As insane as it may sound, I believe I met you during the perfect timing, for the right reason. Other people might find it ridiculous but my love for you is nothing but unconditional. Remember when you were the cute little maknae on mushroom hair that was all cute and lovely? I loved that and I guess I still do.

The wicked tank top you wore during debut will always be special. Because it marked one of your life's biggest transitions and I'll always be proud for that. Proud of you. Debuting at such a young age wasn't easy they say, you have my respect for enduring the hard times. If only it was possible for me to be in pain and hardships than you, I would. I loved you that much.

During those times you barely sing, I loved you since then. Until you grow and develop to be the beautiful and talented young man right now, I still love you as much. I want to thank you for being you. It may sound cliche but you have no idea how just being you makes my life worth living. You lighted my darkest moments. You gave me smiles on my saddest days. I found love when I thought I'm alone. Luckily, I found friends in my journey of loving you, too. For proving your worth every time I doubt you. For pulling me back every time I'm lost. It's like the perfect fairytale I could wish for, for I found my happy ending with you.

While I loved you deeply for how many years, I know you loved me too. Me and a million more of your fans. The moment I realized I love you hard and deep, I told myself it's not gonna be easy. For even though I surrender my all for a glimpse from you, my all won't still be enough.

I could trade anything for your happiness, that I always say. And trust me, I mean it while it lasts. At some point in my life you were the most special one. Living somewhere far, it feels like we're world apart. But with all the pain a fan girl's love can endure, I still loved you in my ways.

Seeing your improvements all these years I feel like a mother seeing her child grow. And a mother's love is the best they say be it yesterday, today or tomorrow.

Issues and scandals are always there for I know it's a part of your life. But during those hard times I stay up over night, defending you with my might. It actually doesn't matter, all the bad things they say. For I know my love for you will remain through night and day. But the fact you could be hurt by the those words, it breaks my heart with the thought I can't do anything to make the pain go away.

The baby I once loved was now a young man in front of me. Never failing to make me proud, never failing to amuse me. I loved you even more now, after all these years. Maybe time makes it all better. Maybe time will test me until forever.

You were "married" and it hits me that that time would really come. For now it may be “virtual” but years from now it would be done. The years we count together makes me wonder how long this would still last. For as I look back I realized other than you I have nothing. I ditched my friends in this journey for they will never understand. How I could love the man on my photo books and you are that one.

I focused only to you, you're my world, my dream, my most special someone. But I came to realize, reality is never an easy one. Life is unfair I would always say for I love you alone but you love me only as your fan. But how can I blame you when I knew all this even before I chose to stan? Remember when I promised you forever? Trust me I though this love could last. Well, we don’t know. Maybe it would or maybe not.

As I wish you happiness always, I hope you could understand that as much as I love you I need a life that revolves around me and a love that's more than as a fan. I need real life outside the fan fictions, I need music other than yours. When I say friends I need in life, I mean beside the online one.

The years I spent loving you will always be magical. For at one point it was my everything, my world and my all. Years from now I will look back and remember the love I had for you. I hope that time you're still happy and that I found my true love too.

That day I would smile for I know I missed you so. My baby mushroom, my pretty boy, my only one.

The late nights I spent with you, the cries of happiness for you. To my Lee Taemin, my only one. I know you'll understand. If I chose to say goodbye for now for my love I cannot stand. I hate the fact I only have you. I hate it ‘cause I love you too much. When I say too much you're all I have while I share your love for me and all of your fans. I mean it when I said forever for this goodbye is just for now. I need to find my life other than you to make my life a bit more worth while. You reached your dream at such young age and so I have to reach mine too. Thank you for inspiring me all these years. But for now, let me live my own life too. Let me find my happiness too. Let me search for my real self too.

Because right now I am so lost, I know nothing but loving you.

I'll get back to you when I'm someone you could be proud of... even only as your fan.

A/N: I tweaked it a bit and corrected some errors for I was on phone last night. It was rather a fiction kind of letter of my feelings for Taemin when I'm all raedy to say bye bye.