It hurts. Everyday I can still hear her cries. I can remember it like it was yesterday.  It was a sunny day. A nice day to take a walk. It was one of the nicest days I’ve seen in a while. I was barely awake when I heard a knock on the door. I was just about to walk out of my room when I heard my mother answer it.

“Yes?” she greeted him.

“Official letter for Choi Junhong”

I furrowed my eyebrows at the statement. “For me?” I whispered to myself. I could hear the crinkle of the letter as she accepted it and closed the door.

I stood by the door and listened as she opened the letter. I thought maybe it was a letter from the school. Recently I was scolded for coming late to class, I had stopped to get some breakfast with my friend Ricky, but I think we might have gotten too caught up in all of the delicious food. But it couldn’t have been.  They would never send someone to deliver a letter.

I listened closely with my ear against the door, trying to hear any trace of emotion. And then it happened, my heart dropped. I heard my mother sobbing as my eyes widened. I opened the door quickly and I stood there. I looked at her holding the letter on the ground. She sat there and looked up at me. There was so much pain in her eyes, it was as if she had just been stabbed in the chest. She reached her arm up holding the letter. I ran over and took it from her grasp. I was so afraid to look at the letter. My eyes wouldn’t let me look. I took a deep breath before I began to read.

To whom it may concern-

            This letter is to certify that Choi Junhong, will be recruited to the army along with others of his age. He must register by September 9, 2025 or will face criminal charges. This registrant will be inducted into the army on September 15, 2025.

            Order to report for induction on September 15, 2025 is being issued to Choi Junhong today. If this order is not fulfilled he will face criminal charges. He will be expected to comply with this order.

                                                            Member-

                                                                        Army board no. 1

I couldn’t breathe. I could feel my throat close up as the letter fell to the ground. How could this be? I’m only 16, maybe this is a mistake. They must have the wrong person. My eyes welled up with tears as I tried to catch my breath. I couldn’t hold it in. I tried, but I couldn’t. The tears began to fall and I began to sob as I fell to my knees. I looked over at my mother as she outstretched her arms toward me. I crawled over to her and buried my face in my hands. We both sat there crying. We cried until there were no tears left. I wish I could go back to that day.

<><><> 

“Wake up!” I heard the horn sound. I could feel the sun on my face as I sleepily sat up. It’s been over 6 months and I still wasn’t used to this. I rubbed my eyes and fell back over onto my bed. I saw Yongguk jump down from the top bunk and glance at me.

“Come on, we have course training today,” he nudged me as I sat up again, “hurry get dressed.” He commanded as he left the room. I sat there before forcing myself to get up and get dressed. It was raining today. I didn’t mind the rain, I just hated the mud. I put my uniform on before walking to the bathroom to wash up. I saw Ricky as I walked over to the sink he was at and began washing my face.

“Did you sleep well last night?” he asked.

“I slept okay,” I replied as he handed me his towel. I dried my face before asking him the same.

“You know I always sleep like a rock,” he joked. I smiled handing him his towel.

“I wish I was like that,” I said as I started to brush my teeth.

“Well at least the nightmares are gone, right?” he asked combing his hair.

I stopped for a second, remembering the paralyzing nightmares I had the first few months here. I nodded as I stared at myself in the mirror. I was rinsing my mouth out when I heard Yongguk’s voice.

“Come on Zelo we don’t have all day,” I heard him as he stood at the bathroom entrance. I quickly spit out my water then waved goodbye to Ricky. Yongguk always waited for me before we went to our call stations. He told me since he was in charge of our section he wanted to make sure we were always on time. But I think he just didn’t want me to get into trouble. We walked over to our call stations and waited for our roll call. It began to pour and our sergeant walked over to our station.

“Attention!” he yelled as we all stood in our places. The sergeant went one by one checking us off.

Yongguk looked over at me and his eyes widened. I was wearing my uniform but I forgot to put my jacket on. He looked over to make sure the sergeant wasn’t looking before he placed his jacket on me and went back to his stance. I looked up at him before he gave me the look to put it on. These were just our training uniforms so you couldn’t tell the difference. The sergeant walked closer to us so I stood up straight. I looked forward as I heard the sergeant scold Yongguk for not having his jacket. I felt bad but I continued to look straight until the sergeant checked me off. The sergeant left and Yongguk walked off before I could give him his jacket. I sighed, I always felt like a burden here.