Sehun doesn't know when it started.

He was sipping his bubble tea innocently and Luhan was busy texting Minseok. A ray of light caught a strand of Luhan's hair and Sehun was suddenly utterly disinterested in drinking because there was a brood of snakes coiling about his stomach. When Luhan finally managed to unglue himself from the touch screen of his phone he asked Sehun if he was alright, pointing at his half-drinked tea. Sehun just smiled and said yes.

Sehun had hoped that it was a one time thing, a moment of weakness, but here he was, minding his own business when Luhan offered him a of his cherry flavoured lolipop and Sehun realised that he would much rather taste it on Luhan's tongue. He had to decline, knowing better than to fuel his weird urges, and he watched Luhan offer the same lolipop to Minseok with a strange sort of unease.

Luhan was always a skinship beast and it didn't surprise Sehun when Luhan pulled him into his lap one night while they were relaxing in the living room. What did surprise him was the strange heat that blossomed in his body when his back brushed against Luhan's chest and the surge of blood heading downwards when Luhan nuzzled into his neck. Sehun fumbled his way out of Luhan's embrace and mumbled something about a bathroom before stumbling to his room and diving head first into his pillow.

After only a short while, all of this became unbearable to Sehun. Every time he saw Luhan's smile and every time he heard his voice his body felt tense. It made him moody so he did his best to avoid Luhan altogether. Joonmyeon, being the mother hen he was, noticed the sudden chill between them and pulled Sehun away to give him a heart-to-heart talk about friendship and life. Sehun only gave him a blank look in response, and even Joonmyeon had to give up.

Even though he did an excellent job of avoiding encounters with Luhan, he still saw him every day. It didn't help that Luhan seemed to increase the amount of touching and was basically attached to the hip with Minseok. It chilled Sehun to the core. He was never a very conversational person, and the fact that his silence now had a near murderous quality unsettled some members. He took care to give an exceedingly frosty glare to anyone who pointed it out, and they soon stopped.

Luhan didn't look at him anymore, didn't try to spark pointless conversations, and Sehun was glad for it. 

Sehun hated the feeling of false hope.

Sehun felt many conflicting emotions. Luhan and Minseok were together in their every waking hour, and Sehun was happy, because he knew that it made Luhan happy. He was glad that he was out of their way. Instead of Sehun, the one drinking bubble tea with Luhan was Minseok, even though he never seemed to be too fond of it. Sehun was happy and he was the saddest that he's ever been. 

When Luhan gathered up the nerve to face Sehun about his attitude, Sehun stayed quiet. He took in the wetness of Luhan's eyes, the shaking of his clenched fists and the pleading hidden behind his angry words, but he kept silent. The words that he could never say hurt him from the inside, but he knew that saying what he felt would only make things more difficult, for him, for Minseok, and especially for Luhan. Sehun didn't want that. So he just watched on, his throat painfully tight, as Luhan sighed and finally gave up, turning his back and walking away.

Sehun was getting really tired of watching him walk away.

A month had passed before it happened. Sehun managed to force a smile and a teasing word before he rushed to the bathroom and sobbed with the shower , clutching at his chest, the image of Minseok pressing a soft kiss onto Luhan's lips branded into the back of his eyelids. Jongin pounded on the doors and asked to come in, but Sehun plugged his ears. He didn't want to tell anyone.

Sehun doesn't know when it started.

But he knows exactly when it ended.