Hello, this is actually a 4 shot that I wrote :D And this is the FIRST TIME I AM WRITING ANGST.

SO ENJOY !!!!

The time frame is 2011-12 when they finished WGM and he started filming for Heartstriings .

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I wish I could see him again

For once  , I wish could meet him.

For once I could know he is fine

He is happy.

 I wish I could see his smile.

 I wish I could hear his voice.

I wish there was a way.

I wish.

No .. !

Never !

I promise to myself. I can never let myself feel  weak. I can't go back in his life.I want his happiness .I couldn't be the reason of his pain. he definitely is happy with his love.

 I’m happy he is happy with his love. That is all I wish for.

Shinhye unnie asked me to go away from their life. How could i say no even when i wanted to ?

 I had no right. He was my first love. I had fallen in love with my best friend, my oppa. That  friend who was there for me every single moment. who made me understand what being a friend means.Who made me understand the fine difference between like and love. The one who is responsible for evoking these feeling in me.

Feelings...

 but my feelings..I hate myself for falling in love with him. I knew it how it feels to be without one to whom you love so dearly... he loved Shin Hye unnie. He was in love. I could have never give him pain what i was feeling.  My one sided love was the reason of insecurity She  used to feel seeing us..

 we were never us and never could be.

 we were just..Friends ?

Dongsaeng-oppa?

Best Friends. But I lost my best friend that day.

I left him for ever.  I couldn't face him. I left him letter, letting him know that i wouldn't let him chose between his love and best friend.  i made it easier for him, by going away from their life myself. When i left for Hongkong to film a new drama , I had no idea what i will do ? Going back Seoul was unavoidable, but I could put that off for the meanwhile.

Till the time I was ready.

Seoul was the gateway to my dreams. I couldn’t abandon that city. I couldn’t take a step back in my life. Instead it was about moving on to better pedestals in life.

But what about the pedestal I had just lost?

No . SeojooHyun  . NO.

I started a new life in Hongkong. A new city,  a new pulse of life.  I had no one there but myself. It was  maybe a chance to reacquaint me with myself .

I knew I had taken a bold step. I had risked my unnies and let them down, but I was willing to fly out and back to complete my duties as their maknae. What I didn’t like were the looks of pity and understanding they would give out.

I am not weak.

I’m just learning how to walk again. And when that is done, I’ll run and fly. But till then , I don’t need anyone to support my wobbly knees. 

I know i made promises to him in that letter. i would be happy like he would be.  I would take care of myself. I would be his Hyu~un forever. But leaving him behind , i wanted to kill myself. I wanted to give myself every pain anyone could have ever... i took away his best friend.. I knew what it means to him. .Still i did it.. because he didn't know what it feels when you couldn't have your love in your life..

Each year since the past 2, I would prepare meticulously for every special date in the calendar. Right from the New Years to Valentines Day , to our birthdays and ofcourse our WGM anniversaries. This year too, I prepared everything, I see 7 letters and handmade gifts sprawled on my bed and wonder, Will my letter upset shinhye unnie? Should I post them?

No.

This was answer of every question i had ever asked to my life.

Its 22^nd June today.

His birthday.

As always, I blow the candles for him, wishing that everything his heart desires come true.

Suddenly her laptop made a twittering sound. She got up and checked the notification, her eyes widening at the email in front of her. She confusingly stared at the sender’s ID.

She clicked open the email.

"I am sorry Seohyun- ssi. But I couldn't be the happiness you wished for Yonghwa. Seohyun-ssi , after you left , I realized I was wrong. He never loved me because  he was in love with you .Yes. He used to see you in everyone. he wanted you in me.. Seohyun-ssi i couldn't be ,you.

 I couldn't be. It is not your fault, it is not his. He was good to me. We both knew . He was dream of every girl .  I tried, trust me I did. But you can’t force fate I guess. With every passing day, we drifted apart. His eyes look at me, but they don’t see me. This was the biggest mistake of my life. Consider this email my plea to you and to Him to forgive me. I considered myself good enough for him, I guess it was my selfishness that surfaced and destroyed what you had.

Come back Seohyun-ssi, come back to him. For him. I should start finding you, but I have no courage to face you. I’m leaving for Europe , and I won’t be back anytime soon. He needs you and likewise.  I can’t bear to leave him alone and make him a victim of my selfishness again.

He’s currently in the hospital and I want to leave before he wakes up to a new life. And the only one to rouse him is you. Please be happy with him, and make him the happiest man on this planet. And tell him I was sorry.

Park shin Hye.

I realised the wetness on my face, and  immediately booked a flight back. I knew what I had to do.

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A/N :

Sooo, this is my first attempt at angst, I had written this a long time back but I was never in the mood to either read angst or post :P  Since this is a drabble shot, don't expect huge updates, the chapters will remain itty bitty fot the sake of my convenience :D

Lemme know how this was?

as for requests, I would be happy to heed your requests but only after exams, around in May? :)

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