Finally, I’m home

Yeah, after two years being away from my world, I’m back now. My apartment is still the same. Most of YG family is here, make a ‘welcome party’ for me. Even since I step my foot out of the military base, many fans were super excited, shouted my name, brought big banners and posters.

I’m back

Now, with all my Bigbang members and another YG family, we are celebrating my comeback. G-Dragon is back.

I lean on the wall, watching around. All bigbang members are here. There are also Seven Hyung with Hanbyul Noona, Tablo Hyung, Psy Hyung, YG Hyung, Lydia, Teddy Hyung, Xin, Hayi,Winner, Akmu, Dara Noona, Bom Noona, and Minji, even my girlfriend, Kiko was flight from Japan and now here with me…

Almost everyone is here, except her

This party should be awesome. Yeah, everything is great and everyone seems enjoying it. But I can’t. There is a big hole in my heart. A massive hole, that can’t be filled with anything, anyone, except her

It’s been two years and five months.

Two years and five months I’ve never heard her laugh

Two years and five months I’ve never seen her smile

Two years and five months I’ve never felt her warmth

Two years and five moths I’ve lost half of my heart, Lee Chaerin

I walk to Bom Noona who is sitting while humming a melody

“Noona…”

“Oh, Jiyong-ah. Why are you here? You should enjoy your party. This is your welcome party!” she says as munching the corn pudding

“Noona…, have you heard anything about her?” I encourage myself to ask her. and instantly, her bright expression disappear. She puts the pudding on the coffee table, then shakes her head

“Mianhe, Jiyong-ah…. I don’t know…” she looks so sad. “I wish I know where she is. I miss her….” her eyes starts teary. And I feel another punch in my heart. I walk away, heading to my bed room, ignoring the people who are still partying.

“Baby, where are you going?” Kiko ask me

“I’m going to sleep. I’m not feeling well…, enjoy the party with the rest” I answer her without even turn my head.

My room. This is the first time after two years. I’m standing on the door and look around. Then something catches my attention. I walk to the dresser and take one of the photo frames there. It was on AON after party. There were Chaerin and I, and those cookies.

I trace my fingers on that photo, and I feel it’s so hard to breathe…

Who are you now?

Are you still the same

Or did you change somehow

What do you do?

At this very moment when I think of you

“What are you doing now, Hunchae?” I caress her face on the picture. She was smile brightly that night. And we were so happy. We didn’t care how people would react to us, we just enjoyer our company.

“If I realized this early, if I told you to stay, would you stay here, Chae?” the tears start falling from my eyes. If only I could realize this sooner, maybe she is still here now…

Flashback

“What’s wrong, Oppa?” Chae sits beside me on our bed. her body just covered by the comforter. Her bare shoulders and collarbone are still full of love marks, the result of our activity view hours ago.

“Kiko…, she just called me” I mumble weakly. It’s been a year since Kiko and I broke up, and Chaerin become my girl six months ago. Yeah, we aren’t dating, but also more than friends.

After we broke up, this is the first time she called me

“What she said?” she asks me. Her tone.., sounds worry. I lay my back and pull the comforter to cover my body

“She wants to go back” I close my eyes. There is a silence after that. Long enough, until Chae lets out her only words

“Ooh… I see”

Then she lies beside me, pulls the comforter to cover her body. And there’s no word after that.

The next morning…

Walking to the kitchen, I see Chaerin already done cooking. She arranges the table, preparing our breakfast. This has been her routine for the last six months.

“Oh, I’m about to wake you up. Breakfast is ready” she looks up at me and smile. My mind still occupied with Kiko. Yesterday, she came to my studio and begged me to make up with her. I still love her, like always. But now, there’s Chaerin with me

“Chae…, I have to tell you something” I look at her as her smile slowly fade away

“It’s Kiko, right?” she smiles, but only her lips. Her eyes show nothing

“Uhm” I nod lightly.

Silence… there’s no words between us for about ten or fifteen minutes

“Have you ever love me, Oppa?” her sudden question feels like a flaming sword stabs right on my lungs and heart. I look at her. She looks down, her hands holding on the dining table.

“I love you, Chae… I just…”

“Love her more?” she cuts me. My heart feels so sick now

“I’m sorry…” I mumble. I know, that’s a stupid word.

Chae takes a deep breath than look at me

“Go back to her, Oppa”

“I’m sorry, Chae….”

“No need. You’re not mine since the beginning” I can see her eyes become teary. My heart hurts more seeing her like that. I’ve hurt her…

“I might have your body, but never your heart, Oppa…” she smiles mockingly, mocking herself

“No, Chae…. you’re special for me. I love you…” It’s true.., she has always been special for me. I love her

“Then, tell me your choice. Me, or her?” she asks me strongly. No… I can’t lose one of them… I love her, I just love Kiko more…, like she said

“Chae…”

“Tell me, Oppa!” she shouts

“I’m sorry, Chae…”

She laughs bitterly as her tears flow unstoppably

“I know that, Oppa. It’s always been her. I just your second option when she’s not available” she chuckles, mocking herself more. I can’t even speak a word. To be honest, my heart is torn looking you like this, Chae. To hurt you like this…

“Don’t worry, I’ll back to my place” she wipes her tears, walks away. “Thank you for everything, Oppa”

End of Flashback

And when I’m looking back

How we were young and stupid

Do you remember that?

No matter how I fight it, can’t deny it

Just can’t let you go

Lay my body on the same bed I used to share with her just brings more memories back to me. If only I know that she would leave not only me, but all of us, I swear, I would never let her go.

I got back with Kiko after that day. I flew to Japan to meet her. Just two hours after my arrival, Xin called me. He told me that Chae had leaved. She went to YG  after our talk, and without nobody knew, she leaved, somewhere only she knew. And after that, no one of us ever heard about her again.

She leaved everything, her group, her unfinished AON concerts with 2NE1. The press and fans were getting crazy about that. I wondered, even up until now, why YG let her go?

I asked everyone about her. I went to YG, her family, but no one knew. Or no one told me.

She is gone without a word

I still need you

I still care about you

Trough everything’s been said and done

I still feel you

Like I’m right beside you

But still no words from you

I close my eyes, holding her picture, crying like a little boy

Why I just realize it now? After everything is too late

She is no longer here

No one knows where she is

After she leaved, I feel so empty. I thought I love Kiko more and as long as I have her, everything would be fine. But I was wrong.

There is a big hole in my heart after she left. No matter what I do, I still feel hollow. Nothing can fill that hole. No one…, only her presence.

I’ve change a lot after she left. Drunk, fight, scandals after scandals… I was like a chick lost it’s mother, didn’t know what to do and where to go. Messed around, and lost my direction

Then YG sent me to the army. He told me, maybe that was the best way to save me. Two years should be enough to calm the fans and press, also made up my mind. I was agreeing. Without complain, I followed his suggestion.

Now look at me

Instead of moving on

I refuse to see

That I keep coming back

Yeah, I’m stuck in a moment

That wasn’t meant to last

I’ve tried to fight it, can’t deny it

You don’t even know

Now I’m back to my life. I need to prepare my comeback after two tears of hiatus. YG hyung told me to prepare my new solo album and gave me some CF for my comeback. The fans are so excited. Thanks God, they didn’t leave me even though I was messed like a !

I look at the photograph, looking at Chaerin smile face once again. That smile, always gives me extra energy to life.

Chae…, Hunchae…, where’d you go?

I wish I could find you just like you found me

Then I would never let you go

Please, give me a clue, Chae… I’ll come to you…

This time, I’m ready to leave everything, only for you

I love you, Chae… I love you….

Two months later…

My album gains a big success. I’m so glad now. But still…, my life is incomplete.

Now I’m in New York for my new music video making. We just finished our last scene and now, I’m sitting on the restaurant, playing with my food

“Ji…”

I look up and find Kiko standing behind me. Oh.., she follows me here? She takes a sit beside me

“Ji, we need to talk…”

“Kiko.., I’m sorry. But everything is over, like you said…”

“No…, Ji, I’m sorry…, I was too angry that time. I didn’t think well. Please, Ji… don’t do this to me…” she begs. Again.

That night, after the welcome party, Kiko found me sleeping with Chaerin’s photograph in my hands. And she got mad. Yelled, cursed, swore, and like usual, ended up with broke up word

And a week after that, she keep begging me to back, up until now.

But I’m tired. I rather focus to my career than thinking about dating. If there’s a woman on my head, it’s only Chaerin.

“We’re done. Kiko…, you were right. I love her. I can’t love you with all of my heart as Chaerin has half of me, even more. You deserve someone better than me, Kiko….” I hate to say that, but I have to. Again, she screams, rants, curses, swear to me. I deserve that….

I still have two days before go back to Seoul, so I decide to walk around. It’s spring. Remind me to the last spring I spent with Chae. We went to watching sakura.

As I keep walking, my eyes catch a coffee shop in the corner of the road. It’s unique. I read the board, L’arc en Ciel coffee shop

It’s like a Japanese Band’s name, but it’s not the reason I walk there. L’arc means door, if I’m not mistaken. And Ciel.., I know perfectly what it means…

So what is l’arc en ciel means? Gate to the sky?Aah…, whatever

I step my feet entering the coffee shop. It’s nice place, so cozy. I sit near the glass wall on the corner of the café. The waiter asks me my order and I order some drinks and food

Put on my earphone, I look around and humming the song from my phone, and suddenly, I feel the time is stopped.  My eyes glued on the woman entering the front door. The blond woman with the feline eyes, the woman that I’ve been looking for so long…

She walks in, smile brightly, greeting the waiter and waitress. Am I dreaming? Is that really her? 

I stand up instantly. My heart is beating irregularly. Her smile, I really miss her smile. And after two years and seven months that feels like forever for me, finally…., I see that smile again.

I walk toward he who still chatting with an old lady. Chaerin….

But suddenly, my feet stopped before I reach her

“Mummy….”

A small boy is running to her, squealing happily. She turns her head to that boy and smile widely, stretches her arms and holds that little boy

“My baby….,” she hugs him. Oh, no… could it be her…son? No….

“I miss you, Mummy…” he snuggles on Chae’s hug

“Mommy just left for an hour by the way… but Mommy misses you too, baby” she kisses that boy lovingly.

My heart is broken into pieces

My Hunchae...

I feel my legs get numb all of sudden. My Hunchae, she is belongs to someone else now…

And I’m too late…

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A.N

Hello!!!!

I’m back with another one-shot.

Last night, I was studying GD’s insta and twitter updates while listening to the BSB’s old song, I STILL…

And Ta…Ra….., I wrote this onlu on 2 hours! Hahahaha

That’s my fastest record!

I feel annoyed and somehow, I’ve speculated that GD and Chae might have a quarrel. GD’s posts, somehow… it’s like related to Chae…. (Or maybe only my delusional mind)

The sakura picture, ‘have faith’ tweet, etc. and two days ago, GD posted an old pic of Chae but deleted it right after that. Huft….

I wish they will get back together and forever…..

aAnd thank you for yycg143 and kerroppi fotr the votes, also my firts 10 subscribers and commentators.....

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

^^

Well….., then….

Please comment, subscribe, vote, and give me your feedback about this story…. Hohoho

I need that….

And forgive me for any typos and grammatical error…

See you on another story…

I love you…

-Lia-