“Jimin!” I heard someone saying and immediately looked back. I had no doubt about it — I had heard that name before. Someone named Jimin used to be my one and only, but we slowly grew apart. I guess the sentence We’ll always be together from dramas, was a big lie.

“Look, Jimin,” it was Jungkook’s voice “you should go to the doctor.” You seemed ill and sick, but I guess it was just the fast break-up, which affected you a lot. I had been over it a long time ago though. No one, but us, knew anything about it. As we broke up, we promised not to tell anyone and keep it for ourselves. I’m actually still not sure why all this happened to us. I mean … even after a few hours we still seemed like lovers. I guess it’s not that easy leaving someone you love so deeply.

“I’m fine,” you lied and giggled a bit afterwards. You probably knew it’d affect me as well. No one obviously knew that we even had had a relationship, since Jungkook was the only one close — not just a friend — to me. We had been on a date several times already, but I still hid so much from him. Yeah, I felt really bad for both of you, since I loved you both — I didn’t want this to be some kind of triangle.

“____,” I turned around and saw my best friend, Jin.

“Are you going with them?” he asked with a curious expression. I shook and smiled at him.

“Do you want to go with me then?” I, who noticed his soft hand grabbing mine, nodded in no time.

“Why not?” I said with a rather unusual light voice.

“Well—” he continued “I thought you were with them.”

“I mean,” he stopped so he could breath a bit “isn’t Jungkook your boyfriend after all?” He seemed more nervous than usual. Feeling his hand — it was kind of sweaty — I slowly answered him.

“No. He isn’t—yet” my voice was pretty low, so he couldn’t hear me. He said nothing and stayed silent, but held my hand even tighter — I wasn’t sure why though. His hand reminded me a bit of yours and Jungkook’s — why were boys always so alike? I never thought about such things, but today I just felt like thinking about it, since Jungkook reminded me of you. Actually, a lot had happened in my so-called short life. I mean, I had to move to a bigger town — the place I live in today — and also had to say goodbye to my only friend, my only friend back then, that is. His name was Yoongi. We used to come up with awkward puns, that we only enjoyed. However, later on, we both became busier and that’s how the beginning of a new life began. After a while we both decided to move and begin that rather more interesting life. We also decided never to contact each other again, never ever. At first, we were both kind of sad, but not really anymore. I even think he forgot me a long time ago — I wasn’t that important to him anyway.

“____,” Jin said “are you there?” he waved with his right hand, thinking I was daydreaming.

“Uh—” I blinked with my eyes a bit “yeah, yeah. C—C’mon, Jin.” I stuttered quite a lot and I guess that was because of you and Jungkook. You shouldn’t know my feelings towards Jungkook — you’d just be heartbroken — and nor should Jin make it sound so noticeable. I wasn’t trying to cause any trouble, so this was the only way out.

“W—Wait” he said, as I tried dragging him along.

“I’ve to talk to Jungkook for a bit.” He made me kind of nervous like this. He wanted me to go with him, but I just couldn’t — not with you around. Hesitating, I had no other choice, but to hide behind and follow him. Jungkook, who was still trying to convince you, noticed us and turned around.

“Jungkook, I—” Jin scratched his head, as Jungkook smiled “I’ve to talk to you—alone.” I was pretty surprised, hearing that type of sentence. Did he mean alone, with the three of us only — or just them? I mean, it wasn’t that often he wanted to leave me behind like that.

“A-Alright” Jungkook answered still wearing that usual smile of his. Jin let go of my hand and made Jungkook follow him instead. One way or another, I felt abandoned, though it was my imagination only. But instead of thinking about such things, I had to go now. If I’d stand there, you’d notice me in no time. I wasn’t ready to see your beautiful face again —  not yet. I probably still felt something between us, though our boyfriend-girlfriend relationship was over. I turned around, pretending I hadn’t seen you, but it was too late. You had already seen me. You didn’t say anything, but stared with those cute eyes of yours. Though I had turned around, I could still feel your face. Your eyes were almost watery and your cheeks were normally soft and all red. I moved a bit, making myself able to see you, but barely got a view of you, before you walked away. Were you mad at me? What did I do wrong? I wasn’t yet sure, even though you appeared somehow different from last time.

 

 

“Look,” they looked into each other’s eyes “let me—” he couldn’t say it that easily — he was struggling so much. Jungkook stared at him for a while, before he understood what he really wanted to say. Both of their eyes turned brighter, as they stared for a longer amount of time.

“Why?—” Jungkook’s smile disappeared “no—you can’t.” It was like his eyebrows were upside-down smiles — they even looked worried. Jin shrugged for quite some time before he decided to respond. They were both so silent, which was kind of weird, since they used to be good friends. They were even close friends back in the kindergarten.

“I need—” he couldn’t — he just couldn’t. It was harder than it seemed. He’d wish Jungkook could imagine himself being in Jin’s place — it was just too hard. Jin had been bullied several times when he was younger. Simply because he was known as the ‘third wheel’. He was always just left behind like that. He always had the least chance out of the many people he ‘followed’. Although he was one of the nicest guys you could ask for, he was just there. Back then, some people declared that he wasn’t a help at all — even his beautiful appearance couldn’t help them.

 

 

The school bell rang and it was all over. He wasn’t able to say his so-called confession.

“I’m sorry, Jin” Jungkook stood up “I’ve already been late once.” He was kind of ignoring Jin, so he slowly opened the door, looked back at him and walked away. Jin was just wasting Jungkook’s time after all. Jungkook wasn’t really trying to be mean on purpose or anything, but he was just so busy and stressed out lately — I guess he had to relax from the everyday life, that never ended. Jin sat there for a couple of minutes more, not wanting to go to class, since he wanted to cry. But eventually he walked out of the room and lingered around the hall.

 

 

I neither went to class. I was tired of it. I wanted to look for you, but still didn’t want to come in touch with you. I even noticed Jin merely walking around with his twirled mood. I guess we were all loners in the end. Not wanting to worry, I put my headphones on and played the most recent song.

— Hold me tight before I kiss you.

Before my heart lets you go. — It reminded me so much of you — Jimin. I was happy because of that, but I was still missing you. I tended not to admit it. I was always trying to form a new life, though it wasn’t that easy, now where I had experienced it before. However, once in awhile I had to let go of you.

“____—” Jin walked towards me, unhurriedly “come on.” Saying nothing, we simply held each other’s hand. He tried ignoring his deep depression, forcing himself to smile. I didn’t know anything about his and Jungkook’s argument — or whatever it was — yet …

— Baby ♥ — It was a text message from Jungkook. I didn’t even expect him to think of me, since he tended to concentrate a lot in class and leave such things behind.

— Shall we go to my house after school? — Another text message was sent.

— We can watch the romantic drama you once talked about — I shrugged for once and decided not to reply him. Instead, I wanted to look back at the memories.

— You miss me, right? Aigoo~ you’re so cute — I obviously never replied you. You always sent me a bunch of text messages when we both were in class and split.

 

 

We had a break. Everyone were minding their own business — some were gossiping, others were texting their lovers or friends, and then there were those who even spend their free time on studying. I was looking at old photos. I always had my yearbook in my backpack anyway. I couldn’t stop smiling. My younger and more immature self seemed better than today’s me. I looked at you as well. Woah, you were so small back then — so short. Your cheeks were even bigger, though I thought that was impossible — I guess everything is possible. Your eyes were even bigger and you tended to form that eye-smile of yours. I wanted to cover your younger self in my arms — it was the opposite weeks ago. With shaky hands I flipped through all the pages. There were a few photos of us together … alone. Some of the photos somehow made me jealous, since you were together with other girls — girls, who were all prettier than me.

“I can’t believe it,” your smile was so bright “—you’re so beautiful both inside and outside. How is that even possible?” Sometimes I felt like you were lying to me. Sometimes your words just didn’t seem right. However, I was always so happy, listening to your unique voice. Even when I was sad or angry. I remember our first kiss — you even explained how it was. I blushed so much, as you said,

“Your sugarcoated cherry-like lips—with a little smell of Mochaccino.” In reality I never thought you’d like me like that. I only thought you ‘loved’ me, because you were ‘lonely’. After a long time I began feeling your true feelings towards me. But of course later is better than never — and I think you were thankful for that.

 

 

“____—” it was Jin once again. If I wasn’t mistaken, he had stood there for a kind of long time. I felt bad for him without a reason. I closed the yearbook, hoping he hadn’t seen the younger beloved you.

“What are you looking at?” he asked with a sad-happy expression. He was looking kind of down at the moment. Of course there was no need to hide the book from him — he’d find out anyway.

“Just—the yearbook” I gave up and showed it to him. It was hard not to, when he wore that kind of expression. He unhurriedly sat down next to me and came closer without a notice in the beginning. Feeling bad for him, I brightly smiled and decided to look at the photos — photos excluding you though.

“Look, they’re helping each other—like lovers” he pointed at a small girl, making me realize it wasn’t just a random girl, but myself. He didn’t mention the cute, handsome boy though. What? I looked closer at the boy. I couldn’t believe my own eyes. It was a guy I had to know — Jin. One way or another, I wanted to cry, just because I couldn’t recognize him, even though I had been so close to him before.

“What’s wrong?” he looked at me with bigger eyes than I expected. I shook my head and looked away for once.

“N—Nothing. I’m just a bit tired,” I lied once again in my life. It seemed like I lied more as I became older. I was such a bad human-being after all. I lied and barely cheated on every guy I liked. I even lied to Yoongi, though he was a once close friend, and told him that I wouldn’t think of calling him, now where we had to restart our lives just like a game — but that didn’t last for very long.

“Is—” he stopped for a second “is Jungkook still your—boyfriend?” He pouted cutely, even though it wasn’t on purpose. I wasn’t yet sure what to answer. I mean, why was he so curious? I wasn’t sure if ‘yes’ was the right answer — what if that’d break his heart … but he was a friend only, so he had to support me, right? But even so, I couldn’t really seem to find the right answer. Perhaps he was here for Jungkook’s guilt, but maybe not. Yet none of the answers seemed right. If ‘no’ would somehow sound better, I was pretty sure he’d tell Jungkook. They were sometimes more than friends — brothers — after all. However, after a long time of thoughts flowing through my mind, I decided to stay calm and not answer him. Even if he was such a pain. Even if he was begging me like crazy.

“Is he?” he asked and shrugged afterwards. I tried to giggle. It didn’t work very well. Not answering him, I tried to waste time as much as possible, so we’d have to go our own ways — and not be together like this. And it did work! The bell rang and in no time he was on his way to another classroom. Wait … I realized something very unusual, as I looked back. Why were you here as well? Weren’t you supposed to be in the same class as Jin? I blinked with my eyes quite some times and you suddenly disappeared.

‘I guess it’s my imagination only’ I said to myself, ignoring the old memories. Only thinking of you would just cause myself to have a mental breakdown. Bad idea. Otherwise, I had to think more about studying and doing my homework. These days I borrowed Jin’s and the only thing he said was:

“I hope there aren’t any mistakes,” and then “I don’t want you to be ‘offended’ because of me.” He was wrong though. With a smile he always thought everything was his fault. He thought I’d always be forgiven for bad things … just because it was me. I bet he never thought suc