Jongin was the cold guy every person knew, even Hye Ji knows that. He wanted people to call him Kai because he didn’t want his real name to roll off some person’s tongue, especially not from the people he didn’t trust. He started shutting everyone out when his Taemin sunbae used everything he knows about Jongin against him, even though Taemin knows how much Jongin trusted him. And even though Hye Ji has known Jongin since they were young, she was one of the people he tried to shut out but that didn’t really stop her from being there for him when he needed someone. She was his best friend after all, and the thought of it pained her. She loves him, because despite the cold façade he put up, she was the only one who knew the warm-hearted Kim Jongin.

Hye Ji had always been one of the boys. But what Jongin admired about her was that she still looked beautiful, she was still a lady, despite what she chose to do; a cap on her head with her long, wavy dark brown hair falling over her shoulders, the sweaters she borrows from Jongin that’s too big on her and how she spoke. She didn’t want others to belittle her despite the broken family, she didn’t want to seem fragile even though everything was falling apart in her world and nevertheless, Jongin adored her. He loves her too much that he even tried to shut her out together with the people who hurt and tried to hurt him, afraid that he would pull her down with him at the bottom of the pit when she already had too much to think of.

But neither of them knew what the other was feeling, because neither of them really knew how their feelings started to develop. All they know is that they were happy with what they are right now, even if it pains them whenever they crave for something more from their friendship.

“Did you know that a child’s love is the purest amongst all kinds of love?” Jongin asked, not looking at Hye Ji as he walked her home.

“Because they’re innocent?”

He nodded, “it’s amazing, isn’t it?” He smiled at how much his best friend knew what he was thinking despite the cold front he had always shown her.

“Why?” She turned her head and saw Jongin smiling, “and why are you smiling?” It wasn’t often when Jongin smiles. But when he does, it was genuine, warm. She liked how he only smiles so carefree when he was with her.

He shook his head, “nothing.” He then looked at her, his eyes calm and caring, “I just remembered how you told me when we were little that you dream of someone loving you the way you love candies.”

She laughed, her voice echoing inside his head, “I was a kid back then, I know nothing.” Her smile faded as she continued, “I started letting go of that dream when mom left dad.” It was a lie. She was still hoping, believing in them and in what they could have.

He creased his eyebrows as he ruffled her hair, “stop being sentimental, you look ugly.” It hurts him to not be able to tell her how much he loves her, that she have him.

“And I didn’t know you could be such an . You’re the only one who tells me I’m ugly,” Hye Ji punched his arm as Jongin’s laugh warmed her heart.  She liked it when he laughed, it didn’t feel empty. It fills her up.

“Come on,” he chuckled, “whenever you cry, you call yourself ugly.” Even though he was the only one she allowed to come near her whenever she cries, he couldn’t look at her. He didn’t want to see pain in her eyes.

“It’s because I have tears streaming down my face and mucus all over the edge of my nose, ready to fall anytime,”

“Then you start to whine and call yourself ugly,” he continued for her.

She sarcastically smiled at him, “then from now on, I won’t.”

He smirked, “really?”

“Really,” she said as she shot him a look.

Hye Ji’s house wasn’t far from where their school was, and not far off from Jongin’s. She stopped in front of their gate, “thank you,” she smiled at him.

He returned the gesture as he pulled her in a hug. It was normal, the hugs were always just a friendly gesture between the two of them, but they treasured it. Because to them, it both meant something more than just a friendly hug, it felt like comfort and home; their own haven.

“Call me when something comes up, okay?” He said, holding onto both of her shoulders as he was the first one to break from the hug.

She nodded, “you too. I’ll be here if you need me,” she assured him. It was one of Jongin’s favourite things that Hye Ji tells him, that she will always be there for him no matter what. It makes him feel that somehow, at some point, Hye Ji loves him the way he loves her. And during these times he wanted her to know, because he felt sure that it was a risk worth taking.

“Hye Ji,” Jongin called out as she was about to enter their gate.

She turned around, eyes filled with curiosity, “what’s up?”

“I j-just,” he breathed in, maintaining his composure. “I w-wanted to t-tell you t-that, I, uhm,” he paused, looking down on his shoes, hands balled up inside his pocket.

Hye Ji walked towards Jongin and cupped his face to make him look at her, “what’s bothering my best friend?” She smiled, her eyes filled with concern. She didn’t like it when something bothered him. And no matter how much she doesn’t like the term best friend rolling off of her tongue, she says it to assure him more that he can lean on her.

But it pained him, because whenever he was sure Hye Ji loves him, she’d take it back with the label of their friendship. He smiled, “nothing.” He placed his hands on top of hers that cupped his face and caressed it, soon afterwards pulling them down. “I just wanted to tell you that, if he comes home drunk again, you should definitely call me so that I could take you out of the house. Sounds okay?”

She nodded. “Sounds good.” She smiled, “thank you.”

Jongin wanted to protect her from all the possible kind of pain in the world; she deserves to be saved and he was willing to do that. But he couldn’t do anything, he didn’t want to scare her off with his feelings for her.

Hye Ji didn’t like it when the moon greets her, because it also meant that her drunk dad would meet her and she’ll cry again as he reminds the both of them how painful it was for their family when her mom walked away with her little brother. She loves both of her parents but she hated her dad for falling apart when she handled everything, and she hated her mom for wanting to be with another man, even taking away her little brother, when she had them.

“Dad, don’t do this to yourself,” Hye Ji begged as she placed her drunk father’s arm over her shoulder, guiding him to his bedroom.

“You know,” he chuckled, “I loved your mom so much and I didn’t know what I did wrong for her to leave me like this. She even took along little Jun Hyun from us,” he said as he started sobbing.

Hye Ji fought back the tears that was starting to build up in her eyes, “we both didn’t deserve this dad. You’re a great father, you did everything for this family.”

He then looked up at her, “and you are the greatest daughter every drunken father could ever have.” He laughed, but it was empty and sad.

“Come on dad, off to bed,” she said not looking at him as she was not being able to hold back the tears she tried hard to hide.

“I love you, Hye Ji,” his father mumbled as sleep quickly took over him.

She brushed the fringe on his forehead as tears started rolling on her cheeks, one after the other, “I love you too, dad. Good night.”

As soon as Hye Ji went up to her room, her shaking hands searched for Jongin’s number. She needed him, he was the only one she needed right now.

“Jongin,” her voice cracked as she began to sob.

“Hey, I’m here. Don’t cry,” he assured her, and she liked that about him. He doesn’t ask what happens because he already knows. He’s mindful of how fragile she is even though she tries so hard to keep it together.

“I love him, I love my father so much and I don’t like seeing him like this.” Hye Ji was broken, and she couldn’t keep it anymore. “How do I make it stop? Please tell me how I can make him, us, stop hurting,” she begged.

“You’re very strong, Hye Ji, and so is your dad,” his voice was calm yet assuring. “You’ll get through this with him, I’m sure of it. But not right now, you’ll need to hold it in for a little longer. Can you do that?” Jongin hated it when she begged him of what she can do to stop the family she’s left from hurting because he wished hard for him to help her, but he couldn’t do anything.

Hye Ji nodded as if Jongin could see him, “hmm,” she sniffed. “I’ll try. You’ll be here with me, right?” She was selfish for wanting Jongin to save her. He’s all she has left to keep going.

“Of course I will.”

“You promise?” Nothing but selfishness.

“I promise. Feeling better?” She heard him smile.

“Yeah,” she chuckled. “It’s getting late, I’m sorry I bothered you.”

“Anything for you.” Hye Ji loved that phrase because she felt like he loved her the way she loved him.

“Thanks for always being a great friend,” lies, lies, and lies. She needed to remind herself that there would be nothing more than friendship although you loved Jongin so much.

Jongin kept the pain to himself through the years he loved Hye Ji whenever he hears her tell him that. And when the phone call finally ends Hye Ji, you say, 'Thanks for being a friend,' and I feel like we're going in circles and circles again, Jongin thought to himself. He didn't want to tell her, but it felt like the right time. “Will you come out front? I’m standing in front of your gate.” He wanted to hug her and be her haven for a little while longer, maybe a lot longer because he needed her as much as she needed him. He loves her.

“No,” she disagreed, “I’m ugly.”

He laughed, “I thought you said you weren’t going to say that anymore?”

“But—“

“I’ll wait for you,” and all Hye Ji heard afterwards was the beep of her phone.

She dropped her phone on the mattress and quickly wiped her tears and blew her nose the moment she got hold of a tissue. She ran outside to see Jongin standing by the streetlamp, smiling as his arms opened to welcome her. And with no hesitations, Hye Ji made her way to Jongin’s arms. Slowly, the both of them felt her relax. He was her sanctuary.

“Hye Ji,” he called as his head rested on hers. “We’re best friends, right?”

She nodded, “why?” And she’s suddenly aware of how fast Jongin’s heart was beating against her cheeks, “is everything alright? Your heart’s bea—“

He cut her off as he tightened his hug on her the moment she was about to pull away. “And I don't wanna ruin what we have, believe me. But love is so unpredictable that you just wouldn’t be able to stop yourself from loving someone.” He breathed in deep as he closed his eyes as if trying to find the right words to say. “But it's the risk that I'm taking. Because I’m hoping, praying,” he paused as he lowered his lips to her ear, gently brushing against it which sent shivers down her spine, “that maybe, just maybe, you'd fall in love with your best friend.”

“I’m a big pain in the ,” she uttered, her head low as she broke the hug.

Jongin shook his head fervently, “I’ll understand you.”

“I’m a klutz,”

“Then I’ll take care of you.”

“I look ugly when I cry,”

He chuckled, “you’re still beautiful in my eyes.”

Jongin noticed Hye Ji’s fist curling into a ball, “you know well how much I’m one of the boys.”

“Even if I get jealous, I’ll still respect you.”

Hye Ji looked up at him, her face slightly flushed, “I’m not really girlfriend-material.” She’s saying these things because even though she liked what she was hearing from Jongin, she knows that she doesn’t deserve him.

“But I love you,” he smiled, his eyes showing nothing but sincerity. “And, I’m not planning on changing that.”

Jongin pulled her in his arms again, this time kissing her forehead. “Let me protect you, Hye Ji. Let me be the one person to wipe off your tears and comfort you like this. I want to be the reason why you smile.”

“But you already are,” she mumbled as she hugged him tight.

He chuckled, “I know.”

“You arrogant guy,” she laughed.

“Cry baby,” he returned.

“I love you, Kim Jongin.”

He then pulled away, her face in between his hands as he kissed her on the forehead, “and I love you, Hye Ji.”

Days, weeks, months and years have passed since Jongin and Hye Ji started dating and every single day he makes her feel special. They didn’t need to grow closer because they already were. And finally, Jongin was able to make his dream a reality.

Many in their school didn’t know that Jongin was a great dancer before he became a trainee. Earlier of what Hye Ji and Jongin were, SM Entertainment has already recruited him as their trainee after the competition he joined that was organized by them. He was busy rehearsing because dancing was his life, it was his passion. But despite the busy schedule, he still managed to take her home and be there for her when she needed someone. And now that their group debuted, he comes and goes from one country to another for album promotions. but Hye Ji doesn’t mind, because she sees how happy he is and how his hyungs take care of him. And about the contract? Jongin didn’t want to agree with that, there was no way he’d lose Hye Ji and there was no way he’d have his fans hurt her. They kept it as their own little secret, they made their own little world.

“When will I see you again?” her voice sounded sadder and sadder every time he gets the chance to talk to her. She missed his hugs, and how he would kiss her. “I miss you,” she said as she walked down the street, reminded of how he walked her home every day.

He chuckled and oh how she missed hearing that, “I miss my Hye Ji, too. But just a little bit more, okay? I’ll come back soon,” he promised.

“Well,” she sighed, “I hope you’re not stressing yourself too hard. Eat plenty, okay?"

“I will. You should also take care of yourself.” He missed her. He wanted to take care of her personally but right now he can’t.

“I am,” she assured him. “Dad’s doing well with the coping up,”

“Really? I’m glad he’s doing better,” she heard him smile. She missed seeing him. “Baby, I have to go. Suho hyung’s calling us for practice. Don’t be out too late, okay?”

“I won’t. Take care of yourself, okay? I love you, Jongin,” and with that, their conversation ended. She smiled, feeling the familiar pain that she thought she had forgotten. After weeks of not being able to talk to him, he didn’t tell her he loves her.

Hye Ji decided to drop by the café nearest to their place. She needed to relax, to at least remove the worry she always feels when Jongin was far from her. “A Vanilla Frappuccino please,” she ordered and was asked to patiently wait for her order.

She then felt something poking her side, a male figure hovering over her. “Don’t move,” he warned and she couldn’t do anything. She tightly shut her eyes not knowing what this person would do to her when slowly, arms were wrapped around her waist holding her tight. It couldn’t be, she thought. The person’s face nuzzled on the crook of her neck, planting small kisses as he moved up to her ears, “I love you, Jung Hye Ji,” he whispered.

Hye Ji felt tears stinging her eyes, “no you don’t, Kim Jongin” she sniffed.

He turned her to face him, wiping the tears that was starting to stream down her face. He smiled underneathe the cap that covered his face, “of course I love you. What made you say that I don’t?”

“Because you see a lot of new and beautiful things and every day I’m scared. I’m afraid that you’d start to forget about me,” she rubbed her eyes, trying to stop her tears from falling.

He chuckled, “what are you talking about Hye Ji, I won’t forget about you.” He missed her. He loves her too much to just forget about her.

“Why not?”

“Hmm,” he hummed as  he removed her hands away from her eyes so that she would look at him. “’Cause I could go across the world, see everything, and never be satisfied if I couldn’t see those eyes.” He smiled, “You know how much I love you Hye Ji, I’d always come back to you.”

“You would?” She looked up at him and he could see well how she was trying hard not to sniffle.

“Yes,” he assured her. “And I would also call you when you want me to call,” he show her his phone log full of calls directed to her phone and they both laughed. “I would also wipe away your tears when you start crying like a baby,” he smiled and thumbed away the traces of tears on her face. “I would assure you when you feel sad, hug you when you feel weak,” he hugged her, then pulled right away to kiss her on her forehead, on her eyes, to the tip of her nose and on both of her cheeks having her giggle at his sweet gesture. “And I’ll kiss you, whenever you want to be kissed.” He smiled before leaning in, locking his lips on hers as they move in their own rhythm reminding them how their love was such a bliss.