Sehun was surprised.

Surprised that he wasn't crying. Since debut, since he'd laid eyes on that wide-eyed angel, he'd pretty much assumed he was set for life. Because Sehun was like that; he assumed things were his the moment he decided they were. It was a shame however, that some things, like people, can never be truly ours. For the simple reason that human beings are obsessed with the idea of free will and free they must and will remain.

Hearts are wild things, which is the very reason why they're withheld in a cage made of ribs.

Sehun has the wildest heart and maybe even a bolder spirit. He always considered Lu Han to be his, for whatever twisted reason inside his mind, and thus acted and said as he pleased. He took, salvaged and for a few months, found his advances to be successful.

But now Lu Han was gone, now everything was a mess.

There were no more late gagging parties, no more midnight snacks and just no more feelings.

You're immature.

That sentence, that very sentence and the word immature. So what if he was a brat? What if he was untamable, always jumping on the next best occasion to act spoiled and be the maknae that he was. It was his job. He was paid for it. And the glory he obtained in return.... was most satisfying. And frivolous. Sehun never understood why he was a part of EXO. He just assumed it was because of his looks. He was scouted on the streets after all. Clearly the company needed visuals but he wasn't the most talented of the bunch.

Those insecurities might have been the cause of the fall of his relationship with Lu Han, might have indeed cause their friendship to tear at the seems. And Sehun was beyond frustrated, because he could do nothing to fix it. He didn't think Lu Han wanted it fixed either.

And so it was the way it was going to end. Sehun was still awake, his body positioned in an odd matter as he tried to get some sleep after a few days of insomnia. Images of Lu Han, and old conversations from the past kept rushing through his mind like dumb songs you can never get out of your subconscious. Sometimes he'd find himself quoting Lu Han's words but that wouldn't help.

On stage, Sehun was flawless. Lu Han was also professional and friendly and treated Sehun just like everyone else. A side hug here, a bright smile there. But there was no spark in Lu Han's eye. No excitement, no thrill of being with someone that totally understands your weirdest behavior and compliments you on your choice of fashion. No giggles at inside jokes, no knowing look, no secret hand-holding. Nothing.

Nothing. Not a word. Lu Han was like the dead; he said nothing, and for a while he seemed to feel nothing. Sehun thought it was curious just how easy it all appeared to be for Lu Han. But in the end he liked to think that he was just being an adult and Sehun was being unreasonable by guilt-tripping himself. But he knew he couldn't do that forever.

So he got up from his bed and walked into the kitchen. Food helped. Food always helped. Besides, he was still growing. Sehun ran into a couple of his teammates but he didn't engage any conversations. He just wanted food. People couldn't tell that Sehun was upset, and he wasn't that upset. Just scared. Scared of being wrong. Terrified, mortified. He couldn't really tell the difference between them. He had to get over it. He would.

Lu Han suddenly sprung out of nowhere and brushed his hand across the top of Sehun's back. "You hungry?"

Sehun shrugged. "Yeah."

"I see." Lu Han huffed and went on with his life, going to bed or whatever.

Sehun had to pause whatever he was doing to steady his breathing. Lu Han's casual touch was enough to sent him to heaven and then drown him in the pits of death. This was just too painful, but Sehun figured it was what most people went through, experiencing the pain of shattered dreams and hopes. It was just how the world worked and Sehun wished that Lu Han wasn't the one to have taught him that. He wished he'd learned it from others, but mostly he'd wished that Lu Han would still be with him.

Sehun in a breath, raised his chin and smirked, staring at his reflection on the refrigerator door.

"Nah. still got it." Sehun said, taking a bite of his midnight snack and then shaking his head. He strutted back to his room, but when he lied back down and felt the empty space next to him, he sighed.

Maybe just not quite yet.

But Sehun didn't have a choice this time. He had to let him go. Sehun turned around in his bed until he finally slipped into a disturbed sleep and when he woke, he found he realized he might be just fine.

He was getting there.