It's not like Minseok never had any friends.

She still remembers the tapping feet beside her books as she rushed to pull her lunchbox out of her locker.  She remembers the smiles as she sat down in seats reserved just for her by her friends.  She still remembers the days when she would rush to the cafeteria after classes, sitting down and immediately being greeted by hungry children (friends) asking for food.

Now that she thinks about it, most of their friendship involved her giving away all her food.

Minseok wasn't really the type that was loved by everyone.  She wasn't exactly the bullied type, either.  

Actually, in middle school, she had been pretty overweight, despite the fact that she had given all her food to her friends.  It's one of those things she couldn't really control back then.

Minseok likes to think that she slimmed down, but maybe that is just wishful thinking.  If she had lost weight, she wouldn't be sitting alone at a large lunch table that normall held sixteen people.  Eyes wouldn't pass over her as if she was just in the scenery.

No, the fact that she is alone is more of her own fault.

Minseok had never been the type to show her feelings, but back then she would still smile.  She had, however, always been worried about her future.  Over time, in favor of studying for the next test, she had stopped joining in the conversation.  She didn't wait for friends after classes.  She sat at home and did homework and studied.  Over the summer, she took online courses and volunteered.  When she walked into the halls of high school armed with information and taking courses many levels higher than normal, she realized that she was alone.

Minseok blamed herself for not noticing the growing distance, the empty adjacent seats even when she had been sitting with her friends.

But life is a matter of choosing paths.  Her old friends, who Minseok no longer recognized, styled their hair, put on makeup, and became social butterflies.  

Minsoek became a social caterpillar, taking college courses in her freshman year and joining clubs just to be able to put it on her application.

There was no way out.  Minseok had become wrapped in her own choices.  Even the thought of taking one step out of the cocoon of tests, homework, and studying frightened her.

When Minseok wakes up in the morning, she has a feeling that something big is going to happen today.

She doesn't really mind it, opting to comb her long, straight hair methodically and brushing her teeth, smoothing lotion over her pale skin.  Then she dresses in her oversized school uniform and walks through the hallway of her one story house back to her room.

Minseok picks up her backpack, organized the night before, and walks out to the kitchen.  There, she checks over all her books again, making sure everything is in place.  When Minseok opens the refrigerator, it's pretty much empty, so she grabs a rotting banana off of the countertop.

As she tosses the peel into the trash can, Minseok slides her feet into her shoes.  "I'm leaving!"  She calls out.  Her soft voice echoes in the house for a few seconds before Minseok opens the door and steps out.  She closes and locks the door behind her, stepping forward and almost tripping over her feet before righting herself against the brick wall of the house.  

Minseok starts the long walk to school devoid of emotion as usual.  She isn't all that nervous for the first day of school, as people usually are, or very excited either.  Rather, it is just another event in her life, something she has to do.

Minseok concentrates on the passing sidewalk in front of her and her feet sliding around in her shoes with every step.  

Minseok arrives at the front gate of the school fairly early.  She holds the door for a teacher, smiling her default smile and bowing slightly.  The teacher nods at her, and the two walk through the front lobby.

With the deserted hallway on both sides of her, Minsoek opens her locker on the first try and starts organizing.

Binders that had seen better days on the top shelf.

Lunchbox with sandwich hanging on the left.

Durable backpack bought for efficiency and not looks hanging on the right.

A couple of textbooks from summer school on the bottom.

Even though school just started and it's barely autumn, Minseok doesn't take off her uniform coat.  A girl walks by, phone on her ear, grumbling about uniform days ruining her image.

Minseok likes uniform days.  Her uniform is her best set of clothes.  Besides, she wears her uniform even if it isn't uniform day.

After she has everything in its right place and a piece of paper taped over the vent in the locker door, Minseok pulls out white binders and a textbook for her first classes.  She doesn't need to look at her schedule; she has it all memorized, just like the way she knows which binder is which even though they look faceless and white to anyone else.

Fifteen minutes early, Minseok walks to her homeroom.

The teacher isn't there.  There is a cup of coffee on the desk, so Minseok assumes that he or she would be back soon.  Minseok hesitates, setting her books by the door.  She doesn't want to sit down in case the teacher already had some sort of order planned.

Before she can stop herself, Minseok finds herself leaning over the cup of coffee on the desk, its scent filling her nostrils and warmth filling her skin.  Minseok closes her eyes.  It's been a long time since she's drank or smelled coffee.

Minseok pulls herself together and hurries back to the wall, ridden with guilt.  She shouldn't be smelling a stranger's coffee like that.

Just then, the teacher strides into the room.  Minseok looks up at him like a deer caught in the headlights.

The teacher looks surprised as well.  "Oh!  I didn't expect any students this early."

"I'm sorry," Minseok says quietly, bowing.

He looks flustered.  "Ah, don't apologize.  Why don't you have a seat?"

Minseok looks at the floor as she picks up her books and makes her way to the back, before deciding that maybe the teacher would feel bad if she sat far away, so instead she chooses a seat in the middle of the second row.

There's an awkwards silence for a few minutes as Minseok studies the cover of the white binder she chose for AP Biology and the teacher tries to look busy like all teachers manage to do.

Finally, he speaks up.  "So... what's your name?"  He asks, fixing his glasses.

Minseok looks up.  "Kim Minseok," she says, quiet as ever.  

"Um... nice to meet you, Minseok.  I'm Lee Donghae, a new teacher this year.  I teach AP Government and Politics," he adds.

Minseok nods.  That means that he would be her teacher.

She goes back to staring a hole into her binder.

Just then, a small group of girls, obviously friends, enter.  Minseok can feel relief radiating off of Donghae, relief that he won't have to try to talk with this silent fifteen year old girl.  Minseok is dimly aware of Donghae greeting the class, the bell ringing, and students filing in.  When homeroom ends, she gets up and allows herself to be swept along with the wave of students, pulling herself out of the current to the door of her first class.

As Minseok fits the key into the lock, she suddenly remembers the feeling she had gotten that morning.

By this time, she's pulling the door closed behind her and slipping out of her shoes, fresh blisters already on her toes.  

She thinks that it was an inaccurate feeling, because the whole day passed in some kind of blur, as first days go.  There wasn't much learning going on; Minseok dreads the "get to know each other" games that teachers played.  As if "here are my facts, now we're best friends" would actually be true.

But she'd gotten through the day, so Minseok thought that maybe it wasn't so bad.

She hadn't even noticed the fact that she was sitting alone at lunch; she was already starting on the textbooks they had been given.  She had breezed right by the loud groups clogging up the hallway.  It was always the most awkward when one of the mobs was right in front of her locker.  It always involved pity, like "aw, who is this girl" "she looks so lonely, maybe I should talk to her" but Minseok hates pity.  She thinks that there is no need to pity her.

There is still nobody home, so Minseok eats the second half of her sandwich from lunch and drinks some tap water.  She makes another sandwich and puts it on a plate in the middle of the table in the kitchen, then carries her backpack to her room to start homework.

She starts with the hardest, AP Statistics.

Minseok works diligently through the pile of papers on her desk.  She doesn't even notice the grumble of her stomach anymore, and her body is used to this amount of working.  However, even Minseok is human and has her limits, and she finds herself with a headache halfway through Chinese III.

Since food isn't an option, Minseok pours herself a glass of water and drinks it quickly.  She sits on her bed for a moment, kneading the knots in her forehead and trying to empty her mind of scientific laws and Chinese idioms.

When Minseok glances out the window, she's shocked to see that it's already dark.  Rubbing her stinging eyes, she reaches forward and picks up her pencil.  She needs to finish her homework.

Minseok's eyesight begins to darken around the radical of a Chinese character, even as her hand scrambles to finish the last .

It's dead silent when Minsoek wakes up, but she can feel it.  Someone's home.

Minseok puts down her pencil (she fell asleep with it clutched upright in her hand) and stands up.  She glances at the analog clock on her dresser.  It's around 3 in the morning.  Minseok frowns at the wrinkles in her school uniform, then walks out of the room.

She tiptoes down the hallway to the only other room and peeks in, opening the door silently with practice and leaving it open behind her.  There's a still figure on the bed.

Minseok stares down at the body of her father, slumped into the covers.

He doesn't look like he's been drinking, but there is no guarantee.  In fact, he looks almost flawless; there are no dark circles under his eyes, his hair is perfectly in place, and there are no clues to what he did before coming home.

Minseok backs out the door when he twitches.  She doesn't stay to watch him turn over, closing the door behind her and going into the kitchen.  The sandwich is gone, but when Minseok opens the refrigerator door, there are fresh groceries on the shelves.

Minseok's stomach growls at the sight of eggs.  It's been way too long.  And is that instant coffee sitting on the countertop?  Any annoyance at the prolonged departure of Kim Ryeowook disappears and Minseok suddenly wants to hug the man.

She pushes down the happiness rising in and pushes herself to turn around back to her room.  No matter how much she wants to make a cup of coffee and fry an egg, she knows she can't give into it; it's better to make things last.  Besides, she needs her sleep for school tomorrow.

In her room, Minseok finishes the last couple of problems she had fallen asleep on, then takes off her school uniform and climbs into her bed with a pair of old sweats and a t shirt on.  She bundles herself into the thin covers and rests her head on the pillow, humming to herself.

Kim Ryeowook isn't very good under stressful conditions, so he has no idea why he was chosen.

He can act when he wants to, but this is more than an act.  An innocent life depends on it.

He almost holds his breath when he hears the door open, then remembers that sleeping people are supposed to breath heavily, so he does.  He hopes he doesn't look too perfect; he didn't have time to mess up his hair before coming.

Ryeowok resists the urge to fidget as Minseok's gaze lingers on his face.  A bead of sweat forms on his hairline.  He is suddenly conscious of everything around him, including the atmosphere and the brush of threadbare blankets against his hand.

As soon as Minseok steps out of the room and closes the door behind her, Ryeowook sighs, a gust of breath leaving his lips.  He straightens out slightly and stares up at the dark ceiling.

It's a wonder that Minseok doesn't question anything.  The groceries that Ryeowook brings every month, an occasional treat he would sneak in because his heart hurts for Minseok.  Ryeowook used to spend more time with her, but she is older now.  Besides, there are other things Ryeowook needs to take care of.  He just doesn't have enough time, as much as it hurts him and as much as he loves Minseok, like she was his own daughter instead of... his.

He tells himself that it's dangerous to become attached, but he still loves to blissful look on Minseok's innocent when she drinks coffee or listens to music.  He wouldn't dream of hurting the gentle girl, and the past is something he will always regret having to do.

Ryeowook does worry sometimes.  He can't come back often, and he definitely can't show much emotion to her.  He has to watch from a distance as she gets thinner.  He still remembers to ball of marshmallows she had been when she was young, but now she looks like an old lady, bowed down from the tears and worries of life.

After he waits around thirty minutes to makes sure Minseok feel asleep, he walks out to the fridge.  To his disappointment, nothing is touched, except the plat that had been on the table earlier is now in the sink.  He didn't have to eat the sandwich, he was plenty full, but he didn't want Minseok to become suspicious.

(He tells himself it wasn't because he wants to eat something Minseok made just for him.)

Ryeowook smiles sadly to himself as he pulls on his shoes.  He has to leave already, and who knows when he will return again.

He doesn't have any choice.  If he could, he would shower Minseok with the loves she deserves.  Nothing would have happened, nothing would have changed.  

Ryeowook has no say in the matter.

A/N I'm changing the layout, so the next few chapters will have a different layout.  Sorry for the difficulty reading the next couple chapters.