I woke up, to a bright blinding light. Even when all I could see is darkness.

Waking up at one in the afternoon is nothing new when you just had a blasting show the night before, not just any random show, but a new year show where more energy were drained, passed and exchanged, intertwining between the sea of people who never knew and never will know each other and just want to have a good time celebrating and jumping to the music before harsh reality would fetch them back in the form of tomorrow. And you're there to be their hero of the night, the bright shining light before seasons of darkness, their indian summer that will engulf them in beauty before it disapepars. Isn't that a great feeling? I for one, know that great is such a lame statement to describe that feeling. In fact, I couldn't even think of the word that would do justice for it. And by the end of the night, your fingers, shoulders and everything just felt sore but all that lingered was the satisfaction of the soaring cheer from the crowd, the burning stuffy air, the scent...that could not be erased.

In fact, it would be perfectly normal to even wake up at three o'clock the next day. Or later.

But no, today, I woke up at one, and feeling much more aware and not drunk and dazed in the recollection of the crazy feelings the night before, but very clear of my surrounding, of my consciousness and of everything that happened last night. Everything that led to the feeling I'm feeling right now.

Nothingness.

This is the product of the battle between anger, frustration, confusion, fear and many more, all drowned in tears of uncertainty.

I never knew I depended on them this much, I never knew I depended on us this much. And here I am, left alone, to rot for the whole year. Maybe even die if I couldn't make it alive, well, not literally...but just as bad if not worse. All in the name of self rediscovery. My . What was there to be rediscovered if all we needed and wanted to discover had been discovered long ago? Five years. I really couldn't understand that guy. He's just annoying. 

On any other day, when i'm annoyed at him, I'd be calling Ryuji. We can both let out our feelings and throw some curses at him(not in front of him of course), since we're both the maknaes here and understood each other better. But now, I'm not even sure if I can still call her for a coffee. If I don't call her, will she call me? After we've gotten this order to go our own separate ways for this year? As much as we talk not so nice things about him on his back when he made stupid decisions we didn't like on his own just like what he did last night, I doubt she would go as far as to disobey him. It's just been that way, and we've gotten accustomed to it, comfortable in fact. That's how we manage to stay together and compromise everything as a team.

But now, we're separate entities. How do I go from here? I am Hyanggi the guitarist of Broccoli band. I'm not Hyanggi the famous i