Hyuk never blamed them, no, not even once, never.

Hakyeon gritted his teeth in pure frustration, “Han. Sang. Hyuk. For the love of god, WHAT THE HELL?!” Sanghyuk tensed while mentally cursing himself. Out of 14 repeated dance routines, this is about the third time he had messed up. It was accidental, he swore. It was just, his mind had been bothering him like crazy for the past months, not to mention, his whole body that seemed to scream enough every single time Sanghyuk eyes caught the leader pressing the replay button for about the nth time, he doesn’t even know anymore. Sanghyuk could only put his head down in shame through the leader’s angry rants. His mind was swirling, he couldn’t even hear the leader’s voice anymore. Sanghyuk felt terrible, because of his mistakes, the other needed to repeat and do the dance all over again. It was around the 10^th dance that he started to make pretty noticeable mistakes. His hand and right knee started to buckle every time he did the hardest move (for him, at least). He was supposed to spin with his right hand as the support, and then land on the floor with his right knee. Either he slipped, shook, or simply cringe at the pain, made him late to do the next move by a beat, or maybe two, he was not sure, which of course didn’t go by unnoticed by the leader’s hawk eyes. The move was actually pretty easy, considering he is light (he hadn’t been eating) but the busy schedules and practices, also the lack of nutrition, made the move a little bit hard to do after doing it for about 6 or 7 times.

Sanghyuk wondered, ‘What made me so tired today?’, it was confusing for Sanghyuk, he is the youngest, and he’s supposed to be the one with the most stamina, right?

A deep voice beside him snapped Sanghyuk back to reality, “Didn’t the extra practice actually benefitted you at all? Or are you sleeping all this time?” Sanghyuk glanced to see the person, he can no longer able to differentiate the voices anymore, his head pounding, almost to the point he doesn’t even remember his name anymore. Sanghyuk could see a dimpled man, huffing while wiping his sweat away from his forehead. Then, Sanghyuk remembered. ‘Ah… extra practice hours…’ he thought silently. Sanghyuk had been staying late after practice for weeks ever since Wonshik said his dance needed just a tad bit more work. Sanghyuk knew him well, that’s how Wonshik politely saying ‘your dance kind of , you should practice more.’ Practice usually ends at about 1 or maybe 1.30 am. Therefore, Sanghyuk stayed until 3 or 4 am, but, if it was still not satisfying enough for him, he’d stay until 5. Sanghyuk, then got back to the dorm. After at least rinsing himself (took him only 5 minutes…), he went to catch some sleep. When he was ready, or more likely starting drift off into a dreamless sleep, Hakyeon would be waking the entire freaking household, nagged, and the next thing Sanghyuk knew, he’d be in the van, squished between Hongbin and Ravi, going for their first schedule of the day. He couldn’t even sleep in the car, having to hear Jaewhan obnoxious singing just makes your ears bleed. Don’t get him wrong, Sanghyuk loves him, of course, even more than the others, but when you got a pounding headache, those singing could actually clawed your brains out of the skull. Even when Hongbin or Wonshik kindly offered their shoulders, or a hug, he had to refuse, because none of that made him feels better. Sanghyuk barely got any sleep, he got constant headaches and nausea because of his lacks of sleep. Sanghyuk’s practically a walking corpse.

For the first time in his 20 years of living, Sanghyuk felt like dying.

“The heck? Sanghyuk are even listening to me?!” Hakyeon screeched in a high-pitched tone, Sanghyuk could feel his headache getting worse. He blinked away his headache before meekly responding to Hakyeon, “I’m sorry…” his voice was weak and breathless. Hakyeon rubbed his temple, probably because of annoyance, “Let’s do it one more time,” Hakyeon glared at Sanghyuk, “This time no more mistakes guys, got it?” Hakyeon was directing those words for Sanghyuk, only, even though he said ‘guys’. Sanghyuk nodded stiffly. He walked into his position, but then felt s tap on his shoulder. Sanghyuk turned his head, and his eyes met two pairs of eyes. The one in front, dark brown orbs stared back at him, “Stay strong Hyukkie” the cheeky main vocal said as he gave Sanghyuk shoulder a squeeze. The other person was standing behind Jaehwan, the quiet man gave Sanghyuk a small smile before walking away. Sanghyuk felt somehow better, just a little bit. Sanghyuk sat down, he heard a tired huff behind him, and he didn’t miss to sense the displeasure behind the deep voice that belonged to a certain rapper. Sanghyuk heart fell, he could only look down, and all the while making sure he’s in the right position.

Then, the intro started playing through the speaker. Sanghyuk almost bit his tongue while he clenched his teeth. Lifting Jaehwan off the floor almost took the very last energy he had. His eyes met Hakyeon somewhere along the dance, Hakyeon was sending him a sharp look, as if warning him not to mess up again. Sanghyuk made a mental note to mess up again. No, he did not want to face Hakyeon’s wrath ever again, he couldn’t, he would’ve collapsed in the middle of it. In about 20 seconds into the dance, Sanghyuk found himself sending little prayers and clenching his teeth again for the hardest move yet.

Fate and the god of fortune must not hear his prayers that day, or maybe they hated him that day. Sanghyuk slipped, resulting him to land hard on the floor with already bruised and quivering right knee. A loud crack resounded in the room before Sanghyuk slumped to his left on the floor, clutching his right knee weakly. Taekwoon, who was the nearest to Sanghyuk did not miss the loud crack, the unmistakable sound of bone cracking under the flesh. Taekwoon immediately crouched to check on him and cursed. Sanghyuk was in so much pain, he couldn’t hear the groans and curses anymore, even though two of the older people in the room realized the situation and currently cursing in panic instead of anger.

Hakyeon who wasn’t facing him turned while throwing his hat away in pure anger, “OH GOD. Seriously! What is wrong with… you…” N trailed off. His angry roar replaced with more a scared whimper after he turned to look at him properly. Sanghyuk was writhing on the floor, while Taekwoon was trying to make Sanghyuk sit properly. Hakyeon froze in his place, Jaehwan who was one of the quickest to react to the situation immediately positioned himself beside the youngest. Taekwoon then said something, but the other three still hadn’t even woke up from their daze yet. Hakyeon could only stare. “Didn’t you guys hear me?! Call the manager!!!” Taekwoon shouted to the frozen trio. Hongbin ran outside to find the manager while Hakyeon and Wonhsik snapped back into reality. Taekwoon and Jaehwan tried their best to make the youngest sat upright without hurting him even more.

Sanghyuk held his cry of pain. It was very painful, he could actually feel his bones moving and separating when he fell earlier. The wave of nausea hit him again, and he almost gagged but the pain he was feeling stopped him. Sanghyuk shut his eyes tight, he clutched and clawed to someone on his right, which probably Taekwoon judging from the broad shoulders. When he felt someone on his left tried lifting him, he buried his face into the crook of Taekwoon’s neck. The older one held him tight, he made sure Sanghyuk had leaned onto him when he pushed the lithe body forward. Sanghyuk whimpered when the immense pain stung again. Taekwoon’s only reaction was cradling the youngest head, burying his fingers into Sanghyuk’s black hair while pushing the head deeper into his own neck. Taekwoon whispered soothing words, in hope that the youngest could forget a little bit of the pain, which is obviously not working since he felt warm waters trickling down his neck to his collarbones. Taekwoon could only look at Sanghyuk in pity, he knew exactly how painful it is if your bones are twisted or maybe sprained. Judging from the sound he heard earlier, Taekwoon was very sure that Sanghyuk just broke his knee, or at the very least cracked his kneecap. 

The managers came in shortly after Hongbin had run out. One of them made phone calls while ushering Taekwoon and Jaehwan to bring Sanghyuk into the van, while the other had ran out again to prepare the van. Taekwoon brought his mouth closer to Sanghyuk’s ear, “Hold tight.” He whispered before he heaved, bringing Sanghyuk up with him. Sanghyuk circled his arms around Taekwoon’s neck, but then he groaned. Taekwoon stopped his movements, and then he moved his hand from Sanghyuk’s lower thighs, to the latter’s upper thighs. Sanghyuk refused to show his face the entire time, choosing to hide his face by burying it to Taekwoon’s neck, shoulder, or Jaehwan’s. Hakyeon felt terrible, and he blamed himself about the youngest’ accident. If only he hadn’t pushed him and the others way over their limits harshly, this wouldn’t have happened, right? If only he had noticed the youngest’ struggles to stand upright. He had noticed the youngest current condition for weeks, it was a mistake, he should’ve forced him to eat more, and to stop those extra practices. Yet, he did nothing. Hakyeon felt awful.

At the hospital, Sanghyuk had gripped Jaehwan’s hand, so tight that Jaehwan’s blood circulation actually stopped, his hand paled. Only Taekwoon, Jaehwan, and their manager were present in the room where Sanghyuk is currently being treated. The doctor said that Sanghyuk had dislocated and cracked kneecap, and his bones actually slipped from it’s joint. The doctor tried to place his bones in its correct place, and it hurts badly. Sanghyuk was in so much pain, yet he didn’t make any sound. He whimpered, yes, but then all he did was clenching his jaws and squeezing Jaehwan’s hand in his own. The doctor decided that Sanghyuk could go home that day (manager’s plea), as long as he didn’t walk much and not putting too much force to his right leg. The doctor had put a cast on Sanghyuk’s knee, and had equipped him with crutches, the doctor did complain a bit about Sanghyuk though. “Didn’t you feed him? Why is he so thin? Okay, I may not be a nutritionist, but this young fellow right here will be in coma soon if you don’t start feeding him properly.” Jaehwan widened his eyes, “Coma?! Are you serious?!” the doctor sighed as he folded his glasses, “Okay… well, not coma… but look at him! He’s malnourished, not to mention he’s an idol. With extreme working and practice hours, if he’s still in this kind of condition, it’s not going to be long before he collapse for real.” Taekwoon let his gaze down to the youngest who still had his face hidden by looking down, “What should we do then…?” the doctor looked at him in disbelief, “What you should do? What else? Feed him, let his body and mind rest. Give him a break, and he should be fine.”

The manager talked a bit more with the doctor, as for Taekwoon and Jaehwan, they had shifted their attention to the youngest. Sanghyuk had fallen asleep on the doctor’s operation table, in a sitting position, still holding Jaehwan’s hand, exhausted. Taekwoon and Jaewhan looked at each other, there seemed to be a silent conversation through their eyes, before eventually, Jaehwan broke the silence, “I’ll carry him hyung, you can carry his crutches instead.” Taekwoon looked at him with more intensity, “It’s okay hyung, you have a bad waist right?” Jaehwan simply answered. Taekwoon’s feature softened, “I’ll help you settle him to your back.” He answered quietly. This maybe one of those rare times when Taekwoon and Jaehwan are together not fighting, actually agreeing at the same things.

When the manager is done with his questions and all those things needed to settle, they are ready to go back to the dorm. When the manager approached Taekwoon and Jaehwan, Sanghyuk had safely placed on Jaehwan’s back, sleeping as his face leaned on Jaewhan’s shoulder. They got back to the van, turns out the other had managed to drop the rest of the members at the dorm before going back to the hospital. The managers sat in front, one driving, and the other informing the one driving about Sanghyuk’s condition. Vixx main vocals had managed to make Sanghyuk sit comfortably in the van, the youngest didn’t look like he’s going to wake up soon.

When they reached the dorm, Taekwoon silenced the other three’s questions with a stare, he helped Jaehwan settling Sanghyuk into the bed, and then got out of Wonshik and Sanghyuk’s shared room. He sat down on the sofa, and a few moments later Jaehwan got out of the room too. They sat together in circle, “Wonshik-ah, is it okay if we switch place to sleep for a while? I’ll be sleeping with Sanghyuk, in case he needs something if he wakes up in the middle of the night…” Jaehwan asked Wonshik. Wonshik nodded. Hakyeon lift his face to look straight into Jaehwan’s eyes, “Is he okay?” Hakyeon hoped he could hear something rather relieving, yet it was the opposite. “He’s not okay.” Taekwoon answered, which Jaehwan nodded to, agreeing. “The doctor said he’s malnourished, said he’ll collapse soon if don’t start eating properly…” Jaehwan said. There was not much to talk about. They nod at each other, then went into their respective room. They slept rather peacefully, well, except for one.

Sanghyuk woke up with bile rising up in his throat. He didn’t think much before he ran to the toilet, totally forgetting that he was not in a condition where he can just run somewhere. Sanghyuk managed to get into the toilet in time, even though he had slammed down his left side of body on the cold floor, trying to make his right leg free from any force. He put his head above the toilet hole, yet nothing actually came out. It was water, his stomach clenched painfully, and so is his chest as it constricts. He felt like he should throw up, but he had nothing in his stomach to spewed. Tears automatically started to pile up as he gagged again. Suddenly, he felt warm hands patting his back, thin fingers massaging his neck. The one his back sat down on Sanghyuk’s left. When Sanghyuk seemed to calm down, he pulled Sanghyuk into a hug, “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, it’s my fault…” he whispered slowly as he kissed Sanghyuk’s top of head. Sanghyuk leaned into the warm touch, his hands grabbing the hem of the shirt the person is wearing, “It’s not your fault Hakyeon hyung… I should’ve been more careful. I’m sorry I messed up at practice today…” Hakyeon only hugged him tighter, Sanghyuk limp in his arms. They sat in silence, Hakyeon rocking the younger back and forth. Hakyeon leaned down to look at the younger’s face, “Have you eaten anything today?” he asked, which the younger answered by shaking his head, still keeping his eyes closed. Hakyeon furrowed his eyebrows, “Let’s eat something first before I put you back to sleep, okay?”, Sanghyuk shook his head, “No, hyung, can’t I do it tomorrow? I feel awful…” Hakyeon’s tears piled up, “My baby…” Hakyeon choked a sob. Sanghyuk finally opened his eyes, slowly tilting his head to look at Hakyeon’s face. Upon seeing the tears, Sanghyuk brought his hand up, brushing away Hakyeon’s tears as they trickled down, “Hyung… don’t cry…” Hakyeon cried harder, “I’m sorry… I’ve been neglecting my role as a good leader, I’m sorry…” Sanghyuk froze, then smiled, “Stop crying…” he chuckled.

Suddenly, a curse was heard, there was heavy footsteps, and when Hakyeon craned his neck to look, Jaehwan was already standing in front of the bathroom. Jaehwan visibly sighed, “Oh my god, I panicked Hyukkie… don’t do that ever again.” Jaehwan entered the bathroom, and then sat down beside Sanghyuk. Jaehwan let his fingers lingered on Sanghyuk tear tracks, and then he shifted his gaze to Hakyeon who also had tears flowing down his face. “Are you guys ok?” Hakyeon opened his mouth to answer, but Sanghyuk beat him “We’re okay, it’s just a certain ahjumma decided to be a little bit emotional…” Sanghyuk said as he stifles his giggles. Hakyeon glared at the youngest, “I’m your mother you brat, stop calling me ahjumma.” They joked for a while, before Hakyeon suddenly stopped laughing. “Oh yeah, Jaehwan, mind getting me a cup of water for Hyukkie?” Jaehwan got up obediently, “Sure.” When Jaehwan left to get a cup of water, Sanghyuk and Hakyeon sat in silence, enjoying each other’s presence, Sanghyuk, still leaning onto the firm chest. Jaehwan came back with a cup of water, and he feeds Sanghyuk despite the latter’s protests about not being a baby and he can drink by himself.

After that, they sat in a comfortable silence. Every once in a while, Jaehwan would be caressing Sanghyuk’s cheek, and then his wrists, then his leg. While Hakyeon asked him questions, “Aren’t you cold?” “Still thirsty?” “Are you hungry?” and the latter answers would be plain no’s or yes’s. Sanghyuk gradually fell asleep in Hakyeon’s embrace. Not realizing, Hakyeon asked him another question, “Hyukkie, are you tired?” when there is no answer, Jaehwan and Hakyeon searched the youngest face, and then they realized he had fallen asleep. Jaehwan looked at Hakyeon, and when their eyes met, they smiled.

“Let’s put him back to bed…” Hakyeon said

“Good idea, we are not going to let him sleep in the bathroom, right?”

“Ya think? Come on, let’s go”

“You have any idea how to lift him up?”

HA. HA. HA. 

I'M SORRY.

I .

DEMMIT.

but... THANKS FOR READING ILY:*