A White Angel.

 

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I can't do this anymore...

 

I, am a white angel from the heavens and i have the duty of looking after human beings on earth and makes sure to keep them on the right track of life. We have white wings, and a golden halo. Our hearts are loving, pure and full of warmth. As angels we are nice, sweet and innocent.

Well... thats the typical introduction of a white angel, but it pains me because i dont do any of those things white angels are meant to be or do. They say we are nice, sweet and innocent. But i'm not. All these things they say angels are... are not me.

For some reason... deep down inside of me i feel cold, pain, lonely, rejected, self loathing and most of all.... Hatered. 

My heart is such a heavy burden and so are my wings, my wings are always heavy and painful. Urghhh! I feel like dying! I dont belong here! I'm so frustraited! Everyday i would have to pretend to like others, to help humans, to smile willingly, to love all living things but i can't take this anymore!!!

I WANT TO DIE! I want to rip my wings off from my body. Ahhhh!!

Why am i being like this? I'm screaming like a mad women messing up her hair and rocking herself in the corner of her bedroom. Well, thats what exactly what i'm doing right now. I am a mad women! A mad women with wings.

I WANT TO DIE! I WANT TO DIE! I WANT TO DIE! I WANT TO DIE! I WANT TO DIE! 

I keep screaming to myself over and over. But then i smirk to myself. I begin to laugh to myself.

Hhahahah! Ahh hahah! Again, like a mad women. I relised... I can't die, angels.... dont die. All angel are immortal. AHHHH! Why?! 

AHHHH!! URGHH! I WANT TO BLOODY FCKING DIE!!! 

What's this? A certain liquid comming from my eyes. I am so confused! What is this? More liquid keep on streaming from my eyes and rolling down my cold cheek, some even roll onto my lips and i taste it. The taste was salty and cold. One falls onto my hand, i furrow my eyebrows. Huh? Its a black liquid, how is this possible? Black liquid from my eyes. More and more come down non stop. Urghh! What is this?! Someone tell what this is already!!! I stand getting all mixed emotions towards myself.

URGHH! AHHHH!!! WHAT IS THIS?!?!?!

Suddenly whispers begin to surround the room. Horrid whispers, whispers from bad mouths, the mouths of lifeless people. 

'tears'

'die'

'tears'

'your crying'

'tears'

'join us'

'become...'

'hahah'

'DIEEE!!!!'

 

AHHHH!!! WHAT ARE THESE WHISPERS? WHO IS IT? I DO WANT TO DIE BUT I CANT DIE!!! 

Foul whispers continue.

AHHHHHH!! I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE STOP!!!

AHHHH! I screamed louder than anything. A sudden pain strucked me like a dagger piercing through every single part of my body. My whole body is in pain, its too much for me to take in. My wings! They hurt the most, more than anything!! They are now even more painful than it has ever been. I flap my wings forwards with all the strength i could. I gasped in horror, my eyes widend. The white feathers of my wings are falling off. It hurts too much. The liquid from my eyes comes rushing down my face. I now begin to feel another pain, my head is spinning. The glowing halo above my head is spinning at lighting speed. It then suddenly shatters into pieces like a mirror and comes falling down my head. The sharp pieces of the halo cut through my head. My heart is pounding as hard as ever, its pounding so hard like a beast trying to escape from its cage, its monsterous.

AHHHH! It hurts! It hurts too much! I then begin to become unconcious and fall to the ground.

 

 

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I slowly begin to open my eyes, regaining my conciousness. All of a sudden i feel cold, opposite to what i usually feel. But this cold feeling, i enjoy it. The feeling feels nice, i enjoy it. Unlike before i hated how i felt, warm and bright. I place my hand on my heart, it also is cold, its freezing cold like solid ice. I then remember my wings. I falp my wings forward. My eyes widen, i was in complete shock. My wings... My wings... My wings are black. The feathers are black, they are no longer white. I hold up my hand above my head to find my halo that i had last rememberd being shattered. Ah! My hand was suddenly pricked. Pricked? By what? Again i raise my hand and i felt horns, sharp pointy horns on my head. What am I? What is all this? 

Then out of the blue and small child appers right in front of me flapping her wings, not wanting to touch the ground. She also has black feathered wings and sharp horns. 

AHH! 

I screamed in shock. The child had lifted up her head and she had black eyes. All over her eyeballs were the colour of black. What is this? What is she? I was about to open my mouth to ask who she was but she then raised her hand to stop me from speaking.

 

 

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I curved the corner of my lips into a small smirk. I stood proud and tall at the top of the building of a apartment on earth. The wind was blowing freely, making my hair fly behind my shoulders. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in. 

Hahhahahaa! I laughed loud and happily. 

I have never been so happy in my entire life! I am no longer something i'm not. I no longer feel like dying. I am no longer in pain. 

I am no longer a white angel.

I finally feel who i truely am. This is me. A certain angel that doesn't care for others, that has a cold heart, that is by far innocent, that is full of hatred. A certain angel that has black feathered wings, a angel that has horns, a angel that has fully black eyes dark as Deaths shadow.

 I  spread my arms and wings out. Screaming joyfully....

 

THIS IS ME!!! I AM TRUELY A BLACK ANGEL!!

 

 

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A ExoticVivien Story.

 

 

Vivien Lu.

xoxo