He’s there; I’m here. It’s unfair; it truly is.They get along too well; it’s just not right. It’s me who wanted to be there, not him. I was your partner first, yet so many shipped you two. As you two sailed along, I just stood waiting for you to notice me.

I love her. I loved her since the day we met. It was in the office when Sangangnim introduced 2NE1. The minute I saw her, I knew she was different. She was dorky, and funny and she caught my attention which was very rare. I never cared about what others looked like and I’ve never really fallen in love so when I saw her, I was shocked with myself. But what really surprised me though was when you hugged him; you hugged my friend, my Dong-saeng, my Jiyong. Jiyong is funny, he’s dorky; I love him. He’s just like a little brother. But the minute she had skin contact with him my blood boiled. So what if he knew her first? Love is not measured by time, but then again, it could bloom along with time.

Every time I saw the two together, I was green with envy. It made my heart feel like it was being twisted, but the minute I heard we were going to have an MV together, a burst of happiness replaced the pain. At the shooting, I was nervous, just like a high school boy confessing. It would have been great, but it was painfully awkward. I’m not sure why, but every time we talked it would end after a few seconds. Our longest conversation was about three sentences. Though it was awkward, being with her was wonderful just like how our sweet scenes were wonderful. We had so much skin contact, and we even had an almost kiss. Just thinking of the almost kiss makes me giddy like a five year old tasting ice cream for the first time. Our faces were so close together, so close that I could feel her breath on me and the view was just as beautiful. Her face was smoother than I expected, and her nose was higher up than I thought. Her eyes seemed nervous, but that’s probably just because it was a kiss scene. Kiss scene...a scene... a kiss....her lips were just too much. They looked so soft, so sweet, and so luscious. That moment in time was heaven, but the minute the director said the word cut, it sent me back to reality. With the exception of the kiss never happening, the rest of shoot was bliss.  Every minute I got to stare at her, made me feel like I was in heaven.

On the last day of the shoot, I was full of despair. We have yet to even have a full conversation. At the end of the day, I said good job. She gave me a warm smile, and said the same. When I went home, I felt horrible. There were interviews here and there about the mv. They asked mostly about Gummy, but all I could think of was Dara. Everytime they would ask about the unknown girl, my heart just skipped a beat, and I just smiled. What made me feel worse though was Jiyong. He had the weirdest reaction to my mv. He seemed almost mad. It didn’t take me long though to know the reason, I knew, like me, he was captured by the same angel. My heart broke. I didn’t want to compete with my dong-sang, but for her I will.I decided to fight for her, but I barely saw her. Our meetings in the halls of YG were just hellos and goodbyes.

When the news about the LOLLIPOP mv was announced, I  was over joyed. It meant that I would get to see her more often. I would get to see her during rehersals, the shooting, the recording, etc, etc. Though all my happiness crumbled when she was partnered with Jiyong. They danced together, sang together, laughed together, and even ate together. My heart felt like it was getting torn into pieces. Their closeness seemed impossible to beat. Compared to our awkward relationship, their relationship was real. My heart throbbed.The last day of the filming was both heaven and hell. Heaven because I wouldn't have to see them together, but hell because the amount of time I see her will lessen once again. After the mv was released, many partnered the two up. There were shots behind the scenes that showed their closeness, but the director was told to cut them out so it wouldn’t cause a ruckus. What he didn’t expect was that it did the total opposite. A name was even given to them, Daragon. Every time I would hear or see that, my chest cringed.

Ever since the mv ended, the amount of times I saw Dara was even less than before. That caused me to feel even more sadness.

Today I’m in the YG building just walking around. There was not much to do today; there were no plans for Big Bang. I came to work out of habit, or maybe it was because I thought that maybe, just maybe, I would have the chance to see her. But who am I kidding? It was a day off for her as well. As walked around the studio, I heard some music in the rehearsal room. I took a peak in the room and I saw her. She was there. She was practicing. It was a day off and yet here she was. I’m not sure how long I stared at her, but the next thing I knew she was laying on the floor heavily breathing. I quickly ran to a vending machine, and bought some water. I immediately brought some water to her forgetting that she didn’t know I was there. When I arrived at the rehearsal room, her eyes were closed.“Who’s there?” she said very softly.

“Why not open your eyes and see,” where did that remark come from? I’m not sure, “Here’s some water.” I sat down beside her and offered her the bottle.

"TOP?” she opened her eyes, and immediately sat up. I tried to remain cool, but being with her was making it hard for me to do that, “What are you doing here?” she asked as if she didn’t want me to be here.

“Why do you seem so shocked? Were you waiting for someone else?,” I replied almost sounding angry.

She looked at me with confusion.“Hmmm, who would I be waiting for?”

I didn’t know what to say. My mind went blank so I gave her a very direct answer.“Jiyong, aren’t you two a couple?” I said it teasingly. I didn’t want to seem like I was jealous.

She began laughing.“Hahahaah,” She just kept laughing. I wasn't sure why.

“Hey, why are you laughing?” I asked her. I was full of curiosity. My heart was beating fast.

.“I’m laughing because, haha, I didn’t know, the cool TOP, was the type to believe in rumors.” She said in between giggles.

“Rumors? Oh Ha.Ha.Ha“ I still tried to remain my cool, “But you guys seem so sweet and close.”

“That’s probably because of our brother-sister relationship,” she said still giggling, “I really sort of find it disturbing that we could even be coupled up. It’s a ridiculous idea.” I was even more confused. So it was only Jiyong that had feelings for her and not vice versa. I can’t help but feel happy, but I was still concerned for my Jiyong.

“Well, I feel sorry for Jiyong.” I said with sincere concern.

“Why?” She asked with furrowed eyebrows.

“Because it seems he likes you.” Shoot, did I just confess for my friend? Damn, I’m sorry Jiyong.

Dara bursted into laughters again, “That’s impossible, he treats me like his younger sister.”

“Younger?”

“Yea ok so I’m older than him, but he really is like my big brother.” She then stopped laughing and looked at me, “Ever since we had our I’m sorry mv, he started acting like an over protective brother. He was like no one will touch my little sister ever again, not even TOP hyung. Haha Isn't he cute?” I looked at her, almost surprised. So he’s just a brother? I started smiling like a lunatic. I felt like I was on cloud nine, and we didn’t even kiss. Just knowing she’s not in a relationship made me the happiest man on earth. After that, I didn’t say anything. She stared at me and I stared at her. It was awkward again…

With all my courage I asked, “Why is it that we can never have a normal conversation?”

“Haha so you noticed too?” Dara asked, “ I wonder why too.”

Our conversation ended there and then laughter filled the room. From there, we talked the rest of day. It was fun and I enjoyed every minute of it. At the end of the day, I dropped her off at her apartment. Before she went inside, I confessed. She smiled, but before she answered, I gave her a short but sweet kiss on the lips. Her lips tasted like ramen but it was sweeter then even the sweetest candy. The second I ended the kiss, her face was in shock. Her expression was unreadable, but I’m glad she wasn’t able to say anything.

“Dara Park, from here on out, I will court you, and make you fall in love with me.” With that proclamation, I quickly turned around and left. I didn't even dare look at her. As I walked away, I felt my cheeks get hotter, and my face get redder.

I decided that starting today, our relationship would be different. It would be not so awkward....

Maybe.

:)