Finally, someone said my name. After such long time, after so much longing to hear, someone said it. It felt like a big weight had been lift of my shoulders, it already felt a little bit easier to breath. But only a little.

The boy looked at me, black eyes staring straightly into mine. “Am I right?” he asked once more.

I finally nodded. “Yes. You are right. How did you figure it out.”

“well, you seemed so down, and I couldn't figure it out. I did not understand why you would be so sad all of a sudden. You were very good at pretending at first, but eventually I understood that something was wrong. But it wasn't until know I completely got it. It was that moment when you flinched when Yixing said Chen instead of Jongdae. When we all said it. And then I realized all the times you had done that, that you always seemed to pull away from us when we used your stage name outside the stage. “

I stared chocked at the understanding boy. Why had he of all people figured out what pained me?

“could we sit down for a moment,” the boy asked. “I am expecting a long conversation to clear things up. I am not leaving this place and neither are you until you have told me what is really wrong.”

I looked confused at him, but I still sat down next to him on the ground. “I have already told you that you were right with the name thing. What else is there to say?”

“Well, I understand it's because of the name, but not why the name Chen brings so much hate to you. And I want to understand. I owe you that much. You have always been there for me, taking care of me when I have been tired and sad and now I want to do the same for you. So please, please Jongdae. Tell me what really is wrong.”

I looked into his eyes. His caring and loving eyes. But were they really loving for me? For Jongdae?

“When I first got my stage name I liked it. It had a certain strength to it. Something that said you can not break me, bring on everything you've got. But after a while I started to dislike it. Because Chen was supposed to be smiling endlessly, be the big troll and never get mad for real. For Chen it was easy to be like that. But for me it was not. I am Jongdae, not Chen. I get angry much more easily, I am sadder and more quiet, and I am not strong. I am easy to break. “ I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down, since I was almost choking on my silent tears. But I continued my story. I wanted to finish it, to let someone hear it at least once in my life. “ And then you all started calling me Chen, no matter where we were and what was going on. And I started to think that maybe you were preferring Chen instead of me. That you rather wanted Chen then Jongdae. That you all loved Chen, but not me. Never me. And it just got harder and harder. I tried to put on a brave face because I was where I wanted to be, but I can't do it anymore. It's breaking me apart. I can't do this anymore.”

with those last words I broke down crying, loud sobs were the only thing that you could hear, loud chest that were ripping my chest apart. But it also felt good, to finally let it all out.

And then the taller than me boy started to talk. “ You are truly stupid sometimes Jongdae. “ his voice was wavering with emotions, and I could pretty easily figure out that he was crying as well. “ just because we all call you Jongdae does not mean that we love you stage person more. We could never ever do that. And do you know why? Because even after hearing what you think I don't agree with you. I know you think Chen is much better and stronger than you, but you are wrong. Chen is so much weaker than you are. And no matter what you say Chen is you. Chen is just a small part of you, Jongdae. Chen is funny, and so are you. Chen is a prankster, and so are you. Chen is caring, and you are most definitely that. Everything Chen is, you are as well. Because Chen is a part of you. And inside of you exists Chen. The only difference Is how you show your strength. While Chen can be ruthless with his jokes so that he does not get hurt, you are not like that. While Chen voices his complains loudly you are not like that. You choose to suffer in silence, and to me that is a much bigger sign of strength. It's much more powerful. When you can suffer in silence it shows that you are strong. But it is also strong to let it out, like you are doing now. This Chen never would do, and that is a sign of weakness.”

I had by now stopped crying and were staring incredulously at the boy. With just a few sentences he had managed to pick the pieces of my broken heart together. “But then why did you start calling me Chen?”

“Because to me, a name will never make a difference. I realized that myself when people started saying my stage name all the time as well. The name doesn't change who I am unless I let it. And I really thought that you liked the name Chen. If I had known you didn't I never would've started calling you that. “ by now the boy was sobbing pretty hardly, and I smiled a little. He always was pretty sensitive. “ I am so sorry, Jongdae. I am.”

I scooted over to the boy and wrapped my arm around him. “It's okay, you silly little boy. I do not blame you for anything. It's my fault since I didn't say anything. I realize that now.”

the boy looked at me, his arms tightening around me. “Wo ai ni, gege.” he said. “Never forget that.”

I smiled at him. “Wo ye ai ni. You know that.

The boy smiled and then he realized me and got up. “stay here,” he said. “I am going to get someone else to talk to you. Someone who when I look at my phone has been calling me a million times, and sent a billion text messages. Because I can comfort you, but I can not fix you. Only someone you love in a special way can do that, that is my thought on life.” he started to walk toward the door that would lead him to the staircase.

I swallowed hard, and prepared myself from playing unknowing. “Who are you going to get?”

The tall boy smiled at me. “Well I did notice your looks on Yixing” he said before disappearing out of the door.

Damn that boy, thought. I am going to hit him with his own wushu stick.

Author's note;

Hello everyone. Here is my update!!! I sincerely hope you like it, and I also want to thank those who left me a comment. They all really warms my heart!

Oh and I hope you figured out who the boy talking to Jongdae was? I left you hanging till the end I hope (wiggles eyebrows)

until next time!!!!