You need to stop the pain from struggling you, pulling you down and making your whole shivered like catching  unexpected flu.

everything that may block your focused vision, can be the main reason to your silent whimpers , every night you fall apart without a calls or replies.

' you 've been always my needed warmness to live with  '

we try to distant ourselves from all this annoying dilemma, its like the world it is not part of our cherished an lived inner-world.

we played the roles so well, like pro actress we are delighted each time we broke others promises an yearned hopes

we wasn't part of your unique queer existence, your uncontrollable infatuation , we thought you were toys to play with .

but damn it we were totally wrong. 

******

 

'her fatal fantasy

i m drunk with ecstasy '

 

you kept shuttering my heart into thousand  shreds, an yet it wasn't enough , for ...you needed more 

more from my pain

more from my misery

more from my ambiguity 

 

' oh she wants me / oh she's got me/ oh hurts me '

 

and yes , i accept it with open arms and open heart all of your trivial confusion an headache complains, all your dark unwanted secrets , an all of your bubbly childish stories..i was okay with every pain you cause my heart to stir with, to be stabbed with and to be broken with

just because  ..i wasn't healed yet..so what the hell does matter if you were going to break me twice ?

 

' what else can be better than this ? '

 

an i wasn't from the beginning sane enough to halt your illogical penetrations torture inside my bewildered soul, 

i need your confusion to break the cold silence inside me

 i wanted your lame stupid jokes to shake my cold unruffled heart

i wanted all of you an still want more..more than a sane rational human beings can deal or accept it

you drug me to hell, to the dark tunnel where no light, no whisper, no wind brush, or bird chirps can be heard.

 

' so bad no one can stop her '

 

But i didn't mind

 

i didn't mind , even when your burning slender finger touched mine, sending a terrible sensation down my spine

i didn't mind when your silent an bit devilish smile broke the first day ray front my dull pale face: you woke me up

i didn't mind when the sorrow inside my lost heart convert into nonsense rejoice with your bubbly mockery sneakers here an there.

 

' the reason i live is because of my  addiction to the sweetness that is you '

 

you brought me back to life, then you killed me with cold stare but your throbbing heart, told me otherwise

you kept playing the victim , whenever i got mad at your foolish runaway from the main cause

you kept pulling me further and tearing me apart, but your firm tighten grasp on my  bleeding wrist told me other wise

you were my devil who snatch my peaceful dreams away leaving me prays to the god for short hours passing by an not another sleepless night.

you were my angel, whom loved watch my blood streaming like scary river , that only the virtues an benevolent people are allowed to drink from

but how could you ?, how can you ?

 

" that s enough"

 

i tried to sound logically and ignores my desperate hearts calls , throw my broken heart and just banish every drenched with my heart's blood memories away from you, and from me too.

i tried to face the warm yet dazzling sunrays once again and walk out, face the world, alone without you

i tried to keep hold of myself , an start walking ahead, to forget about the hammering headache , the buzzing whispers for more , for more , for you

 

' i keep thinking an thinking about you'

 

 

i tried , i tried , i tried an all my surrounding sending those pitiful empty stares an then disappear ..

 

' people ask if i changed'

 

everyone lost hope in me

everyone prayed for an  end

im doomed , they saw me as virus , as ticking bomb, as threaten criminal that should evacuated , dragged away from the society

 

' her love  '

 

i m doomed , they never fail to surprise my low self esteem with their sharp icy comments

 

'her love ' 

 

i m doomed , ..

 

' the only think i want is her love '

 

im doomed by your fatal love

swimming in addictive ecstasy ..please give me more

an never let me stop the pain from turning the sky into burning fire ball, shining my dimmed world, and bringing the fading joys into my dying heart.

 

' you are an addiction, i don't want to escape '

 

the world seems to halt spinning for seconds, the sky covered with musky grey shades, the stars unveiled behind the big silver moon 

but i can't find my way back home 

i can't find my way back home

 

' without this feeling , its like i am dead' 

 

you left me in nowhere, how can' i know where am i , where can i go, what can i do 

 

' someone calls the doctor , i need her 

i can't stand it for a single day '

 

 I m melting, under you slender hot touches

I  m gasping for air, your glistening cheery lips keep taking my breath away

I m falling in your soft warm embrace, i m not breaking rather melding into one beautiful piece of art with your's  .....

I m no longer on earth, i m no longer part of this world..

You keep blowing my mind with your malicious smiles

You keep playing with my heart's beats as like , crawling back to confused mind 

breaking apart with silent whimpers , and lading out a arousing gasp 

when the world is no longer in our our sight or reach , we are nowhere to fall and bleed again .

 

 

' Too much, its you, your love, this is overdose'