'There's a place, that I know, 

it's not pretty there and few have ever gone,

and if I show it to you now, 

will it make you run away?'

Yixing wasn't sick. And he hated how people treated him as if he was. Sure, he took medication and he had a curfew and he needed to go on checkups every month, but that didn't mean anything. Yixing was currently annoyed at everything and also at the same time very nervous.

Yixing was on his way to Xiumin's house, after almost every person in his house tried to sit him down and talk to him as if he was 5. He was just recently diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder and a minor case of Derealization. Xiumin wasn't there when he was diagnosed and Yixing was unsure about whether he wanted to tell him. It was worrisome.

'Will you stay?

Even if it hurts?

Even if I try to push you out, will you return?'

Yixing stopped outside Xiumin's apartment door, his hand poised over the door. He wanted to knock on the door but he was still deciding whether he should tell Xiumin or not. Ignoring all the thoughts for a few milliseconds, Yixing rapped on the door quickly and waited for the sounds of Xiumin's feet to reach the front door.

When the door opened and Xiumin was revealed, in Yixing's large grey jumper and a curious smile, Yixing shoved the other boy inside and went in, shutting the door and resting his head on Xiumin's shoulder. Xiumin was much shorter than Yixing but he didn't mind. 

"What's wrong?"

Xiumin sounded concerned. And Yixing wanted to tell him. It wasn't that big of a deal, anxiety was common, and his derealization only happened occasionally (and the depression that sometimes followed it). But Yixing already knew. Keeping this from him would hurt the both of them eventually.

"There's something I need to tell you."

Yixing stared at Xiumin, taking in his boyfriend's beautiful brown almond eyes, the question and worry in them. Yixing felt the word vomit.

"I had a doctor's appointment a few weeks ago, like 14 days ago or something and I was diagnosed with something and don't worry it's not life threatening, at least not directly, and I know I should have told you this but I was really worried but I couldn't take keeping it away from you anymore and also my family was being really annoying just now so I'm here and-"

Yixing took a gasping breath and covered Xiumin's mouth as the other began to open it.

"I have this thing called an Avoidant Personality Disorder and basically it explains all those times I didn't want to leave the house on the first day of school and also it means that I have this dumb irrational fear of meeting people and oh god it's just so stupid and pathetic but I also have this thing called derealization which basically means sometimes I feel as if something isn't actually happening but-"

He took another deep breath and tried to ignore the way Xiumin had a resigned look in his eyes.

"But it's not like when I first confessed and you confessed and it felt like it wasn't even happening or like when we went steady and I could barely believe it. This is more like I'm not sure this is happening and it's like if I stood at the top of a really tall building, I would jump off because it didn't feel real. Like a dream. And sometimes, things get so disconnected that I get scared and paranoid and depressed but don't worry about that okay?"

"And if you are really mad or annoyed or if you can't handle the idea of being with someone mentally unstable I totally get if you want to leave me right now and I will walk out that door and you can keep this jumper or you can burn it, it's fine with me."

Yixing was afraid. Afraid to look at Xiumin, afraid to see the way his face would turn ashen- it was a scary look on him- but he was afraid to look away. He dropped his hand back to his side and continued to stare at Xiumin, his eyes darting around his face, waiting for a frown, a smile, a sneer, anything. It was too quiet in here.

Xiumin smiled, his good smile, the quiet, slightly gummy type that made you want to melt into his arms and let you hold him. Yixing sighed.

"I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

'And remind me who I really am,

Please remind who I really am.'

Yixing had returned from his 6th or so appointment with his therapist and Xiumin was patiently waiting outside.

"How was it?" 

Yixing grumbled in response. He had moved out from his home a few weeks ago, unable to contain his irritation when his family walked on eggshells around him. Then his family decided to have group therapy with him for an hour. They expressed how worried they were and how afraid they were and how much they loved him. Yeah, Yixing loved them too, but it made him feel… weird. Like he wasn't even a real person, just this doll that had problems. 

He squeezed his eyes shut as Xiumin looped a hand around his waist and Yixing bent down slightly to allow Xiumin to kiss his cheek. 

"We're gonna have chicken and mushroom quiche for dinner, kay?"

Yixing smiled and decided to push it out of his mind.

"I love you." 

'Everybody's got a dark side,

Do you love me,

Can you love mine?

Nobody's a picture perfect,

But we're worth it, 

You know that we're worth it.'

Xiumin and Yixing woke up together and headed to the bathroom together. As Xiumin took a shower, Yixing popped the pills he needed into his mouth and listened to his boyfriend sing a classic love song.

'Will you love me,

Even with my dark side?

Don't run away,

Tell me that you will stay,

Promise me that you will stay.'

"I mean, it isn't such a big deal right?"

Xiumin gazed up innocently at Yixing, his lips parted slightly as he waited for Yixing's answer. They were currently seated on his futon, sharing a bowl of soup when Xiumin pretty much proposed while buttering up some bread for Yixing. As he had placed it in Yixing's hand delicately, he took out a ring and left it in between them.

"Yeah it isn't."

'Like a diamond,

From black dust,

It's hard to know,

What can become if you give up.'