~*~

G-DRAGON POSTS FAREWELLS BEFORE CLOSING SNS ACCOUNTS

@IBGDRGN tweeted:

Farewell, my friends. It's been a long run. I've reached the end of the journey in a road I walked on for the last eighteen years.

@xxxibgdrgn posted:

Memories. I will remember the good ones. And the bad ones shall be lessons learned. I humbly bow and bid my goodbye to everyone.

1. [+10,573 / -3203] Eighteen years of your dreams, sacrifices, and sufferings came to this. I don't know whether to be angry at you or pity you. No matter what, I hope you know you wasted a lot of things, hurt a lot of people, because of your foolish and selfish decisions. Reflect well and live your life better.

~*~

YG POSTS G-DRAGON'S SHORT OPEN LETTER

Hello,

This is Kwon Jiyong, leader of Big Bang.

Today, I have tendered my official resignation from YG Entertainment. I always said that I will only continue doing what I am doing if the public wants me to. Right now, I know that it's not an option anymore. I apologize in deepest shame for the all the events, for lying to everyone, for hurting innocent people, for angering the public. I will humbly leave the industry and live my life out of the spotlight. Privately, I will reflect on my decisions and work towards becoming a better person.

Thank you for allowing me to be G-dragon for the last ten years. I hope everyone is happy and well.

Sincerely,

Kwon Jiyong

1. [+8,268 / -1943] Very simple letter. It is sincere and insincere at the same time. To be honest, I am sick and tired of reading about this Kim-Kwon scandal. All I feel is relief that both Jiyong and Taeyeon fled the industry and will not rule the Internet and media anymore. Please live your private lives well and not bother the public any longer.

~*~

"I'm sorry sis, but we also don't know where he is."

When Kwon Dami confirmed my worst fear, I felt an inexplicable coldness wrap around my whole body. The Kwon family was my very last resort. When all my calls and messages to Jiyong were redirected to an invalid number, I feared the worst. He was gone. As he said in his last message to me, he was now underwater. It had been two days since he left me that message, and I waited for his call all day, like he said.

No call ever came.

I tried to connect with him through his public and personal SNS accounts, but everything had been deactivated. I sent him emails in his various email accounts, and those were also deactivated. It was like Kwon Jiyong suddenly disappeared in the last forty-eight hours. I feared I would never find him. He said he would be somewhere, waiting for me and Jiwon.

Where is that? Where are you Jiyong?

So I called Taeyang and Soojoo unnie, his only friends that I knew of. Just like me, everyone was searching. Then, I called his family. Even if the wounds were fresh, even if I felt so guilty for taking away Jiwon from the Kwon family, I braved a thick face to talk to them again. I already held on that painful hope that they would know where Jiyong could be.

"He told me I would know where he would be. I just... I can't seem to figure out where that place is."

"My mom has been hospitalized because she's been worrying about him since he disappeared three days ago. In fact, we're in the hospital right now. I'm going to kill your ex-husband when we find him!"

"What?! Is Kwon umma okay?!" I exclaimed nervously, because I just had remembered that Kwon umma was battling a chronic stomach cancer. I teared up at the thought of how much the scandal has strained the old and sickly woman. "C-can I please talk to her?"

"Of course, hold on."

"Taeyeon? Hello dear! How are you and my granddaughter?"

"I'm sorry Kwon umma," I immediately cried out. There was no stopping my emotions at the sound of kind Kwon umma's voice. "I'm so sorry. Please be healthy, and please be okay. I'd like you to see Jiwon so promise me you're going to be okay!"

"I'll be fine! You should be healthy!" she answered with a really strong chuckle, probably endeared at my childish cries. "I'm still attending my chemo sessions regularly, and we have great news about the cancer growth. I will surely see baby Jiwon walk and talk, don't you worry!"

But I couldn't be appeased anymore. Suddenly I worried less about Jiyong's disappearance, and I cried more for Kwon umma. "I love you Kwon umma. I hope you can forgive me for making you worry like this. I pray every single night for you--"

"Ssssssh. Aigoo, I don't want you to be sad, so stop this. If I am mad at someone, it's your husband, because he's making me worry by disappearing like this!"

My heart somehow warmed up when he called Jiyong my husband, like the divorce did not matter to her. But still, I was already an emotional wreck.

"Did you know he took all his property titles from me? I don't know what his plans are, but that kid is up to something, and it's making me really nervous. How can he disappear like that in the middle of this messy scandal? All he told me was that he was going to work some of his issues and things on his own."

"Can I talk to her too?" an elderly man's voice asked, and I recognized it as Kwon appa's.

"Dear, Kwon appa wants to speak with you," Kwon umma said, and I heard the sound of the phone moving.

"Hello? Kwon appa, good morning appa. How are you?" I greeted cheerfully. I have always had a soft spot for Jiyong's elderly father. He was always so sweet, so thoughtful, and soft spoken.

"I'm okay Taeyeon--"

"I hope you can forgive me too!" I also pitifully cried out. Jiyong's kind parents were making a mess in my emotions. "I'm sorry for everything. I miss you and our morning walks to the market, our weekend fishing trips, as well as your funny stories. Jiwon always liked your stories. I'm really sorry for leaving, Kwon appa. Please forgive me."

"There is nothing to be sorry for," he softly consoled me, also chuckling like Kwon umma did. "I just want to ask if you really have not heard from my son? We just want to make sure he's not doing anything that's going to hurt you, or our families anymore."

"Wh-what do you mean appa?" I wondered, the tears holding up. I was getting a clear understanding of what point he was getting to. This brought me another kind of fear.

"I mean... we'd prefer it if he was with you... than with..."

He couldn't finish his words. He didn't have to. I got what he meant, and I felt my stomach lurch from that realization. I stopped crying, and swallowed hard. Now a new kind of fear overpowered my heart. Of course. How could I have missed that? That person overdosed. That person cried for his affection. That person lay her life on the line to fight for him. It was very much likely that Jiyong disappeared to be with that person...

"Taeyeon?" Kwon appa asked when I didn't respond to his words. "Are you still with me dear?"

"Y-yeah Kwon appa."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to put the wrong idea in your head. I just meant--"

"He told me he'd be in a place I would know. His last message to me was to come and find him," I replied to him, and I knew I was forcing myself to believe my own words than I was to him. But I seemed to hear another person speak. "But appa, I really don't know where he is. I'd like to... have faith... this time. I j-just want to have faith."

Yes. I wanted to have faith. Jiyong left me multiple voicemails. He said he was going to choose me. He told me he loved me. He asked me to come find him. Even if Kiko almost died, what he said was still true... right? Have a little faith Kim Taeyeon.

I forced myself to have faith, because if he didn't do as he said, I couldn't imagine the kind of pain I would feel.

"Of course. He's somewhere my dear. He's waiting for you. We all just need to figure out where he is."

"Appa! Why did you scare Taeyeon again?" Kwon Dami shouted angrily, and I heard her tug the phone away from her father. "Hello? Sis? Don't believe appa! He's not with Kiko, okay? We have common friends, and I can confirm with you that Kwon Jiyong is definitely not with her!"

"I believe that too unnie, you don't have to explain to me," I assured her. I chose to believe at this time. I didn't have anymore emotional or mental capacity to suffer another heartbreak. Somehow my mind and heart were protecting me by blindly having faith. That was good, right?

"Let me talk to her again," I heard Kwon umma's voice. The next second, I was talking to her again. "My dear, before Jiyong disappeared, he told the whole family that he loves you very much and that he would do everything to get you back. I know it's very selfish of me to ask this of you, but please have faith on my son. He loves you and Jiwon. Just have faith. Can you promise Kwon umma that?"

My mind and heart were in unison to believe in Jiyong's words. Why? Why did I automatically hold on to what he told me? This was bad. We had a bad history, and yet I still chose to believe him. I suddenly wondered where I pulled this kind of faith from.

"Taeyeon..."

"I have faith, Kwon umma. I have faith in him," I assured her, also assuring myself.

I couldn't doubt Kwon Jiyong anymore. I shouldn't. Because if I did, I would fall into another kind of pit I might not recover from. Maybe I was in denial. Maybe I was only blindly protecting my heart. I chose to believe he didn't go to Tokyo to be with her. I chose to hold on to his words that he loved me and Jiwon the most.

At least for that day, I chose to have faith in him.

~*~

@i_am_kiko posted:

Second life. Second chance. Last life. Last chance.

1. [+10,573 / -3203] She looks happier and healthier. That was a quick recovery. Perhaps G-druggin' realized he still want her c*nt and crawled back to her? How else would a broken-hearted woman recover that fast, unless the love of her life got back with her.

MIZUHARA KIKO RECOVERS, FRIENDS POST HAPPY MESSAGES

1. [+8,268 / -1943] From the dark and hard hitting posts a week ago, now they all seem happy and dandy. No disses to G-druggo. No hidden attacks thrown in the air. Could it be that That XX made up and made love with his friends and lover? Won't be surprise if we hear wedding bells soon.

~*~

"The number you have dialed has been disconnected."

Subject: Failed Delivery

Message:

This message is to notify you that the email you sent to kwonjiyong88 failed delivery. Please contact the administrator for assistance.

"The number you have dialed has been disconnected."

But for every single time I dialed his number and got the same message, for every single time I sent an email and it got returned to me, for every single happy SNS post from Kiko's crew, the faith dwindled down. Jiyong's friends were very vague about their public posts, and I couldn't get any concrete evidence that they were with Jiyong. Slowly, painfully, the walls my heart and mind built for my emotional stability were dwindling down.

The denial was soon fading.

I was beginning to let go of my self-protection, and I was afraid I would soon fall into that new pit of sufferings. Perhaps the worst one. Because this time, there was an actual promise I could hold Jiyong accountable for. He said he loved me. He said he chose me. He said he was working on being the person who deserved me. If he really went to Tokyo and changed his mind, then that would really kill me.

There would be no recovering from that pain.

Ding. Ding. Don't.

I was still deep in thoughts when the door bell rang. I unconsciously walked, with much difficulty, towards the door, expecting any of my family members. But to my surprise, the people I just spoke with two days ago over the Internet were lined up by my door.

"Fany, girls, what are you all doing here?" I asked in shock, confirming that all eight SNSD members were in our porch, under the Jeonju sun.

"Your parents called us," Fany replied sternly.

"Hi unnie," Yoona greeted from the back of the line.

"Hey there preggy," teased Sooyoung.

"Gosh, you gained even more weight huh?" the ever mischievous Hyoyeon commented. "It's only been three weeks since I last saw you, and you're like 5 kg heavier."

I just chuckled, a response I did not expect to give. I was swallowed in loneliness and deep thoughts, yet my beautiful friends really never failed to make me smile. I let them in one by one, until they filled our living room. Suddenly, our humble abode became even smaller with the presence of eight visitors.

"Oh Taeng, the mailman just delivered this package as we were entering the house. He asked for a signature, so I signed it anyway," Jessica informed, handing me a thin envelope-sized parcel.

"Thanks Jess," I said, taking the package and settling it on the wooden center table. I was too taken aback with my members' unexpected arrival in my hometown that the package was the least of my priorities. "But really... you all didn't have to drive down here in Jeonju. Don't you have schedules?"

"If what I'm reading in the news are correct, I don't give a damn about my work schedule, because I need to be here in person to tell you Kwon Jiyong does not deserve you," Stephanie Hwang angrily muttered, causing an uproar from the others.

"Tiffany Hwang, calm the down," Kim Hyoyeon honestly called her off. The two were about to bicker, but both stopped themselves.

"We just want to be with you as you make a very important decision in your life," Lee Soonkyu told me. Sunny was sat beside me and she held my hand.

"From the last time we talked, we still didn't know whether you'd go back together with Jiyong oppa," Seohyun explained, very cautious of her words. "Now suddenly, he is retiring from the industry."

Yuri added, "He gave up the things you asked him to -- Mizuhara Kiko. His friends. Even G-dragon--"

"We don't know that for sure!" Tiffany cut her and exclaimed at the top of her voice. "That just magically recovered from a meth overdose. Conveniently, Kwon Jiyong just disappeared out of the blue. It wouldn't take a genius to put two in two together."

I understood where Tiffany was coming from. Once again, she reiterated the doubts in my mind. It was the same doubt that Kwon appa indirectly told me. It was the same doubt that slowly ate away the faith I decided to give him. Fany was right. It was very convenient that Jiyong was nowhere to be found while his supposed ex-lover happily and easily recovered. But why was my faith still rooted in my heart, amidst being a little imbalanced?

"Has he called you?" Jessica asked.

"No."

"Did you call him?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"He already cut his phone line. I don't know where he is," I admitted, my voice breaking embarrassingly.

As I remembered how I always got the recorded disconnection notice, I was just reminded that I've been searching for him for a long time. At this point, nothing was hidden from my friends anymore. Everything that Fany knew, the other seven also did. From the littlest details, to the biggest ones, all my best friends learned of my life's biggest scandal from page one to the current chapter. But unlike Tiffany, they interpreted the turn of events differently.

"Seungri said he disappeared," shared Sooyoung, who was good friends with the Big Bang member. "He has not shown himself to anyone in YG for at least a week now. They believe no one at work has been in any contact with him."

"Maybe his family knows. Did you ask his family?" Yuri suggested.

"They're also looking for him. Kwon umma was even hospitalized, worried sick about his whereabouts."

"So what it's gonna be unnie?" Yoona asked. "What do you want to do? Do you want to... get back... t-together?"

I already knew the answer to that question. Now the question was whether I was ready to admit it to my friends. I was positive Stephanie Hwang would disapprove of my decision.

I thought for a second. But now I was badly tearing up. In my mind, I kept replaying Jiyong's messages. I kept hearing his breathings during those nights he called me last week and we'd stay on the line for hours. Jiwon, Jiyong and I regularly slept together all week, and I always sang them both good night before he disappeared.

"Taeng..." Sunny egged, squeezing my hand.

"I really want to be with him, so how could he just disappear like that?" I finally answered their question, and I bowed my head as the tears freely flowed stronger.

"Oh gosh sis. Come here," Sunny invited, taking me in her arms.

"I was firm on having full faith in him," I cried out in Sunny's shoulders, and I saw how Yoona and Sooyoung were now silently tearing up on their own.

"When I chose to finally be with him again, when I opened my heart again, he just disappeared. What if he realizes he really loves her more? What if I won't be strong enough? What about Jiwon? I'm so scared, because I opened my heart again. When the faith I currently have fully dissipates, I'm afraid I can't pull myself up from that pit."

"It'a unfair that you're going through this much pain for that freaking bastard," Tiffany angrily shouted, shaking her head. By now, she, too, was crying. "Why you, of all people?! Why is my beautiful and kind best friend the one hurting this much?"

She then sandwiched me with Sunny, until she was also crying in my shoulders. All nine of us became an emotional mess.

"But I love him so much that being without him hurts a lot, like I'd rather just die. It hurts more to be away from him than to be with him. I really want to be with him. I love him very much," I confessed to my members, and I heard the combined hiccups and sniffs of Seohyun and Yuri.

I didn't want to appear like I blindly just loved Jiyong, or that the faith I had came from the wind. It didn't. The faith came from somewhere. The hope was a result of so many words and promises. I was pathetically waiting because this time, Kwon Jiyong gave me a reason to hang on. For the first time, I loved him with the thought that he loved me too. It wasn't unconditional. The reason why I didn't just resort to all the doubts Kwon appa and Stephanie shared with me was the very hope, the very words, Jiyong gave me.

I got up from Sunny's body, and I grabbed my phone.

"Last Wednesday, we talked and stayed on the line for ten hours. We said we loved each other. Since that night, he would always call to stay on the line with me, even without talking. I sang him and Jiwon good night."

I sang a lot of things. His songs. My songs. Even songs we both loved.

"On Wednesday, he sent me this text," I told them, and showed Sunny and Fany Jiyong's first SMS to me when Kiko's overdose scandal broke out.

"This Saturday, he left me this voice message after news about his falling out with his friends came out."

I played to them Jiyong's voice message, telling me he was choosing me over Kiko and his friends. It was a bittersweet experience to hear the message again, because it only made the longing stronger.

"Then on Monday, he left me another message after he resigned from YG. That was the last communication I got from him. He said he would go underwater. He said he would disappear, but that I had to find him. He said I'd know where he is, but I don't. I have no idea where he is."

I paused for a moment to allow my tears. They were hindering my clear speech. Seohyun handed me a handkerchief, which I took to wipe my face.

"It's because of the things he told me this past week that I'm having faith, even if recent events with Kiko should make me think otherwise. I choose to have faith. I want to believe he's still in that place, waiting for me, and that he's not with her. But even so, I'm still scared that I'm just blindly believing. Am I waiting for nothing?"

I decided to ask. I was afraid my traumatized heart and mind were just protecting me, protecting Jiwon, that's why I defaulted to denial. I needed friends, good people, to pull me back if I was just in denial. I couldn't ask my parents, nor talk to them about this, because I didn't want to hurt them anymore. They were upset at Jiyong, even angry, just like Tiffany was. So all this time in Jeonju, only I knew the dilemma I was having about believing and accepting Kwon Jiyong.

"Taeyeon... this is just my opinion... but to me, love is always a gamble," Jessica was the first one who spoke. She wiped her eyes as she explained. "We love, we hurt. We live, we hurt. We breathe, we hurt. Pain is a part of living. Only with getting hurt would we know that the love is real."

Sunny nodded in agreement, then she added her piece. "Would you rather live with regrets and the painful memories of the past, than open your heart again to possibly get the happy ending you and Jiwon deserve? Shouldn't you at least try? At this point, we're not even sure if he's with her. The media is a very dangerous thing to have faith in. Only believe what that person tells you, and never what the headlines say."

"We know Jiyong hurt you a lot. We have no right to dictate what would be easier for you. But clearly, without him, you're a pathetic mess. You said it yourself, it hurts more to be without him," Yuri contributed, also wiping her tears.

It was amazing how graceful and optimistic the three of them were. I always foresaw Jessica to be a pessimistic, yet her maturity in reading through the events in my life were a refreshing thing to experience.

"Everyone deserves a second chance unnie. With these messages I'm reading and hearing, I think Jiyong oppa is sincere. I think he's just in that place, and he's waiting for you," Seohyun positively commented, holding my phone as he read through Jiyong's text messages.

But just as I looked at Seohyun, my sight fell on the package that I unconsciously put on the center table. Something about it caught my attention, and now I found myself squinting my eyes to get a better look at it.

"I admit that I have my share of doubts too," Sooyoung explained. "He'd been really insensitive of you for a long time. But we can now hold him accountable. If he messes this up, then there would be no excuse anymore. I agree with Seohyun that everyone deserves a second chance."

Now the packet has already gotten my full attention. I leaned a little closer to it, but Jiwon's size prevented me from fully reaching out to it. I read what the outside of the box said.

Hyoyeon also shared her mind and said, "If this time, he vows to love only you and no one else, then we would never let him live if he breaks that promise."

Yoona then added her piece, saying, "So don't let that faith ever dissipate unnie, until he gives you a concrete reason to. There's nothing wrong about believing!"

"Steph, we know you have a lot of things you want to say. Say your piece now," Jessica muttered to the obviously still angered Tiffany Hwang.

"I just really hate him for causing all this pain--" she exclaimed, then stopped. I could sense she noticed my lack of attention. She pulled me back and observed my face, asking, "What's wrong best?"

"That return address... looks familiar..." I answered, pointing to the unattended parcel laying on the table.

"This?" Yoona wondered, picking up the package and reading through the postal sticker tackily stuck on it. "It's an outdated post though. It was a lost package that had recently been found."

"Aish. Jeonju province postal service. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk," Sooyoung joked, breaking the ice for the first time since we all became a crying wreck. "And you want to live here for good? Taeng, don't fool yourself. Jeonju is not the place for you!"

Yoona handed me the package, and upon taking it and seeing the envelope up close, I felt my stomach, maybe