Youngjae hates Friday nights. It was when frat boys gather up and hang out at Pepper Strings, the bar above 7-Eleven on Engineer’s Hill. Not to mention it was also when Miguel’s get filled up and you’ll see people gagging beside the nearby canal. Nasty.

He stopped by 7-Eleven to grab some junk food and energy drink before heading home. He has an exam on Monday and he’s not quite fond of flunking. Upon entering the store he immediately noticed Kim Himchan, a sunbae who’s quite famous among Biology students. He’s sitting by the window, fiddling his phone. He’s Daehyun’s boyfriend. Dammit. And surely enough, when he walked towards the rack where they keep junk food, he saw Daehyun, reaching for two bottles of Mogu Mogu and holding a bag of Pic-A in his other hand. .

Daehyun turned to look at the guy who just appeared from the corner. Yoo Youngjae. He looked past him. That’s for the hundredth time today, the other noted.

Youngjae sighed. He grabbed two bottles of Cobra and a large bag of Piattos and also a large bag of Nova. He was about to head towards the cashier but he saw that Daehyun was still there, so he headed towards the rack where they keep chocolates instead, and grabbed two Hershey’s Treats and Pik-One (because he figured KitKat was too expensive and he has yet to live until his parents send him money next Wednesday).

While he was mentally computing the cost of the things he was holding, he overheard Himchan asking Daehyun if he would like to sleep over. He didn’t hear any answer from the latter.

Soon as he arrived home, he saw Jongup and Zelo both playing Flappy Bird at the dining table.

“I’m home.”

“Hyung, do you wanna go to 18BC tonight? Your favorite band is playing.” Zelo noticed Youngjae’s gloomy mood from the moment he entered the house. “Daehyun blues” he called it. He thought maybe 18BC might be a good idea to cheer him up.

“Pass.”

“Gilligan’s maybe?” Jongup suggested.

“This is pathetic.” Youngjae groaned and covered his face with his palms. He looked as if he would cry any moment soon.

“Yep. You are.” Zelo seconded.

“Yah. Do you want me to kick you out?”

“You can’t. You’ll have to answer to his mother.” Jongup answered.

“I hate you guys.”

“So? How many times did he ignore you today?” Jongup likes pouring salt into Youngjae’s wounds. He thinks it’ll make it heal faster. Apparently, it doesn’t work fast enough.

“A hundred.”

“Ah. New record.”

“Shut up.”

“Hyung, if you keep on wallowing in your puddle of heartbreak, nothing good will happen to you.”

“Zelo’s right. You can move on, you know. You’re just not doing it.”

“What the hell do you know about it?”

“Hyung,” Jongup grabbed a chair and sat in front of Youngjae. “Nothing is permanent in this world. Not even you, or me, or Zelo. Not even Jung Daehyun is permanent. You have to learn to let go. How else will you discover what’s ahead of you?”

“Don’t go all philosophical on me now it’s only been nine months. Broken hearts aren’t easily cured.”

“Stop with the corny, you guys. Akyat na ako. I have to meet my groupmates tomorrow. Night.”

“You’re leaving me alone to deal with this lovesick kitten?”

“Hwaiting!”

--

After an hour long storytelling courtesy of Youngjae, Jongup finally decided to end it.

“Yoo Youngjae, you love Daehyun, right? But did you make sure to… I don’t know… maybe show him? Did you ever try to make him happy at all? Or was it just him doing all the effort all along?”

And that’s it. Youngjae was caught off-guard, he wasn’t able to answer.

“Ahhhh, yun yun eh. You were too busy protecting yourself because you didn’t wanna get hurt. And with that you ended up hurting him instead. Go face the wall or something, you selfish prick. I’m gonna get some sleep.”

Youngjae was left alone in the living room; the TV was left on and he could see Chicser’s new music video playing on Myx.

“What the actual –“

--

The weekend passed by in a flash and he was finally done with his exam. He decided to swing by the library to borrow a book of fables. He just grabbed a random book from the shelf where the literary pieces were kept and checked out.

He had been so gloomy in the past days and it made everyone in his major classes worried. But of course the only people who knew the reason behind this gloominess were Jongup and Zelo.

He climbed the stairs and made his way to the bleachers, but before he could even sit, he saw Daehyun and Himchan talking at a corner. Nearby there were the skater guys and gals rolling back and forth and laughing. It was only the second time he saw skaters at the basketball court. He saw Himchan glance at him for a second but returned his gaze on Daehyun.

I really am pathetic. He muttered as he left the said place.

Little did he know, as soon as he left, Daehyun looked up and watched him walk away. But of course he wouldn’t run after him or even call his name.  

At home, he saw Jongup scrolling lazily past posts on Facebook. He deactivated his after Daehyun broke up with him, so he pretty much doesn’t know what’s happening in other people’s lives.

“Oh hyung, you’re home. Did you know that Kim Himchan just posted a picture of his bound thesis? He was pretty happy.”

“Good for him.”

“He thanked a few people, including Jung Daehyun. What’s he studying again?”

“Uh, Econ.”

“Oh, so that’s why I see him at the college all the time.” Jongup studies Economics minor in Political Science, same as Daehyun; only, Daehyun’s minor is Psychology and Youngjae studies Language and Literature, double major.

“I saw him at Court A today.”

“With Himchan again?”

“Yeah.”

“Aw, are you patiently waiting for their break-up?”

“Every single day.”

“Good.”

“I can’t talk to him even if I wanted to because that Himchan is always with him.”

 “Well, you can try talking to him on Friday.” That’s when Jongup turned his laptop on Youngjae’s direction so he could see the page of this event organized by a certain organization.

Daehyun Jung is going. The line says.

“Or… you can wait until Himchan graduates.”

“, no.”

--

Youngjae went with Zelo and Jongup to the said event. But soon as they arrived at the building, he chickened out and went straight to DQ instead and stayed there.

“He’s hopeless.”

“Agreed.”

While Youngjae idly nibbled on his spoon of KitKat blizzard, facing the glass wall that overlooked the stairs and a bit of Session Rd., he saw Daehyun walking briskly and fanning himself. 

“Tss. Why would you even go to a bar when you know you can’t stand the smell of smoke… Babo.”

And to his horror, Daehyun bolted down the stairs that lead to Pizza Hut and DQ and silently he prayed that he’d go straight to Pizza Hut but no. He was heading towards DQ, with his head hung down so he wasn’t aware that he was there.

He went straight to the cashier and ordered a vanilla Butterfinger blizzard.

Same old. Youngjae thought. 

And then what happened next was expected but it almost gave him a heart attack. His heart was pounding wildly and he wonders if anyone in that little store could hear it. Daehyun sat on the far end, near the exit. He was seated at the other far end, near the refrigerator where they keep the ice cream cakes.

Quietly Daehyun put his cup of blizzard on the table and took out his iPod from his backpack. He snuck an ear pod in his right ear and inhaled deeply. What was supposed to be an exhale sounded more like a sigh.

His heart was beating so hard he wonders if he would die soon. What a lame place to die in. He thought, trying so hard to calm himself.

He was silently watching the people passing by above the stairs when Daehyun grabbed his cup and went out. He was left behind the glass wall, quietly watching Daehyun climb up the stairs and disappear.

Lazily, he grabbed his cup and decided to go home.

--

He was about to cross the street when someone called him. He turned to see Himchan running towards him. What the is happening, seriously…

“Youngjae, hi.”

“Uh, hi?”

“Ano, kasi…” Himchan stuttered. “About Daehyun, I… he, uh…”

“Ano nga?”

“I think you should talk to him.”

“Why?”

He could see Himchan struggling to find the right words.

“We broke up.”

“Ahuh? I’m sorry, why do I have to talk to him? Shouldn’t you be the one talking to him?”

“Yeah. But he won’t hear any of what I have to say. He hates me. It’s my fault, really.”

“Are you asking me to help you bring him back?”

“Yes. No. I’m… I don’t know what I’m doing really… I just…”

There was silence. And then finally Youngjae saw Himchan surrendering like he was admitting to something he couldn’t bring himself to admit bit by bit.

“He can’t love me… not really. Because he still loves you. He was trying to hold on and maybe save what little affection he has for me but I messed it up and now he’s…” He was fidgeting the whole time he was talking to Youngjae. “Let’s face it. At the end of the day he still thinks of you. He still loves you. And I know that you do the same. I was stupid enough to let myself believe that he could love me the way that he loves you. I’m sorry. I won’t be bothering you guys anymore.”

The latter walked away and returned to the bar at the lower ground of the building. Youngjae never saw him again after that incident. But he sees Daehyun frequenting the library lately. He must have a lot of exams for whenever he sees him he always has his nose buried in some book and writing stuff down.

“Why don’t you go talk to him?” Zelo often asks.

“Chicken.” Jongup would often tease.

“Go away.”

--

And then one afternoon the most ridiculous thing happened. He came home and went straight to his room upstairs and found a Daehyun flipping through his diary. He was so pissed at himself because he can feel how close he is to delusion. So he threw his bag on his bed and slammed the door shut. He went back downstairs, took out a gallon of milk from the fridge and pulled out a cereal box from one of the cabinets. Jongup can be heard breaking things in the living room.

He went over to scold the younger while still holding the gallon of milk, the box of cereal and a large bowl and a spoon. “Yah! You’re too noisy!”

“ off!”

“Don’t you ‘ off’ me you ugly thing. Go bboy somewhere else! Where is Zelo by the way?”

“Upstairs with Daehyun.”

“I didn’t hear any mu—Daehyun?!”

“Yeah. Zelo came home with him. They even brought pizza. But I ate it all, sorry.”

“You’re kidding…”

“Of course I am.”

“Okay.” He returned to the dining table and poured cereals into the bowl.

Jongup kept on dancing, but then the crashing stopped and he was suddenly beside Youngjae. “I’m actually not kidding about Daehyun. Daehyun is in your room. You saw him there, right? The pizza, however, is real. I ate it all.”

He dropped the spoon and it clanked against the ceramic bowl. “WHAT. So that was real???”

“Daehyun-hyung! Come down here!” Jongup called out.

“Just a minute!”

“Guppie where the hell is my UP jacket?!” Zelo can be heard opening and closing cabinet drawers.

“It’s in the laundry basket, babo. You used it last week. Why are you yelling at me?!”

The said laundry basket can be heard scraping through the floor with Zelo saying, “There you are!”

Not long after, a set of footsteps can be heard descending the narrow stairs. It was Zelo… followed by Daehyun.

“Oh, Youngjae-hyung. You’re home. I didn’t hear you come in.” The youngest casually grinned at his hyung.

Zelo was of course, followed by a mute Daehyun.

“Uh…”

“Jung Daehyun… you’re real.” Youngjae found himself whispering.

“Of course he’s real. Don’t be caught up with too much teleserye please. I’m going out to make pa-laundry. Guppie, you’re in charge.”

“Eh, me again. Great.”

“That’s your punishment for breaking things. Bye.”

--

Youngjae sat quietly in one corner of the living room eating his cereals while Jongup cleaned up and Daehyun looked.

“Walang imikan pala ‘to. Sige lang go. Kung trip niyo ba eh.”

“Still waiting for that day you break that glass table.” Daehyun said to Jongup, eyeing the mini coffee table now at the center of the room.

“I am careful not to. That’s like, the landlady’s most prized possession but she’s kind enough to let us use it.”

Youngjae can be heard chewing cereals in the background. He was so caught up in the real!Daehyun moment that he forgot to pour milk into the cereal bowl.

“Why are you here, hyung?” Jongup asked Daehyun.

“Well, I saw Zelo and I kinda missed you guys so I asked him if I can tag along.”

“Oh, so you missed us.” The younger repeated with a meaningful grin on his face.

--

Zelo came in wet and shivering from his journey to the laundry shop. He was shaking so hard, Jongup almost panicked. He tossed his best friend a towel and some change of clothes.

“Yan kasi, di nagdadala ng payong!” He scolded.

“Alam ko bang uulan?!”

“Sana tinignan mo yung langit!”

“Maaraw kanina, ba’t mo ba ako sinisigawan?!”

Jongup cleared his throat. “Sorry.”  He said.

Daehyun laughed at the sight of them. Youngjae blinked because he couldn’t believe he’s hearing his (ex)boyfriend’s laugh for the first time in nine months.

“So, any progress between these two?” Zelo asked.

“Nah, they appear to be invisible from one another.”

“Oh, that’s nice.”

Zelo and Jongup filled the air with sarcasm throughout the afternoon but Youngjae sat still in his corner quietly eating whatever food he can grab from the kitchen. He watched the three play DoTA and GTA and listened to them cuss at each other. He can’t bring himself to talk, not to Daehyun and now not even to the other two.

“Youngjae-hyung, will you pass me the Chippy?” Jongup said, his gaze still on the screen.

Youngjae stood and grabbed the un-opened Chippy. He lazily tossed it to Zelo who in turn, stabbed the said Chippy with his pencil.

“What the hell was that hyung?!” Jongup blurted. “Noob!”

Youngjae sees Daehyun kicking Jongup and somehow felt jealousy wash over him like a waterfall. He dragged himself back to his room and decided to read instead. He can still hear them laughing and yelling profanities at each other. But minutes later, he heard the door creak and shut.

Finally, he’s going home. He thought.

He heard footsteps ascending the stairs but he ignored it. He was so hooked with the fables that he was reading that he didn’t hear his bedroom door open. He had the book four inches from his face, so naturally he wouldn’t see Daehyun entering his room and sitting on his chair.

“Why won’t you talk to me?”

Youngjae was frightened and found himself suddenly bolting up and scattering pillows on the floor. He heard Daehyun laugh once more. God damn.

“Why are you in my room?!”

“Why won’t you talk to me?”

“I don’t know. Why are you in my room?!” He asked again, stupidly enough.

“Will you calm the down? I came here to talk to you but you won’t even look at me.”

Youngjae had no idea how to answer Daehyun.

“Jae please… please don’t do that.” He heard Daehyun say. He was unconsciously biting his lower lip— Dae hates it when he bites his lower lip because it makes him want to do things to him.

Dae has had enough of Yoo Youngjae. He turned towards the door, muttering “E di wag” and gently putting his hands in his pockets.

Not surprisingly, Youngjae didn’t follow him. Not immediately of course. Because after Dae left, he sat up and thought about his actions when they were still together. Dae would often make him laugh, bring him food, help him understand theories from his Lit. Crit. class, things like that. From the moment he started spending time with him, his heart felt lighter, like the hatred he had for the world since time immemorial is slowly disappearing one by one.  But he never did anything to show the other how much he appreciates him. Now that he thought about it, like really thought about it, he was overall a jerk. Jongup was right. He was a selfish prick.

And so he went running towards their alley’s entrance, hailed a cab and went straight to Daehyun’s place. When he got there he went straight to Daehyun’s unit and pounded the door.

“Who is it?”

“Daehyun-ah, it’s me.” He could hear Daehyun’s footsteps now.

The door opened revealing a Jung Daehyun wearing a white v-neck undershirt and boxers. “Yoo Youngjae?” His face tells Youngjae how he really didn’t expect him to come.

“Hi, um, would you mind if I—it’s freezing out here…” He said, shivering.

“Uh, sure. Make yourself comfortable.” Youngjae was led inside Daehyun’s spacious living room, where he drags his sleeping bag and bed table and books and laptop and mug, etc etc.

Youngjae sat on that familiar couch where he used to sleep in when he crashes over for a night. The whole place still smells the same. It smells of Daehyun.  It stirs up warmth inside of Youngjae, which was actually, now that he thinks about it, one of the best feelings he ever had since he met Daehyun.

 “Listen, Dae. I…” He got up from his seat and walked closer to Daehyun, who was then making coffee in his kitchen. “I’m… D-Do you hate me?”

“A bit? Yeah, I guess I do.” Youngjae heard a clanking sound from when the teaspoon collides with the ceramic. Daehyun looked at him with that passive smile that makes him sad very much; that feeling when he just wants to grab him and be done with everything. Daehyun was at least six steps away, but to Youngjae he felt like he was standing farther.

When Daehyun saw how Youngjae was severely saddened by his answer, he felt something claw at his chest and it hurt, so much that he wanted to cry. Immediately he searched for words that might cover up what he just said. But no words ever came. Until Youngjae spoke again…

“I get it now. Why you broke up with me, and why you hate me.” 

“Hm?” Daehyun is holding the cups now, walking his way to the couch and putting the coffee down on the small table.

“Look, how about, we start over?”

“Do you even know what you’re talking about?” Daehyun asked, half-smiling, half-laughing, his cheeks showing off those cute dimple-like cambers that he was so fond of.

“I’m a jerk; you didn’t deserve all that bull I put you through. I… I’ll try harder. I promise. It’ll be slow but I promise you I’ll be better… at… this, as a person, for you, please.” He pronounced the last word with a pleading moan. He found himself bobbing his head, praying Daehyun would take him back. Almost like a whisper, he said, “I promise I’ll pay attention. To all your quirks, the little things. Everything. I meant to do that… but I didn’t… because I didn’t trust you. I’m sorry.” 

He can see Daehyun grinning and looking silly while he stood in front of him pouring his heart out. “Arte. Dami mong issues.” He teased.

“Daehyun… I’m serious.”

“Fine, fine.”

“So, is that a yes? Do I get my boyfriend back?”   

“Not quite yet. But you’ll get there. Work harder.”

“What do I have to do? Tell me.”

“Um…” Daehyun appeared to be thinking for a moment and then he said, “For now I’ll have to deal with my papers and then we’ll talk about it.”

“O…kay? Then I’m just gonna… leave you with your acads for now.”

“You didn’t drink your coffee. Lumamig na.”

“Sorry. Um, I’ll see you then. Just… I’ll call you, okay?”

“Okay.”

--

It’s the last day of the semester. Almost every student has already gone home. The campus was almost empty except for the guards, staffs, professors and some student assistants and of course him, and the few students loitering around the campus. Youngjae sat on the kiosk overlooking the basketball court. He just passed his last requirement for his Panitikang Bayan subject, the one he hated the most his entire junior year. He sat in the fraternity kiosk until he saw Daehyun lazily swaying his way up the stairs to the ACS tambayan. Youngjae saw Himchan and some other Tabak brothers and sisters. He doesn’t really pay attention to that part of the university. Mainly because he knows that Himchan always hangs around that spot. He doesn’t hate the guy, but he doesn’t like him either. That in-between feeling he has for Himchan intensifies when he saw him hugging Daehyun, and the other hugging him back. It looks like they were saying goodbye to each other.

Pssh. Youngjae scoffed. 

Daehyun continued lazily dragging himself up the stairs until he reached the parking lot. Youngjae is following him now. He quietly walked past Himchan in the ACS kiosk, his attention on Daehyun alone. The poor thing looks like he’ll faint sooner or later. Youngjae saw him sit on one of the benches in the IB lobby. His face looked so pale and tired.

“Oy.”

“Huh?” Daehyun answered, obviously disconcerted. “Uy, hi.”

“Tapos mo na requirements mo?”

“Yeah.” He answered, heaving a sigh.

“Kumain ka na?”

“Di pa.”

Youngjae fished for his tumbler inside his sling bag and handed it to Daehyun. “Your lips are so dry, your face is pale and you walk like a freaking zombie.” Daehyun grabbed the tumbler and drank.

“Punyeta lang kung di ko pa ma-uno mga subject na yun.”

“Ay sorry daw.” Youngjae never had an uno in his entire college life. His highest grade was 1.25 and it makes him mad. Daehyun, on the other hand, is a university scholar, from their sophomore year until now.

 “Libre mo’ko please.”

“What do you wanna eat ba?”

“Isang bucket ng chicken sa Jollibee tapos pizza.”

“WOW.”

“Just kidding. I don’t even wanna eat right now. I just want to go to bed and sleep for 24 hours straight.” He exaggerates.

“Tara uwi.”

“Ha?”

“Zelo and Jongup are at Quantum right now, having a competition with those Dance Revo kids. The house’ll be quiet and you can rest there.”

“Can I sleep on your bed?”

“No. You sleep on Zelo’s bed.”

Daehyun eyed him like he’s saying god you are unbelievable.

“I’m kidding, babo. Of course you can sleep on my bed. Come on.” He pulled Daehyun’s hand and together they walked towards Engineer’s Hill, where Youngjae’s apartment is.

The house was unusually quiet now that Zelo and Jongup are out. Youngjae the TV and slumped on the couch. “You can go on ahead. I won’t disturb you or anything.”

“Mkay.” Daehyun said, dragging his feet to the narrow stairs towards Youngjae’s bedroom. He slowly opened the door and threw his bag on the floor beside Youngjae’s stack of books.

He took off his hoodie, revealing his Circus Science shirt he got when they were freshmen. Looking around Youngjae’s room for the second time today, he saw pictures of him with his brother, mom and dad and cousins. He didn’t see any trace of him or anything that fakes his presence in that small room. But once he laid down on Jae’s bed, he felt a small notebook touching the side of his leg. “정대현” the note reads. He flipped through the pages and saw a ridiculous number of his name written on the leaves. “What a weird person.” He said, amused and obviously feeling kilig.

He pulled Youngjae’s blanket through his hips and rested his arm on his forehead. And almost in a second, he fell asleep.

After an hour and a half or so, Youngjae remembered that mini notebook he left lying on his bed and gasped. But then if Daehyun saw it he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it.

Slowly, careful not to make a sound, he climbed up to his room and saw Daehyun peacefully sleeping, his chest slumped against the mattress with his left arm nearly touching the floor. Youngjae smiled at the sight of him. He’s always been able to sleep over at Daehyun’s place, sleep on Daehyun’s bed and couch. But today’s the first time Daehyun has “slept over” at his place or whatever you call it. It’s the first time he ever let Daehyun in his room, technically, because that time he saw him flipping through his diary was totally uncalled for.

He was still smiling as he approached the side of the bed and knelt down, to be able to see Daehyun’s sleeping face more closely. Gently he flicked the strand of hair on Daehyun’s cheek. He planted a soft kiss on that pale cheek and he felt that kilig once more, shortly after.

He let out a soft chuckle as he made his way downstairs. He could hear Zelo and Jongup entering now, with two buckets of chicken and two boxes of pizza, added two extra-large fries for a bonus.

“Taray mo auntiemaloumaybelline! Kayo na ulit???” A giddy Jongup asked.

“Hyung bayaran mo kalahati neto.” Zelo nudged.

Youngjae reached for his wallet in his back pocket and handed it to Zelo, grinning stupidly as he faced Jongup to answer his question. “Simba tayo sa Sunday. Hindi pwedeng hind maging kami ulit. Ayoko na.”

“Esh, dami mong arte. You go wake him up and let’s eat!” To which Youngjae willingly complied.

He speeded up the stairs and went straight to tap on Daehyun’s shoulder and whisper in his ear, “Daehny, food’s here. Ireona.”

Daehyun awoke with a puzzled look on his bloated face. “What?”

“The two blokes are waiting for you downstairs. Oh, plus the chicken.”

It took him seconds to finally understand what Youngjae was saying but when he finally did he got up quickly, dragging Youngjae behind him.

“Surprise!” Zelo shouted, with Jongup blasting a party popper behind him.

“OMG FOOD!” Daehyun exclaimed, his face overjoyed by the sight of chicken on the dining table.

“Youngjae-hyung texted us while you were asleep and asked for some help to gain some pogi points on you so…”

Daehyun couldn’t help but giggle. He pulled Youngjae to him and gave him a warm hug, whispering, “Gusto ko rin ng ice cream pala please.”

“Ah ganon.” Youngjae pushed him away, laughing.