The Invisible Air

“As he was granted to become something he desired,

his whole presence was taken in return.”

“Maknae, do it well please, since you don’t want to make me upset. You know that I place a lot of faith in you, right? You’re the closest friend that I ever had.” Luhan offered Sehun a simple brotherly hug before he whispered, “Don’t forget The Words.” And then he walked away from the younger boy who only stood still in silence, struggling to fight his humanity as the name—the person’s name that was supposed to be his task that day—couldn’t stop ringing inside his head.

Sehun leans his lanky body against the dirtied white wall, watching students in his previous high school running here and there, taking advantage of the school festival to release their stress caused by the school subjects they never wished to learn. He does so as his mind rewinds Luhan’s words, before he laughs ironically while watching the view that makes his memory of human Sehun appears back to the surface. There’s a train of eerie feelings that submerge him. I don’t have to think about it—I don’t have to care about it! But, the stronger his urge is to fight those feelings, the bitter memory of him comes crashing harder into his mind. It’s just stronger than anything—even his power.

He doesn’t know how to turn it off forever.

The human Sehun hated school festival so much. He was invisible, just like air that he even couldn’t have easily back then. He always kept a small tube with him, filled with oxygen to support him and continue his life. He couldn’t run, he couldn’t play sports, and to make everything even worse, his mother asked the school for a permission to put an oxygen tube in the health care room—as if people hadn’t already know how pathetic it was for him to walk around with a tube in his pocket.

“Park Chanyeol! Give me my locker key back!” The name of his senior, the It Boy of the school, rang loud enough for Sehun to hear. He was being called by his girlfriend, who was also the girl who had stolen Sehun’s heart since his first year there. Aside from her beautiful appearance, she had a soft, angelic look on her face and that was what attracted him the most.

Sehun held the little tube inside his pants’ pocket tightly when he saw his senior, still wearing his basketball uniform, running toward him without really looking at where he was going. And just like what he had predicted, the senior that he admired—Sehun had always wanted to be like him—bumped against him, unintentionally sending the younger boy down to the floor. Sehun crashed face first on the marbled floor. His nose wasn’t bleeding, but it felt like one.

Park Chanyeol didn’t even look at him. He noticed but he dismissed him like thin air, and just continued to run, leaving Sehun alone on the ground, struggling to get his balance back.

Sehun tasted the scent of tobacco in the air, obviously coming from the basketball player. He really wanted to be like Park Chanyeol—how he could inhale the air so easily like that, how he could even choose to breathe toxic air from his cigarettes still being perfectly fine to run around like that. Chanyeol was the power forward of their school’s basketball team. He smoked, he played around, and he still did well in sports. And yet, Sehun was…

“Oh my God! Are you okay?” Unlike Chanyeol, his girlfriend stopped running through the hallway and kneeled beside Sehun to check on him. “I’m so sorry, Chanyeol is so reckless. Can you get up? Do you need a hand?”

Sehun covered half of his face with the back of his hand just in case his nose was really bleeding. Even if it weren’t, he still probably would’ve done so as well. She was so close to him and Sehun was not used with people entering his personal space. They often choose to avoid him anyway. “I-I can manage by myself, thanks,” he answered weakly and quickly glanced away from her.

“Are you really okay? You look so pale,” she said, knitting her eyebrows together. “Here, I’ll help you up.” She took his hand and Sehun watched the way her hand fit his perfectly. When she realized the temperature of his body through that touch, she held his hand even tighter, now with both of hers. “Hey, your hand is cold too. Are you okay? I can take you to the nurse’s office if you want.” 

He really couldn’t hold the excitement just because his crush finally saw him. Him! The weird pathetic kid, Oh Sehun, who was supposed to be treated like something invisible. And just like that, Sehun couldn’t control the words that flew from his mouth. “You’re like an angel,” he said with a daze in his eyes.

“Pathetic human Sehun.” Sehun refers to his old self with a disgusted tone.

The girl blinked. “What?”

“N-nothing.” Sehun said, tripping over his word as he looked away. His pale cheeks were turning scarlet almost instantly.

The girl smiled, almost a little bit mischievously. “Actually I heard what you said. I just don’t know how to respond to it, but thank you. I hope you’re not bluffing.” She laughed awkwardly but it still sounded beautiful to Sehun’s ears. She kept throwing this little smile at him. That one smile that Sehun used to see from distance.

“O-Oh Sehun!” Sehun said his name out loud but it wasn’t clear enough since his nerves were getting in a way. “I’m Oh Sehun—first year in this high school.”

“Well, Oh Sehun, first year in this high school,” Surprisingly she caught exactly what Sehun had said and she smiled even wider this time. Sehun was completely mesmerized by it so he said nothing and kind of just stared. Not knowing how to response to that, she asked the pale boy, “Are you okay?”

The sparks on Sehun’s eyes suddenly vanished and once again the reality struck him at the part where he was most vulnerable. The reality was, he was only an average boy with terrible health. He was weak, he got sick more often than he didn’t and with those lungs of his, it was impossible for him to live through the day without being asked, “Are you okay?”

So bitterly, Sehun replied, “Please don’t ask me that question. I really hate that question.” He sounded like he was mumbling to himself and she frowned, looking concerned.

“Seh—”

“Hey, give this pretty noona some respect, will you?” Chanyeol suddenly popped up beside her, placing his huge palm over her head and asked Sehun that with a joking tone. Chanyeol obviously didn’t realize that his sudden return had completely broken Sehun’s dream and hope of becoming friends with his high school crush before he graduated (that is if he was healthy enough to finish high school, anyway).

“You’re the one who needs to show him some respect,” the girl pouted and Chanyeol laughed a little bit too loudly at that.

“Now, now, come on, Little Angel, don’t be mad,” Chanyeol said, ruffling her hair teasingly. “I need your cheers in our tournament and…” He let her locker key dangle from his finger. “You still want your key back, don’t you?”

The girl ignored her boyfriend and reverted her attention back to Sehun again.“Oh Sehun, I’m so sorry for asking this to you again. I know you hate it, but I can’t help but worry. Are you really okay? Can you stand?”

Chanyeol pulled his girlfriend up to her feet by lifting her by the waist and before she could protest, he already grasped Sehun’s skinny arm with his toned hand and forced the pale boy to stand. Sehun stumbled, nearly falling again from the sudden force.

“Okay, there you go,” Chanyeol said, landing a protective arm around his girlfriend’s shoulder. “He’s back on his feet, as perfect as… “He seemed to try finding the right words to describe the pale boy who stood in front of him, but decided to give up halfway. “…well, as he usually is. Now come on, we need to practice.” And he dragged the girl away from Sehun.

“I hate the way you act.” Sehun could hear her protesting as they walked away but Chanyeol only snorted and asked, “Why? What did I do wrong? I’m just being myself.”

“You’re supposed to say sorry!” It was clear that she was upset about his behavior. “He was on the floor because of your childish antics, you know! Don’t tell me that you didn’t even realize that you bumped into him!”

“Are we talking about another guy here?” Chanyeol asked, not taking his girlfriend seriously at all. “Wow, should I start being worried about our relationship? Should I proclaim my never-ending love to you once more, to assure you that—” 

“Park Chanyeol! Can you please be serious for once in your life!?”

“Yes, yes, I get it. You’re mad at me because of him.” Chanyeol made a conclusion but as far as Sehun knew, Chanyeol was just playing around with her and yet, Sehun couldn’t hate Park Chanyeol. He was just the perfect example for a happy teenager. Sehun really wanted to be like him.

“I hate you.” The girl mumbled to Chanyeol, but there was no anger there. Yeah, no one could really stay mad at Park Chanyeol.

“And I love you too…” Chanyeol grinned, showcasing his perfect teeth. “You know, I’ll be serious for once. Call it a man’s intuition, okay? But I really think he likes you. I just know that.”

“And now you’re being delusional.”

“No, really! I can feel that he likes you.”

“Chanyeol, he looks so pale and his body is as cold as ice. I think you should worry more about his condition rather than his love life, don’t you think so?”

“Hey, come on, why are you being snarky at me?”

“I just think that there’s something you can do to help him..., I’m afraid that his friends bully him in school.”

“Oh, not again. Listen, I know you’re a part of the student body and your father is also a famous politician or whatever but it doesn’t mean you have the responsibility to rescue every single human being in this world. Unless you become Miss Korea or Miss Universe, or something but you’re not going to, are you?” Sehun could see Chanyeol patting his girlfriend’s head. The pale boy noticed that Chanyeol did that kind of affection pretty frequently to the girl he liked and whenever he did that, she would eventually respond back with a shy smile. “Look, what I want to say here is that it’s not your business, Little Angel. It’s not our business, to be exact.” From afar, Sehun could see Chanyeol the girl’s hair a few time before he sent her an assuring smile.

“Yeah, of course! That’s no one’s business!” Sehun, angry and annoyed, leaves his spot and walks towards the rooftop. He raises both of his hands and begins to play with the air, making two little twisters on each hand and let them grow bigger and bigger before he throws them to wherever he wants just to mess around with his power. The leaves from the trees are shaking hard, fluttering against the wind he created. A few girls yelp in surprise, trying their best to keep their skirts down. Sehun is fond in showing his existence on the place where he used to be the invisible one.

“EVERYONE, STEP ASIDE!”

Sehun turns his head to the source of the voice. The shouting man was a coach, someone who used to take care of him back in school whenever his disease decided to take over his body. “Coach Kang,” Sehun whispers the name of the coach unconsciously, but of course the coach can’t hear his voice since he’s a demon now and beside that, the man is in the middle of running while carrying a girl who appears to have lost her consciousness. The strands of her hair are pressed against her face, soaked to the tip and her uniform is the same, drenched by something that Sehun is sure not sweat or spilling water. He has a hunch and his guess is, that girl has just been bullied. Maybe she was pushed into the swimming pool and forced to drown herself there. Or maybe she was locked for hours in the abandoned toilet’s cubicle after the students in her class poured buckets of waters over her head. There’s no proof that that actually happened, but Sehun was in her position once. It can happen again to anyone.

Seeing the condition of that girl, Sehun feels like his mind is replaying a scene. The victim is not the girl. The victim is now himself.

Sehun could hear the sound of a body crashing to the floor and a soft mutter of, “Geez… Not the Swimming Club again.” Although he only spoke to the owner of the voice once, he could recognize who the person was. Sehun hid himself even more, moving to the edge of the empty cleaning service’s storage room that stood right beside the Swimming Club’s changing room. But his effort to hide his body was useless since the door was being opened from the outside.

“Sehun?” Sehun didn’t know what to do at that moment.

Sehun stared at her favorite senior long enough. He wanted to ask why she was there but he just remained silent. He witnessed the surprised expression she displayed on her face when she found him only wearing his boxer. His thin body couldn’t stop shaking. But Chanyeol’s Little Angel tried to get rid of the shocked expression she had and turned it into a reassuring one as soon as she could. And as if she could hear the question inside Sehun’s head, she explained to Sehun. “I… I was… I just wanted to grab a mop from here. You know the guys from the Swimming Club. They always ran around before they dried themselves properly. I just wanted to help cleaning it all up since the floor was watery and it could be dangerous and...” She was breathless and Sehun noticed that she was still indeed in shock of finding him there, hiding half in the storage room all by himself. “A-anyway, what I’m doing here is not important.” The girl said, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear as her tranquil mask began to falter and she panicked. “Oh God, Sehun, what happened?” She scooted closer to him, touching Sehun’s forearm. “You’re freezing! Are you okay?!”

Sehun opened his mouth and he cursed himself inwardly because his lips couldn’t stop quivering, but despite that, he still tried his best to say, “I’m ok—”

“No you’re not!” The girl interrupted him halfway. At that moment, Sehun remained silent. He was confused of why a girl who only spoke to him once could be this worried over him, and she acted like they were friends. But above all, in the middle of his confusion, Sehun understood three things about her. First, she was not just another pretty face. Second, he understood why Park Chanyeol, the It Boy of his school didn’t choose any It Girl from the cheerleading club, but her as his girlfriend. And the third, he finally understood that Park Chanyeol’s feeling toward her must not be just a simple high school crush. It must be love.

Because Sehun felt the same way too at that moment.

He fell in love with her.

“Please don’t say that you’re okay when you’re not. And please don’t complain to me this time about how you hate it when someone asks about your condition because I won’t know anything if you don’t tell me and I want to help! Do not ever say that you’re okay when you’re not, do you hear me? Stop lying to yourself!” Sehun was startled with the way she remembered almost every word he said even though he wasn’t supposed to be taken seriously. He was used of being treated like a joke, not like this. Not like the way she was treating him now. “People cannot survive alone in this world, Sehun. I’m here to make sure that you’re not. You’re not alone.”

“I…” Sehun opened his mouth again but he shut it again when he saw her taking a step back. Sehun didn’t want her to stay. He didn’t want her to ask him why he was there, why he was being in that position, or why he was looking like he was about to break. But he also didn’t want to be left there, all alone and helpless in that dark room again.

“Stay here,” She commanded,  “I’ll get you some clothes, okay?” The girl didn’t ask any further about what happened to him, instead she just ran. A few minutes later, she returned with cheeks turning scarlet from all the running and Sehun could spot beads of sweats starting to form on her forehead.

“Here…” Panting hard, the girl offered her a dry uniform with the name ‘Park Chan Yeol’ written on its shirt and Sehun gave her a questioning look. “This is Chanyeol’s uniform. He’s in the middle of his basketball practice now,” she explained before her smile rose on her face. “Chanyeol’s attention span is as big as a tea spoon. He won’t think about his missing uniform—he probably won’t realize it even.” Even talking about his boyfriend could make her smile, and that made Sehun realize how lucky Chanyeol really way. She stopped herself from grinning like a love-struck girl she was when she remembered that she was standing in front of her junior. As if she could read Sehun’s facial expression, the girl displayed another reassuring expression and added, “Anyway you’ll be fine. And if he does notice, I believe he will understand.”

Sehun held the uniform tightly but suddenly he felt scared. Human Sehun was always scared of everything, of taking chances, of receiving help, of calling for aid. “B-but what if he…”

“Don’t overthink about everything, Oh Sehun. Sometimes, something can actually go worse just because we keep thinking of it that way.” She sent him a smile as she patted the younger boy on the shoulder. “Just go change your clothes, okay? I’ll bring you some hot tea and do not overthink about everything, I’m here as your friend.” With those comforting words, she ran toward the cafeteria.

Watching the scene of Coach Kang helping a girl is like rewinding his own experience. Now that the girl is being checked over in the nurse’s office, Sehun walks closer to the room and finds her sleeping on of the beds. He takes out his hand and holds hers softly, “Shall we end your pain? I can do it for you if you want to.” As if she could hear him, she frowns in her sleep. Sehun smiles. “No? Well, you know what, little girl. I was once human too and a student in this school, just like you. And whenever I lost my consciousness, I could hear a voice. It was soft. Alluring. Inviting. And it was whispering to me how death, despite people’s belief, is actually better than life. Better than my life. So now I’ll be that voice for you. Should I help you and take your pain away?” Sehun plays with the girl’s breathing, take it away slowly from her lungs, until she is gasping breathlessly and returns it before she actually dies. He repeats that several times, watching with amusement on just how easy it is to take someone’s life now when it was so hard for him back then to hang onto his life. “Oh God, I could do this all day long. Who knows playing with someone’s life can be this fun?” But Sehun has to cut his joy short for a while when he spots Coach Kang leaving the health care room. “Sorry, I have to leave you for a while. We’ll play again later. Bye, little girl.” Sehun pats the girl’s cheek twice before he runs to follow Coach Kang’s steps.

“You just left her alone? Just like what you did to me back then?” Sehun asks, walking beside Coach Kang with his hands in his pockets. “Yeah, you used to take care of me and my deadly disease, but you were also the only person who knew clearly why I visited the health care frequently. You knew, don’t you? You knew and yet you pretended like it didn’t happen so you can save our school’s name. I wonder what would happen if people know what’s actually happening in this school.” There’s poison in Sehun’s voice. The old man should be grateful that he couldn’t hear it. But Sehun is getting angrier by that. “The driving force of my death was not just my ing disease. It was because of bullying too, you idiot!”

“Oh Sehun! The weak, pathetic dying kid, Oh Sehun, tries to be closed with Park Chanyeol’s girlfriend. What a joke!”

“You finally have a reason to bully me?” Sehun, who was lying on the ground with bruised jaws and a bleeding lip, glared at the three boys who stood before him. They were the same guys who had been bullying him since the first day of school and that day was just another day for them to pick on their favorite target. They would mock him, land one or two punches on his stomach or face if Sehun was rebelling too much, then left him alone until they got bored and looked for him again. Sehun never reacted or fought back. He didn’t want to give them the satisfaction. But something that those three boys didn’t know was that today would be the last day they could torment him because the pale boy had had enough of bullying. Had enough of being hospitalized because not only fate had laid its hand on him and played with his life, there were also those three boys who became the reason why his disease had gotten worse over the year. Sehun had enough of his life.

“You know what?” One of the boys said, smirking at him. “The main reason why we do this ‘fun activity’ with you is because you never had any fun in your life. You should be grateful that you have us to play around with you. At least we notice you exist!”

“Hear, hear.” Another guy with bleached hair approached him and harshly smacked a bread to Sehun’s face, making his pale skinned face smeared with chocolate—Sehun’s own favorite flavor. “You can’t even run to the cafeteria when the break time comes. Here’s your chocolate bread, Sehunnie. Hyung brought it for you. Come on, eat it up.” He threw the bread to the ground, kicking it closer to where Sehun was laying face first on the ground. “Lap it up like a dog you are. Come on.”

Sehun tried to sit up, not showing any emotion on his face as he did so. The guy with the bleached hair showcased his teeth, shouting, “I told you to eat it off the ground, you piece of !” He landed another kick to Sehun’s spine and the boy fell back to the ground, groaning in pain and breathing hard.

“Enough, you’re gonna kill him.” The last guy commented. He didn’t look as amused as the other two, but he didn’t try to stop their torture more than that.

“Did…” Sehun tried to speak and coughed out blood. “Did Chanyeol-sunbaenim sent you?” he finally asked. There was a part of him who wanted to hear that it was Chanyeol who sent them. Because if it was like that, at least his existence finally meant something and for the first time in his life he could threaten someone, not always be on the other side.

“Park Chanyeol-sunbaenim doesn’t even know your existence, dork!” The bleached hair guy laughed, spitting on Sehun’s head. “See, we’re even better. Like we said before, at least we acknowledge your existence.” He cracked up again, wiping the end of his shoe against Sehun’s shoulder. “Your existence doesn’t worth though, so don’t get too giddy there, princess.”

“Let’s be serious here, shall we?” The first guy who spoke with a scar on his cheek said. “If that Park Chanyeol knew you had a crush on his girl, I think he would’ve really made you suffer. Like I’m not talking about he’s going to punch you or anything. More like humiliating you in public. He really knew how to make fun of people, you know?”

“No. He’s a good senior.” As a weak human being, Sehun was really idolizing Park Chanyeol that much. Even when Chanyeol was dating his crush, he still saw him as a perfect role model even until the day Park Chanyeol had to pull him up from the marbled floor so pathetically in front of his crush. At that moment, Sehun felt like he had no pride anymore but he had to admit that he was nothing compared to Park Chanyeol.

“Okay this is just getting gross,” the guy said, “Stop it, okay? You can’t be like him. You know very well why you can’t be like him. , man, even Jesus’s gonna need more miracle than splitting the ocean into two to cure your disease and pathetic face.”

Ah, I can totally feel your anger, Sehun-ah.

Sehun’s eyes widen instantly when he heard that voice again. That soft, alluring voice who always whispered to him as if he was singing a lullaby.

I know that feeling well.

Sehun stood up from the ground, flinching from the pain but didn’t give up halfway.

Come on… Get angrier…

“Who are you?!” he asked, gazing up to the sky, before he turned around, following the sound of the voice. One of the guys frowned at his behavior. “Who the are you talking to?”

I know you’re tired, Sehun-ah…

“How do you know my name?!”

And I know you’re afraid too…

“Ugh!” Sehun covered his ears with both hands, gritting his teeth. “Who are you?! Show yourself!”

“Poor guy,” the bleached haired guy spoke, “Don’t tell me your disease has attacked your sanity as well.” He then grabbed Sehun by the collar and landed another punch to his jaw, sending Sehun back to the ground. The three boys approached him, lowering their heads to see Sehun’s eyes while displaying a sad puppy face. “You really need a miracle, Sehun.”

But Sehun was no longer paying attention to the three boys hovering above him. The voice was speaking to him again and it was clearer than before. It felt so real. It gave him some strength.

I can end this for you.

The voice flowed so soft to Sehun’s ear. And all the promise he gave to him sounded so real. Sounded so good.

Just follow what I tell you and I promise, everything is going to get better.

Tears were starting to brim on Sehun’s eyes but they weren’t tears that were caused by pain or fear. They were showing to the world just how tired he was. Sehun was so tired. Not just for the bullying that he got almost everyday in school, but also the harsh treatments that wouldn’t stop—how he couldn’t breathe when he slept, how he couldn’t run when he wanted to, how life just wasn’t fair for him.

You’ve had enough, haven’t you?

Yes… I have…

And you want everything to get better, don’t you?

Yes…

Then what are you waiting for?

What I’m… waiting for…?

Let’s end this, Sehun-ah. Let’s end this once and for all.

But…

“Look at this wimp, he’s crying!” The guy with the scar on his face laughed loudly, kicking Sehun’s body again. “Oh come on, Oh Sehun! You’re not a girl! You can do better. Defend yourself with something more powerful. Not crying like a girl!”

If you agree with me, you will never have to carry around that little tube with you anymore. You don’t need to hide. You can even fight them back, fulfill your revenge. It’s time for you to stop quivering like this. It’s time for you to have control of anything.

It’s not easy…

It is. With me, you’ll have freedom. With me, you’ll have strength. You don’t need to crave for air anymore. With me, you’ll be more alive than you ever were. You don’t have to be this…

Sehun closed his eyes when the voice vanished for a while before it spoke to him again in a clearer volume, as if someone just got closer to his ear.

…pathetic.

While Sehun paid attention to every single word that the voice said to him, the three boys kept on mocking him. Sehun didn’t hear their words clearly but he was sure enough he must have heard all of those harsh words way back then. All the words sounded like a buzzing sound inside his ears. And it made him sick. His head was spinning like crazy to the point that he was on the verge of throwing up.

And with the rest of the strength that he had, Sehun leapt off the ground and ran toward the boy that he knew was carrying the key of the rooftop’s door. Yes, those bullies always locked the rooftop whenever they finished with him so no one would know what they had done to him. It was only until one of the school’s guards came to check whether the door had been locked or not that Sehun would get the chance to come home.

With all of his might, Sehun tackled the boy until they were falling on the pavement ground, and as soon as he could, Sehun grabbed the key from the boy’s hand then threw it away over the fence. The key fell straight from the top of the building to the bushes growing on the field.

The three guys were shocked with Sehun’s action, their eyes were wide open. Sehun didn’t wait for them to react. He immediately climbed over the guarding fence—its height was around his waist and sat on the edge.

“S-Sehun, wait…” The guy, who hadn’t spoken much that day, was the first one to speak. “I know what you’re trying to do but this is not funny anymore.” Sehun could spot panic in his voice and he found joy in that.

Sehun scoffed. “No, you’re wrong. I think this is funny. No, this is hilarious.” Sehun’s answer was barely audible. He had lost his strength. “If you guys come close to me, I will jump.”

“You won't dare.” The bleached haired one growled. “A weak- kid like you saying that you’re brave enough to kill yourself? What a bull!”

Sehun only smiled. “Try me then.”

And the man was speechless. His teeth were clenching when he ordered, “Come back here! Do you hear me?! Hey, dork!”

He was still holding onto his dignity but Sehun knew it was just a mask! Behind his harsh words, Sehun could spot the same panic tone in his voice.

“Sehun, come back here!” Added the other. “Come back now or I will drag you here myself!”

Sehun didn’t care what those three said to him. He sat on the edge of the building, taking a familiar small silver tube from his pants’ pocket. Sehun tried his best to inhale the cold spring air without it but it was useless. In normal times, without hesitation he would put the tube in front of his mouth because that was the only way for him to continue his life. But things were different then.

With this, I can breathe. I can live. He thought, staring at the tube. What a joke.

“The four of us… are locked in here…” Sehun said in the middle of the sound of spring winds blowing against his hair. He felt cold. He was suffocating. He wanted to breathe but he couldn’t. He was tired, but at the same time, he felt alive and that was the first time he ever felt that way. “And I wanted you guys to remember clearly… This is all your fault... Because now, I’ve turned you guys from a bunch of bullies into murderers.” With those last words, Sehun wiped the silver tube on his shirt, cleaning his fingerprints before he threw it off the building. He couldn’t even help himself now even if he wanted to. “Farewell friends. You guys really know how to have fun.”

The four of them founded on the next morning. Three were alive while one had passed away. The cause of death was suffocation. All media in South Korea marked the three of them as the bullies that caused death to a student. But people in the whole nation marked them as murderers. Just like what Sehun had turned them. While the three of them were arrested for further investigation, Sehun was finally be able to play with the thing that always tortured him when he was alive in his new life. Air.

And just like the air that he was always craving for, he’s also invisible.

***

For the first time in his life as a Demon of Death, Sehun feels tired. Too many memories of his past are striking him at the same time. He blames Luhan for giving him this hard task. ! Why didn’t the leader ask for another person to do this job?! Luhan is his best friend in his new life since he was the first Demon of Death that he met. Sehun always thinks that if it wasn’t because of Luhan, he was not going to survive in his new life considering he has brought too much pain from his previous life. Luhan has taught him the best alternative way to control his humanity.

Luhan taught him and everybody under his supervision to switch off their humanity.

And from what he learned from Luhan, Sehun found himself to be really fond of all the tasks that he’s performing, even though on the early days of his new life, it was very hard to kill innocent people, or watch their fellow Demons turn against each other, and sometimes, Luhan also asked him to watch another leader movement like Kai. For what purposes, Sehun doesn’t know.

Switching off his humanity means a lot to him. Now he feels like a kid living in a playground. But today, everything in his fun world has turned upside down. When the name of the girl, a person besides his parents who meant a lot on his previous life popped up as his next task—a person he needed to kill. All his humanity slowly returns to him again and he’s so helpless. He can’t stop it. Even The Words that always sounds like a magic spell have lost their power.

Sehun cannot understand the way Luhan’s mind works. Well, actually no one can since Luhan doesn’t allow anyone to get close enough to him to read his true self. Sometimes, Sehun is curious about Luhan’s past. He wonders what kind of past did he have to go through to make him like this, but of course, for once again, no one can give him the answer because the rumor said that Luhan has killed the Demon that took his life. So everything about Luhan is still a mystery. And digging Luhan’s past any further than that might as well means that Sehun has a death wish.

But Sehun remembers the story that makes Luhan sound very legendary like now. It’s the story of the way he got his position as the leader. Sehun never know the truth about the reason why Luhan took over Suho’s. Other demon speculated that Luhan is craving for that position but Sehun always thought that must not be the actual reason. It must not that simple since simplicity doesn’t sound like Luhan at all.

There’s only one thing that’s clear about Luhan—the only thing that is known and recognized by the Demons of Death. It’s the way Luhan uses his power.

Sehun has heard many versions of the story on how Luhan took over Suho’s position and all of them are definitely not something pleasant to hear. But there’s a version that Sehun always think has the closest probability to the reality. The story that said that one day Luhan and Suho went out together. Not in a mission but more like a bonding time between the leader and his newest member. But no one knew the truth about what they were talking during that moment. No one ever heard and no one could ever find out the truth because not long after that, Suho had a new scar on his face and he just announced to every one that Luhan would be the new leader. Luhan, who was the latest addition to the group, was now the person who pulled on their strings.

But from the information that came from a Demon who had the power to teleport between spaces—not Kai, since Kai was probably still a human back then—he saw Luhan and Suho standing on an empty street. The Teleporter saw how Luhan was showcasing his angelic smile, and his hands were lying idly beside his body. He wasn’t doing anything. If the Teleporter didn’t see what came on the next second, he’d probably think that it was just an ordinary conversation between the two Demons. But what happened next shocked him.

Suho’s eyes suddenly opened wide until he could see the white parts of them and then slowly his mouth did the same, his jaw hanging off his face, forming a silent scream. He thought Suho was doing that willingly but the creases on his forehead showed that he was struggling against Luhan’s power. And the next part was the final one before the Teleporter chose to leave the place to keep his own safety. He didn’t want to be the next victim or the witness for Luhan’s action.

Suho was raising his hand, putting two fingers of his right hand inside his own mouth, maybe to the back of his throat since the amount of water that spilled over his mouth was not much. It was excruciating to see that Luhan was making the water user use his own power to hurt himself and stomp over his own pride. He forced Suho to cram down as many amount of water as he could produce to his own system.

Sehun shakes his head. He usually doesn’t care enough with everything. This task is ruining my sanity. “The Words. The Words. The Words. Remember The Words. Remember to turn it off. The Words. Turn it off. Turn it off. Turn it off.” Sehun repeats over and over again to distract his mind as he walks as slowly as he can to the girl’s house. He just needs some more time to strengthen his mind and maybe also get rid of all the hurt and the fears from the memory that invaded his mind for these last few hours.

Sehun arrives at the house that used to be so lovely, but now it feels soulless. Although the Alyssum flowers still exist and bloom cheerfully, Sehun can feel the sadness. Yes, the mood maker of this house is now losing her happiness.

Different with Demon Chanyeol, Sehun has his own way to enter her room. Thanks to his power that can control the air; he can enter her room by creating a small tornado under his feet that can carry his weight to step into her balcony on the second floor.

The Demon who wears casual blue jeans and a white buttoned-up shirt lands his feet on her balcony. “You cried a lot today, didn’t you?” Sehun comments as he enters the girl’s bedroom casually before he leans his body against the wall at the corner of the white girly room that used to be so warm. He inhales deeply, playing with his power for a while as he watches the girl who sits and hugs her knees on her bed in silence.

Damn it, Sehun, just forget The Words this time.

Sehun walks closer to her before he sits on her bed right next to her. He really wants to fix her beautiful hair that falls on her face but he doesn’t want to scare her so he decides to just watch her silently instead. Like usual, she can’t see nor hear him and Sehun is taking that to his advantage.

“Don’t you know that Chanyeol always visits you every single night?” Sehun parts his lips to speak. “He loves you. You’re the only thing and everything that he missed from this cursed second life. Why do you have to torture yourself like this?” Sehun gives a few seconds for her to answer his question although he knows it’s impossible. The dead cannot communicate with the living. Except for some children who still owns a pure heart.

Sehun continues his words again. It will always end up as a sad monologue when it comes talking with her. “If you live your life happily and let Chanyeol go, maybe your name would not appear on my killing list.” Sehun throws a glance to the wall that displays many pictures of her life before Chanyeol’s death. “You used to be so happy. So bright. So smart.” He comments as his eyes land on a photo that shows her leaning her head on Chanyeol’s shoulder as they both grin stupidly at the camera. Sehun turns his head to watch her again. “But Chanyeol changed you into this miserable being. I hardly recognize you now.”

Silence. Nothing comes out from .

“I hope you can hear my voice.” Sehun mutters and of course his wish will never come true.

The only thing that makes people believe she’s still alive now is only by her soft breathing and her soulless eyes that blink sadly every once in a while. She looks like a broken doll, losing her puppeteer. She lets the window of her room stand wide open and lets the night wind blow her pale face and skinny body as if the cold doesn’t bother her at all. She just stares at the empty balcony as if she waits for something—or someone.

And suddenly the memory of a year and a few months ago when Sehun visited her in the morning strikes back.

A few days after Chanyeol’s death, she always cried, throwing things all over the place. Sehun knew her uncontrollable act was a part of her self-blame. She hated herself so much. She blamed herself as the cause of Chanyeol’s death. She cried and went mad whenever she was awake, and she screamed in her sleep. Living was a total torture for her.

But it went worse at the moment when Sehun visited her in one morning.

“You’re going to catch a cold if you keep the window open like this.” Sehun thought that finally her father had cared about her, but the next words made him laugh so hard. Her father didn’t change at all although her daughter almost became a victim. “And you’re going to let the paparazzi have a better look to our house too.” Her father said as he spread his arm to close the glass door that had access to the balcony of her room.

"Old man, you’re still thinking about your career,” Sehun commented as he sat on the rail of her balcony. Sehun loved heights because heights ‘cured’ him from his life.

“No!” She yelled to her father. That was the first time she defy her father’s words.

And not only Sehun was surprised with her rebelling like that, her father was too. His usually tamed little girl was finally brave enough to yell back at him. Ignoring the girl, her father closed the glassy door before he stared at her coldly. “Watch your tone. You're speaking to your father. Not your friend.”

“I said no!” She pushed her father to the side then opened the glass door again.

“Where’s your manner, young lady!?” Her father grabbed her left arm. “Look at your room! It’s a total mess! Remember who you are!”

The Housekeeper, who she referred to ‘ahjumma’, came at the right time. “Please sir, let me take care of her.”

“You better stop defending her.”

“But Sir, she’s not stable right now. Forgive me for being straightforward, but the way you behave right now will only make everything worse.”

“She’s unstable because she defied me on the first place. If she had obeyed me, she wouldn’t have gone out in the middle of the night.” Her father moved his gave from the housekeeper to her daughter. “Look what you’ve done, young lady. Your careless act caused death to your boy.”

The girl screamed painfully, and for so many times she said sorry over and over again. Begging for forgiveness from—Sehun didn’t yet know at what and to whom she was throwing her apology to. She didn’t do any mistake. It was all an unavoidable incident. And although Sehun knew Chanyeol hated his new life as a Demon of Death, he also knew that Chanyeol was proud and happy of himself. Because Chanyeol gave up his life for someone that meant more than his own. He gave up his life for his Little Angel.

And for once again, in his second life, Sehun still saw Park Chanyeol as someone to be admired. 

“Sir, please!” The housekeeper who had spent more time with her than her parents begged. The old lady knew the relationship of Park Chanyeol and the girl better than anyone. Sometimes the old lady pretended that she knew nothing when she caught Chanyeol sneaking into her room in the middle of the night. Sehun witnessed the goodness of the old lady a few times since after his death, he sometimes still visited her house—and stopped when Chanyeol began to join this cursed second life and was recruited into his team. “Let her visit that boy’s grave for once, I beg you!”

“What?” His father’s tone showed disbelief.

“I think her condition would be better if we allow her to visit Mr. Park Chanyeol’s grave even if it was only for once,” The old lady said carefully since the person she spoke to was her master.

“No! We cannot let her go out!” Her dad yelled at the lady. “What if the media found out about her condition? Take a picture of her lifeless face!? People in South Korea will think that I’m a useless father! And how come a useless father can handle this whole country? You have to remember that I’m the future prime minister of this nation! You better know your place.”

“You are indeed a useless father.” Sehun commented as he rolled his eyes. And of course no one could hear him.

“Sir…”

“God, her scream makes me crazy.” Her father massage the bridge of his before he continues with his words. “She’s going to turn all of the people in this neighborhood crazy. We need to do something before the media hear her.”

The father left the room and it didn’t take a long time for Sehun to be shocked again. The doctor of her family came to give her an injection. Sehun thought it was just for that moment, but he was wrong. Her father was really something because from that day forward, the doctor came every night and early morning. The night injection made her sleep peacefully while the early morning one made her lose her strength to feel. And without feelings, she couldn’t be angry or drown herself in despair. And from that day, Sehun witnessed something that was scarier than her throwing things and scream like crazy.

Her father turned her into a living corpse.

She didn’t speak. She was just staring at the empty balcony all day long. Sleep like a dead person during the night. But sometimes if Sehun got lucky—yeah he needed luck—he could spot tears on her face. The only emotion that indicated that she was still a human with feelings.

And what made Sehun sadder is her mother. Different from the housekeeper, her mother just sat on the white sofa of their house. She seemed composed, and awkwardly silent. Sehun knew that her mother had always been afraid of her husband. Every single person in that big house was afraid of him. And weirdly enough, whenever Sehun saw her mother, Sehun felt grateful because he once had a mother who never gave up on him.

***

Although Sehun can smell her scent and see the lady who sits next to him, his mind is not with her. It goes somewhere else. Whenever he forgets The Words, the pain always strikes him mercilessly. It hurts because he can’t change it and make it right. His biggest regret for leaving his previous life as a human.

Sehun was enjoying his new life. Just like a little kid who got his first bicycle, he played with his new power all the time. He was beyond happy because those three bullies now got their punishment and as a bonus for his brilliant choice, the entire nation would disregard them and mark them as murderers. And now, to complete his happiness he wanted to see his mother say goodbye.

But as soon as he stepped his foot inside the church with a classic architecture combined with calming color, his smile vanished away. Inside the place where he got his first and last sacrament, Sehun spotted his mother sitting on an ugly chair—which Sehun was sure that she dragged it herself there since he never spotted such horrible chair standing on the podium of the church before. She was sitting with her hands on her lap, right next to a white coffin.

And just like his happiness, the strength of his new power was also gone. He dragged his feet weakly to get closer to his mother. He stood beside her—or more precisely beside his dead body. It was wearing a new white tuxedo and his face on that body looked paler than usual. Sehun could spot so many white roses—his mom’s favorite flower near his coffin.

But it wasn’t about his dead body that made him sad. It was his mother. Tears were streaming down her beautiful face but there was no sound could be heard. And Sehun knew clearly what that meant. Her mother tried to be strong for him. He once spotted that expression when he awoke from his coma a few years ago, when he asked her mom “So I survived again, huh?” and she answered with the same facial expression she wore today, “Of course, and you know why? Because my Sehun is so strong.”

His mother caressed his hair softly as if his dead body was a newborn child. “Mom…” Sehun finally opened his mouth but it was useless. No one could hear nor see him anymore. He’s now a demon! He’s invisible!

“Sehun… my handsome Sehun… I’m sorry,” She said weakly. “I’m so sorry…”

“No… You don’t have to be...” A few times on Sehun’s life as a human, he hated his mother for caring about him too much. Hated her for installing all the medical equipment inside the healthcare room of his school. Hated her for always checking him in the middle of the night just to make sure whether he was okay in his sleep or not. Hated her for only had him as a child because in Sehun’s mind if he had a brother or a sister, his mother wouldn’t act so selfishly like that as to keep him alive and perhaps would’ve let him go for good since before Sehun knew any pain.

But the truth was Sehun never hated his mother. How could he hate a person who was always be the first person who greeted him with a smile whenever he woke up on the hospital bed? How could he hate a person who spent so many nights in the church just to pray for his health? If he had a choice, Sehun would’ve preferred to hate God for ignoring his mother’s tears and prayers. But he couldn’t do that. If Sehun hated God, then God wouldn’t hear his mother out. And she would really be alone then.

“I’m sorry for bringing you into this life with an unhealthy body,” she spoke again. “It was entirely my fault.”

Sehun also once said to his mother that he hated her for giving an unhealthy life to him. But once again it was just one of his stupid antics. He said all the hurtful things when he couldn’t bear the pain that he felt in the middle of his weekly treatment.

“I’m sorry for all the trouble you had to go through in your life.”

“Stop apologizing to me, Mom!” Sehun screamed. He felt frustrated. He wanted to be seen and be heard just to say that he was the one who should apologize for everything he’d done to his mother. He wanted to say thank you for everything. He wanted to say that he felt grateful and proud for having her as his mother.

“Now you’re free, Sehun-ah. Now, you can breathe freely. You can run with winds blowing upon your hair. You can play basketball like the senior that you once told me. You can play with the rain too. You can do everything that I once forbid you.” She touched her son’s cheek affectionately, adding, “And you don’t have to bear any pain from your weekly treatment ever again. You can sleep peacefully now, Sehun-ah. I’m sorry for being selfish enough to keep you alive for this long. Go rest now, child. You don’t have to be afraid of tomorrow anymore.”

“Isn’t it great to not have that silver tube in your pocket?” She smiled, remembering the small conversation that she had with her son when Sehun was still in elementary school. She had once promised him that when Sehun condition got better, he wouldn’t have to bring the silver tube with him anymore. And of course that never happened until today. “No more gasping for oxygen in your sleep. No more ringing the bell beside your bed to call an ambulance to pick you up. You are free, my baby. You are free.”

“It’s almost time.” Sehun saw his father’s face. Just like his mother, he was grateful for having him as his father too. And just like always, his father showed a composed face even though his heart was aching.

“I… Mommy is umm… I’m letting you free, Sehunnie. Mommy is letting you free.” She planted a long kiss on Sehun’s dead body’s forehead.

And unconsciously Sehun mouthed, “I don’t want to be free, mom. I wish I was still alive.”

After that day, all the happiness of his new life was gone. He began to live his new life more miserably than when he was still a human. But everything was getting better until the time he met Luhan and learned The Words from him.

Turn your humanity off and you’ll be free.

***

“Enough for today!” Sehun snaps to himself then turned to the girl besides him.

He stands from the place he’s been sitting on and kneels in front of her to make his eyes hang on the same level as hers. “Noona, you once said to me that people cannot survive alone in this world. But look at you now. You’re alone and you let yourself freezing in this room. Is this how you’re supposed to live? Why are you shutting people out from your life? Why do you look even more lifeless than the dead?” He asks her softly and of course, still no response. But he really needs to say the words that she once said to him.

Sehun rises from his place then stands in front of her. “I’m going to make it fast so you won’t feel anything. Smile for the last time for me, will you?” Sehun sends a brush of air to the white curtain inside her room, making it as if someone just entered through there before making the plushie that he knows Chanyeol gave her falls from the nightstand to the bed beside her. For her, he wants to make it right. He wants her to smile before her death. And Sehun’s right, the movement of the curtain and the plushie can make her smile a little. “Even when both of us are invisible now, Chanyeol is still able overshadowing me.” Sehun laughs bitterly.

And as her smile appears on her face, it also marks that it’s the right time for Sehun to finish his task. With a small gesture of his right hand, he’s emptying all the oxygen she has from her system. The last sound of her heartbeat can be heard by him; as if it was screaming directly to his ears.

It’s done. This is the second time in his new life that he feels miserable again. It hurts and he can’t stand the pain.

His emotion is getting uncontrollable, watching the dead body of her makes him frustrated. And suddenly he remembers what Luhan once said to him in his early life as a demon. “It hurts, huh? Turn your humanity off then… Turn it off and you’ll survive.”

Sehun turns his gaze away from the girl, “Turn it off and I’ll survive.”

***