I stared at his picture in my hands. He’s perfect. So perfect. Every little single thing about him is pure perfection.

His smile makes me smile. I’m happy when he’s happy.  He is my everything. When he looked at me for the first time, I knew he was the one. With him, I wanted to grow old. With him, I wanted to do everything. Share everything.

I can still remember our first date.

It was nothing fancy. We went for a movie and had beer and chicken afterwards. We talked and laughed a lot. I talked about my favorite things and he gave me his little secrets. I loved him even more, if that would be even possible. Every word he said, every little gesture, every laugh, I fell for him a bit more and I know he felt the same.

We shared our first kiss that night. At that moment, I was so sure that it would be his lips I would feel on mine for the rest of my life.

From this moment on the pictures in my head started to have their own life.

I pictured our first flat in my head.

Nothing big. Kitchen, bathroom, bedroom and living room. We wouldn’t be able to afford more at first but it will be all we would need. Pictures of happy moments will fill our walls and everyone will see how happy we are. No, they wouldn’t need to look at the pictures. They would just look at us and know it. The smiles on our faces, how we talk about the other one, how we laugh about jokes only we understand, it will make it obvious for everyone. We are meant to be. There is no doubt about it.

We will sleep together.

Sometimes as innocent or sometimes as passionate and loving as it could be. But at the end there will be nothing better than watching him sleep and feel him close. And he will be the first person I would see in the morning and the last at night. 

Big gestures will not be important.

I will not need them. I will not care about Valentine’s day or red roses. I will care about loving words, touches and my favorite flowers on the kitchen table and the note that they reminded him of me.

I will make his favorite food.

For him and only for him. We will eat  tacos and and watch a movie we’ve watched a million times before, into the perfect date. He will look at me and smile when I’m not looking. I will feel it. I will know it. Because I will be doing exactly the same thing.

I will love him more than anything.

Love. A simple word that means so much. There are so many feelings I couldn’t even put into words. I love him. I love how his eyes light up when he talks about something he loves. I love the smile on his face. Sometimes a shy one, the most beautiful I’ve ever seen.

I will love him at 7am when he complains about getting up early. I will love him at 4pm when he returns from work and will not bother to shower and change for 30 minutes.

I love him.

I looked at the picture again. It was taken on our graduation four years ago. 

He was so happy when he got the news that he made it into the scholarship abroad. I was so proud. Of course I was always proud of him, because he always gives his best and no one could ask for more, but seeing him achieving something that he had always dreamed of made my heart beat faster.

He had to go. He had to leave.

I didn’t love him less. I loved him no matter what. Good and bad times. I just wished every time he felt sad I could have hugged him right away and tell him I love him. Unfortunately that wasn’t possible.

I imagined him looking at me full of love on our wedding day. 

How we will dance to our favorite songs and we won’t let go of each other. We will smile till our faces hurt. No, not even that would stop us. We will see our families and friends happy. I could nearly feel all of their hugs and kisses. I could hear their words in my ear. It will be the happiest day of my life. Our lives. I was sure of that.

He will be the best dad.

He would make sure our children will grow up as happily as possible. He will make sure they would never freeze in winter. He will make sure they would always put on sunscreen during our holidays in Spain. I can imagine him with teary eyes on their first school day. His reaction when he meets the first boyfriend. He would ask all those awkward questions only fathers could ask. He would stay up all night to make sure they arrived at home safely after being out for a date. Our children will always know how much he loved them.

Others will think we're crazy.

Crazy for being so in love after all those years. Crazy for spending so much time together, for never being apart. But we will not care. Let them talk, he will say and kiss me. And I couldn’t be happier.

“Naeun-ah. Ready to go?”

"Ready." I looked up with a big smile on Chorong unnie, peeking from the outside of my room. I looked at the picture again, held it close to my chest and put it back into my wallet. "Let's go, unnie. I can't miss Taemin oppa's arrival." 

I grabbed my bag and strutted my way towards the door.

I couldn’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him. My best friend, my lover and my soulmate.