11:34pm

That was the time he got the call.

He was out with his friends, they were drinking in bar across the road from the studio. He felt a chill go down his spine when he looked at the phone the showed an unknown number. It was as if his gut was telling him that it was bad news before he even answered it.

“Is that Lee Hyukjae?”

The cold formal voice immediately sobered him, his posture stiffening as he knew, deep down that something was terribly wrong.

“Yes.”

“Cousin of Park Jungsoo?”

“Yes.”

Fear gripped him as he thought of his cousin, the ever smiling Jungsoo.

“I’m sorry, there has been an accident. Could you please come to the main station in Incheon.”

“I’ll be there as soon as possible.”

His cold tone and face seemed to alert his friends that were sitting closest to him that something was wrong. That seemed to be the first question they asked, “What’s wrong?” He didn’t answer, he just walked out, grabbing a taxi, not caring about how much it would cost. He just need to get to the station, he had to know as soon as possible.

He thought of his cousin, his cousin whom he was raised with when his mother died and his father abandoned him. Jungsoo that looked after him, who helped him when he had problems, who always listened and had advice. Jungsoo, who married 5 years ago and asked him to be the best man. Jungsoo, who had a beautiful wife and a son who was turning 2 next month. Jungsoo, who he looked up to above all others.

When he arrived at the station, he approached the desk, but he already knew what they would say, he could feel that something wasn’t right. He knew something wasn’t right.

And just like that his world shifted. They told him it was a drunk driver. They told him that the car flipped several times before falling off the bridge. They told him the death was quick, for both Jungsoo and his wife, Sora. They told him that Kyuhyun, his precious nephew was with a baby sitter, his parents having gone out to celebrate their 5 year wedding anniversary. They told him that he was the contact in case of emergency. They asked him about funeral arrangements. They asked what they would like him to do with Kyuhyun.

He felt numb.

“Where is Kyuhyun?”

“He’s with an emergency foster parent. You can collect him in the morning. Do you want to keep him or will you be seeking another solution?”

“What sort of solution?”

“You are a single man and I understand that there is no other family that could take him.”

“That’s correct.”

“If there is no other family, there is foster care or adoption.”

“No, I don’t think so. I will look after him.”

“You should think long and hard before you make a final decision.”

 He waited, not being able to sleep, in the lobby of the station, with sympathetic stares from the staff that would occasionally bring him a coffee. He filled in the paperwork and signing his name and ticking boxes. He waited. It was still early when a policeman took pity and gave him the address of where they had taken the boy. He remembered running, running all the way there. He needed to release something before he could face him. He had to face Kyuhyun, Kyuhyun who was all alone now, apart from him.

Sora only had her father left and he was in a retirement home with dementia. Both of Jungsoo’s parents were dead. It hadn’t mattered before, the two of them had had each other. They were their own support system and gave each other strength. But it mattered now, it mattered now when the only person Hyukjae and Kyuhyun had were each other and Kyuhyun didn’t even realise. Wouldn’t even know until he was old enough to comprehend the meaning of death and loneliness.

He looked at the house, trying to gather himself to have the courage to go in. It was half an hour before he walked up the steps and ran the doorbell. His pale face and dishevelled looks must have roused some worry in the woman who answered the door because she asked if he was alright. It was only then that he felt the tears that had been constantly streaming down his face. When he told her he was there to see Kyuhyun her face morphed into one of understanding and she ushered him into the kitchen where the little boy was fussing over his food. Kyuhyun stilled as he saw Hyukjae and he reached out making grabby hands, showing his happiness at a familiar face.

“Hyuk! Hyuk up! Hyuk up! Up!”

The garbled speech was easily identifiable and he clung to Kyuhyun like a drowning man would cling to a lifebelt. He would never be able give the little boy to another family. Kyuhyun was all he had left.