Crayon: Still Alive

The constant beeping of his phone on the nightstand brought Baekhyun back to consciousness and he grunted because he swore he had only fallen asleep a few minutes ago. Who the hell would text him in the morning like this? Sehun was not in the list because he knows just how much the younger isn’t a morning person. It couldn’t be SeungHyun either, because his best friend is in the room next to his. He managed to think for a second or two of who could’ve possibly been unreasonable enough to keep texting him at such hour. He made a mental note to kill whoever it is later if he meets her or him. It was high chance that it could be Kyungsoo.

Groaning purposely loud and having trouble just opening his eyes to see clearly, Baekhyun reached for his phone, fumbled with it a moment or two with the lock pattern and silently cursing himself for even locking his phone in the beginning. When he finally managed to unlock it, he saw that there were a dozen missed calls and two times more messages, all from the person he had least expected to be up so early. The name on the phone caused him to abruptly sit up on his bed, eyes blown wide as he rereads the name. It was the very first time he’d been shocked to see the name Sehunnie Baby on the screen as he’d recorded in his phone. Previously what greeted him would be smiles and blushes because, hey, his boyfriend is a sweetheart when he wants to be.

Quickly, his fingers tapped and open the messages. Most of them were short, with just his name and some were of the younger asking him to pick up his damn phone. He wasn’t shocked at the constant usage of vulgarities in the text messages; he was used to an angry Sehun. Although most of the time he only heard it when the hot-tempered younger gets angry at an innocent passer-by who’d accidentally knocked onto him. He was shocked this time, because those words were directed at him. He was half angry because God, he’d put up with his boyfriend’s crazy behavior for far too long, but the other half of him was more worried. Sehun never gets angry at Baekhyun, not even when the older screamed at him for giving the slightest hint that some girl who hung out with them is slightly attracted to him. Oh, Baekhyun wouldn’t scream if Sehun had said the girl liked Baekhyun. He screamed because how dare she have a crush on his boyfriend?

Putting his anger aside, Baekhyun dialed Sehun’s number. It rang for about five times before he heard Sehun answered the call. He was a little afraid that his boyfriend might start screaming into the phone because no matter how much louder he screamed back he would be the one who ends up crying because he was too angry. Not that Sehun usually screams at him. He did, however, raised his voice at Baekhyun in the rare times that they do fight. Baekhyun just hates fighting.

“H-hyung?” Sehun’s voice was soft and broken over the phone, and it was enough to get Baekhyun all worked up because Sehun never cries so if he is crying now then it means it’s bad.

Getting out of his bed, Baekhyun cradled the phone in the between his neck and shoulder as he quickly pulled on his jeans. “Sehunnie, baby, what’s wrong?” He managed to ask while putting on his jacket and leaving his room, grabbing his car keys on the way before closing the door. He considered pushing open SeungHyun’s door to check if he’s still asleep but thought better of it, remembering that his boyfriend, Chanyeol had slept over last night. There was a long pause on the other end of the line, and Baekhyun almost said something because it was possible that Sehun had hung up. The only thing stopping him was the sob coming from the younger as he mumbled something Baekhyun couldn’t catch. He frowned and asked again, closing the front door and rushing down to his car; he just wanted to get to his boyfriend’s place and make him stop crying.

“I’m on my way to your place, kay?” Baekhyun says as he turned the keys into ignition, deciding that he wouldn’t make Sehun repeat himself over again in the middle of the crying. “Please stay safe, don’t do anything stupid. I love you, Sehunnie.”

Sehun says it back with no hesitance and it surprised Baekhyun why he could easily say that than explain what really was going on. It made Baekhyun smile, however, as he drove towards the small house that his boyfriend calls home. He wasn’t looking down on Sehun, no, but he knows Sehun could afford better but the blond insisted that he was fine just living with his close friend, Chanyeol. Yes, Chanyeol is his boyfriend’s best friend, who is currently dating his best friend. It’s not as complicated as it sounds. He silently cursed Sehun’s stubborn head for not wanting to move closer to his place; now he had to take a twenty minute drive there and waste precious minutes he could have used embracing the younger man he loves so much.

He lets out a relieved sigh when he finally sees the house just in front, stopping the car on the narrow driveway, knowing from his many visits that his car was the only one driving along that street. He got out of it as quickly as he could, cussing improper words when his jacket got stuck when he closed the car door, resulting in him having to open it again just to release the piece of cloth. Finally free, Baekhyun rushed up the stairs and into the house, his small size make running a lot easier and less tiring. It was only when he couldn’t find Sehun in the living room that he began to panic again. Thoughts of Sehun getting injured ran through his head. It was hard having a fighter for a boyfriend; you’re constantly worried he’s going to get into another unnecessary fight and get hurt really bad each time he did. Sometimes he wondered why he stayed with Sehun.

Baekhyun soon found his boyfriend clad in the jeans and tank he was wearing yesterday, his back leaning against the wall as he sat and hugged his knees to his chest. His head was in between his knees, and Baekhyun’s heart raced at the thought that maybe his boyfriend is doing drugs and that if he couldn’t stop Sehun from being an addict, then he’d have to leave him, which was something Baekhyun never wanted to do. He shook his head at the ridicule of his crazy thoughts, gingerly walking over to where Sehun sat and slowly touching the latter’s knee.

Sehun flinched at his touch and looked up only to reveal a pair of swollen eyes, reddened from all the crying. His mouth frowned as his eyes tried to tell Baekhyun something, and the older reads it immediately, engulfing the younger in his arms. Sehun cries into his chest as he the blonde’s hair, placing kisses on his forehead without questioning his boyfriend about what’s really going on despite his racing heart. It was only almost ten minutes later that Sehun’s breathing evens out and he pulled away from Baekhyun’s arms to wipe away his tears with the older’s jacket. Baekhyun waited with a small smile, not wanting to rush Sehun on telling him.

He only noticed a covered lump on the floor beside Sehun when the younger’s eyes left him and fell on it. Sehun moved so he could face the object on the floor properly, and Baekhyun got onto his knees to take a better look, half afraid of what he might find underneath that cloth. He might actually die of heart attack if he finds someone’s head under that thing. He always knew Sehun has enemies in this part of the world and that Sehun gets into fights he isn’t supposed to get involved in but he didn’t peck his boyfriend to be a murderer. He watched as Sehun slowly lifted the cloth, revealing some dark-colored hair, causing Baekhyun to cover his mouth with his hand to keep himself from screaming. Sehun killed someone. He ing killed someone.

But what he found under that towel was a familiar figure of a cat and he soon recognized it to be Crayon, Sehun’s gray cat. Maybe in another universe, he would laugh at himself for even accusing his boyfriend of murdering someone, but in this universe, tears pricked at his eyes and his hand didn’t leave his mouth before he once again took Sehun into the confines of his arms. The younger cried harder into his chest and he cradled Sehun’s head close to him. This time, Baekhyun cried too. Even though he had only known Crayon for the three years since he’d started dating Sehun, the cat had actually grown close to him. He couldn’t imagine how Sehun would be feeling right at that moment. Crayon was literally Sehun’s best friend, a birthday present given by his grandmother when he was two years old.

Another five minutes passed before they pulled away from each other, both sniffling and collecting their breaths. Sehun’s whole face was swollen by then, and Baekhyun cupped the younger’s face in his hands, wiping away the remaining of Sehun’s tears with his thumb and kissing his lips in hopes of making him feel just slightly better. He wiped away his own tears before he bent down just enough to kiss Crayon’s head, still warm from life that has left him probably only minutes before Baekhyun came. Sehun Crayon’s fur, coughing from too much crying and kissing his beloved pet. Baekhyun didn’t ask nor did Sehun say a word as they both buried Crayon in the backyard. It was about fifteen minutes later when Baekhyun found them staring down at Crayon’s tiny grave, his hand holding Sehun’s.

“He slept on my lap last night in the living room.” Sehun broke the silence, sniffling loudly. “I woke up and found him in the kitchen, still alive but barely there. At first I was sure he was going to be okay but then he started… He became weak so I called you.”

Baekhyun slipped his arm around Sehun’s waist, pulling the taller into a half-hug. “I’m sorry I didn’t pick up earlier. I should’ve been here with you.”

Sehun only shook his head. “Don’t be. I know you won’t be able to sleep when you told me you needed to finish your work last night. I really wouldn’t have called you if I’d known what to do.”

Sehun cried again when Baekhyun pulled him into yet another one of his warm embraces. He’d never seen the younger cry so much in the three years he had known Sehun. In fact, if he recalled correctly, he’d never seen Sehun ever cry before. His boyfriend was all strong, hot-tempered, popular for his expressionless face, depicting him to be void of emotions, which obviously was proven wrong when he asked Baekhyun out one day and then confessed of the three words. Love was the only thing Baekhyun was sure Sehun could feel, along with the happiness it brought and all those little feelings, but he didn’t know his boyfriend would ever break down.

An hour later found Baekhyun on Sehun’s couch, with the latter burying his face into his neck and his arms once again around the younger. They had stayed silent through the whole hour and Baekhyun was content because they both probably needed it. At certain points, Sehun would hold his breath a little too long, and Baekhyun would know that his boyfriend is crying again even though he wasn’t sobbing and his face was covered. Baekhyun couldn’t do much but hold the taller close to him, his hair as and when he felt Sehun would need it. It was breaking his heart how much Sehun is mourning over his loss and it made him want to cry too but he held it.

It was just slightly shocking that his seemingly strong boyfriend could break down like this, and he kept it in mind that looks can be deceiving and that he was still learning new things about the boy he loves. Sehun might have a barcode tattoo on the back of his neck, numbers on his arm and wear no expression for most of the time, but he sure feels more than Baekhyun gave him credit.

When Sehun pulled away from him, he could see Sehun’s reddened face, eyes half-lidded and seemingly to have collected himself. Baekhyun runs his fingers through Sehun’s tousled blond hair and leaned in to place a soft kiss on the corner of Sehun’s lips. Sehun smiled and muttered a very soft thank you before leaned down to lay his head on Baekhyun’s lap, facing up so he could see the older. Baekhyun kept playing with Sehun’s hair while his other hand played with Sehun’s thin fingers. The silence prolonged, but Baekhyun didn’t mind it. Sehun watched him at some point, and he would mouth the three words of truth he’d ever known, making the blond smile.

“Hyung, do you think Crayon was happy when he was with me?” Sehun broke the silence, looking up at Baekhyun and tracing the older’s jawline with his eyes.

Baekhyun smiled down at Sehun. “I know he was. You gave him home and food and for an animal, that’s more than enough.” He caressed Sehun’s cheek with his thumb, loving how soft the skin felt under his touch. “And not only that, you even gave him love. It was paradise on earth and paradise where he is now. Crayon loves you, Sehunnie. I know that.”

A tear slipped down Sehun’s temple when he blinked. “He was my best friend. I only ever loved him.”

Something tugged at Baekhyun’s chest and he didn’t want to admit it but he was hurt to know that he wasn’t as important. It was silly, obviously, to be jealous of a cat. Besides, he’s only known Sehun for three years, and Crayon had literally grown up with his owner. He forces a smile back on his lips when it wavered, nodding in a way to say that he understood. Maybe he had expected too much of someone who is practically known for being emotionless and maybe he had given a little more than he should. He couldn’t blame Sehun, however, because the younger had initiated a break up a year into their relationship, saying that he isn’t capable of caring for someone as much as they deserved to be cared for. Baekhyun had believed Sehun could.

And in the two years of being together, Sehun has his own ways of showing how much he really does care. Words are not one of those ways. It was always actions and the way he looks at Baekhyun, always making the older feel like he was Sehun’s own personal miracle. He doesn’t whisper promises into Baekhyun’s ear when he drapes his arm over the smaller as they both went to sleep. Instead, he kisses Baekhyun’s skin, pouring out his heart’s words into those little actions. And it was enough for Baekhyun because even though Sehun didn’t assure him with his words that in truth might not prove anything, he was perfectly capable of showing just how much he cares. The pokerface and lack of voicing his feelings was what Baekhyun loved most.

Sehun sits up from lying on Baekhyun’s lap, turning his body so he could properly face the older. Baekhyun waited as Sehun took his hand in his, watching the weirdness of his boyfriend closely with no scrutiny, just calmly breathing through it all.

Sehun’s voice broke when he spoke. “Hyung, you won’t leave me like Crayon did, will you?”

It felt like his heart just exploded at the fear and sadness of Sehun’s voice and words. Baekhyun didn’t know exactly what he was feeling when tears pricked at his eyes as Sehun watched him. He didn’t know if it was pain in his chest or if he was happy that he was important to Sehun. But unlike usual, Baekhyun didn’t put his feelings into words. He wrapped his arms once again around the taller male close to him, squeezing his eyes shut because he didn’t want to cry like Sehun is beginning to. He placed kisses on Sehun’s skin, anywhere and everywhere he could. He kissed Sehun’s cheek and on top of his head because at that moment, it was the only thing he could do and as much as he was trying not to cry, he did anyway.

After a minute or two, he chuckled through his tears, cupping the younger’s face in his hands. “I can’t promise you I won’t die, Sehunnie. Everyone will, eventually. But no, I won’t leave you so soon.” He wasn’t worried about himself, to be honest; he was more worried for Sehun.

Sehun wiped his own face, wearing a small smile. “I knew Crayon would leave me. I couldn’t bear the thought so I was content on just caring for him. At least when he does go, I would only mourn once and never again. But then you came and –” He sniffled, looking into Baekhyun’s eyes. “And I didn’t want to care so much for you but I did and you believed I could. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you, hyung.”

Baekhyun caressed the side of Sehun’s face, smiling at the younger. “You won’t, Sehunnie. You’ll always have me. I am more afraid than you are. Some of those people you picked a fight with might actually come back for you.”

“I can handle them, hyung. I have Chanyeol and Tao and Jongin. And you don’t have to be scared because we’ll protect you.” Sehun said, missing the point Baekhyun was saying.

The older shook his head. “I’m not afraid for me, I’m afraid for you. I don’t want to lose you, too, you know? I only have you and SeungHyun hyung. You’re all I have.”

“And Chaerin,” Sehun muttered but Baekhyun heard him and smacked his arm playfully.

“Chaerin is a friend.”

Sehun chuckled. “I know, I know.” He pulls Baekhyun into his arms, making the older rest his head on his chest as they leaned back against the couch. “I can’t believe Crayon’s dead.”

Baekhyun leans up to kiss Sehun on his lips, open-mouthed but soft and slow, pulling Sehun’s lower lip gently as they parted. “Oh, but Crayon isn’t exactly dead. He’s still alive. In here.” He placed a hand on Sehun’s chest where his heart should be – where both their hearts should be because Sehun had obviously stolen his and kept it with him – and once again kisses the younger.

When they pulled away again, Sehun smiled against Baekhyun’s lips. “I love you, hyung.”

The moan that slipped out Baekhyun’s lips when Sehun kissed him again was almost embarrassing, but he lets it go. “I love you, too.”