Ring Ding Dong by SHINee playing through my phone. It’s 6.30 am. I wake up lazily but I guess my body just won’t cooperate, I went back lying down on my bed – just another 5 minutes maybe – then I heard my father calling for me; “Jess, are you awake? Jessica, it’s your sister first day of school, I thought you said you’re going to encourage her. Now get your lazy bum up from your bed.” – I wonder how he knows that I’m still on my bed. Well I guess that’s what you get after living together for 20 years. – ‘I did make that promise so I should get ready.’ I get off my bed quickly and went to take a bath. After dress up, I sit in front my make-up desk, then I saw a frame of three different pictures on the desk – a picture on my parents and I together, a picture of my father, sister and myself, and the third one is a picture at a weeding (my father’s weeding) – This reminds me of the past …

*******************************************************************************************************************

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed about a perfect life and family I could have. How wonderful it is to be living together in one big house in the countryside, close to the nature with only my father, mother, our puppy and myself. Wake up brightly and fresh, greeted by the morning sunshine and beautiful flowers. My parents named me Jessica who means gracious gift from God – well that is what my mother told me. – Since I’m the only child, I get all the love and attention. There will only be the three of us. My life when I’m just a kid was pretty much accompanied by my nanny, dolls and my dog when my parents went to work. I only started to hang out with my neighbours when I started schooling. Even though I do feel bored and lonely sometimes, but I never ask why I do not have another sibling cause I know that my mother could not have another baby even if she want to. I just have to be grateful that they are there for me and always try their best to spend times with me especially during holidays. – Oh, how I missed those picnics we always deed near the lake, and the amusement park. –

Finally after being home school all those elementary years, I get to go to the real school like every other people-my-age normally does. I get to meet new friends, enjoying the school environment and experience the teenage life. Everything seems normal, too perfect maybe. – Nothing much ever happen – no dramas like when you watch movies with teenage students in school had happen. – That day was the same. It was like any other day – I thought – everything seems normal during the day. After school, I went home like usual and waited for my parents to come home from work. - I’m not really the socializing type of teenager that would hang out much with friends after school, go watch movies, or go to the cafe. I would rather put my headphone on and read some books, do my homework or watch anything good on television. – I guess I was too tired that day that I felt asleep while waiting. When I woke up, I realise it was getting late and they are not home yet. It has never been like this before and even if they are going to be late, they would have called to inform me, but there was nothing. I’m getting worried. I have this bad feelings and it makes my heart beat like crazy. I tried to throw those feelings away and called my mother. I called her for a few times but she did not answer. I’m getting more anxious – wondering what happen and where they are – Then I called my father. After a few rings, I was so glad when the phone was answered, but something seems not right. Why do I feel like something is wrong? His voice sounds wrong. He sounds – worried – or depressed. He said my uncle would come to pick me up. I was getting more confuse, I waited impatiently. ‘What is going on? Can anyone please explain to me what happen and where am I going?’ I wish I can say that, but my voice just won’t come out as if it stuck inside. The car finally stopped. - ‘What are we doing at the hospital?’ – I still remember exactly how that day was and what happen. Though I wanted to erase those sad memories away, I just can’t. It’s not something that you can throw away easily. Not even if you tried badly. I looked at my uncle up in front with those confused stared. There’s so much going on in my head – questions all over, but I can’t get even a single word out - My heart was beating faster as well as my legs, following my uncle. Though I’m not sure where we are heading and what is going on, but my heart tells me something is not right. I started to cry. I’m not sure why but my feelings felt that way. I get these bad feelings like something really bad had happen. I have no idea why I cried but I can’t stop it either – it’s not like anyone had explain anything to me but - My heart was right. That day, and the days that come after will never be the same anymore. That day make me realize that nothing is perfect—that not everything will go as what we have planned. That day, I lost my beloved mother.