sometimes life it takes you by the hair,
it pulls you down before you know it;
it’s gone and you’re dead again

(Helena Beat - Foster the People)

Being a new kid in mid-semester is a very silly thing and always used as a joke – but what will you do if it's really happening to you?

Kim Jongin hates his life. His father was a drunkard, and his mother never came home ever since he was three. He had to move from one city to another twice every year to avoid police who kept chasing his father. No, his father's not a hoodlum, he's worse. That old man always knows how to make troubles and getting others involved in it. Therefore, Jongin never had any good relationships with people – because he know, sooner or later, he'll be leaving them, so no point falling too deep and getting all sad and melancholy when he had to face the separation he know he have to face. Jongin had felt that once; he had a boyfriend in his past school and they had a quite good relationship. Albeit he's a jerk, Jongin always had his own ways to make his beloved ones happy. His name is Sehun, and he constantly changes his hair color every week. Sehun always be a good topic in everyone's daily gossip. People tend to think he's mad. Sehun handle the situation pretty cool though; he never cares about what people said about him, and Jongin have to admit he learned to be happy and never cared about what people said about him from Sehun. His first kiss is Sehun, and so does his first . Sehun is his first at everything. Jongin knew what he felt towards Sehun is merely a puppy love, but still, it hurts (he don't know which hurts more though, the fact that he's leaving Sehun and they have to broke up or the fact that Sehun acted like he's okay with everything – like everything he shared with Jongin was nothing).

So, it's a little bit confusing to have someone smiling brightly at him and asked him to sit together at break. Is this person that lonely to have someone as pathetic as Jongin to be his friend? Because in his past school, Jongin always shut himself from the entire school and everyone's okay – they never cared about Jongin anyway, they simply ignored him. The boy that asked him out is Luhan. First name Lu, last name Han. From what he had heard, Luhan ever failed in his classes for two years (Jongin always thought that people who never cares about school grades is cool). Luhan had a few piercings in his face, and he seems to have a tattoo too. Luhan is the type of friend you can't introduce to your parents, but Jongin didn't care, he found Luhan pretty cool and fun to be around with (and it's not like his father would care whom he befriend with, anyways).

Luhan is a part of the school most beloved club, football club. Luhan's friends in the football club is the coolest friends Jongin ever had (like he ever had a friend before, anyway) – though he had to admit he's a bit annoyed with the captain, he looks like the antagonist one in the dramas he have watched.

*

His dad is always going out every Friday doing God-knows-what. He comes home at Monday morning with smelly breath that smells like cheap alcohol, then beating him up until he can't breathe and had to skip school. But, that is before he knows Luhan. Now, Luhan always asks him out every Fridays, asking him to drive around the city with his super old Mustang, and jamming to old Korean ballads along the way. Then he drops him off at Jongdae's – he's quite funny, but when he's angry, he's getting all sassy and y and you know won't mess around him ever again (together with Baekhyun and Kyungsoo, they make Trio Sassy , that's what the guys calls them).

The first time Jongin ever know what booze tasted like is when Luhan asks him to. The booze tastes quite weird, but yeah, he's okay with it. Cigarette makes him coughs countless times, but it's okay too. The one he thinks the best is drugs – morphine, heroine, you name it. He got so high that he knows he'll never want to get down. Drugs is thrilling and making him nervous, in a good way.

"Let's move to Paris, shoot some heroine and you know, we can with the stars," said Luhan, chuckling darkly. Jongin thinks he had too much morphine to the point he's starting to talk and look like .

"Stop quoting MGMT," said Kyungsoo, stopped making out for a while with a random college guy he brings to the party, loudly when the college guy started to groping him at inappropriate places.

"And you have to stop man-," said Jongdae loudly, laughing his asses off when seeing Kyungsoo's darkened expression for a second that changed into a expression full of pleasure when the guy is starting to gave him hickeys.

Jongin's still high, but he can hear the guys talking and mocking each other, he can feel it too when Luhan starting to kisses his neck lightly. And out of the blue, Luhan grabs his jaws and started to kiss him deeply. Jongin thinks he's insane yet he can't stop himself from kissing Luhan back. Luhan tastes amazing, but it's probably the drugs playing tricks on him. He started to find his own heaven on Luhan kisses, on Luhan body. Luhan is really amazing, and it's even more amazing when Luhan drags him into the bathroom, him senselessly, and Jongin knows, it's okay if he ends up in hell later if he can find his own heaven inside Luhan's pants.

Jongin felt amazing.

*

Jongin came home the next day feeling extremely happy. He never felt this way before – Luhan makes him happy, he brought the side of himself he never know he ever had.

Jongin never know if he can face the fact that he had to lose Luhan sooner or later, though.

*

The sun is creeping in, and Jongin never felt this annoyed in his life than the fact that his father's such a that he thought waking him up with sound is useless, so why not use the nature instead? But then again, it's Friday, and usually, Fridays are spent in Luhan's or Jongdae's.

Jongin groaned, the feeling of hangover comes creeping in and he want to puke but man, puking at 7 am is annoying. So, Jongin just lay lifelessly, thanking God that he still wore the clothes he wear last night (it's just that Jongin's really cared about his health that no, he can't sleep with everyone every week because that might led him into getting STD and no, no, no, getting STD is ten times worse than being beaten by his father).

"You know, you should drink some medicine, you looked like ."

Jongin chuckles, he knows it's Luhan – from the night they shared before, Luhan always have this habit about telling him to drink medicine after drinking boozes and using drugs. Luhan is really caring and he had to admit that he really likes it – he never had this kind of attention from someone before.

Jongin felt the softness of Luhan's lips meeting his and he's smiling – morning kiss from Luhan after some wild night is his very own medicine; Luhan's lips is very addictive and the one thing that he doesn't want to let go of Luhan is his amazing morning kisses.

He smiled brightly; Luhan looked so beautiful with the sunlight hitting his face. Luhan looked so young without any piercings on (Luhan always took the piercings off every time he went to sleep).

Luhan looked so beautiful, Jongin wonders how.

*

Jongin is really annoyed, every Math teacher should be given the title of Worst Teacher of the Year because of their constant habit getting Jongin into troubles; this time, they make him clean the fish pond and cleaning the outdoor field for a month and Jongin's really mad because they accuse him for something he didn't do; breaking into the school system, and stealing the answer for the midterm test. For 's sake, he doesn't even know how computer works – even more breaking the system.

Jongin lit his last cigarette after finishing cleaning the outdoor field. He felt so worn out. But it's better though, Luhan never ask him out on weekdays so he had to went home early and met his father that going to beat him until nine so it's a little bit relieving that he had to went home on eight, and his father was probably tired of waiting him to come home and went somewhere else (Jongin always wished that man died by getting into car accident or being beaten by the thugs, but then again, reality never works the way you want them to be).

"Hey."

Luhan is smiling, and Jongin catch something new – the piercings. Luhan got a new piercing and it looks good (everything Luhan wore looks good). Luhan sat beside him, playing with the hem of his lopsided tie, he looks nervous and for your information, Luhan is never nervous.

"You know… I think I've ed up big time," he murmurs quietly. Jongin doesn't know what he's talking about but he's listening.

"I never knew he felt the same way I do. It's just that, I don't know things will get this complicated and… I think I just broke his heart. I don't know how to bring it back into pieces, though – no, I mean I don't know how to bring my heart back into pieces. I'm such a loser."

Jongin stay still, even when Luhan is crying beside him.

Because he knows, the 'he' that Luhan talked about is not him.

(This fact hurts more than being separated by Sehun though. Unrequited love is such a .)

*

Jongin came home feeling brokenhearted and he didn't even know why he's being such a over it. He's seen this million times on chick flicks they played on tv – you love someone else, but that someone else is fall in love with someone else, sadly though, that someone else is not you. And the character usually spent time crying, buying boxes of tissues, but at the end, they got their happy ending. But Jongin knew from the start that life never ends with happy ending.

"Where are you these past days?"

His father screams echoes in their barren living room. Jongin hates it when his father screams, because it means something bad was going to happen, either they're going to move again, or he'll getting hit until he can't walk straight for days.

"Father, I'm really tired. You can do whatever you want to do tomorrow, okay?" Jongin kept walking, never knew that his father is already behind him and when he wants to open his bedroom's door, his father is kicking his back. Jongin groans, he knows it's going to hurt so much. The next target is his face, his father turn him over to face him and to be honest, Jongin is really disgusted with his own father. He never knew what he had done in his past life that he deserves this kind of ed up life.

His whole body stings, it feels like someone is forcing air out of his lungs. He wants to scream, but he knew no one will cares. No one will come to save him.

And Jongin knew, he's dying in a matter of time.

(And when the light fades out, he thinks of Luhan – Luhan's beautiful laugh, beautiful piercings, beautiful smile, everything about his beautiful Luhan.)

*

Jongin woke up feeling like . He tried to stand, but his legs are wobbly, he can't stand straight and his whole body aches. Jongin won't cry, because he knew, crying won't make things better, crying won't make the pain he felt go away, and crying won't make Luhan fall in love with him.

But Jongin still cried though. His whole life , he doesn't even know why he's still alive when he didn't have any hope in life anymore – the bricks he had built for years, to make him looks strong, crushed because of some stupid thing he had deal with for years – being beaten and unrequited love. Jongin whole life is already pathetic though.

Jongin crawled and he kept trying to stand, even though it hurts as hell, like someone is stabbing his legs with invisible knife, and he knew he won't survive, but still, it's his last hope – to see Luhan. To make sure that even though his whole life is , there's still Luhan – Luhan, someone who makes his whole life a little bit easier.

And Jongin knew, even though he's scared as hell, everything's going to be okay when he sees Luhan for the last time.

*

But, hope is only a hope though. It never meant to happen.

Because Jongin was sure, the guy that kissing Luhan in front of his house is no other than Minseok, the other ace in their football club. Jongin never knew the guy because he's sure as hell Luhan never bring that guy to their usual hang-outs on Fridays.

Jongin turns his back, he doesn't want to see that painful scene any longer.

He laughed. Laughed so hard that his chest start to hurt so ing bad and the pain he felt is getting out of control. He laughed so hard that stream of tears is starting to stain his cheeks. Jongin felt more pathetic, and he wonders, if sometimes someone out there is thinking of him – because Jongin want to know what it feels like to have somebody thinking of him, and even though he knew it's impossible, he want someone to tell him that everything's going to be alright, that all of this he had been through is only a nightmare – and he's in coma so he can't wake up, until the dream want to stop itself.

Jongin closes his eyes, crossing the road, not caring the screams of people that telling him to stop.

But Jongin does stop, because someone is tugging his hand hard to the sidewalk, getting far away from the concrete (though Jongin wished a ten ton truck crashes into him and then he can die peacefully).

"Are you crazy?"

Jongin opened his eyes and the first sight he sees is a blurry sight of Luhan crying.

He doesn't know if his mind is playing tricks on him, though. But it's okay, because he got Luhan in his arms right now and the world didn't looks as bad as it seems.

(He felt relieved when Luhan told him that Minseok is his ex, and it's a goodbye kiss because Minseok is going to study abroad, and the guy that Luhan told him about the other day is a fictional character – he wants to know if Jongin is jealous, but seeing the stoic face at the said boy face makes Luhan started to crying because he thought Jongin didn't love him back. After what Luhan told him, Jongin smiled stupidly.)

And one thing that Jongin does realize is that even though life has no happy endings, he had Luhan and it's everything that matters right now.