Jonghyun always smiled. He loved the way it made him feel; happy, relaxed, alive. But mostly he liked the way that whenever he smiled, someone always smiled back.

It had started with that one interview.  The MC had asked their maknae what he liked best about the other members, and Taemin had replied, “I think Jonghyun-hyung has a nice smile”. Jonghyun had smiled then, a wide, genuine smile, just for Taemin. From then on, he would always smile at the maknae, not because of his compliment but because it just felt right.

He began practising his smile in the mirror. He would smile at himself for half an hour at a time, trying to get his expression exactly right. It wasn’t vanity or anything, he told himself. He had to perfect his image for the fans.

And for the maknae. His smile had to be exactly right, for Taemin.

He came down to breakfast one morning and Jinki was sitting at the table, reading a newspaper. He looked up at Jonghyun as he entered and smiled brightly. Taemin chuckled and said, “That’s our Onew-hyung, always smiling!”

Jonghyun left the room without a word.

He could’ve cried at his own stupidity. How could he even try to compete with Jinki? Everyone knew his hyung had the best smile. Jonghyun’s smile was pathetic in comparison. He didn’t smile at all for the rest of the day.

He pulled himself together eventually though, and just about managed to smile again. It was the last thing he felt like doing anymore, but he just didn’t know what else he could do.

Taemin began paying particular attention to Jinki’s smile, Jonghyun noticed. Whenever Jinki cracked one of his lame jokes, Taemin was always the first to laugh, and his expression always brightened when Jinki entered the room.

Taemin had a pretty smile. Why hadn’t he noticed before? It was a nicer smile than Jonghyun’s.

He began to treasure each one of the maknae’s precious smiles. Each time he directed a smile at Jonghyun, the older boy’s heart leapt and he had to fight to hide his feelings. That was the power of a smile, though; as long as he kept smiling, the others were clueless.

Whenever he felt too tired to carry on, he would catch a glimpse of Taemin and all of a sudden he would have a reason to smile again. Everything about the younger boy made him smile; from his dimpled cheeks to his innocent brown eyes.

What Jinki and Taemin didn’t know was that Jonghyun saw everything. What started as the exchange of smiles turned into holding hands, and then quick pecks on the cheek when they thought no-one was looking. Taemin’s precious smiles were now reserved for Jinki only. Jonghyun carried on smiling at the youngest, because what else could he do? But it became rare for him to receive one in return.

Though Jonghyun had tried his hardest to hide it, Kibum realised there was something wrong. He confronted Jonghyun about it one evening, demanding to know the reason he had been ‘moping around’. Jonghyun denied it all - lied to his best friend’s face - and reassured him with a wide smile.

Because admitting it to Kibum would be admitting it to himself, and he wasn’t ready for that just yet.

It got worse when Jinki and Taemin said they wanted to announce something to the group, and they all gathered in the dorm’s living room. Jonghyun knew it couldn’t be anything good. Taemin shot him a nervous look, and he responded with a smile, because that’s what he had always done.

They were a couple. That was the exact word Jinki had used…couple. It didn’t seem real to Jonghyun as the two of them stood together with identical smiles plastered on their faces. He had never seen Taemin so happy…so why did it make him want to die?

He had to let go, he knew that. He could never make Taemin smile the way Jinki did. His smile would always be second best to the maknae…and his smile was all he had left.

Later on, while Minho was playing his favourite video game and Jinki and Taemin had disappeared upstairs together, Kibum sat down next to Jonghyun on the sofa. “Hey Jjong,” he joked, “you’ve been smiling like an idiot all evening. I know this is good news, but you can get that stupid grin off your face now.”

He was still smiling? Wow. It had become such a habit that he didn’t notice anymore. He wasn’t sure if he could even stop smiling. One thing was for sure, though; he didn’t want to find out what would happen if he did. His smile was now the only thing keeping him together.

Taemin tried to make conversation with him the next morning, before Jinki came downstairs, but Jonghyun wasn’t in the mood to talk. He felt bad for ignoring the younger boy, but Taemin forgot all about him as soon as Jinki emerged, greeting him with a bear hug.

Jonghyun looked away, but kept smiling to himself.

He smiled and smiled and smiled, until his jaw ached even more than his heart.