Dear Diary,

Hey buddy, what's up? It's been a long time since I've written, am I right? I deeply apologize because I got pre-occupied this past five months. 

Yes, it did seem long, right? I'm sorry if I made you feel bad.. well, if you did feel it. Hopefully, you did not. I hope you are eager to hear my unsaid stories that still remain in my mind because I am much as eager as you are.

As you know, being a geek, nerd, bookish and freak, I find it hard to garner friends, especially the true ones. With that, I enjoyed solitude and all that comes with it. I am completely a nobody. But that didn't pull me down because I have you and my parents. 

And him.

[ Last five months ]

I was in the classroom, scanning through my book since I've already read it a couple times while my classmates throw me crumpled papers with "loser" written on it. That isn't much a big deal, right buddy? I told myself, so I look forward that you would agree with me too. 

But this classmate of mine seems to tease me a lot. He doesn't throw me crumpled papers; he throws me neatly-folded papers. I happen to open one of them just to read a five-letter word on it.

I never doubt it since because it came from him—the boy who is completely my opposite. For when I'm silent, he is garrulous. When I'm awkward, he is confident. That's Xi Luhan, the boy who I had always admire.

Then I did what has been written on the paper.

[ Last four months ]

He asked me out for a date. And I said yes.

Choke on that buddy, yes, a date. You might be rolling on the floor laughing at me now. How would Luhan ask a girl like you out? And what does it takes for a gullible girl to say yes?

But hey, I experience being alone most of the times. I never get attention. I am never someone that the boys will stop and stare at, so maybe it isn't wrong to say that I'm love-deprived. I did what it takes just to look presentable on my first and maybe last date.

Just as I entered the restaurant to see him waiting for me, I abruptly walked faster towards him and took a seat across him. Then for the first time, I had the chance to look straight at his exceptional facial features then I slowly lowered down my head. The feeling of guilt and embarrassment was all mixed-up, I don't know how to deal with it.

"I'm sorry for being late, Luhan. I was stuck in the traffic so.." I said, unable to continue my sentence.
"No harm done." he curved a corner of his lip upward.

Then guess what? We ate in silence. Deep awkward silence deafened us. It , he should have studied how to deal with people who are socially awkward. 

He didn't study. He trained. Hard. For he tries to keep a brief conversation between us while eating.

"How's school?"
"Fine."
"Do you get infuriated with our classmates?"
"Not at all."
"Don't be, they are all jerks."
"Mhmm."
"How's the book that you're reading?"
"Good."

Whoa buddy. I had a hard time remembering that conversation between us because that was too long! But like what I said, he trained for this. 

And I appreciate that.

In fact, I admire that. I admire how he could deal with my silences. 

Just a few moments, he pulled a book out of his coat and handed it to me. It was Shakespeare's Hamlet, the tragedy I was eager to read. How did he know? I don't know. I looked at his eyes which glistened under the light that illuminates the room which seemed to be saying millions of thoughts.

Then he said one. "I know you want to read this so, I got it for you." he gave me a lopsided grin.
"Thank you but this is too much..." I said sheepishly and furrowed my eyebrows at him. 
But he beckoned me to open the book, which I followed carefully, just to see a paper who has five letters that seemed to command me.

A word that only him could make me do it.

Then I did what was written in it.

[ Last three months ]

He dragged me with him on the school rooftop. His hands are firmly interlocked with mine. I have no idea what will happen that time because he just dragged me without saying any reason. I thought he was out of his mind.

But no. As we stopped in our tracks, he looked at me and gave me a look—a look that is present in every annoyed people's face. Did I just make him angry at me? I didn't know. And I would not ask him that, so I stood silent.

"What in the world is wrong with you, Soojin?" he asked with his eyes focused on mine.

I blinked several times before answering. "Nothing's wrong."

He held both of my shoulders that staggered me on my position and he pulled himself closer to me. I didn't know what to do so I stood still.

"Nothing's wrong?" he scoffed. "You've been bullied everyday in every week. You've been made fun of every minute in every hour, then you'll say nothing's wrong?! Do you think you deserve that?!"
My legs went weak. I was speechless because I know