I Know

A Jaedara One-Shot

It was summer when we first met—really met. Though we ran in the same circles we were never really properly introduced, not until that day. It was a perfect summer day. The sun was up but the heat wasn’t unbearable. We were by the sea and the wind was godsend. Everything around us was alive. I guess they must have had an inkling that something wonderful was going to happen that day. Although, I must say, wonderful is an understatement. That day I met the woman I want to spend the rest of my life. I think I found paradise that day.

Our meeting was sort of accidental. I was taking a walk and she happened to be there too. She had gotten herself lost and couldn’t find her friends. After an awkward introduction we ended up walking together. By the time we got back to the same hotel we happened to be occupying we were laughing like old friends. She was quite shy at first. I guess it was to be expected. But it only took one joke from me and her guards were down.

When we got to the hotel her friends, other members of 2ne1 and Bigbang, were already looking for her. The amount of worry they had didn’t surprise me. Just one afternoon with her and I understood. She was a woman you need to take care of, not because she cannot take care of herself but because if you don’t hold on to her like that you might lose her. And believe me, losing her is quite an unbearable thought. It would be like letting the sun disappear from your world. Without her, darkness would drown everything.

Everything sort of just fell into place after that. I got her number and we started with text messages. Though we were both very busy we always had a message for each other. She would always remind me to stop stressing out and not let my temper get a hold of me. I would always remind her to eat. And rest. She was known for being hard working. It wasn’t until I met her that I realized just how much hard work she does. She’s always pushing herself to her limit. I spent a great amount of time on my phone reminding her to rest. She already looked fragile she didn’t have to actually be one.

It was surprising how easily we built a momentum. Yet, not really that surprising at all. The text messages turned into phone calls. The phone calls turned into dinners. The dinners turned into weekends. The weekends, though far too few, were always the best. We would always drive to the outskirts of town where less people recognized us. Our favourite place was the seaside. We would always watch the sunset together while sitting down on the sand, trying to build sand castles. I know how silly we must have looked back then: two overgrown kids who were easily amused by anything under the sun. But those moments were always the happiest.

3 years went by quickly. Sometimes I feel like it all happened within the blink of an eye. So many things happened. But it always felt like time was running out. I couldn’t get enough of her. She couldn’t get enough of me. Every second spent together was gold. Of course, as expected, things were hard. We both were idols. We both had images and reputation to protect. And then there were the endless commitments. The more popular we became, the harder things got.

I don’t know why, but sometimes we end up hurting the ones we love even if we don’t mean to. I also don’t know why sometimes we could be so stubborn. I do know that things happen for a reason. And when I couldn’t find that light anymore… when that clear sky was suddenly filled with gray clouds, I knew what I had to do.

We hold on tightly, and we never let go.

The sun is shining brightly, and the wind is godsend. The birds are singing. Everything around me is alive. The day is perfect. She, the one walking towards me is perfect.

But it’s all just a lie.

Because the one walking towards me, the one I am going to marry, is not the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Because the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with is gone. And she took with her all that is bright—all that is perfect.

I always said she was unfair. She could get away with everything with just one smile. When she said her final goodbye she was smiling. And I couldn’t do anything else but smile back.

I know I’m being unfair, to this girl walking towards me. I know I could never love this girl the way I loved her. I know there would be hell to pay later on—when all is said and done. I know it would hurt. But if this is a price I have to pay just so I could keep her alive in my heart then I would gladly pay it. Because if only for her, then I know, I’ll never regret.