. People all around were now packing up to go home, but Jessica didn't want to leave just yet. The beautiful lights of Seoul was about to come to view. After not coming here for awhile, she definitely wasn't going to miss that.
Facing the city of Seoul, Jessica was amazed at how beautiful the city lights can be. She can see the color of street lights, car lights, and any other lights that contributed to the city. Everything about the scene before her is just...
"Beautiful."
Startled by the unexpected voice, Jessica jumped a little off her seat, but was quickly held by the arm from making her fall completely.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Jessica heard the person say, before the grip of her arm loosen.
Regaining her composure, Jessica turn to look at the person, only to be surprised by the all familiar uniform. It was her. The girl that had given her that baby blue handkerchief was now standing before her.
"I-It's you," Jessica said, a little above a whisper.
"Um... can I, you know, sit there?" The girl said, pointing at the empty spot beside Jessica.
"Oh! Y-Yeah, sure. Go right ahead," Jessica scooted a little, making sure that there was enough room for the girl to sit. There was actually a lot of space, but Jessica just wanted to make sure.
"Thanks," The girl said, seating herself right next to Jessica.
After minutes of awkward silence, Jessica decided to take the iniative to speak. "So, uh, thanks for the handkerchief!" Jessica mentally face-palmed herself knowing how stupid she really sounded.
The girl broke into giggles, before a smile soon plastered on her face. "It's no problem... I... I just wanted to do something... seeing you cry like that really bothered me," The girl said, a tint of red soon colored her cheeks.
Jessica smiled seeing how shy the girl was being towards her. She was cute, to the point she wanted to pinch those, probably, soft cheeks of hers.
"Oh!" Jessica mentally smacked herself for forgetting. She grabbed her bag and dig in it, only to be disappointed that whatever she was looking for could not be found. She must've left it by her night stand. "I've been wanting to return the handkerchief back to you, but it looks like I didn't bring it with me..." Jessica said, sounding very apologetic.
"N-No! It's o-okay," The girl said, shaking her hands frantically. "Maybe... you can give it to me... next time?" She said, her eyes avoiding looking directly at Jessica.
"Next... time?" Jessica questioned back. Is the girl saying that she wants to see her again? The simple thought made Jessica smile even wider. Of course, she has to return the girl her handkerchief, but if it means that she'll be seeing the girl again, then that's quite an anticipation.
"Okay, I'll give it you next time then." Jessica said, to which the girl had finally averted her eyes off the ground and onto the woman next to her. Jessica can see that the girl looked very relieved.
"By the way," Jessica spoke once again, glancing at the time on her wrist-watch. 7:00 "I know it's pretty late, but would you like to come with me and grab a cup of coffee and maybe something to eat?"
The girl was about to open , but Jessica cutted her off. "Just take it as a thanks for giving me that handkerchief."
Jessica smiled when the girl nodded and rose up from her seat.
Jessica lifted her bum off the bench and gestured the girl to follow her. "I know this amazing cafe about a couple of blocks away. I think you'll like it, Taeyeon." Jessica said, glancing at the now surprised girl.
"H-How..."
"Your name is on the handkerchief. In small lettering, but I managed to read it," Jessica chuckled. "I wasn't quite sure if it's actually your name, but seeing that expression on your face answers it."
And with that, a tint of pink was once again visible on the young girl's cheeks as Jessica grabbed her by the arm and led her towards the said cafe.
A/N
She's so pretty, I might die.
[TS] f(x) - Paper Heart
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