Dear you,

 

            This is me, and I think you’ve known my name since God knows when. I think you don’t need to ask once again.

 

            I miss you. I miss everything with you and about you that I can’t count. I miss you so much that I can’t bear the pain inside my heart.

 

            I reminiscence our memories in my heart. Yeah, you’re just so special to me – to my heart and soul. Although you’ve become invisible to me, but deep inside my heart, you did get the place there – a big space that is limited.

 

            I just want to say thank you for everything. From the first time we met when I cried after a rejection from my crush, then when you took care of me after a senior spilled her drink on me, when I was sick after I pushed myself too far, and more things. I didn’t know whether you’re an angel or just a guardian. I just don’t know.

 

            I remembered one of our special moments when you cradled me after I spilled my tears because my ex-boyfriend cheated on me. I felt so secured and warm in your arms, and then your invisible wings made me so safe. Before I fell asleep, the last thing I felt was your heartbeat that has the same pace as mine.

 

            The confession that you said when we were drenched in rain at the back garden of your house is still fluttered me. Although it wasn’t as romantic as some films’ confession, but it has somewhat a magical effect to my heart, almost blinded my mind. I still remembered though, and it always makes me giggled. Ah, it’s just the most beautiful moment between all of memories.

 

            Yah, you know me so well. I still amazed that you know my favorites.

 

            You said that I like Affogato than Flat White, your favorite. I like gelato than yoghurt ice cream. I like Baby’s Breath than Red Rose. I like modern literature than romance novels. I like Russian Blue than Tabby Cat.

 

Another flashback hit me.

 

I remembered how you hold my hand. Sometimes, we were linking our finger, simply holding hands, or even intertwined our fingers. You simply do those of things reflectively. Your calloused but smooth hands is one of my favorites.

 

And you want to know what I felt?

 

I felt so shy, but happy at the same time. It’s like that you’re protected me from any danger, you’re such like a knight in shining armor.

 

            You were my first everything – first kiss, first boyfriend, first date – and I know that you always respect me so well. I don’t need you to be a gentleman, but just yourself is enough. I like this side of you. You’re my favorite.

 

Since you’re gone years ago, I don’t know how to live again. It’s like you’re my breathe, my soul, my everything. You’re my half of my heart, mu soul mate. And God took you so fast. I just…. I don’t know. Really.

 

 

 

I was lost of words. I was speechless.

 

Your body in the coffin, I just wanted to hug it so badly. Your pale face that has the closed eyes, I just wanted to caress them. Your dry, pale lips that I wanted to kiss so badly.

 

But, my body went numb and broken at the same time.

 

I couldn’t do anything – all that I could do was just crying and crying. I spilled my tears for days, for being an ignorant who didn’t know anything but blinded in love. I didn’t care about your health. All I care was just your own happiness. I didn’t care at all.

 

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

 

I knew that you promised me to move on, your sister said it to me. But, I just can’t. I can’t. My heart is still attached to yours. My soul is still wanting you. My mind still thinking about you. I just truly can’t. I can’t let go of you. Although that there are a lot of men standing in line and waiting for me, I just can't.

 

You know, every morning I miss your smell, your morning voice, your morning figure – everything. And every night I miss your kisses and your warm hugs. It’s just…. I miss them so much (that I get easily crying because of those reminiscents).

 

Lastly, I miss your presence. Our home – now – feels so empty like an empty jar. Your lingering scent that spreads everywhere is still smell able like fresh flowers. It was like you’re still here.

 

 

After all, I miss everything. I just want to follow you so that we can be together. Will you allow me?

 

 

With love,

 

 

 

Your princess