The gravel was scraping against the ground beneath his feet as he walked. The wind was blowing, the air moist. He could hear others heading down the same road. Eyes directed towards the ground, slowly he breathed in the air.Trees swayed with the wind. Other voices speak in conversation. He disregards his surroundings as he closes his eyes. People passing by zip their jackets, and huddle together trying to stay warm. As for him, he had no one to keep him warm. He was alone. The voices soon faded, the only foot steps now, were his own. The sun was gone, the moon took its place. Lighting up the darkness of the night.

Workers had already left for the day, people lay in their beds fast asleep, and he felt as if he was the only one awake in the world. His bangs covered his eyes, though he didn't bother to move them. His pace quickened. He now neared the bridge. In a matter of minutes, he stood in front of the bridge railings. The bridge was high, and the water below was still. Lifting his hands he set them on the railing, his palms were starting to sweat. The memories were flooding back. The time he’d spent forcing himself to forget them was wasted. Silently, tears streamed down his face.


-December 13, 2016-

They lay in bed cuddling, trying to keep warm from the cold weather outside. Their heater was broken, so they only had eachother and blankets to give warmth. He lie awake staring at the others peaceful face as he slept. The silence was shattered by the loud alarm clock, he stirred awake and sehun reached over to shut the alarm off. Luhan yawned, covering his mouth behind his hand, as he got up to get dressed for work.
 

He reluctantly put his clothes on, only wanting to stay home in bed all day. Though he knew better than to skip work. He felt a pair of arms wrap around his small waist. “I wish you could stay.” Sehun said to him as he rested his head on Luhan’s shoulder. “I do too, but we both know I can’t afford to miss a day of work.” He replied, turning around so they were face to face. He smiled softly and Luhan smiled in return while leaving his grasp. Luhan slipped on his jacket and picked up his keys to the car. “I love you!” Sehun hollered just before he could slip out the door. “I love you, too!” Luhan shouted back, laughing softly.

 He lay on his bed staring at the ceiling. These were the times he disliked the most. Being alone. When he was alone the darkness seemed darker, the cold seemed colder, and his thoughts seemed louder. He couldn’t stop them no matter how much he tried. The silence was killing him. Thoughts and images flashed through his mind. He spoke the words quietly, the ones he stole from his thoughts. The harsh words of death, the ones he hated himself for thinking. He hadn’t told anyone of the times when he’s alone, in fear of being called crazy.


-April 28, 2017-

It was all becoming too much for him to handle. They started slowly at first, unnoticable, though they had started to deteriorate. Luhan was worried and Sehun was afraid- afraid of himself. That day was the worse. Luhan had just arrived from work, the lights were on and he expected Sehun to greet him with a welcoming hug.

He burst in tears when he saw Sehun with a knife, stabbing anything in sight. That night he called the cops, worried for both of their lives.

Luhan convinced the cops to let him go, promising to call if anything happened again.
That night they fell asleep in eachothers arms, crying themselves to sleep.


-June 3, 2017-

Luhan had enough. The screaming, the yelling, the times he threatened to call the cops.
Last night they had had a fight. Sehun started screaming, not at him. But at himself.
So he decided to leave. Early in the morning when sehun was sound asleep, and his bags were already packed. Luhan rushed and called one of his close friends, asking to stay until he got a place of his own.
  
 Sehun woke later that day, expecting to see Luhan’s beautiful sleeping face next to him, but he wasn’t there. He looked around the house, calling Luhan's name frantically, wishing he hadn’t left him. He knew in his head that he had. He didn’t want to believe it.
    

That was years ago. He hadn’t seen him since. Sehun breathed in a shaky breath before leaving the bridge. Pushing the memories away, knowing they would only return with time.