Before you read this story, I just want to tell that I really at making this kind of story. So please, please excuse my mistakes. I accept constructive critisms, so go on and comment the things that you think I need to improve. It would be such a great help for me TT____TT

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Did you know that I like it better when there are two?

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In this black and white game, there’s no such thing as ties. It is either you won the game and continues winning, or die halfway, bringing back shame that you will carry for the rest of your life. In this agony and anguish, nobody got time to sympathize anymore. They walked with their own two feet straight to a direction, that not even they understand what exactly they’re searching for. Black ravens and grey clouds accumulating above their heads, preventing the sun from lighting their way. Every soul cried for help, that at the end, they got tired of it and decided that they had it enough. Everyone walk with masked faces… even the one you love.

But sometimes we were too blinded to even notice it.

Each of them had their own story. While everyone else was trying to stood up and stand tall, the petite fair male is still wondering about his yet to be decided future.

“That’s all for today, you may pack your things now.” The female teacher fixed her glasses, narrowing her eyes to the students in front of her for few seconds as if they were asking for both of her kidneys. “And don’t forget to finish your homework because it has been a while since my babies’ last time rapping on someone’s knuckles.”

The group of 18 year old students cringed at the scary image of metal ruler being in contact with the back of their hands, which they can be sure will promise such a great pain. They’d rather stayed back for detention or anything, but that. The boy who was seated at the farthest end in the classroom sighed deeply in contentment. While his hands were busy shoving things into his backpack, a knock landed on his table. Kyungsoo lifted his head up, blinking at the latter boy with questioning eyes. The latter—namely Kim Joonmyun— chuckled before ushering him to be faster. And then both of them walked out of the class together, legs swinging back and forth in sync.

“Any plan for tomorrow?” Joonmyun finally drop the bomb after few minutes of walking in silence.

Kyungsoo stared at his friend who’s only 2 centimeters taller than him with his trademark wide owl-like eyes.  He shook his head, “How about you?”

Joonmyun sighed, “I’m actually grounded.” He pouted before continuing, “Grades went under sea level in March’s test. Mum’s unhappy with that. She said if I ed up once again in mid-year exam, it would be the end of me.” He stated with a grunt at the end of his words, unhappiness and annoyance were written all over his flawless face.

Kyungsoo covered his mouth with his left palm to prevent himself from laughing out loud. It took him all of his willpower to not burst out laughing there and replied to his best friend, “Well, I’ve told you it’s not a good idea to goof around on the night before exam, but you just won’t listen to me. God must love me so much that he let me pass the test.” He grinned.

Joonmyun groaned, “But it’s holiday, dude! Holiday for 2 whole weeks! I can’t possibly spend my 2 weeks of holiday with nothing but studying and studying just because some witch grounded me.” He retorted in annoyance.

Kyungsoo knew better than to add more salt to Joonmyun’s wound. Joonmyun is indeed an adorable guy, but no one should ever make him angry, because he won’t be cute anymore. His wrath will scar you for the rest of your life. With that, Kyungsoo linked his arms with Joonmyun’s and dragged his best friend to the nearest ice-cream shop; where they could found the only medicine to DivaJoon’s mood swings.

Seems like other normal people, eh? But no. After giving Joonmyun a strong excuse to run away, like he always do, Kyungsoo sneaked out of the shop like a cat and use the back alley to head back home. It was dark, indeed, but that boy was nowhere near scared even when he’s alone with bunch of delinquents around him. They know better than to touch the harmless kid, because it is already stated clearly from the moment the boy was born that if, if anyone dare to lay a single finger on him, they’re considered dead, by treason. Without looking to his left or right, the boy just walk straight ahead, hugging his empty lunchbox tightly in his arms, as if trying to calm him down.

And when he finally come to a stop, the boy just stood up in front of the shining enormous gate that surrounded his house— mansion— painted in gold. He had totally no intention of entering the big house. Minutes passed, he just stood there like an idiot. There are thousands of unspoken words written all over his face, expressions remained unreadable. He felt like a bird… that no matter where in this world he fly and be free, he’ll always come back to that suffocating cage.

“Young master?” A voice greeted him, waking him up from his trance.

Kyungsoo shook his head violently and turn around to meet the person. It’s one of the caretakers in the house. Kyungsoo offered her a smile, “Hi, Narsha noona.”

The early-30s woman frowned, “That’s not quite right, young master. You shouldn’t call me noona. I’m just a servant here.” She bows apologetically.

Kyungsoo sighed. He really hates formalities. “And I lost count on just how many times I’ve told you not to call me young master when mum and dad aren’t home.” He pouted, trying to be cute.

But actually, he’s already so adorable without trying to be so. The caretaker smiled at her young master’s cuteness, “Okay then, Kyung. Come on in, I’m going to start preparing dinner.” She said then picked up the plastic bags that she had dropped on the ground just now.

When Kyungsoo tried to help her, she shook her head and ushered him to press the intercom instead. After having few words with the guards through the device, the gate swung open, revealing the overwhelming pride of his ancestors that had been passed down through the generations. One day all of this luxuries, fame and pride will be his. All his. But that doesn’t make him happy at all.

And the end of every hallways and every corner of that house, there stood at least one well built, lean and muscular man, armed with weapons hidden somewhere on their bodies. Kyungsoo hung his head low while passing along the corridor that for some reason seems like endless. After what seemed like thousands of doors he just passed, he finally stopped in front of his own room, at the farthest end of the corridor. That’s just how he is. He’d rather secluded himself from the outer world than to let people know who he actually is.

Well, who is Do Kyungsoo?

He’s the youngest son of the most feared drug dealer and weapon trader, the most dangerous businessman in the black market of Seoul. He had to live his whole life desperately trying to conceal his identity and family background from the public’s knowledge, because even if nobody told him, he knows that he could never walk around freely if someone knows who Do Kyungsoo really is. But unlike his brothers who were born to be feared men like his father, Kyungsoo was nowhere near that. He was the only one among his siblings that looks like his mother. With physical resembling an elementary school boy and looks that could take a whole school of girls down with just his heart-shaped smile, Kyungsoo is also probably the nicest in his family.

What, nice, really?

In his whole life, he had seen countless of women walking in and out of this house, most of them were never heard again after spending a night with his father. He had seen countless of people’s death right in front of his eyes, begging for sympathy, but ended up with fresh blood flowing out of their heads. He had seen countless of children crying and wailing and even asked to be killed along with their parents, which at the end were granted. Every death he witnessed leaves a scar, a very deep scar, somewhere in his heart. Kyungsoo never had any idea just how hard it is to endure the pain of being at someone else’s mercy.

He doesn’t understand pain. He doesn’t understand what pain is. And he never understands how it feels to love, or being loved. His heart was frozen, even colder than the ice itself. People thought he was just an ignorance kid who couldn’t care less about the world. True that he rarely smile unless for certain people, like his best friend Kim Joonmyun. He might looks like just another kid from neighborhood, but those who doesn’t know, will never understand what he’s going through.

19 May 2001, the date he will never forget for the rest of his life. On the very day, he, Do Kyungsoo, had witnessed the one and only person who truly love him being killed right in front of his eyes. His mother. She was the first person he saw when he woke up every morning, and she was also the very last person he saw before going to sleep every night. The person, who caressed his cheeks lovingly, singing him the loveliest lullaby, and put him to sleep at night, was killed right in front of his eyes when he was only an 8 years old boy. It’s not her blood that was pooling or her scream that scarred him, but it’s the smile she gave before she was shot by his very own father was what makes him crumble into pieces. He never laughed as much as he did that day. He never cried as much as he did that day.

From that day onwards, all he could feel is only numbness. It’s all numb, inside and outside. Blood or screams, or even the sound of gun being loaded, none of those scares him anymore.

Kyungsoo stared blankly at the old picture of his mother and his brothers when they were still kids. People said, this world is too scary to face it all by yourself, that’s why you need someone. But what if the ‘someone’ had left you totally alone? His brothers are no longer the brothers he used to know.

“It would be awesome if there are two…” His mouth involuntarily whispered, that soon vanished into the thin air.

He doesn’t want to involve Joonmyun with his life, it would put his best friend in danger. But sometimes, how he wished there’s someone he could share his happiness or tears with. This house is too big for him. It’s lonely. It was as if he was walking with blindfolded eyes.

Yeah, if only there are two…

*****

Somehow, Kyungsoo had gotten tired of craving his father’s attention. As the third child in the family, he had to make his own history without exceeding the limit of being the third son. He must not surpass his brothers. He must never be better than them… not that he could. That limit that had been set up for him ever since he’s a kid stressed him to no end. Honestly, he really doesn’t know how to make his father actually proud of him without being any better than his brothers.

Maybe because it’s because of his small physique and pretty face, his father refused to admit him as his son. But… it’s not his fault… is it?

He only wanted to be seen. He wanted to be heard. He wanted to be appreciated at least for the stupidest reason. Is that too much of a wish?

*****

Behold the intoxicating scent of his body which could drive you insane. The deep stare that could dig a deep hole to the bottom of your heart. The deceiving warm smile that could melt every one’s heart. One stare piercing through his heart, Kyungsoo could no longer utter a single alphabet. He was left speechless, frozen in his spot.

It took him 2 minutes for his body to finally thaw again and blinked his eyes, “W-What just happened?” He gasped for air desperately after holding it for so long.

The tall brunette man that makes him lost into another world just now is gone. Even he, himself, did not understand what just happened to him.

Flashback;

Just like the previous evenings, Kyungsoo was walking back home through the alleyway, eyes glued to the ground as he refused to meet anyone’s eyes that were staring at him like a prey. The boy was indeed so beautiful and fragile, the idea of jumping on him was tempting, but they love their lives more than giving it up for touching a pretty boy. But for some reason, he felt like someone was glaring holes into his skulls. There’s somebody, somewhere around him, was fixing his gaze on him somewhat differently.

He let his paranoid self take over him and turns around. And that was how it happened. As if the world around him suddenly disappeared, everything turned dark right away when his gaze met with the tall brunette boy eyes. The latter was standing at the end of the dark alley, but his piercing gaze was sharp, that it could even cause the death of a certain pretty boy. He froze at his spot, but his pupils dilated and were shaking as he watched the latter walked closer to him.

He wanted to run, but his feet won’t budge. The latter just walked passed him, without saying anything but letting his arms to touched subtly with the petite boy’s arms. The touch last for mere 2 seconds, but the burning sensation was enough to cause heat to run down throughout Kyungsoo’s spine.

End of flashback.

Really, like seriously, what just happened?

The image of the tall stranger and his mortifying gazes still bothers him. The clock on the wall shows that it had passed midnight, but he couldn’t even brought himself to sleep for some reason. He felt insecure for some reason. He felt like someone was watching him, somewhere, in the dark corner of his room. For the whole 19 years of his life, Kyungsoo had never felt so small and weak. He had never felt so scared. It was as if the old wound from 11 years ago suddenly bleeds again.

But why though?

*****

The room was built under their house. It was soundproofed and the only way in or out is through the secret passage that only few people in the mansion knows.

Everything feels so surreal. Kyungsoo had no idea how he ended up being dragged into that dark enclosed room to witness another death. Like usual, he sits in the farthest end, waiting silently. Maybe it’s just his fate to live like this. The guilt was silently eating him alive.

“My, my, look who we have here.” The y voice belonged to his father startled him, “The so-called son of the head policeman, who’s also a police in the making. Good evening, son.”

Kyungsoo just realized that the room was now filled with people compared to how silent it was few minutes ago. Two muscular men holding a blindfolded lanky boy that looks so pitiful and weak. He had bruises all over his body, maybe he was beaten up on his way here. His two brothers were watching with a rather uninterested expression. Kyungsoo up as much strength as possible. Oh, how much he hates it every time it’s happening. Only God knows how much he doesn’t want to be there.

He was expecting the tall boy to beg or something, but the answer the boy give shocks him up, “Why, good evening there, mister. You look great.” And he smirked. HE SMIRKED… despite the fact that his eyes were covered with a black cloth and he could see totally nothing. He should’ve known what he just got himself into by now.

The blindfold then was snatched away from his face. That was when Kyungsoo’s eyes widened into the shape of saucer. It was the same boy he met at the alleyway. Tall, fair, unreadable words written in his eyes. Kyungsoo’s throat went dry at once.

His father walked closer towards the smirking boy and grabbed a fistful of his hair, harshly, “You got some gut there, boy. But you know, vulnerable wimps like you who think they’re strong enough to face us usually don’t live long.” He spat right on the boy’s face.

The boy scrunched up his nose, but the smirk never leave his face, “That wasn’t very nice at all. And your breath stinks.”

“As expected from Mr. Park’s son. You know, kid, I’ve known your father for so long. But I’ve never known he had such a handsome son. This face…” He traced the boy’s face with a Swiss Army pocket knife in his hand slowly, “That totally resembles him.”

The boy chortled, “And I, too, never know you have such a promising group of sons. Except, one of them is too pretty to be called a son.” He suddenly turns his gaze to look at Kyungsoo.

Their gazes collides, Kyungsoo couldn’t even register a thing anymore. It was like the gorgeous-looking stranger was staring right into his soul. Aware of the fact that his face was getting redder and redder, Kyungsoo quickly turned his head away. He could hear the blaspheming laughter of his father few seconds later.

“Oh, did you just fall in love with him? Never know you swing that way, boy.” The early-50s man scoffed.

“Well, that face sure is pretty… for a boy.” His face turns dark, “But, as a son of this family, he’s still considered as dangerous no matter how harmless he looks like. Looks could be deceiving too, you know.”

Kyungsoo found himself being surprised when those words were spoken. Deceits. Fake. Two pool of lies hidden beneath such a pair of innocent eyes. Are those really what people thought of him as? He really wishes he could run away from that suffocating place. Why did he suddenly become the main topic of their talks anyway?

“Do Kyungsoo.”

He flinched in his spot when his name was summoned. He became scared all of a sudden. “Y-Yes, father?” He mentally slapped himself for stuttering.

The old man threw his Swiss Army knife to Kyungsoo’s direction. The shiny piece of thin knife slides until it finally stopped right in front of him, almost touching his knees. Kyungsoo gasped silently. He gave his father a questioning look, which that man quickly replied with a snort, “Since you’re a kid, I always told you to not let your guard down no matter where you are. By now, I think you’re aware of what people thought about you.”

“W-What people thought of me?” He stiffened, not knowing for what reason.

The glare his father gave him shook his gut, but he was trying his best to not sound too obvious that he was afraid. He was always scared of his father, but with the old guy giving him a glare like that, Kyungsoo just want to die right there and then. “While still growing up, your stature is still rather small… petite. With that face of yours, you should know that you have totally no right to call yourself a young master of this family.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t know he should be surprised or hurt with those words of his father. Crestfallen, Kyungsoo’s face fell. “O-Oh.” That was all he manages to give as reply. Was it his fault that he was born into this family?

“But if you could actually prove that I am wrong…” His lips curved up into an insulting smirk, “By executing this rascal. Maybe I’ll start to appreciate you.”

He stared at the Swiss Army knife dumbfounded, while trying to register his father’s words. It all sounds so distant to him. When they finally made sense to him, both of his hands trembled all of a sudden.

‘Kyung-ah! Wait here, and don’t come out until you can’t hear any more noises, okay?’ The woman said in panic while hiding her little son under the bed.

‘But umma, where are you going?’ He asked, without letting go of his mother’s wrist.

‘Don’t worry about umma. What matters right now if your safety.’ The  woman caressed her son’s cheeks softly, trying to soothe him down.

‘I’m scared umma. Please come back, okay?’ The boy sobs.

“Kyungsoo-ah, listen to me. If I don’t come back, remember that umma will always loves you, okay? Don’t give up in life, okay?’ The woman smiled for the last time before running out of the room.

“Umma!!!! Umma!!!”

“Kyungsoo!”

“No!!” He screamed all of a sudden.

All eyes in the room were looking at him weirdly. Kyungsoo gasped for air desperately, chest heaving up and down. Even he, himself, was freaked out of his own screams. “I-I’m sorry….” He whispered.

The mid-50s man walked towards him, holding his chin and tilts his head up. Kyungsoo had no other choice but to look into the man’s eyes with his teary ones. “As expected, you’re still a kid.”

He then made his way out of the room without any more words, followed by the two men that were holding onto the tall boy and Kyungsoo’s brothers, after giving a good slap to Kyungsoo’s face leaving only both of them in the dimly lit room. It doesn’t hurt at all, but he felt like dying deep inside. Kyungsoo only lifted his head up when he heard chuckling noises coming from the tall boy. But he swears he could hear one of his brothers mouthing something like ‘pathetic’.

“It’s not really that hard to just slit my throat using that.” He jutted his lips towards the Swiss Army knife.

Kyungsoo wiped the stray tear that was threatening to fall harshly with the back of his left palm. He narrowed his eyes, “For you, cops, when you caught someone, you punished them. But us, crooks, it depends on our mood whether to do it or not.” His voice came out cold like the winter air. Did the tall guy even know what ‘being scared’ is? Even when he’s badly injured and hands tied behind his back, he could still talk as if nothing just happened.

The taller smirk again, but it is different from the smirk he gave to his father earlier. This one is rather, insulting… shrewd? “You’re too nice, Do Kyungsoo.” He snorted, “Just like that woman.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes widened even more. “H-How did you know my name?!And what do you mean ‘that woman’?!”

But instead of answering his question, the tall male looked away and said, “You’re badly hurt. No matter how hard you try to act indifferent, I know you’re badly hurt deep inside. Sadness, loneliness, you’ve endured so much. But I never know what she meant until I met you that day. You’re really that kind of boy she always described you as. Too bad, she had to