One beautiful autumn morning, a young boy, probably in his twenties, woke up in one of the hospitals of Seoul. No one was in the room with him so no one knew he had woken up from his long sleep. He suddenly opened his eyes and faced the white ceiling. For a long while he just lied there looking up, with no expression on his pale face. He couldn't move, at all.

His mind was blank.

He didn't remember anything, not even how to speak or think and probably he had forgotten how to move too. Everything seemed new to him. As if this world was completely foreign. And he didn't like what he saw, everything was ugly and dirty. Even the pure white color turned gray in his eyes. He sensed it, this world was evil and harsh.

However, there was nothing wrong with him. After the examination doctor told him that his body was in a perfect condition. But what about his mind?

He had forgotten how to listen and think and it took him a long time, many days, to finally understand doctor's words. He finally remembered how to listen, how to think and how to move around but he still couldn't speak. Was he mute?

Now what?

His doctor kept repeating the same questions.

"Who are you? Do you have any family? What's your name? How old are you? Where do you live?"

He couldn't answer because he had no idea.

He was told that his unconscious body was found in the forest. How long had he been there? What did he do there? What happened to him? These questions he couldn't answer either.

After they checked his DNA they still couldn't find him from the register. It was so very strange as if he wasn't from this world at all. So they assumed, he was foreigner.

A month passed.

He still couldn't move around much and on his face he could express only two feelings: pain and irritation. He was cold as ice, emotionless like a rock. His hear beat only to keep his body alive, there were no feelings attached, nothing. He was empty like an empty box, he had nothing.

All days he would spend by looking out of the window, looking at the sky with such pain and sadness in his eyes as if he missed something. He did, he could tell he missed the sky, he missed it so much, he longed to touch it.

It was always hard to approach him. It always seemed like he wasn't listening, he was always in his own world. He didn't let anyone near him as if he was scared, scared of a touch and the presence of other person. It burned him painfully, he could feel how wicked every human soul was. Selfish and reckless. He couldn't appreciate it.

As another month passed nothing happened, nothing changed, nothing.

And then suddenly, so unexpectedly a couple appeared, claiming him as their long lost son. He couldn't be, it was impossible for him to be their son because his DNA was different, but the doctor decided to keep it as a secret. He pitied the boy. He liked the boy and wanted him to be happy, he wanted to see the boy smile. And what comes to the long lost son? Probably he was lost forever.

Was it selfish? Was it selfish to wish happiness for a poor and lonely soul?

An angel, the boy was pretty as an angel.

"Park Tae Min"

His name was finally said out loud but it didn't sound familiar to him.

When his parents rushed to his side and hugged him he didn't smile. He felt nothing as if it was impossible for him to feel any warm feelings. At all.

"I want to die."

That was his first thought after waking up. And he couldn't think about anything else. With this only thought he had spent so many days. Alone. With this painful and sad thought torturing him, he had woken up every morning. And every morning was as cruel to him, every day was more painful than the day before. Slowly his heart filled with longing and even he, himself, didn't know for what and why. He desired to be free.


But he was unable to cry, he had forgotten how to express his feelings or maybe he never knew how to. It was too long ago when he had cried last time and maybe, maybe he had never smiled before. He didn't know how to smile.

The doctor watched Tae Min leave the hospital. He was happy the boy had found a place to stay but at the same time he was cautious of his own lie. What if the real Tae Min was found one day? What would happen to this poor, sad boy?

What?

When Tae Min stepped in his room he instantly felt it wasn't the right place to be. It wasn't his real room, was it? It didn't feel like home at all. He looked around the house not finding anything familiar. But what is home, how is it supposed to feel like? Such a foreign word.

"You really can't remember..." his mother pouted her lips with sadness crossing her face.

"You should go and rest. When you feel better we will take you to your apartment" his father patted his shoulder.

"For time being, we thought it would be the best for you to stay here" his mother smiled so lovingly that his heart ached. He suddenly felt bad not being able to return her love. He felt guilty. Even though this woman was as tainted as any other human being he felt pure warm love radiate from her presence, he liked that. It was comfortable, it was something he had never felt before.

As Tae Min lied on his bed trying to fall asleep he started feeling that strange pain again. His back ached as if someone had clawed it to blood and the burning pain prevented him from falling asleep for a long time. He couldn't help but wonder, why did he feel such pain? And why did sleeping feel so weird? Like he wasn't supposed to sleep, ever.

Next morning he woke up late. As sun rays danced on his face he, first, furrowed his brows and then slowly opened his beautiful eyes. For a while he lied doing nothing and then slowly sat on his bed. Feathers. He saw white feathers on his pillow and some flying in the air. Again... Where did those feathers come from? He caught one and brought it close to his face. As he examined it, the sunlight made it melt into thin air as if there was nothing to begin with. When he glanced at his pillow the feathers were gone. Maybe it was his imagination?

Everything seemed so new to Tae Min. Taking a shower and brushing his teeth was an adventure. It took him a long while to remember what to do and how to do it, yet still, he ended up doing everything wrong.

"Oh dear, what did you do to yourself?" Tae Min's mother grabbed her head as she saw him coming out of the bathroom with his wet clothes on.

"Did you take a shower with your clothes on? You didn't wash out the shampoo from your hair? Why do you have tooth paste on your hands?"

Towel, shampoo, toothpaste. Tae Min gave his mother a confused look. He was sure he heard those words for the first time in his life and he felt absolutely helpless in front of this fragile and kind woman. He felt bad for making her worry, and she was on the verge of tears too. He didn't know how to comfort her so he just stood there, helplessly staring at her.

"Yobo, yobo. Come here!" she called for Tae Min's father.

"Aigoo... What happened to my confident and proud son? When did you turn into such a baby?" his father joked as he helped him take a shower. "Of course, you know how to take a shower and brush your teeth. Don't you remember?" he told and explained everything to Tae Min, step by step, from the very beginning. His father was a positive person, he believed that eventually Tae Min would come to his senses, one day he will be back to his old self. Would that be possible?


Tae Min didn't eat much. At first, after waking up in the hospital, he didn't eat anything because he didn't understand what hunger was. After he was literally forced to eat he finally understood the importance of it. Using the spoon was easy to memorize but the chopsticks were a challenge to him. Even now, after a couple of months he still sat looking at the chopsticks with puzzled look. He could sit like that for the longest time before finally touching them. Tae Min didn't eat much, in fact he ate too little. The only thing he truly loved was milk. It was such a surprise to his parents, because their Tae Min has always hated milk. Guess, accidents change people, so much they become completely different.

All days Tae Min would spend watching TV. Little by little he finally started understanding his surroundings, he started to remember things. But he still couldn't smile nor talk. Everyday he was gloomy and everything he did was slow paced. He was helpless and lifeless, no emotion crossed his face, nothing. He was like a blank sheet of paper.

"Tae Min! Do you want to help me wash the car?" his father once asked. All he got in response was just a blank look in Tae Min's eyes, that new blank, emotionless look. Then, slowly, he nodded and got up from the sofa.




Yeon Hee looked over the fence not believing her eyes. She saw Tae Min washing his father's car. There he stood in a white wife beater and shorts, wearing worn out flip flops on his feet. The Tae Min she knew would have never looked so pure in the sunshine.

"Oppa!" she waved her hand at him. He didn't react. "Oppa!" she yelled again and slowly Tae Min looked up. He spared her a short glance and then focused on the car again.

He didn't flash his gorgeous smile nor wink like he usually would have done. He was different from before. Not the lively oppa she knew. He looked rather sad and tired. She pouted her lips and just stood there gazing at him. Had her precious oppa really forgotten all about her? A lonely tear ran down her cheek. In that sense, he was just the same.

In the past he was rarely nice to her, it had always been her unni he had loved. Yet, he had never been as cold as he was now. And she had never imagined it would be so painful. As if she meant nothing to him, nothing at all. She knew she never did but like this, he made it so obvious it hurt.

That day the weather was nice, the sky was clear and sun was shining with such warmth, overindulgence. Mimi, the family's only pet, a black cat with white spot on her left ear, basked in the sunlight on veranda's stairs. Tae Min sat next to it and looked at it's peaceful sleep. Slowly he reached out his hand but when he was about to touch it his mother interrupted him.

"Are you thirsty?"

He looked up and saw her holding a glass of lemonade she had just made.

"Taste this, you used to love it" she brought the glass closer. When it came to his mother, Tae Min felt like he could trust her in anything, so he grabbed the glass and drank the lemonade in one go. Often, she was wrong about him, so wrong it hurt a little. She didn't know him at all.

"Tastes like lemons" he thought as he gave the glass back to her. "No, I hate it" he though feeling the savory taste spread in his mouth. When his mother went back inside he rested his eyes on the cat again. It looked so peaceful and happy, he almost could feel the happiness shine from it. And he knew, he loved cats, he loved them so much. As he was about to touch it someone called out his name.

"Tae Min ah", It was such a sweet voice. "Could it be a voice of a human?" he wondered.

"Tae Min ah" it was like a fresh gust of wind blowing gently at him.

He slowly turned around and saw a girl sit next to him. Her pitch black wavy hair fell on her shoulders neatly. The sparkle in her eyes was lively and her white skin was flawless.

That moment Tae Min learned the meaning of a smile. As she smiled at him he felt this strange feeling tug his heart. As if something had moved. Something bittersweet and tender.

"How are you? I heard you were in an accident?" she asked worry running across her face.

For a second Tae Min was mesmerized by her beauty and all he could do was stare at her. She looked familiar, but who was she?

"You look fine, no you look great", she laughed and her laughter made Tae Min feel so warm inside. He felt his body fill with energy as he looked at her smiling face. Good energy.

"You don't look tired anymore, you don't even look sad. Why aren't you smiling?" she let out a heavy sigh and touched his cheek with her soft and small hand. But her hand was cold and the coldness made Tae Min wince. Something was off, something was so incredibly wrong.

"I'm sorry. It is my fault you have to go trough this", she looked sad.

Surprisingly her touch didn't feel disgusting to him. Every time someone had touched him it felt sickening, as if the hand touching him was dirty. Now, he felt only this warm feeling inside himself. A strange unknown sensation tingled in the pits of his stomach.

"Oppa!" familiar voice echoed in the air. The girl looked behind Tae Min and her face became blank. "I need to go" she whispered.

Tae Min looked over his shoulder to see the same, weird girl he had seen a while ago while washing the car. But why did she call him oppa? What does oppa even mean? And when he turned back, the black haired girl was gone already. Only her faint scent remained, it lingered in the air for a moment and soon enough vanished away as if it had never been there.

Tae Min furrowed his brows. Because of the annoying girl the other one was gone.

"So it really is you", she stopped in front of him. He finally spared her a look. And for some reason he suddenly found so many similarities between her and the black haired girl: the eyes, the lips and even the skin, it was all the same.

Mimi woke up and looked around moving her ears a bit. She stood up and walked to the girl rubbing herself against the girl's leg. The cat liked her, Tae Min could tell.

"Ah" the girl smiled and her smile was bright. She squatted down and grabbed Mimi in her arms. Tae Min felt irritated. He wanted to touch the cat so bad and now the girl was holding it. He wanted to hold it too.

"You must have really forgotten about everything." He saw the girl pout. "My name is Yeon Hee, I'm your neighbor" she smiled and her eyes sparkled lively. Tae Min looked at her, feeling unhappy and upset. She annoyed him like all the other people.

So very often he found himself irritated by the people around, their talking, the way they looked at him, the way they moved and everything about their presence made him uncomfortable and angry. He didn't trust them, he hated them, he hated them so much.

"You look so unhappy." She moved toward him, a little closer. "Do you want to hold Mimi?" she raised a brow and playful smile played on her lips. Tae Min saw a pair of dimples as she continued smiling.

Suddenly, too quickly, he felt something heavy on his lap. He looked down and faced Mimi's green eyes. He felt as if she asked him "What are you doing here?"

"I don't remember" he thought in response.

"I see" Mimi sat in his lap and started herself.

"Yaaaah, our oppa is being really strange" Yeon Hee squatted in front of Tae Min trying to see his face. "Are you communicating with Mimi?" she laughed. He looked a bit up to meet her eyes again. He wanted her to leave but didn't know how to tell or show it to her.

"But your hair looks good now. To tell the truth, I never liked your long hair." She wanted to touch his hair but he leaned back. He didn't like people touching him, he fond their touches painful as if they burned him.

Yes, Tae Min used to have a long and wavy hair. But they had to make a lot of examinations on him in the hospital so his beautiful hair was shaved off. Now it had grown already but it was still short. He missed his long hair, without it he felt and vulnerable.

As his light brown hair glowed in the sunlight Yeon Hee felt this urge to touch it. She reached her hand and ruffled his hair. It was soft and silky. A new expression appeared on Tae Min's face when he felt her touch. It was a mixture of surprise and slight anger. If he could he would have shouted "Yah!" with irritated voice.

"You are so weird, oppa. Have you forgotten how to smile?" Yeon Hee grabbed his cheeks. "Shall I remind you how to do it?" she raised a brow and then squeezed his cheeks forcing him to smile. Tae Min would have slapped her hands away if his mother wouldn't have interrupted.

"Oh my, Yeon Hee! What are you doing here?" his mother's happy voice surprised Tae Min. That instant Yeon Hee let go of him "Ahjumma! Long time no see" she smiled and walked past him.

Just like that, Tae Min had gotten rid of her in an instant. His mother was truly an amazing woman. But, why did this weird girl make her so happy? Why wasn't, he, able to make her this happy?

Tae Min rubbed his cheeks. It hurt a bit but soon the pain was away. He stared at Mimi who looked at him again

"Aren't I cute, aren't I?" she seemed to smile at him.

"Yes, very lovely" he smiled. Even though it was a small smile, probably unnoticeable, but it came from his heart.

"Come on Tae Min, let's drink some tea" his mother patted his shoulder and his smile disappeared.

As he sat at the table listening to a lively chatter of his mother and Yeon Hee he felt really strange. Too many things happened to him today and he felt bad. His surroundings were suffocating him so much he wanted to stand up and run away but he suddenly felt really tired.

"Where have you been all this time?" his mother asked Yeon Hee as she put tea cups on the table.

"I've been busy with my studies and part time job" Yeon Hee simply answered with her perky voice.

"I wish our Tae Min could soon go back to school"

"Everybody misses him." Yeon Hee flashed a smile as she glanced at Tae Min.

"How is it all going on with Mi Sook?" his mother's voice had a new deep flavor. New, yet very familiar.

"It's all getting better. Slowly but we are getting on" Yeon Hee smiled bittersweetly as she too a seat across Tae Min.

Tea was poured in his mug and he sat there looking at the milk can. He wanted milk in his tea but didn't know how to express the feeling. He glanced at his mother who was taking out the cookies and then at Yeon Hee who was checking her cellphone.

"Could you please pass me the milk?" he formed the sentence in his mind. Suddenly Yeon Hee looked at him and caught him looking at her. Tae Min blinked.

"Do you want milk in your tea?" she asked with her soft voice. Tae Min nodded.

"Here we go" she passed the milk to him with a smile on her lips.

"Aren't you guys understanding each other so perfectly?" Tae Min's mother smiled warmly as she put the cookies on the table.

"Who wouldn't understand him, he looked at the milk with such passion" Yeon Hee joked.

Tae Min poured enough milk in his tea and put the can on the table. He glanced at Yeon Hee who was now in a deep conversation with his mother. A strange feeling filled his mind as he looked at her smile and for some reason he didn't like it. She annoyed him, annoyed so much.

A month passed.

Tae Min got more used to his life, his reaction speed became faster and he learned to do all simple things he was supposed to know. He even learned to how to make noodles, porridge and some other simple foods. He had been to the market, used bus, train and gone to several other places normal people go. It all was strangely new to him.

That day Tae Min sat on the garden swing, enjoying the quiet evening in peaceful silence. Suddenly he heard rustling of the leaves. He looked up and soon enough saw familiar figure. She walked toward him so delightfully and her smile was beautiful. Seeing her smile he smiled too, she stopped.

"You smiled!" she suddenly shouted and ran to him. "You finally smiled" her voice was full of joy. She stopped in front of him and grabbed his hand. He shivered because her touch was cold. But he didn't mind, not at all. Because it felt good.

"I'm sorry, I'm a bit cold" she let go of his hand but he grabbed her fingers with his, own warm, as if saying "No, it doesn't matter."

"I looked around but couldn't find your parents. Did they leave somewhere? I wanted to say hello", she pouted.

He just kept gazing at her in silence. There were so many questions he wanted to ask her, suddenly there were so many things he wanted to tell her yet he couldn't utter a word.

"You used to be so bubbly, so talkative." She came a step closer to him and gently his cheek with her cold hand. "I'm sorry for making you like this, I'm so sorry." Tears appeared in her eyes. He looked at her glittering tears, mesmerized by their beauty.

That moment Tae Min learned the meaning of tears.

He let out a sigh as he tore his eyes off her and looked away not knowing what to do. How to stop those beautiful tears from flowing. She fell on her knees repeating the word 'sorry' so many times, he grew tired of it.

"Stop!" he shouted in his head and finally laid his eyes at her again. She looked up right into his eyes with her trembling lips. Slowly his hand moved and he gently grabbed her chin, his thumb caressed her lips and they stopped trembling.

"I forgive you." Tae Min gave her a faint smile. Staring in his eyes she grabbed his hand and planted a soft kiss on his palm. His eyes widened as his heart started thumping faster. Feeling strange he pulled his hand away and hid it behind his back. It was fear, it was fear that he had felt so vividly just now.

The girl looked at him with surprise. "You, since when did you become so innocent?" she chuckled.

As moonlight fell at both of them making Tae Min's hair glow in the night, she finally noticed how innocent he looked, like a child. Yet his body was one of a grown man, body of a man she had loved and desired, finally gotten to herself and then lost in an instant. It was the same body and same face. It was him whom she had used so heartlessly and then thrown away like people throw away trash. That same Tae Min she had tortured so heartlessly and then slowly... killed.

Yet, somehow she felt it wasn't him at all. He was so different, too different.

She hastily stood up and leaned closer to Tae Min, he leaned back. "Why?" she whispered softly. "Why are you scared of me?"

He just looked at her helplessly not knowing himself, what was going on. He felt confused because he didn't understand the situation.

"Why don't you remember me?" sadness and pain shined from her eyes. "Is it, that you don't want to?" her voice wavered.

Tae Min felt heavy and lightheaded at the same time. The world around him got blurry and started swirling around. She watched him slowly close his eyes and fall behind. Letting go of his hand, she watched him collapse. His body hit the ground sending dust in the air. After he fell from the swing it started lightly moving back and forth and her eyes followed it sway.

With his eyes closed Tae Min lied on his back his chest rising and falling steadily, so very much alive. She squatted beside him, leaned over him and planted a soft kiss on his lips. He shivered upon her touch even though he was unconscious. Her tears fell on his face as she took a good look at him. Maybe for the last time.

"I love you" she whispered but he didn't hear her words. Maybe it was for the best.

"I love you" It was her first time saying those words to him with actual meaning. How blind had she been whole her life, only playing with his precious feelings.

She learned to love him too late. She started cherishing him too late. She stopped torturing him too late. Nothing could change the fact that she had slowly killed him. He was dead. There was no Tae Min anymore, there was not her anymore. Everything between them was over, the love was gone. Gone forever.

She took one last look at him and left.



"Tae Min, we decided with your mother that it is time to take you to your apartment. Let's go there tomorrow, shall we?" Tae Min's father announced with a happy smile.

Tae Min gave him a simple nod in response. "It's a place where I can be alone, right?" he thought. Lately he had been too bothered by people around him, he yearned to be alone, he missed loneliness for some reason. He missed it so badly.



As Tae Min stepped into his apartment, followed by his father, he suddenly froze. A picture of him and the black haired girl got his attention. With quick steps he reached the drawer and grabbed the picture frame with trembling hands.

"Mi Sook" a bittersweet smile occupied his fathers lips "Of course, you would notice her first" he patted Tae Min's shoulder and kept quiet for the rest of the time.

His father didn't stay for long and when he was gone Tae Min was finally left alone in the living room. He stood there looking around observing dusty shelfs. There were some clothes on the floor, a few open books on the table and a dusty photo album on the sofa. As if, long ago he had left this apartment to come back later. But then, he never did. Such a sad thought.

He sat down and opened the photo album, flipping yellowish pages he came upon many faces he couldn't recognize. There were so many photos of him and black haired girl with bright smiles on their faces, but there was only one photo that caught his attention.

It was an old photo of a small girl in a light green dress. She had fallen asleep on a bench holding tightly on her teddy bear. Upon seeing her Tae Min smiled, he took out the photo and brought it closer to his face. A light feeling of happiness filled his heart as he admired little girl's genuine smile and her cute sleeping face. Taking out the photo he closed the photo album and threw it on the floor. He stood up and walked to the drawer where the photo of him and the black haired girl stood in silence.

It terrified him. Their smiles, them holding hands and the sparks in their eyes. Suddenly he didn't want to be on the photo. Fear. Looking at her face, he felt fear again. Agony wrapped around his heart making it almost stop beating, as if trying to silently kill him. Hastily he grabbed the frame trying to open it but in process he cut his hand.

As glass gashed his skin the frame fell on the floor. He watched blood drip feeling the hurt. It was a new feeling to him. Strangely enough the pain in his hand eased the pain in his heart.

The doorbell rang and slowly he fixed his gaze on the door as the sound of the doorbell echoed in his apartment. Even though he stood there, not moving, for a long time, the person behind the door kept ringing the bell so persistently.

"Oppa" the same irritating voice greeted Tae Min as he opened the door. He met Yeon Hee's anxious eyes and saw worry on her face.

"Oh my God, what happened to your hand. You are bleeding" she pushed him inside. He watched her run to his kitchen and then come back with a firs aid kit. She had been here before, she knew this place so well. Better than him.

"Yah, how long have you been bleeding?" she took his hand in her own, examining his cut. "Like a kid, a kid" she shook her head sighing. Tae Min looked at her suddenly finding so many similarities between her and the small girl on the photo. As she tended his wound he suddenly noticed the warmth of her soft hands, he noticed the loving worry in her eyes and he noticed how cute her pouting lips were. Maybe she wasn't as annoying as he thought she was. Just maybe.

Cute. That moment Tae Min learned the meaning of cute. And he smiled. She never noticed.

"What were you doing?" she finally asked as she looked at his bandaged hand with satisfaction plastered all over her face. Then she noticed the broken frame on the floor. "Unni's picture?" she squatted next to the scattered glass and picked up the picture.

Worry. That moment Tae Min learned the meaning of worry as it ran trough him when Yeon Hee touched the glass. If she cut her hand she would hurt? He didn't want her to hurt.

"Mm" he uttered making her look up in surprise.

"Did you just say something?" she looked at him with wide open eyes.

He just helplessly stared at her not knowing what to do. He pointed his finger at the scattered glass. "Don't touch it, you will hurt yourself" he thought.

"You think I'm clumsy enough to hurt myself?" she grinned as if reading his thoughts. "I'm not that stupid as to pick it up with my bare hands, but unni's photo has to be saved. It's your favorite photo after all" she smiled as she stood up holding the photo in her hand.

Tae Min shook his head. He grabbed the photo from her hand and wrinkled it, then tossing back to the floor.

"Um, oppa. What's wrong?" then she noticed he was tightly holding onto another photo. "Did you want to put that photo in the frame?" she threw a curious look at the photo.

Quickly Tae Min slipped the photo in his pocket and walked past her.

"Aish, he's so weird" Yeon Hee scratched her head, stood there for a while and then cleaned the mess. When she noticed Tae Min had started watching the TV she decided to leave. She only came to check up on him, anyways.

Tae Min pressed his bandaged hand against his cheek. He smelled familiar smell, that reminded him of the hospital, and closed his eyes. His heart beat restlessly as the question "Who am I?" came to his mind for the first time.

He took out the photo gazing at it gently. It looked so familiar, where had he seen it before? It was the first time, after waking up in the hospital, he finally remembered something.

"I love you" words escaped from his lips making him shiver.

Just now, he talked. He touched his lips in surprise.

He could talk.

But love... What was it? Why did he talk about love?

Tae Min didn't know living by himself would be too lonely after all. Suffocating feeling of no one being around tangled around him trying to choke him to death, and his heart ached as if someone was trying to crush it. The feeling of not being able to breathe harrowed him making him wake up in the middle of the night, and fall down on his knees in broad daylight. He thought loneliness was comforting yet he proved to be wrong. He hated loneliness.

The same dream kept following him from one night to another. In the wicked dream he stood in the middle of an accident site, a burning car and bloody motorbike in front of him. He looked lifeless, emotionless, indifferent. He just stood there as if it was his duty to just stand there. He watched two bodies lie next to the motorbike when, suddenly, a boy approached him from behind grabbing his shoulders tightly.

"You! Even though you didn't save me, I don't care! But her! Her..." the boy screamed in pain and then started crying "Why did you let her die?" Tae Min only stared at the boy's pain not understanding him. "Why the fck did you have to hurt her like this?!" the boy screamed "It fcking hurts?! Did you know that?!" anger flashed trough his eyes as he kept glaring at Tae Min.

"I don't know" was Tae Min's simple answer. He didn't know what pain was, he had no clue.

"Then fcking learn!" the boy grunted, gave Tae Min a powerful push and loosing his balance he fell backwards.

The next thing he knew he felt sharp pain, as if his body was burning. All he could do was scream in despair. He didn't feel his legs nor his arms and his vision was blurry. As if he was on the verge of death. When he finally managed to move he sat up feeling something wet running down his face and neck, it was blood. All he could smell was blood, all he could taste was blood and all he could see was blood. All he could feel was pain, in every corner of his body he felt pain that seemed to be killing him. Even his heart was ripping apart, his soul was burning to ashes.

At that point of dream Tae Min always woke up. Why? Why did such dream haunt him? And then he felt the ache in his back again. This burning ache...

As Tae Min walked to the kitchen he heard weird noise from the hallway. A strange, disturbing feeling fell upon him as his hand fumbled for the light switch.

"Who's there?" he asked with cracking voice and his heart started beating faster. When the light went on Tae Min saw the black haired girl, Mi Sook, in front of himself.

"I'm sorry I barged in like this" she lowered her head in embarrassment "But I just.. I just had to see you." she looked up and as her eyes met Tae Min's he shivered. Suddenly her presence felt heavy, her beauty was like a spell and her words like toxic. Tae Min felt his body hurt like in his dream. Her presence reminded him of the dream and yet again he felt the pain so vividly it became unbearable.

"No!" he shouted as he stepped back grabbing his head with trembling hands.

Fear. Tae Min learned the meaning of fear as he once again looked in her unnaturally dark eyes. "No!"

"I missed you. Why, why are you acting like this?" tears started running down her cheeks "Why?" her desperate voice lingered in the air.

"Why?"

A sudden tear rolled down Tae Min's cheek. The closer she came the weaker he felt. His feet gave up on him and he fell against the wall, slid down on his knees.

"Go, go, disappear" he whispered as he saw her stand in front of himself. "Be gone."

She touched his cheek with her cold hand sending shivers down his spine. "You really want that?" her bittersweet voice wrapped around him painfully, with so much thorns.

"It all is over, it was over a long ago", he whispered with a voice that didn't seem to belong to him. "I loved you, you loved me but then... we died."

"No" she frantically shook her head.

"There used to be us but there is no more me nor you" Tae Min opened his eyes and tears ran down his cheeks as if trying to drown him. "Now, even us is disappearing" he whispered staring into her deep dark eyes. He thought they were so beautiful.

"Then", she finally sighed, giving up and turning her back at him "Goodbye."

"Goodbye", as these last words escaped from Tae Min's lips his eyes closed and he fell into timeless darkness.



Yeon Hee was about to go to school when she noticed her oppa's door was slightly open. They were neighbors only because her sister used to live in the apartment that now belonged to her.

"Oppa?" she said quietly peeking in. "Op-" she gasped as she saw him lying on the floor. She ran to him and shook him gently but he didn't open his eyes, and when she touched his forehead he was burning. Somehow she managed to drag him to the bed and when he finally opened his eyes she scolded him.

"You forgot to eat, didn't you? How come you have nothing in your refrigerator?! You are a grown man, you should know by now! Are you stupid?"

Care. It felt good when someone was taking care of you. A warm feeling cuddling you comfortably making you feel at ease. Was that love? It was so much similar to the feeling that Tae Min constantly felt lingering around his uhmma. That strange but good feeling that he felt from in his uhmma's every action. Was it maybe... love?

"Hey, I made some porridge" Yeon Hee's head popped in the room. Hearing her perky voice Tae Min smiled and sat up in his bed.

"Eh?" she stopped in her tracks "Oppa, you smiled" a soft chuckle escaped her lips and she smiled even wider.

"Huh, your fever is gone?" she gently touched his forehead. "Well, that was fast" she sat beside Tae Min's bed and looked at him eat. "Next time make sure to have some food, okay? You have lost so much weight too."

After Tae Min had fallen asleep Yeon Hee decided to leave. She knew he would survive by himself and she was running late from her part time job too.

"Go buy some food" Tae Min looked at the note on his kitchen table and chuckled. Guess, he needed to buy some after all.

As Tae Min made his way back home from the grocery store his eyes suddenly caught on an old grandma selling fruits at the road side. A strange pain lingered in his heart upon seeing her.

Pity.

That moment Tae Min learned the meaning of pity.

"Oppa! Look out" a hand grabbed onto his, pulling him back and a car zoomed past him just a few seconds after. He glanced over his shoulder seeing worried Yeon Hee out of her breathe. "You should be more careful" she scolded him.

Saved. That was the moment Tae Min learned how it feels to be saved.

Suddenly a flashback ran trough his mind. He saw himself stand on the rooftop looking at a woman standing on the edge. As she slowly stepped over the edge his lips curved into a satisfied smile. In a second, the woman was gone leaving behind only a gust of wind and beautiful colors of the sunset. Slowly, Tae Min walked forward stopping at the edge and looked down. He wanted to jump too, he wanted to disappear too, escape his painless state. But he couldn't. A light sigh escaped from inside of him as he turned around and walked away, leaving behind only cold emptiness. He had failed again.

"Yah, oppa! Earth calling" Yeon Hee snapped her fingers in front of his face, bringing him back to the present.

Suddenly he realized something. He felt pain. A wonderful feeling of bliss spread in his body and he smiled. He finally felt pain. That meant only one thing, now.

Now.

Now it was possible for him to jump. Right?

"If I didn't happen to pass by you would be dead" Yeon Hee wiped sweat off her forehead.

Dead?

Tae Min looked at her with his lips slightly open. There was a chance to escape. The bag of groceries fell from his hand upon his sudden realization.

He was alive.

"Yah, are you listening" Yeon Hee tugged his sleeve with angry expression on her face, but to her surprise he jerked his hand away and started running somewhere.

Still shocked about previous situation she dashed after him. Suddenly she felt worried about him, he was acting weird. Since the accident Tae Min had been so weird. Why? What was so different about him? Not his pure innocence, not his absentmindedness, not his silence, not his weird actions. Yeon Hee fastened her steps as only one thought ran trough her mind.

He had lost his will to live.

He was so passive, he didn't eat properly, he spent his days doing nothing and every time she had looked in his eyes, there was absolutely nothing as if he didn't have a soul.

She saw Tae Min run into their apartment complex building. When she got inside he was nowhere to be seen. Madly she pressed the elevator button but not having enough patience to wait she ran up the stairs. She was out of her breathe, the side of her stomach hurt, her lungs screamed for more air and her heart beat like crazy when she finally reached the rooftop. The muscles in her legs were burning when she finally opened the door.

Tae Min stood at the edge of the roof. Yes, it was such a familiar rooftop. He had been there so many times before. As his timeless memories came to him his gaze shifted down from the clear blue sky. Mesmerized by the height, he looked down smiling like a child who had just gotten the toy of his dreams.

Feeling nothing but happiness Tae Min just stood there looking down. He felt numbing pain in his heart. He finally felt it. He finally felt. After decades of torture and efforts in vain he finally felt. So this was how people felt before suicide. So actually, it was better to let them die than save them. Death, it was their nemesis. Salvation.

And now it was finally his turn. It was his turn to disappear forever. How long had he been waiting for this? All his existence he had wished for only one thing, death. As he was not worthy enough to live, no he wasn't worthy enough to exist.

And when he was about to brig his leg over the edge his hand was grabbed and he was jerked back with force.

"Tae Min" a wavering voice lingered in his ears for a while before gust of wind stole it. Tiny hands wrapped around his waist holding him tight and he felt his heat flutter. "Don't you dare!" she grunted in despair.

Feeling confused Tae Min looked over his shoudler. Softly he grabbed onto Yeon Hee's hands freeing himself from her grip then immediately feeling uncomfortable without her hands around himself. That feeling scared him. What was it? Why did it make his heart beat so fast?

"No, no, no, no!" her desperate voice full of panic wrapped around him. He now faced her. She looked at him with pain in her eyes as tears rolled down her cheeks.

"How dare you scare me like that?" she sobbed wiping her tears.

Seeing her worry he felt uncomfortable. He didn't want to see her hurt, it pained him.

Compassion. That's when Tae Min learned the meaning of compassion.

But that feeling scared him. He couldn't bear to look at her. Suddenly gust of agony swirled inside of him and he felt helpless. He turned his back at her facing the edge of the rooftop again but this time he didn't feel like jumping at all. No, now the height scared him, now jumping down felt impossible. In a flash moment she shook his world turning it upside down. She made death seem like something awful after all.

Suddenly Tae Min lost his balance and fell.

He fell.

He fell landing on top of Yeon Hee because she had jerked him back once more with her whole strength. He heard her unsettled heartbeat. She was alive too, she felt pain too, she struggled but she lived on facing tomorrow like millions of people every day around the world.

People. He had always been jealous of people because they were able to control their lives. They couldn't do anything about being born but that was their only curse, after being born they were able to do anything. Anything. Unlike him.

He lifted his body and sat beside Yeon Hee. She lied there crying and her petite body trembled. Her inconsolable sobbing pierced Tae Min's heart as he kept observing her. He hated seeing her like that.

Gently he grabbed her hands and lifted her up. She sat now in front of him looking down. Softly he cupped her cheeks wiping her tears away. He smiled feeling happy for some reason.

Grateful. He learned how to be grateful and what it felt like. So, this is what it felt like to be saved.

He leaned forward and hugged her gently. She felt his warm embrace and looked up in surprise.

"I love you"

Tae Min rested his head on her shoulder. He chuckled softly as his hug tightened. "What a fool have I been."

Love. Tae Min finally realized what love was and he found happiness. And when he found happiness he finally realized that there was nothing more amazing than life itself. Even if one day he had to give up on love he knew he wouldn't decide to end his life. Because at least now, he knew how it was like.

Happiness.

flashback[i]

A boy dressed in white suit with white collar shirt and gray tie, even white shoes, strolled lazily in the park having nothing else to do. He looked around with blank and lifeless eyes as if he despised all people around him.

Humans. Wicked, stained and heartless creatures. Yet he envied them, every single of them.

He was tired but he couldn't feel it. He was lonely but he couldn't feel it. He was in pain yet he couldn't feel it either.

He was an angel, a guardian angel without ability to save.

All he did was look how soul after soul disappeared in thin air. He felt happy then again jealous, but yet he felt nothing at all.

"Cat, come here" he heard a bright voice. Immediately his head turned to the left and he saw a little girl run after a cat with a happy smile plastered on her face. As the cat crossed a road, the girl ran after it not remembering to be careful of the cars.

This time Tae Min didn't just stand still waiting for the car hit the little girl. He felt absolutely no negative energy from her, he couldn't let her get hurt, it wasn't her time yet. So he ran after her, grabbing her in his strong arms just in time. He fell on his back not feeling any pain from the hit, the little girl ended on his lap.

"You fool" he slowly got up. He looked at the girl with amusement in his eyes. She still seemed confused about what had just happened. When she looked up at him and smiled brightly Tae Min felt blessed, he didn't recognize the feeling but it felt good.

"I'm sorry, ahjussi" the girl said.

"You have to live" Tae Min said as he got up pulling her along.

"Thank you ahjussi" the girl bowed.

"You can see me?"

She nodded.

"You see, I'm an angel" he whispered.

"You can't be" she shook her head.

"Why?"

"You look angry."

Not knowing what angry means he just kept looking at her blankly.

"Squat down" she ordered and he listened.

"Like this" she squeezed his cheeks forcing him to smile "Look, your lips go this way" she smiled at him. "It's called smiling. Smiling is a good thing."

"Like this?" he smiled faintly and the girl gave him a slight nod.

"You saved my life but I only taught you how to smile. What if you forget?" she frowned. "I know" a bright smile appeared on her face. "Come and look for me when I grow up, then I'll be your friend and take care of you."

Tae Min wanted to tell her that when she grows up she will not be able to see him anymore, but decided to keep his mouth shut. Instead he nodded.

"A promise" she held up her pinky finger.

"A promise" he smiled sealing their promise.

He touched girl's head and she fell asleep in an instant. He carried her to a nearby bench and carefully lied her on it. For a moment he stood there admiring her pure cuteness thinking that probably next time he might see her, she would disgust him. At some point all humans turn too dirty.

So he just left not knowing that a simple promise with a little girl would bring him happiness one day.
[/i]


Sound of the doorbell woke Yeon Hee up. Still feeling tired and puzzled about yesterday she opened the door and shivered seeing Tae Min's stand on the other side.

"Take me to where she is" was all he said. His voice was a bit different from before. It sounded much kinder and softer and, strangely, Yeon Hee felt that she had heard it somewhere before from someone else's mouth. Confused about him suddenly regaining his speaking ability she just nodded and put on her shoes.



When Tae Min saw the church and graveyard, a strange, stingy feeling started to glimmer from his heart spreading in his whole body. He felt numb and weak, and he felt guilty. For some reason the feeling of guilt landed on his shoulders hindering his every step. God was scolding him.

"Spend as much time as you want, I'll be waiting" Yeon Hee said giving him an encouraging smile. Then she her heels and left, looking a bit sad and puzzled. Tae Min stood there looking at the gravestone with blank look.

A girl, 18 years old, died two years ago. Was it really her? Tae Min scratched his forehead. Was it really her? Suddenly he felt a light tap on his shoulder. When he looked back he didn't see anyone and then slowly a figure of a boy, standing just behind him, became clearer. A boy who looked exactly like him.

"Enjoying your life?" the boy laughed casually and his eyes twinkled.

Tae Min just stared at him blankly.

"You have not changed a bit, have you?" he ruffled Tae Min's hair but rather it felt like a gust of wind. "Everyone must think I'm so weird right now" the boy shook his head "Anyways, you have been spending a lot of time with Yeon Hee, right? Oh wow, lover boy" he grinned.

Tae Min frowned, the boy was so talkative. A complete opposite from him. So talkative, so alive, so bubbly.

"I know she has had a secret crush on me for ages" smiling playfully he nudged Tae Min's side with his elbow, but Tae Min couldn't feel his touch. Looking at the boy with a blank face, it felt so familiar. He had met him before too, he knew it. "If I ever got another chance I'd choose her" the boy let out a heavy sigh. "Instead of all the pain and torture I had to go trough. As corny as it sounds, you understand what you lost only when you lose it. Gosh, I've been so blind" he shook his head with a sad smile on his face.

"Aish, you have forgotten abut me, haven't you" the boy pouted and walked past Tae Min stopping in front of the grave. "She died because of me" he said with guilt in his voice "But because of you too" he glanced at Tae Min. "I came here to say goodbye" he smiled bittersweetly "Goodbye, my love" he said looking at the grave as his playful voice was carried away by the wind. After a moment of silence he turned to face Tae Min again. "Now, give me all of what you have left."

"Of what?" Tae Min finally spoke.

"Of an angel" the boy just smiled "How the hel1 am I supposed to know what it is" he then shrugged laughing. "We changed places, you dimba.ss. I can't believe you still don't remember" he shook his head in disbelief.

Tae Min closed his eyes as memories of eternal life came to him slowly, memories of the time he couldn't feel. There wasn't much to remember because everyday had been the same. Except one day, memory of that day made him smile.

But whoever told this boy the change would last forever? Not anyone could become an angel. Not a boy who wasn't supposed to die in the first place.

"Yah! Hurry up! I'm not that patient!" the boy crossed his arms over his chest. Tae Min looked at him with emotionless face, now feeling all the hurt that cut his heart like the sharpest knife.

"Well then, take good care of her because I'll give you something better" he then smiled softly as he brought his hand to boys cold forehead and watched the boy's figure slowly fade into thin air, until it disappeared leaving behind only a faint memory of something beautiful. Feeling somewhat happy and at ease Tae Min smiled to himself as he one last time looked at the grave.

"Goodbye" he smiled at the grave "And thank you" he looked up at the sky. He was about to turn around to walk away when all the strength left him and he fell down. Smelling the grass and feeling the warmth of the sun on his face he knew he was feeling it for the last time. A body wouldn't live without a soul so the soul needed to come back to the body.

"Resurrection"

The angel watched Yeon Hee run up to Tae Min and shake him awake. A tear fell down his cheek as he watched the scene in front of himself. The last tear he'd ever cry. He saw Tae Min's puzzled expression turn into irritation and then anger. But he knew that despite everything, Tae Min was happy.

He smiled, never before had he smiled so brightly.

"Thank you" no one was supposed to hear his whisper.

Yeon Hee looked around herself and her eyes stopped right on him for a moment. She smiled with her lips slightly open, letting her eyes wander on the sky. "No, thank you."

He had kept his promise after all.


To live...
...breathe

To be saved...
...save

To be happy...
...bring happiness

To be loved...
...love