Prologue

The tide brought you to me.  

I remember being ten, young and naive, with my red and wet face from crying. My parents fought that day. It’s amazing how the brush of time make you forget it all. A smile, a face, a date.

But I remember that day. I remember you. A boy so much younger than me, playing with rocks by himself until he saw a little kid crying in the sand and came to my help. Like you always did starting that day.

And like the waves that hit the shore that day, you were gentle. And like the waves, you went away.

Taecyeon threw the tennis ball, the yellow sphere hitting Chansung’s wall and bouncing back to his right hand. He repeated the same movement a dozen times, the habit as natural as breathing. He couldn’t remember a time he wasn’t on his friend’s bed, complaining about his ty life and throwing this same old ball.

Like himself, Chansung was a creature of habit. While Taecyeon took refuge in his friend’s house to runaway from his problems, his pal would always receive him with metaphorical open arms. But in reality, Chansung would always listen to him and occasionally look away from his book to give some wise advice. And laying on his bed, Taecyeon would listen to it all.

Some people at their school believed Chansung was wise beyond his years, always one to have deep thoughtful things to say. He always had his nose in the middle of some random book, the long dark hair hiding his eyes, giving him a mysterious aura. But to Taecyeon he was just a lanky boy with a silly laugh.

“What I can’t understand,” Taecyeon tried to explained for it seemed the hundredth time. “is why my mom puts up with him. I just can’t wrap my mind around it.”

“Maybe she loves him too much, that’s why she can’t quit him,” Chansung interceded, his eyes leaving his book for a while to look at Taecyeon.

Satisfied with the attention, Taecyeon continued. “I know, she really does.” He threw the ball again. “But sometimes I think that if she threatened to leave him, he would straighten up.”

“Are things that bad, hyung?” Chansung said, his book now forgotten on his desk and legs taking him closer until he finally lay by Taecyeon’s side, his eyes never leaving his friend’s eyes.

“I don’t know, maybe. It’s always the same. He drinks, they fight. Really wish I could do something.”

“Do you really think if she left him, even for a while, he would stop drinking? Wouldn’t he get worst?” Chansung’s eyes grew wide, maybe a little scared.

“Well, we tried everything else. He won’t go to AA. I am really afraid of something worst. He loves us, I feel he does. But right now he loves booze more so he needs to pick.”

“Don’t worry, hyung. I am sure everything will be alright,” Chansung added with a hug, his words tender. Always tender. “But don’t forget he’s struggling too. So make sure to love him, okay?” he added, his breathing chilling the side of Taecyeon’s neck.

Taecyeon let himself to be immersed in that hug. More than the roof he lived under, the warmth and familiar scent were his real home.

“I know,” he whispered, squeezing Chansung harder, his nose burrowed (?) between his shoulder blades, stealing one more whiff of the soapy scent.

For the briefest second, he wondered what people from school would think about them, the jock

and the geek, hugging each other like that. In bed even! But amidst the kindness of Chansung’s eyes, he forgot it all.

♦︎ ♦︎ ♦︎

“Yah, hyung. Honk it one more time.”

“Maybe he’s not here, Taecyeon. Let’s go, people are waiting for us at the party,” Minjun replied hastily, his strong accent showing. But he gave up his reasoning and continued drinking his beer when he saw Taecyeon wouldn’t leave without Chansung. He smiled broadly and drank his own beer when he saw Chansung leaving his house and heaving towards the car.

“Here he comes,” he added and pointed with his free finger, the one that wasn’t grabbing the bottle.

“Why can’t you go out at least once without your , uh Taecyeon? The kid clearly doesn’t like us.”

Taecyeon looked at him with annoyance. This discussion wasn’t new, it was brought out over and over every time they went out together. And he knew Chansung didn’t like Minjun and his other older friends.

But Chansung was his rock. And he wanted Minjun to understand. “Just behave, okay,” Taecyeon added menacingly, a second before a wary Chansung entered the car.

“Hi, Minjunnie hyung, Khunnie hyung,” he saluted and sat down in the back seat with Taecyeon. “Hi, hyung,” he added, his smile falling when he saw Taecyeon’s beer.

Taecyeon ignored the look and hooked his arm around Chansung’s shoulder. “Let’s have fun tonight, okay.” The youngest guy nodded, a tiny smile starting to form on his lips. And suddenly he found a mission. To make Chansung’s smile even broader until the end of the night.

Things started to get hazy. Last thing he remembered was being lectured by Chansung. He loved his friend, but most of the time he was being a goody two shoes and Taecyeon didn’t want that tonight.

The will to drown, to numb senses, to forget… Chansung would never understand. And they were at a party, full of happy people. No space for boring. So he ignored his friend and looked for better company, some girl that was constantly hitting on Taecyeon the whole night.

Battling a vague state of mind, he kissed her, his hands wandering on her body, but stopped when it was time for another drink. He grabbed her hand and took her to the living room of Minjun’s house.

Taecyeon smiled to see the party was running wild. Minjun looked at him and his girl in approval, a look that said attaboy, so Taecyeon winked, but eyes quickly started scanning the room. He felt an ounce of regret for blowing his friend off, so he looked harder. And found it.

In a corner of the house, Chansung was sitting down by Nichkhun’s side. And that would look completely normal if the older man wasn’t whispering something by Chansung’s ear. He didn’t know if it was rage talking, or maybe the booze, but Nichkhun’s mouth was dangerously close to his friend’s ear. And that couldn’t be.

“What are you doing,” he approached and asked, still holding the girl’s hand. The duo stopped talking to look up at Taecyeon, but didn’t say anything. Chansung’s eyes, however, went straight to Taecyeon’s hand. The hand that was holding that random girl. Nichkhun then smiled and whispered something to Chansung again.

With his blood boiling, Taecyeon dropped the girl’s hand and motioned towards them. But was interrupted. “I am going home,” Chansung added and got up, his eyes down cast. And Taecyeon knew his friend like he knew himself. He was hiding something.

“Well, maybe you should,” Taecyeon replied spitefully. That got the result he wanted. Chansung looked up and for the first time he saw something different. He was hurt.

Without much of a goodbye, his friend exited the apartment. Taecyeon followed suit, his steps getting bigger and faster because Chansung was running quickly through the stairs. “Wait, Chansung. I didn’t mean it like that.” But his friend didn’t listen.

Off the building, Taecyeon saw Chansung way ahead. He ran to catch up with the man ahead and after a few minutes, he finally reached him. Grabbing his friend by the arm, he dragged him into a dark alley.

“Don’t treat me like a ragdoll.” Anger. All he could see was anger in those eyes, those kind eyes. And that hurt not only because it was directed at him, but because someone like Chansung deserved only love and happiness. Too bad he couldn’t bring that.

“Why did you leave? Not happy I interrupted you and your boy back there?” Taecyeon said before he could help himself. It was like he had no control over his actions, his mouth being full of alcohol and glass, his words cutting deep. Chansung looked hurt, his eyes growing wide and scared.

“Stop, hyung. Let me go,” Chansung said tearfully. But Taecyeon didn’t let go. If something, it made him press Chansung against the wall, the urge to be connect growing stronger.

“I’m sorry,” Taecyeon pleaded. “I’m sorry, okay. I don’t know what’s gotten into me,” he added, pressing his nose on Chansung’s neck, the urge to be closer nearly overwhelming.

He wanted to breathe Chansung, to take refuge in his arms and scent. Because maybe, just maybe, if he breathed him and clung to him hard enough, he would magically turn into the man Chansung thought he was.

“Hyung, let’s just go home,” Chansung said, his tone deflated and arms down, not even one motion to reciprocate Taec’s gesture. But didn’t stop Taecyeon, who moved up on his neck, now closer to his mouth.

“Not yet,” he whispered, his mouth still attached to the fine skin of Chansung’s neck. If Taecyeon was honest with himself, his desire for his friend wasn’t something brought by booze and drunkenness. It was always there, hidden. Tucked at some distant corner. Tucked by Taecyeon himself, his fear and stubbornness moving his body, dictating his actions.

But tonight, he felt like more. The urge to connect, the wish to possess nearly overwhelming, so much he couldn’t breathe, his heart so fast as wanted to escape from his body.

Taecyeon looked those pink lips in front of him - parted, inviting… always inviting. Not being able to hold himself together, the alcohol throwing his cowardice completely away, he kissed his best friend.

This was it. The game changer, the moment Taecyeon waited for so long. He finally got the guts to do what he wanted for so long. Screw his dad, his family, his friends. He envisioned this so many times. How Chansung would react, how his arms would go around Taecyeon, his tongue responsive and hot, their bodies glued to each other, magnetized.

Except nothing this came true. Chansung didn’t react for a second and Taecyeon figured this was normal, but when he was shoved back he realized this was far from his dreams. Chansung looked upset, the tears on the verge of falling.

“Stop, you are drunk,” Chansung said, his low voice showing how much he was hurt.

“I thought you wanted that,” he retorted, trying to get close to his friend again. But Chansung only stepped back. “Whatever, dude. I am just going back to that party.”

“No, hyung. Let’s go home,” he said, trying to grab Taecyeon’s arm, but with a violent push, he stepped back from Chansung.

“ you, I’m going to finish what I started earlier on.”

The younger man didn’t respond, but the look he had weighned more than a thousand words. He was hurt. Again.

But Chansung wasn’t the only one devastated. With a broken heart, Taecyeon went back to the party and drank his sorrows away until he didn’t even know his name, much less the name that was always in his mind. Hwang Chansung.

♦︎ ♦︎ ♦︎

Taecyeon tried to make visual contact, but he failed. Their English teacher wasn’t impressed with his attitude, which earned him a least three warnings from from her during class. But desperately wanted to talk with Chansung.

Which was impossible since his friend was giving him the cold shoulder. Since that day at the party, Chansung wouldn’t answer his calls or avoid him in the school corridors. Taecyeon tried his best anyway. Sent emails, texts, called for him loudly in the middle of the school. But nothing worked.

The class was about to end, so he saw another opportunity to grab his friend and force him to talk to him, but when the bell rang, the English teacher held him for some more grilling. Using his usual charm, he quickly got away. But it was too late. Chansung was nowhere to be seen.

Hopelessly, he tried Chansung’s favorite spot. Taecyeon went there all week, but his friend was never there. But he wasn’t about to give up. And it worked.

Chansung loved the  school bleachers. And Taecyeon never understood why. It wasn’t even a calm place. Most of the time, there were cheerleaders, louds athletes and kids smoking pot there. Not exactly a peaceful refuge.

But his friend found peace there anyway. Amidst noise, people bothering them - or most probably someone wanting Taecyeon’s attention - and grunts and shouts, Chansung remained unfazed by that spot. So Taecyeon stayed with him, drinking on his peace and enjoying the company.

“I knew I would find you here. Just didn’t know it would take a week, ” Taecyeon said. Chansung looked up, not exactly startled or surprised, but held a contemplative look on his face. Probably thinking if he should bolt or stay. Finally, the latter option seemed to win because his eyes went back to his book.

“So you are not going to talk to me? Like forever?” he tried with a smile, the charm he used on his teacher back again. But it was a long shot. Chansung knew him too well. Knew Taecyeon enough to know when he was just using his looks and ways to get something.

When that failed to get his friend’s attention, he tried for honesty. All his feelings on his voice. His fear poured out in form of words. “I’m sorry,” he cried. He was desperate. Chansung was everything he had and he missed him. “I miss you. I’m sorry,” he added, sitting down by Chansung’s side.

That got his attention. Chansung closed the book at looked at him earnestly. There was one important to be known about his friend: he wore his heart on his sleeve. Always. Since little, he was too honest and kind for his own good. There was only warm and sincerity about him, even some naïvete. But not because he was a fool, but because he chose to be that way.

So when he was cold to Taecyeon, he thought he lost his ground. He thought he lost Chansung. And that wasn’t something he could deal, so after sitting down, he hugged his friend tightly.

“Sorry about…” He couldn’t even mouth the words. Maybe because he didn’t know where to begin. Maybe because he didn’t know what exactly made Chansung so mad. Was it because Taecyeon tried to kiss him? That was probably the case because that was weird. “Sorry for being such a jerk. I don’t know what’s gotten into me. Can you apologize this fool one last time?”

Chansung looked at him severely for a second, but after Taecyeon pouted a little, his frown turned into a coy smile. Taec was so happy to be forgiven that he hugged his friend again, but harder.

“Yah, yah. I forgive you,” Chansung finally said playfully, pushing Taecyeon away from him. “No need to hug me so tight in the middle of school. What if they saw popular kid Taecyeon like that?”

“Well, I don’t care. Now let’s go. I got plenty of stuff to tell.” They went down the stairs, but right when they were leaving the sports area, he found some friends. Out of politeness, he chatted with them a little bit. But he never stopped watching Chansung. He looked at the horizon, his expression pensive because he thought no one was looking. But Taecyeon always looked at him. And his friend never looked so sad.

♦︎ ♦︎ ♦︎

Taecyeon could barely see through the heavy rain. He was breathing hard, with his mouth wide opened so the air could reach his lungs, but that only made him swallow more water and tears. He ran faster because he couldn’t take it anymore. The hurry to be somewhere, anywhere also making his legs carry him faster.

Taecyeon finally reached Chansung’s home, his phone on his hands the second he faced the two story house. His shaky fingers dialed the number and for a few minutes there was no answer. “Hello,” Chansung finally said, his voice hoarse with sleep.

“Chansung, can you let me sleep with you tonight?” No answer, but seconds later his friend opened the door to his house and took Taecyeon inside. He looked sleepy, but alarmed, so many emotions Taecyeon couldn’t name on his face. However, surprise wasn’t one of them.

“Go to my room, I will get you a towel,” he said and left. Taecyeon did as ordered and sat down on Chansung’s bed. Water dripped on the sheets, but he just stared at it, his brain not registering anything other than his memories.

Chansung quickly returned and closed the door. Taecyeon could see there was a question - or maybe more - on the tip of his tongue, but the other guy stopped in the middle of Taecyeon’s legs in silence. Chansung would never force the topic out of him, and Taecyeon appreciated him for that.

With utter care and frown on his face, Chansung started drying him. And for the first time in that day - life? - Taecyeon felt cherished. Dreading his carelessness might shatter that delicate moment, he barely breathed.

However no air was necessary. Because in that moment only those big brown orbs existed, burning into his own eyes, hypnotizing Taecyeon.

“Raise your arms,” Chansung muttered, their eyes still fixed on each other. Taecyeon did as told while his friend took off his drenched shirt and threw it in the ground. He resumed his actions, the towel going to his chest, as delicate as ever. The air was thick with something he couldn’t name. Something that made the air thicker and hotter, and something that resonated on his pants “Now take off your pants,” Chansung added, and Taecyeon almost choked with that.

“What?” Taecyeon spat, now out of the trance he was a second ago.

“I will get you a dry boxer,” Chansung said with a laugh and opened a drawer. “Here,” he added and threw the underwear at Taecyeon.

“Ah, okay,” he added with embarrassment. He started to take off his pants, but realized Chansung was still looking at him.

“What?” Chansung asked when Taecyeon stared at him for a long moment. “Oh, for Christ’s sake, we changed in front of each other many times. But alright... Will grab warm milk while you change.”

When Chansung finally gave him privacy, Taecyeon remembered the reason he was there in the first place. His family. Sad and pathetic family. At all once, the feelings came back. The smell of booze, the yelling, the aggression.

After changing and putting Chansung’s underwear, Taecyeon lay down in bed. Regretting asking the other man to leave, he grabbed his pillow and buried his face there. As if his smell would make him forget again.

But the images kept coming. His drunk dad, out of control and wild like usually, his mom’s soft cries, then the louder ones after he hit her, his own reaction upon seeing what he did to her…

Taeyeon held back a sob, but that only make the sound more strangled, desperate. He held back so much and for so long that his chest started hurting. So he finally released it all. The sobs, the fears, the powerlessness, the anger…

“Shhhh.” Chansung engulfed him in hug, arms wrapped Taecyeon in a warm embrace. “Everything is going to be alright, okay.” His friend wiped his tears away, but they kept coming. But he didn’t stop caressing his face with his free hand and whispering soothing words.

“He hit her, Chansung. And I reacted...” Again no surprise, only understanding. And love. For a while they stay there, without speaking, the rain comforting his heart, the warmth in those arms a promise that things would be indeed okay.

♦︎ ♦︎ ♦︎

“Are you sure you didn’t demagnetize the card?”

Taecyeon ignored the comment and tried to open the hotel door once again. Their school friends probably were out of the hotel already, possibly enjoying the fireworks festival by the sea. Meanwhile, he and Chansung were still stuck there trying to open the door.

“Gosh, we just got the card. It’s not working and it’s not my fault,” Taecyeon spoke in exasperation.

“Alright, I will get the manager to see if they can open the door for us,” Chansung replied and left.

Minutes later, he got back with the hotel manager, who apologized and opened their room with only a swipe of his own card. After thanking the employee, they entered the room and jumped on their beds, their smiles wide.

Taecyeon was insanely happy, after all this was their graduation trip. He was relieved and ecstatic to say goodbye to high school, but there wasn’t something more.

For weeks now he had a feeling on his belly. Something about Chansung. That night on his bed changed something between them. Or maybe it was when Taecyeon tried to kiss his best friend? He wasn’t sure. All he knew was that they changed. And he faced those feelings with anticipation and dread. And it felt like that night was another turning point on their life.

After showering and checking their tablets, they finally left the hotel. Their school friends were long gone, now lost between the sea of people by the pier. It was crazy. The moon was high in the sky, reflecting on the sea and making the night more beautiful. Kids ran around the beach holding sparkling candles. Probably preparing for the summer of their life.

He watched them for a second, reminding himself how in the past he and Chansung were the ones running around crazily. But the focus on the little kids didn’t last. Under his lashes, he watched Chansung’s face, now highlighted by the moonlight.

Taecyeon couldn’t see, but there was probably a faint blush there. Blush that he has been wearing for weeks since those days. More proof that something changed between. Proof they would change even more tonight.

“It’s gonna start,” Taecyeon warned, his lips close to Chansung’s ear. He was leaning on his friend to make sure he was being heard. The festival was loud, with music blasting on the amusement park by the pier and people talking and laughing. But he loved the excuse. As he loved when Chansung grabbed his hand.

“Let’s go below the deck. Here it’s noisy and we won’t be able to see much,” he said with excitement and dragged Taecyeon, who laughed at his enthusiasm, once again reminded of small Chansung running around the beach.

“By the water?” Taecyeon laughed.

“Yes, hyung, we are at the beach, we are going to get wet a little. But under the pier we will be able to see better.”

Taecyeon acquiesced and let himself to be dragged. The place Chansung took him was indeed private. Under the pier and by the water, but with a private and privileged view of the fireworks. Realizing they were completely alone and out of sight, his heart hammered harder on his chest.

“It’s starting,” Taecyeon said, grabbing his friend and hugging him from behind. The urge to be closer was almost overwhelming, so he hugged him hard, not caring that his feelings would probably be revealed by his dumb heart, who beat with no control or measurement on Chansung’s back.

With his chin on his shoulder, Taecyeon added, “Do you remember how we met on this same beach?”

“Yes. You were crying,” Chansung replied, his eyes still on the lights, now cracking in all sort of beautiful colors. Purple. Red. Blue. He stared at the beautiful lights in the sky, but he could feel Chansung was smiling. His tone revealed that much

“And you said if I stopped crying you would give me candy.” Chansung laughed heartily, his eyes still ahead, but hands holding Taecyeon’s hand.

“You looked pitiful, I needed to help,” he laughed, turning his face a bit to look at Taecyeon. That was enough of an invitation and one he couldn’t refuse. Taecyeon leaned closer and touched those lips.

Immediately, Chansung turned to Taecyeon. His back now against the fireworks, which remained behind, forgotten because of something way more urgent. Their tongues, their hands around each other, their want to be together. Finally together.

But their lips touching wasn’t enough, Taecyeon needed more. He took his friend to the shore, pushing Chansung on his back in the sand, their lips quickly reuniting again.

“Hi,” Taecyeon whispered, while his hands held Chansung’s face on both sides. He took his moment to admire those eyes, those lips. That innocent but wild expression. Was it awe? Admiration?  Surprise? He couldn’t be sure, but he wanted to drown on those eyes. Taecyeon couldn’t see very well, the darks obs were a mirror of the fireworks above. Shining bright and giving him light.

“Hi,” Chansung replied sweetly. The younger boy kissed him fleetingly, making Taecyeon whine at the loss. “Shut up,” he added playfully.

From there, things started to get hazy. Taecyeon never knew Chansung could be so y, his moans loud and provocative, making him crazy with lust. And love.

There it was, the feeling he could never name. Love. Upon discovering how much he loved his best friend, Taecyeon kissed him harder, his hips ing out of control, as if on instinct. He never had gay , but in that moment he knew exactly where he wanted Chansung. Under him. In a bed.

“Let’s go to our room, babe,” he added between kisses.

“No,” Chansung whined. Taecyeon wanted to stay there and Chansung’s brain out, but he knew there was preparation to be done. The last thing he wanted was to hurt his best friend.

“Babe, let’s go. Here is not the place,” he said, the words almost killing him.

“Alright.” Taecyeon stood up and offered Chansung his hand. Together they rushed to their room, the lust still present in his bones, the anxiety and expectation making them walk, almost run to the hotel. But just when they reached the front of the hotel, Taecyeon’s phone rang.

Seeing it was his mom on the called id, Taecyeon sent Chansung up to their room, while he stood by the beach. “I will join you in a second,” the oldest added with a smile. His best friend only smiled, the compassion clear on his features. With a wave, he went away.

“Hello, mom. Is something wrong?”

At first there was silence, but after a long wait she finally said. “He hit me again, Taecyeon. But it doesn’t matter anymore because I finally sent him away.”

Taecyeon couldn’t breathe. For years, he wished his dad would go away. So he and his mom could finally live in peace, away from violence and insecurity. But that wasn’t peace. The moment Taecyeon always waited came, but it only filled his body with dread.

“Okay, mom. I will come back home tomorrow, okay,” he cried.

“No, you have fun. Stay with your friends. I am alright. I will be alright,” she replied, her tone definitive, as if there was no turn back. She was sure for the first time in her life.

Taecyeon wished he had the same certainty. For years, he thought the best option was to leave his dad, to throw his luggage in the street and never look back. But he finally understood. He didn’t want his dad to leave, Taecyeon wanted his dad to change.

In the past, he often asked his mom why she never left his dad. And with bright eyes and absent mind, his mom told him how great he was. He wasn’t always a drunk. His dad was bright and funny. Loving and gentleman. But life happened.

And from the bottom of his heart, he just wanted the dad he never had to be back. But that man was long gone.

His phone rang again, but this time it wasn’t his mother. His friends messaged him several times asking him to go drinking with them at the pier.

And even though he felt bad for leaving Chansung, right at the moment Taecyeon needed a bottle more than he needed Chansung. With a thirst like he never felt before and a sure feeling that he could make amends with his friend later, Taecyeon joined his friends in a night of indulgence and forgetfulness.

“Hyung, hyung,” a voice called to him distantly. Taecyeon opened his eyes to see it was Chansung. His dear Chansung.

“Hey, my love. Come sit here with me.” He was sitting in the beach, alone, with no clear idea on how he got there and where were his friends. But he certainly needed another drink, because the buzz was almost gone.

“Hyung, were you drinking again? I was waiting for you.” Shoot, he forgot about Chansung. About the night they were supposed to have. He was so eager to forget the rest of his life, but he never wanted to forget the love of his life. But he did.

“Ahh, I am sorry. Now sit here with hyung. Let’s pick up where we left off,” he said with a smile and a wink, a good hint what he wanted to do right now.

“I can’t. I can’t anymore,” Chansung added desperately, his head shaking uncontrollably in denial, desperation clear on his features. Maybe his mind was still a little fuzzy and drunk, because for the life of him he couldn’t figure out why his friend was being so dramatic.

“Aish, I just had a couple of drinks.”

“It’s always like that. A couple of drinks…” Chansung said with disdain. “But I just can’t take it anymore. You drink, you screw up. I am tired, hyung. And then next day you come and say sorry when you don’t even mean it,” the youngest said harshly, but after a few heartbeats his expression softened again. “So please stop,” he begged, literally on his knees.

“I like drinking. What’s the matter of drinking every now and then? It’s not like I am an alcoholic...”

“It’s never like that, hyung. You have a problem, you just don’t realize right now,” he cried. “But I had enough. You gotta pick, it’s me or the booze.” That got Taecyeon angry. How dare Chansung do that to him, especially on the day he needed his friend the most. On a day he lost his father.

“Who do you think you are to make me ultimatums?” Taecyeon said in disgust.

“I am someone that loves you more than anything in the world. But I can see my love is not enough to make you stop.” That made him pause. Those words filled him with hope, but crashed his heart at the same time.

“Chansung.” He got up and tried to reach to the other boy, but Chansung avoided him.

“I don’t want you to be like your dad, Taecyeon. It would kill me. It would kill you too.”

“I will never be like my dad,” he shouted, anger clear on his tone. Chansung knew how he hated his father, so the accusation hurt him deeply, like glass that cut through his heart.

“Maybe not. But I am afraid to be here to find out.” That sadness he always saw on Chansung’s eyes… he finally found out what it was. He was parting. Parting from Taecyeon. And this was a decision he probably made a long time ago.

“What do you mean?” Now he was the one crying because losing Chansung was losing a part of himself.

“I will go to college, away from you. Remember when you said if your mother threatened to leave your dad he would get better?”

“Yes,” Taecyeon answered, his voice broken and scared. Dreading each other that was coming out of Chansung’s mouth.

“Well, this is me doing what you wanted your mother to do. I am going away.”

“This makes no sense. Please don’t go away. How is this going to help me?” he sobbed, trying to reach for Chansung. But he dodged him again, this time with no tears.

“You will find out, hyung. Someday. Because right now, you don’t want even realize you have a problem. I wanted to help you. I really tried, but you don’t listen to me.”

“You are just being selfish,” he shouted. He wanted to shout harder, hurt Chansung like he was hurting Taecyeon.

“Maybe I am selfish,” he sobbed, crying as hard as Taecyeon. “Maybe I am tired of going to parties and see you hooking up with random girls or screaming hurtful words to me and then pretend like it’s nothing.Yes, maybe I am selfish,” he added with resignation, his eyes red, but dry,

“See,” he added with a smirk, drying his own tears with his right hand. “You only care about yourself.”

“Have a good life, Ok Taecyeon.”

And then he left.

The tide brought you to me.  

I remember being ten, young and naive, with my red and wet face from crying. My parents fought that day. It’s amazing how the brush of time make you forget it all. A smile, a face, a date.

But I remember that day. I remember you. A boy so much younger than me, playing with rocks by himself until he saw a little kid crying in the sand and came to my help. Like you always did starting that day.

And like the waves that hit the shore that day, you were gentle. And like the waves, you went away.

The tide brought me my rock. And tide sea took it away.

Epilogue

A few years later

“Do you guys serve Irish Coffee?”

“Nope, sorry for that,” Taecyeon said, his tone apologetic. It wasn’t the first time a customer at his Ok Café asked for drinks with alcohol. He would anything for his customers, except carry any type of alcohol on his establishment. For some it might be silly, but to Taecyeon not selling anything with alcohol was a promise. A promise he renewed day by day since his sobriety.

A promise he wished to share with Chansung. Since that at the beach, news from his best friend were rare. From Chansung’s mother, he heard he went to an University in Seoul, but nothing more.

At times he wanted to ask her where, to run to him and beg for them to be friends again. But Taecyeon was ashamed. Ashamed because Chansung was right. He used alcohol to escape and hurt those around him. It took him a conversation with his mom to realize his best friend wasn’t the only person he hurt.

But he wasn’t ashamed anymore. Taecyeon was thankful. Thanks to Chansung he hit bottom, only to rise again as someone that had a problem and needed to work on it.

Now he was sober.

Now he was alone. Life without Chansung never had much meaning. The man was his best friend, his love, his rock. And that day on the beach, the sea throw two rocks together, because he was sure Taecyeon was important to Chansung too, a foundation on his life.

Two rocks that were apart. Two rocks with rough edges, problems and limitations. But two rocks that become polished down with the brush of time.

“Hey, Junho. I have something to take care in the bank, okay. Take care of the café for me.”

“Alright, boss,” his employee said with a smile.

Taecyeon closed the door and braced himself for the cold. But it never came. Surprisingly, it was sunny and warm, the sun high in the blue sky. He turned left towards the bank, but suddenly he head a laugh.

A laugh he could never forget. So hearty and loud, like it came from an overgrown, but lovely kid. The laugh of someone he loved so much. Chansung.

Taecyeon looked right and saw a group of friends heading towards the bus stop. Watching their backs, he couldn’t spot any tall and long haired kid amongst those guys. But something told Taecyeon he was there, now with hair short and strong body.

So he braced himself and shouted Chansung. With a deep breath, he prayed that kid was in fact his best friend. His love. And he prayed he could have a second chance.

When that person turned, he smiled.